Possible Stalker Situation

[mmartin]

thoughts from the women's department...
1) next time you see him and he's where he shouldn't be, confront: "are you following my wife? You need to stop that right now, we are contacting (have contacted) the police about your following her." call him by name, let him know you know who he is.
2) next time she sees him, confront: "stop following me. if you do not stop, I will get a restraining order." have 911 pre-dialed up on her phone. "leave now or I'm calling the police." if he doesn't leave, call.
3) hire a PI to stop by his place of work and have a chat with him. a big PI. maybe one with tattoos. sometimes a little adrenaline shock on their own territory can be a worthwhile attitude adjustor. no need for the PI to threaten, just ask questions: have you been following xxx? what business did you have at xxx address on thursday? can you provide proof of that? You do know she's married right? Do you remember what day you were told to stop following her? what were you doing outside her office on xxx day?
4) document document document. every time he shows up, calls, drives by.
5) contact the police, report that she's frightened, provide documentation of his unwanted contact, following, showing up.
6) temp restraining order. in most counties, this is an automatic process, request and you get it. he'll have to report to court for the hearing to determine if it's made permanent, and you might not get that one, but you'll get the temporary. puts him on notice to have to show up before a judge and explain his behavior.
7) once you've got the TRO, if he shows up, call 911. every time.
8) big loud barking dog. preferably black.
9) get her to take this seriously... if she won't even carry pepper spray in hand, she's not going to carry a taser or a gun any more effectively.

stalking's a real problem, if she's really got a stalker, he needs to get some pucker factor or he won't quit. if he's just an over-eager insensitive jerk who doesn't want to hear "no", the same tactics work, only faster. it's good either way.

and if this keeps happening to her, she needs to have a look at her contribution to it. or you need to move to a better neighborhood.

megan

[luchador768]

Stop going to your "conservative social club." Whatever the heck that is. It seems to be full of wackos. Also, as others have stated, a gun is not the solution. Just because you have one does not automatically make you "safe." A CCW in the hands of an untrained, scared person is a recipe for bad trouble. If you feel the need to get her a gun INSIST on several classes and regular trips to the range for practice. Your whole mindset has to change. Tactically you guys are pretty off already. If you/she noticed that a strange person was following you, why did you drive directly to your house? Go directly to the local police station if that ever happens again, don't give them a guided tour to your home.

[SanSacto]

I intitially had the urge to make yet another Paul Kersy reference, but this is a very serious matter. Very creepy people out there for sure......

[Hoop]

Maybe there is a stalker, maybe not, either way this guy is super paranoid.

Umm actually isnt that exactly what there job is

The police have no LEGAL obligation to protect you. IE you call them, they don't come right away (or at all), tough ****. I know of a good number of 911 calls that took 30-40mins to get a response from police in both urban and rural areas. The cops cannot fly out of the sky the instant someone dials 911, it just doesn't work that way. There are only so many cops to go around.

[Hoop]

Stop going to your "conservative social club." Whatever the heck that is.

[okimreloaded]

Stop going to your "conservative social club." Whatever the heck that is. It seems to be full of wackos. Also, as others have stated, a gun is not the solution. Just because you have one does not automatically make you "safe." A CCW in the hands of an untrained, scared person is a recipe for bad trouble. If you feel the need to get her a gun INSIST on several classes and regular trips to the range for practice. Your whole mindset has to change. Tactically you guys are pretty off already. If you/she noticed that a strange person was following you, why did you drive directly to your house? Go directly to the local police station if that ever happens again, don't give them a guided tour to your home.

Dude, that's what I'm saying! That was my first question, why did you drive right to our house if you thought he was following you?

She said she got scared and was trying to get away. I did tell her if he follows you next time you need to go to the police station right away.

I was pretty riled yesterday but I've calmed down. I don't think he wants to hurt her but I'm afraid that if he becomes persistent and I have to be firm with him it could turn into that. That's why I want to get her a gun now and get her used to keeping it around because if it does turn to that it may be too late to start gun training. What's more frightening to me is that whose to say that this isn't going to happen again with someone potentially worse? There's a guy about two blocks away that's a rape by force and there's only 1 grocery store in our neighborhood so I'm sure he goes to the same one we go to, and probably the same banks, blockbusters and and so forth. I want her to be prepared for anything. My wife is not a fighter, and isn't cautious and often times lacks awareness of her surroundings. She's getting better but only because I focus on making her aware. When I first got my gun she was terrified of it but has grown to acceptance. I do make regular visits to the range but she has always refused to go but today I insisted that she goes and learns some general gun safety because 1 if things like this get worse I want her to know how to use it, and 2 Its dangerous for her to be in a house with a gun and to not know how to use it.

[SJgunguy24]

Dude, that's what I'm saying! That was my first question, why did you drive right to our house if you thought he was following you?

She said she got scared and was trying to get away. I did tell her if he follows you next time you need to go to the police station right away.

I was pretty riled yesterday but I've calmed down. I don't think he wants to hurt her but I'm afraid that if he becomes persistent and I have to be firm with him it could turn into that. That's why I want to get her a gun now and get her used to keeping it around because if it does turn to that it may be too late to start gun training. What's more frightening to me is that whose to say that this isn't going to happen again with someone potentially worse? There's a guy about two blocks away that's a rape by force and there's only 1 grocery store in our neighborhood so I'm sure he goes to the same one we go to, and probably the same banks, blockbusters and and so forth. I want her to be prepared for anything. My wife is not a fighter, and isn't cautious and often times lacks awareness of her surroundings. She's getting better but only because I focus on making her aware. When I first got my gun she was terrified of it but has grown to acceptance. I do make regular visits to the range but she has always refused to go but today I insisted that she goes and learns some general gun safety because 1 if things like this get worse I want her to know how to use it, and 2 Its dangerous for her to be in a house with a gun and to not know how to use it.

You need to get some training for the both of you. Fighting and having the will to live are two completely different things.
It sounds like she's in "condition white", thats when people walk around and have no clue whats going on or who is around them. Another name for those people is victim.
You better cut this dude off now, if you can't do it get a freind to help you. Like I said, get your neighbors involved let them know whats going on.
I'm not trying to sound like a bad a** or a dick, but you need to sack up dude and put this guy out of your life.

[cineski]

When I first moved to LA, I was roommates with my female cousin. Often times her sister from AZ would visit and we'd all go out. It was at this point when I realized how horrible men are to women in LA. I mean, it's shocking. I got so sick of guys approaching them and being ultra aggressive I wanted to leave. I remember hearing stories from my cuz that were even worse. Stalker stories, jealous girls stalking, it's crazy how crazy people can be. Add low IQ to that mix and your life could be in danger. To the OP, I'd maybe look at moving into a different neighborhood. Not sure where you are now, but if you have people circling around your block taunting you, it doesn't sound like a very good one.

[RP1911]

Get one of these and install it in the car. That way you can record if he is following your wife.

http://www.helmetcamera.com/

[The Director]

The problem here is YOU, dude.

I am a director. My wife is an actress. I say this to give you context. Yes, she is good looking. She gets all the negative attention (Positive?) That your wife does plus more what with the signed headshot requests.

When I'm around and it happens, it bugs me. But I'm a presence. If I catch it happening, I'll call it immediately which will range anywhere from a dirty look to the perp or a full on "what are you looking at"?

Now I'm 6'-3", 230# and a second degree black belt, so if they want to throw down, I'm ready. But none of that really matters.

When you stand up for your wife's honor, guys wll back down. I'm wondering why guys are heckling your wife when you're RIGHT THERE. Pretty bold if you ask me.

Maybe instead of getting your wife a gun you should get yourself a presence by standing straight, shoulders back, chest out, looking them right in the eye and asking WTF their problem is.

Just a thought.

[greasemonkey]

My wife is not a fighter, and isn't cautious and often times lacks awareness of her surroundings. She's getting better but only because I focus on making her aware. When I first got my gun she was terrified of it but has grown to acceptance. I do make regular visits to the range but she has always refused to go but today I insisted that she goes and learns some general gun safety because 1 if things like this get worse I want her to know how to use it, and 2 Its dangerous for her to be in a house with a gun and to not know how to use it.

Not cautious/lacking awareness is nearly going to guarantee something bad will happen to her if she gets a gun. Since you're in the central valley, it's relatively easy for a woman to get a CCW here but I wouldn't even think about that until after you've both taken some self defense classes, ideally ninjitsu or krav maga, I know of some great places in the Hanford-Lemoore-Fresno area that don't cost much but are excellent, not sure what part of the central valley you're in, though.

In a fight/flight situation, no matter what tools/weapons you have on you, your mind is going to revert back to whatever you've trained yourself to do...not taking a self defense class is training to react with either a deer in the headlights freeze or a frantic deer running at full speed with no directional/situational awareness. Check out Lt. Col Dave Grossman's book "On Combat". Read that and then go through it with your wife, it will be an eye opener and you can make a more informed decision on carrying a firearm or even pepper spray/stun guns.

Put a gun in her purse now and IF she actually draws it when she's afraid, it's going to compound her panic when she realizes she's pointing a gun at another human. You have to prepare psychologically, first; and no offense but by your own admission it doesn't sound like either one of you have taken any steps to do that, yet.

[Hoop]

Not sure where you are now, but if you have people circling around your block taunting you, it doesn't sound like a very good one.

I'm thinking he's super paranoid too, but yeah if his neighborhood is a bad one I would suggest moving. I've lived with bad neighbors before and it is no fun whatsoever having to make sure every window is pinned, every door locked, and the big dog is outside since the brat neighbor kids will try to break in the minute you leave.

And yes some guys are just asses. I've been in at least one situation that absolutely infuriated me at a bar before (some gangster dude tried to steer my friend into the men's room with him). I can understand guys hitting on girls, if I'm on a date and other guys are hitting on who I'm with that means I actually have something worth keeping around, but guys outright grabbing girls and saying nasty **** to them pisses me off to no end.

[CSACANNONEER]

What kind of club?

Swinger's club?????

A biker club member would not be asking how to handle this. It would be delt with and we would all see it at 11pm.

[Hoop]

Swinger's club?????

A biker club member would not be asking how to handle this. It would be delt with and we would all see it at 11pm.

See post #50

[Rem1492]

The CLUB you refer to..........isn't SAMS club or COSTCO is it?

There are some decent replies in this thread, reread them and soak it in. And remember, with every good action in CA, comes an expensive and costly consequence. (TX has favorable self defense laws in comparison).

Like you said, she doesn't have the confidence. She may have to find it the hard way. That's how Darwinism works.

My wife is European, so she lacked that whole, watching your back mental state, thinking. And I was the only one with an eye out for odd people or danger. After some time in shady parts of the US she now has a CCW and also has that keen eye and spidey senses. It took time and a few frightful encounters but now she can get tactical if needed.

Things in life will always happen to you that you don't like. Some of it you can act on, though most of it, will be her decisions. Afterall, you can't be there 24/7 the rest of your life. Glad you're not in the military deploying for a year away from home.
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Yesterday in a quickie mart some dude was edgy and spacing out in line ahead of me. My 9mm was in my pocket and I was noting his behavior in case he did pull a gun at the register. My wife in the car later told me about the guy and how she would have come in to rescue ME with a much smaller .32 in the car lol, I thought it was a cute idea and I was proud that she wouldn't let me be taken hostage. Then I explained the much safer thing to do. I was happy that she went from Euro-liberal, to Fanged-wifey.
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