Possible Stalker Situation

[okimreloaded]

The club is what's throwing you guys off. I don't want to go into which club I belong to, but you're allowed to hang out because you can be reinstated as a club member but you have to attend the club events to be reinstated. It doesn't matter -- it's just to explain how we know him. he's there, he's not allowed to speak to us, and we never knew him in the first place. He has seen my wife in the club but that is it. No direct contact other than when he has violated club rules and attempted to speak w/ her. but to give more details, it's a very conservative social club. It's not like we're hanging out at swingers clubs or anything.

[Blue]

The club is what's throwing you guys off. I don't want to go into which club I belong to, but you're allowed to hang out because you can be reinstated as a club member but you have to attend the club events to be reinstated. It doesn't matter -- it's just to explain how we know him. he's there, he's not allowed to speak to us, and we never knew him in the first place. He has seen my wife in the club but that is it. No direct contact other than when he has violated club rules and attempted to speak w/ her. but to give more details, it's a very conservative social club. It's not like we're hanging out at swingers clubs or anything.

Is this like a legit biker club or a dungeons and dragons/magic card club?

[freonr22]

get a restraining order. hire a private investigator to out him. press charges and have him thrown in jail. or shoot him. I am unaware of further options unless you move, or,
ohh i cant say


ps eta
: whatever


wtf kida club. they allow you certain excommunications but not others? i do knot know. i call bs on the whole thing

[Steyrlp10]

Being a chick, I'm interested to hear what your wife has to say about all of this.

[bballwizard05]

the club does sound interesting, but i think its stupid you guys call BS. only because I'm sure this guy has better things to do than post 500 character posts about this crap. And if he really doesn't have anything to do then were all suckers. But you may as well ask the police what your options are and go for mace/taser.

[okimreloaded]

**

it CAN happen. Its not B.S. Talk to any pretty woman and you will probably find some similar story. Whether its hot women or celebrities, people DO get stalked.

my fiance was a model in LA, mid to late 90s. To me she was my girl but to other men I guess she was hot meat. Several times she was followed to her car and stalked. We bought a Glock 26 and assumed the judged by 12 vs carried by 6 rule. There are casting calls and jobs that sometimes aren't legit and there are dudes waiting. I did accompany her and some female friends to some places just to be there so no guys would get the wrong idea. But I couldn't go everywhere all the time. Eventually a girl will be alone. (in TX girls can be armed, in CA, you can bet they aren't)

A personal cop friend noted that if he were to find a model type of girl, getting off a set late in a remote area of town alone, packing heat without a CCW, he'd not bother her about it. Understandable.

I also had a run-in with a guy who apparently knew her a little too well. He was not so interested in talking to me, as much as, talking to me about HER. Sent my spidey sense going. I was based at Edwards AFB at the time so I considered moving with her on base with the idea that no psycho can stalk you at home there.


for the record, I am not insecure, she went wherever she went and I could care less, trust wasnt an issue (for me). She WAS having an affair ( so that point is valid, hindsight 20/20 long story) but the stories are not made up.


EDIT TO ADD:

I have several Kimber Guardians for home and use in Europe. Kimber has another model too. It is worth every penny, I'd put one in her purse, one in each car and one in the house. most places have them for $39 or less. What others said, DOCUMENT it all. I am not sure if a police report is necessary. If it gets bad, hire a private detective on that guy, so he can verify he is following the wife. If anything happens and you need to use physical force, you want all the written/witness statements you can get. Also, she might want to dress less catchy. IF she has a problem with the attention she'd dress with a baseball cap and jeans like celebrities at a local coffee shop laying low. I have an idea that she is probably enjoying the attention (though you might not believe that). Last option (you will see if she really wants to be with you) MOVE.

** At this point she is about half as concerned as I am. She has had attention from guys in the past that drove me up the wall and I could tell she liked the attention a lot and was for a while actively looking to get more attention from that guy and while it bothered me, it wasn't threatening to me because if she didn't want to be with me, I had other options. Granted not ones I liked as much as being with her but it wasn't like I didn't have some gutters to sleep in if you know what I mean...

I think she's semi flattered but semi creeped out. She isn't the type to try to make me jealous. She never has been, in fact it was usually the other way around. She was always the stable one and I was the one running off with ex girlfriends and such and that's what led to the first guy that I couldn't shake from her.

I don't want her to have to wear a baseball cap and dress like an old lady to avoid unwanted male attention. She usually dresses fairly conservatively but at times does it up a bit, for instance last weekend when we in a photo shoot and she was in this baby doll dress and we had some annoying guys on the balcony of this hotel just whistling at her and stuff. But if she wants to wear things like that I want her to feel comfortable. she's not crossing any lines or going to the extreme. It's not like she's walking around advertising her body like a lot of other girls.

But it's not like this guy is an ex or even someone that she was interested in. he's much older than her and like I said complete stranger.

My wife has pepper spray but she doesn't like to carry it because it's bulky and she just keeps it at the bottom of her purse, which I've explained to her several times doesn't do her any good because an attacker will not give her the chance to dig through her purse to get it. I like the kimber because you can keep it in your pocket or right on your lap when you're driving and because the trigger system seems easier to use than the weird thumb safety that the pepperspray has. Further - I like that it propels the liquid at 90mph so you're less likely to get extreme blowback in the wind that incapacitates you.. and i like that it has a charge and it's not just compressed air or whatever. the price is attractive. I think I'll get one.

Any opinions on conventional stunguns vs airtasers? i hate the idea of a taser, why not just own a gun? But tasers are ca legal for concealed carry which makes me open to the idea.

[okimreloaded]

My only interactions with cops in my town have been when they were pulling me over for BS reasons like thinking my turn signals were red and not orange or because he said I "kind of swerved a little back there on that turn"
They've all been fairly aggressive - especially the that pulled me over because he thought I had a PA system in my car when it was the guy a few cars behind me. (pedal bike cop)

Are they really concerned about a guy following my wife if he hasn't done anything illegal yet? It's perfectly legal to follow someone and to walk up and talk to someone. I think I just want to put in a complaint in case it gets weirder I have a history.

Hopefully if it does get weirder I can at least get a ccw out of this..

[M47_Dragon]

Every time you mention "the club," I hear that ominous piano riff from "Eyes Wide Shut"

[leelaw]

Are they really concerned about a guy following my wife if he hasn't done anything illegal yet?

Stalking is illegal, but it wont' become stalking without something more serious happening, or you beginning to get reports noted on his seemingly creepy-but-not-illegal actions thus far.

Call. Have a report filed. File a report each and every time he does this in the future.

Failure to do so will leave you without LE support, and you don't have much of a leg to stand on should you do anything to him (brandish, fight, scream at, whatever) at this point.

[Foulball]

I read this thread and think of the Jimmy Soul song, If You Want To Be Happy (for The Rest Of Your Life)

If you wanna be happy
For the rest of your life,
Never make a pretty woman your wife,
So from my personal point of view,
Get an ugly girl to marry you.

A pretty woman makes her husband look small
And very often causes his downfall.
As soon as he marries her
Then she starts to do
The things that will break his heart.
But if you make an ugly woman your wife,
You'll be happy for the rest of your life,
An ugly woman cooks her meals on time,
She'll always give you peace of mind.

If you wanna be happy
For the rest of your life,
Never make a pretty woman your wife,
So from my personal point of view,
Get an ugly girl to marry you.

Don't let your friends say
You have no taste,
Go ahead and marry anyway,
Though her face is ugly,
Her eyes don't match,
Take it from me she's a better catch.

If you wanna be happy
For the rest of your life,
Never make a pretty woman your wife,
So from my personal point of view,
Get an ugly girl to marry you.

Say man.
Hey baby.
Saw your wife the other day.
Yeah?
Yeah, she's ugly.
Yeah, she's ugly but she sure can cook.
Yeah?. Okay.

If you wanna be happy
For the rest of your life,
Never make a pretty woman your wife,
So from my personal point of view,
Get an ugly girl to marry you.

[okimreloaded]

as far as getting my wife a gun, any recs? I like the reliability/ease of use of a revolver but like the capacity and size of a glock 26 but is a 9mm sufficient? I'm not worried about drug crazed hobos, we avoid places like that generally - would a 9 stop any normal person not hopped up on meth or coke or whatever? I always read these arguments about it suggesting that it wouldn't but I've shot a 9 at the range, (I have a .40) and it seemed more fun to shoot than the 40 but also like if I got shot with it I probably wouldn't get up.

[okimreloaded]

I read this thread and think of the Jimmy Soul song, If You Want To Be Happy (for The Rest Of Your Life)

If you wanna be happy
For the rest of your life,
Never make a pretty woman your wife,
So from my personal point of view,
Get an ugly girl to marry you.

A pretty woman makes her husband look small
And very often causes his downfall.
As soon as he marries her
Then she starts to do
The things that will break his heart.
But if you make an ugly woman your wife,
You'll be happy for the rest of your life,
An ugly woman cooks her meals on time,
She'll always give you peace of mind.

If you wanna be happy
For the rest of your life,
Never make a pretty woman your wife,
So from my personal point of view,
Get an ugly girl to marry you.

Don't let your friends say
You have no taste,
Go ahead and marry anyway,
Though her face is ugly,
Her eyes don't match,
Take it from me she's a better catch.

If you wanna be happy
For the rest of your life,
Never make a pretty woman your wife,
So from my personal point of view,
Get an ugly girl to marry you.

Say man.
Hey baby.
Saw your wife the other day.
Yeah?
Yeah, she's ugly.
Yeah, she's ugly but she sure can cook.
Yeah?. Okay.

If you wanna be happy
For the rest of your life,
Never make a pretty woman your wife,
So from my personal point of view,
Get an ugly girl to marry you.

I think of this song just about every day. It's not that my wife isn't awesome it's just crap like this happens pretty often. not in ways that scare the S out of me but just random dudes trying to talk to her that' s like.. EFF can I just get a milkshake without some drunk EFF trying to slobber all over you?

[okimreloaded]

Stalking is illegal, but it wont' become stalking without something more serious happening, or you beginning to get reports noted on his seemingly creepy-but-not-illegal actions thus far.

Call. Have a report filed. File a report each and every time he does this in the future.

Failure to do so will leave you without LE support, and you don't have much of a leg to stand on should you do anything to him (brandish, fight, scream at, whatever) at this point.

Thanks LEELAW I'm going to do that as well. If I start now and nothing happens again no biggie but given that this is the 2nd time it's happened I should just to be on the safe side. See.. This is what I came her for, not all kinds of questions about how hot my wife is or if I can put pics up or if I made it up. ADVICE. YES I'll file a report. Now we're getting somewhere. File a report, get a kimber, maybe get her a gun. I was pretty freaked out but now we're putting together a plan.

[berto]

as far as getting my wife a gun, any recs? I like the reliability/ease of use of a revolver but like the capacity and size of a glock 26 but is a 9mm sufficient? I'm not worried about drug crazed hobos, we avoid places like that generally - would a 9 stop any normal person not hopped up on meth or coke or whatever? I always read these arguments about it suggesting that it wouldn't but I've shot a 9 at the range, (I have a .40) and it seemed more fun to shoot than the 40 but also like if I got shot with it I probably wouldn't get up.

Your wife would need to get a CCW which might not be possible where you live unless it's just a house gun.

Take her to the range and find what works best for her IF she's willing to train and able to actually use it if the situation warrants. A gun she can't or won't use is useless.

[okimreloaded]

Your wife would need to get a CCW which might not be possible where you live unless it's just a house gun.

Take her to the range and find what works best for her IF she's willing to train and able to actually use it if the situation warrants. A gun she can't or won't use is useless.

I live in the central valley, which recently there has been some open carry publicity, and it is legal as long as the bullets are not in the gun, but can be in a clip next to the gun, must be visible, although you can expect attention from leos if you're out just walking around with it on your hip, like possibly inspection / arrest. Not interested in open carrying for a political message but just because it's literally the only way she can legally have a gun on her. She works with kids so I HIGHLY doubt her company would be OK with her open carrying a gun on premise.

But if she open carried only while in her car - I doubt she would ever get attention from leos or the public. Simply put it on before you leave the house, take it off and put it in a locked container when you go into work and the same for when you come home. That way if he attempts to follow her she can drive to the police station or call the cops or try to ditch him but if all else fails she can load her pistol and defend herself.