Need help explaining guns to girlfriend

[Waking Heavy]

That you would ask a bunch of yahoos on the internet for such advice tells me all I need to know.

[paul daley]

Froth:
With all due respect. The simple answer is, either you will own a gun, or
she will end up owning you. And it sounds like she's already made a
pretty good down-payment. Walk away, and live to shoot another day.
Good Luck

[3006Garand]

You have to stick to your guns.
If she really likes you, she'll stay.
If not, oh well.

[Saym14]

you need a new girlfriend

[L84CABO]

Love is about acceptance. You have to accept the other person for who they are and vice versa. You should not try to change the other person or push your ideals on them. If she doesn't accept you, then you have your answer. You have to realize a bad investment and simply cut your losses.

+1. Consider too that relationships are often about compromise. But you really have to be careful with that. Compromising on things like your core beliefs is a big deal. And what you may be ok with initially, often builds to resentment down the road. Not everything should be compromised on. And core beliefs is usually one of them.

[Subotai]

Find the type of woman who would never question your rights or hobbies. She should respect that you are a man and you do what men do.

[Omil]

Froth:
With all due respect. The simple answer is, either you will own a gun, or
she will end up owning you. And it sounds like she's already made a
pretty good down-payment. Walk away, and live to shoot another day.
Good Luck

This^^^!

[TURNKEY13]

There's more fish in the sea.

[llyons92]

Has she seen the news lately with the most recent active shooter? Like isn't that enough?

[durandal]

She sounds like a keeper. She has never been a victim of violent crime, im guessing?

The fact she doesnt trust your morality, judgement or capability to operate under stress is troubling and you should point that shes projecting her fear or doubt onto you.

restricring your defensive options because shes insecure is unacceptable.

Ask her, what makes her so special that she thinks there should be police out there that will risk their lives to keep her safe, and why is it she thinks she doesnt have to lift a finger to save herself or anyone else?

Home invasion video:

http://youtu.be/AKfcc2rM_xI

Ask her to watch that video.

Then ask her if that woman should be allowed to own a gun, or if she thinks only police and military should own weapons?





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[geoint]

Warning! Danger! Your impulse is the absolute worst response in this kind of situation. "Here are some facts and figures that prove why you're wrong" is the last thing you should do.

Here's why: Your girlfriend's position is based, obviously, on her emotions, not reasoned thinking. Objective information, no matter how "right," will simply bounce off her defenses and she'll think you're insensitive (because, let's admit it, you will be).

The only approach that has a chance of working in a situation like this is...

1. Set aside logic, reason and facts. Don't abandon them; just set them aside.
2. Tell her you'd like to understand more about how she feels about firearms.
3. Let her know you hear her concerns by repeating key points back to her. You can do this by saying "OK, let me see if I understand what you're saying...." Do not judge what she says; just repeat it.
4. Ask in a caring way, "What do you think might be making you feel that way?" and follow up on the answers.
5. Ask her what she thinks all of that might mean for your relationship. Do not argue. Just nod and say OK, I get it.
6. Say, with a completely straight face and all the honesty and caring that you ought to be able to muster if you truly care about her: "Thank you for being open with your feelings about this. I understand now why you might feel so uncomfortable/scared/angry/whatever."

That is all for now. Resist with all your willpower the urge to jump in at this point with facts, figures or any kind of convincing. This is a key step. Do not skip it.

Give it at least 48 hours. Do not mention guns or let her see them at all during this time.

7. When the time seems right, tell her, "You know, I've been thinking a lot about how you feel about my having a firearm for self-defense. I really appreciate your being willing to share your feelings with me, and you've really helped me understand where you're coming from. I've been wondering about a couple of things I'd like to ask you about; would that be OK?"

8. Assuming she says yes, ask her something like this: "OK, so I've been thinking about what happened in Charlotte in that church (or what happened the other night with the dog, or whatever feels right). If we were together in a situation like that [NOTE: You can substitute a scenario like a movie you saw together, or a street fair, etc.] and some sick person tried to hurt us with a knife or a gun, would you feel better knowing that there was someone who could protect us from getting hurt or killed? What if someone there with us was an off-duty police officer--would you feel better knowing that he or she had the training and the means to stop the attack? What if there were no off-duty police officer there, and what if it was me? What if I had the training and the ability to stop the attacker and protect people? Would you want me to do something to protect us? I'm just wondering how you'd feel about that." (Use whatever version of that language you feel is natural for you.)

Know that she's very likely to say she just wishes that that kind of thing never happened. Agree with her. ("Yeah, me too.") Then say something like "Listen, if you feel uncomfortable around a gun, I don't want to make you even more uncomfortable. That's not my style and I do care a lot about how you feel. But because I care about you and your safety, and also my own, I'm going to do everything I can do to protect us. I've had extensive training and practice, and I've gone through all the background checks and legal paperwork to have a firearm so I can protect myself and the people I care about from bad people. That's just who I am. I'm not really good about explaining it any better than that, but I feel really strongly about it."

Then shut up. Don't pressure her for an answer. If she never brings it up again, why should you? If she breaks up with you, logic and facts were never going to convince her.

Damn, that's a long post, but it represents hard-learned lessons. Hope it does some good.

That was such a great post Im going to save some of it to my sig just for quick reference. (Im divorced and will probably have this come up a lot in the next few months/years).

[Frotz]

Whoops. I've been dating her since Feb 2014, not 2013.

[GunpowderAndLead]

Has it just felt longer?


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[GunpowderAndLead]

Jokes aside, that's quite a long time to not have such a thing brought up...


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[JTROKS]

It's not my choice if someone comes to do my family or me bodily harm. I pray everyday for God to guide me and be respectful to everyone to provide a good example for my children. I have to stay alive for my family and I'll be darned if I'll let anyone harm my family. Whoever tries to harm my family made the wrong decision not me.