How to make her understand.

[dark_ninja]

So my wife and I get into heated arguments over my purchase of items such as ammo,gun accessories,new guns,etc. Even browsing online websites that cater to addicts like myself and not to mention calguns.net raises an eyebrow from her. My thing is besides being a gun enthusiast and supporter of our Constitutional rights,I believe in stocking up on firearms and ammo for the worst case scenario. She argues until we have everything paid off,credit cards,motorcycle,etc. that I shouldn't spend on ANYTHING gun related. NOTHING! NO AMMO,NOTHING! Well,first how am I suppose to practice with NO AMMO! Second,I make pretty good $,stuff is getting taken care off,and no matter what,**** always comes up! I have to hide my activities because I don't want to piss her off,but of course when she finds out about something new or a shipment coming in,we get into arguments about it! Any advice? Maybe a women's perspective?

[bigmike82]

"She argues until we have everything paid off,credit cards,motorcycle,etc. that I shouldn't spend on ANYTHING gun related."
Are you ever behind on your payments? Have you bought her flowers recently? Do you pay attention to her enough?

Quite honestly, it sounds like you may need to butter her up a bit. Hiding your activities and purchases is a very *bad* thing, IMO. Just let her know that you're being responsible with your payments, your credit isn't shot because of your purchases, and that you work hard for your money and want to spend some of it on stuff you enjoy. Understand that some of the stuff you should spend that money on is her, however.

[Baconator]

My wife has always disagreed with my interest in guns. We gave ourselves a little bit of money each month that is our own, no questions asked. She spends hers on her crap, I spend mine on my crap. There is no convincing her of the importance of being armed, so I gave up trying. Good luck.

[Bird of Fire]

Ok seriously though - she has her hobbies, you have yours. This is one of the main reasons I bought a 22. I can shoot all damn day and not break the bank like I did when I'd go through hundreds of rounds of 45

IMO so long as you're being responsible and taking care of business, you have to have fun now and again. Otherwise you'll work hard towards paying everything off and just stare at each other and hate each other. Not that I'd know what that's like or anything.

Oh and take her out for gods sake. A night of whatever the hell she wants to do. You gotta have a good "date night" at least once a month. :yup:

[RedFord150]

You have a couple of hobbies that cost money. Hopefully, she does to.
I buy, sell, and trade guns occasionally. My wife does the same with Jewelry. I cannot begrudge her the trading up of her diamomd jewelry when I do the same with guns.
My wife likes to go to Day Spas and get spa treatments. I do realize that she gets to spend $50 to $100 and I cannot complain because of the gun and motorcycle expenditures I make.
Take her out to places she wants to go and spend some money on stuff you think is stupid. Godiva Chocolates and Roses really do work. If you go to the movies, let her pick. If you go to a restaurant, pick the food she is crazy about.
Lying and hiding things always ends badly. Point out that when you go shooting, you are not sitting in a bar buying booze or picking up girls.
Other than this, find some happy middle ground. Life is too short to argue ;-).

[Linkpimp]

I’ve been married for 19 years and the one thing I have learned in the time is this.. If you stand your ground, don't give up, keep pissing her off and do what you want to do she’ll finial just give up and you’ll win..

It’s a battle of the wills, do not let here beat you at this game, it will only give her leverage on other things later on in life.. Put your foot down, be the man, piss her off enough and she’ll just drop it..

My wife used to be the same way, now she just moves along with life because she knows I’ll go there anytime and I will and have called her bluff.. I refuse to live by her rules I’m the Man dam it and I’m doing what I need to do..

Remember You do not need her permission and sometimes they need to be reminded of that..

[troysland]

The way things work at my home is to set a budget on household expenses. My wife and I both have separate bank accounts since before we met, and also our Joint account for our living expenses. Once a budget is set, the rest of my hard earned discretionary income goes to my personal account. The Priority must always be placed on the home and kids if any. After that, she really shouldn't complain.

[Greg-Dawg]

As long as your spending doesn't lead to debt, then you're fine.

She'll probably have a heart attack when you bring some dead feral pigs home from a great day of hunting.

[bobnfloyd]

My guess is that the easiest way is to set up budgets like suggested, some amount that keeps your finances in check. On top of that, maybe do monthly budgets and a single "flier" which is a "big" purchase once a year, regardless of budgets (within reason). Seems to me that apocalypse isn't coming in the near term so anything that you don't need to buy *now* can be held off for later.

With regards to:

"She argues until we have everything paid off, credit cards, motorcycle,etc." I'm a bit hard pressed to argue. While you do make good money, and everything is "taken care of", if you carry a balance on your CC's you are paying 14-24% interest on any balances, these should be paid off fairly aggressively if possible. The Motorcycle or Car should have more reasonable rates 0-10%, but they are also on pretty high balances... these should be paid off in time, but at the same time, the quicker you pay off, the better. If she's talking about a house being paid off, then you're wife is just making excuses for not liking your hobby.

Like I said, make a budget say 400 a month that's your self hobby budget, save or spend as you wish. 400 gets me 1k of 45, a 22 pistol, a crapload of 22 ammo, 2k of 9mm etc...

[PatriotnMore]

There is much truth in that, I call it a power struggle. If you are truly taking care of business, paying down bills, and make good scratch, it should not make a difference. I am married now going on my 27th year, we also had many a heated argument early on in our relationship.

Some of the things we have done was to split all the responsibilities, and separate checking accounts. With separate accounts, she will not feel or see like she is funding your hobbies, and each is free to use their funds as they see fit. Most women who make a decent wage are open to this, the ones who make far less than what is needed to split responsibilities, don't like it for obvious reasons.

[maschronic]

i feel your pain OP!! i think the best thing might be is to slow down a little bit.

my wife knew i was in neck deep with guns when we first started to date. it was nothing new to her. now, she really doesn't say anything about guns to me. she knows i'm on calguns all the time and there is nothing she can do about it. she has seen my collection grow to 40+ and back down to 30+.

eitherway, you have to hold your ground when this discussion comes up. yet, be sensitive to her needs. if that means slowing down for a little bit, then slow down. never give it up though!!

[Inkman]

You need marriage counseling. Me thinks your problems are bigger than shooting guns. JMHO.

Al

[Linkpimp]

Life is too short to argue ;-).

I respectfully disagree sir.. Life is to short not to be happy!.. There’s always room to argue for happiness.. (hell) This is how they think!.. Why cant we think the same way??. What gives them the right to tell us what we can and cant do??. I certainly never have told me wife what she can and cant do, I’ll express my disappointment in it, explain why I don't think it right or whatever but the bottom line is if she happy doing what she likes and I’m happy doing what I like, were are happy together..

It works Trust me.. But you will have to reach down and grab the boys a few times.. (sorry)..But hey, better you then her taking them away and giving them back to you when it’s convenient for her..

[Linkpimp]

You need marriage counseling. Me thinks your problems are bigger than shooting guns. JMHO.

Al

Noooooooo..

All married couples go throw this IMO.. either the man caves in early in the relationship and ends up asking for everything for the rest of his life or you get to the point where you're simply informing the other what the plans or for the weekend and seeing / hoping they fit together.. if not, well then you'll just see her later on that evening..

IMPO it’s worth the initial fights trust me..

[4D5auto]

Man, life's to short, get a new wife that's pro2A