Dating & Carry

[Big Jake]

If you met the guy online, you should be able to find out his position on gun ownership by email or phone, in advance. As in "Wow! My mom is thinking of learning to shoot for self defense. I'm not sure if I should go with her to lessons. What do you think?" That whole thing might fall apart then and there. Or he might encourage you for "lessons" Don't tell him you're a gun owner in email. Ever.

And only meet him in a public place, and arrange a 'safe call' with a friend, just in case.

Never, never, never tell anyone you are carrying. I think there's a good argument that if you say you are carrying, you have blown your legally required 'concealment'. It's supposed to be a secret, so keep it a secret.

If you actually go out with him, on a first date, and you are carrying concealed, he should never know you have it, unless he gets close enough for a kiss. I'm old-school. If you're meeting a stranger for the first time a handshake or light hug is all you need to do on a first date, so he probably won't know anything on a first date. If you are carrying in your purse, he might never know, for weeks and months.

If you like the guy, and you see him the second time, THEN I'd open the topic of gun ownership and see how he reacts. If he is radically anti, drop the topic and end the date, he won't last anyway. If he's neutral or pro, you can suggest the next date be at the range.

I'm wondering if you think you might have to defend yourself against this guy. If you have the tiniest doubt, don't see him. Trust your instincts. If you think you would carry, because you always carry, that's different. But still keep your mouth shut until you're sure where he stands.

Don't worry so much about his feelings. The only really important thing is how you feel about him. If he won't date you because you own or carry, no great loss.

Very well put!

[DannyInSoCal]

Nothing says "Strong Independent Woman" -

Quite like worrying about what some random guy might think about you CCWing.

Just carry it and leave the hypothetical drama for the Cosmo forum.

And for the record - My wife of 20+ years was carrying when we met.

So was I........

[movie zombie]

BonnieB nails it...........and I agree with Danny re "just carry it and leave the hypothetical drama for the Cosmo forum"...............

a first date is supposed to be a get to know each other and see if a 2nd date is going to happen. don't cross bridges until you get there.

[mu9en]

1. If I met a lady that ccw's. I would think that is hot.
2. I'm pro anything that gives people a fighting chance to survive. I wouldn't be hurt. You don't know me. I don't have any reason for you to trust me yet.
3. Why not? What if shtf? Men needs their superheros too. Why not it be you? Carry all the time. Even in the showers.

(All of these questions apply to if the guy is not pro 2A, but not anti either)

1. 1st date, if you never met the guy and you're legal ccw, so ccw or not? might he be put off, any experiences?

2. 2A legal premises or your home, carry or not? would it hurt his feelings if he thought you didn't trust him?

3. 3rd date or later, still carry or not? when to not carry around him?

[BadKitty]

Bonnie is spot on. There's no reason at all to tell your date that you have a weapon on you - especially, if you've never met him before! The man is essentially a stranger. Never tell unless you have to!

During a first date, people tend to talk about general things like where they went to college, siblings, music, hobbies, etc. During the "hobbies" portion of the first date, that's a good time to mention that you went to the range a couple of times or were thinking of taking a class, etc and see how he reacts. What if you are on a date and he starts talking about how he's been arrested a couple of times and likes to smoke dope or whatever a few times a week. Would you then regret telling him about your weapon?

However, things start to get sticky from the 2nd date and on when, you know, people start to get touchy-feely kissy kissy. It's a tough call. If you have your weapon on your body, a man with wandering hands grabbing you around the waist or trying to cop a feel will likely find the weapon. Your outfit might also not lend itself well to CCW.

Do what you gotta do. If you feel the need to carry, do so and tell him if you have to on a later date (once you've gotten to know him). If he feels offended because he thinks you don't trust him, then you need to gently explain that the carry is just a general safety measure and not specifically a defense against him.

When to carry or when not to carry is up to YOU. It is your life. If you want to carry at home or past the 3rd date or only when in certain neighborhoods...then you just do it. HE is the one who will have to deal with it or find the door.

[I Swan]

You could always compromise with purse/off body carry or a very small gun hidden creatively if you think you are going to have a hot date I think carrying is wise. Remember Ted Bundy was good looking and did not have a problem with getting female attention.

[Sapperforward]

(All of these questions apply to if the guy is not pro 2A, but not anti either)

1. 1st date, if you never met the guy and you're legal ccw, so ccw or not? might he be put off, any experiences?

2. 2A legal premises or your home, carry or not? would it hurt his feelings if he thought you didn't trust him?

3. 3rd date or later, still carry or not? when to not carry around him?

First time in this sub forum but the thread title got me. From a male perspective.

1. Yes carry, he doesn't need to know. Concealed means concealed after all.
2. Yes carry at 2a legal places. At home might make him feel a little emasculated but that would be his problem and not yours. At least when you are still in the "get to know them" stage.
3.Yes carry, threats are around every corner.

After a few dates you move on to stage 2, the ultimate date idea take him to the range and than Netflix and chill.

Personally if I knew a girl I was dating had an LTC I would find that very attractive and would only peak my interests more.

Good luck out there, play safe!

[wpod]

(Him) Is that a gun?
(Her) Yes, it is.
(Him) Why do you have a gun?
(Her) So I don't get raped.
(Him) But I would never rape you!
(Her) Then you don't have to worry about the gun.

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[bk23103]

First time in this sub forum but the thread title got me. From a male perspective.

1. Yes carry, he doesn't need to know. Concealed means concealed after all.
2. Yes carry at 2a legal places. At home might make him feel a little emasculated but that would be his problem and not yours. At least when you are still in the "get to know them" stage.
3.Yes carry, threats are around every corner.

After a few dates you move on to stage 2, the ultimate date idea take him to the range and than Netflix and chill.

Personally if I new a girl I was dating had an LTC I would find that very attractive and would only peak my interests more.

Good luck out there, play safe!

My thoughts exactly.

I'd like a girl who CCW's, not only because it'd be fun to have someone to shoot with, but I would also like the idea that she has the same committment to personal safety that I do. A match made in heaven!

[I Swan]

I generally do not like women that are heavily in to guns or traditionally male oriented hobbies or lifestyles but a woman having a CCW would somewhat appeal to me and be seen as a plus mainly as stated by sapper because it shows she is responsible and a realistic person committed to her own safety.

I don't expect a woman to be a gun expert and be in to it as much as I am I'm happy with one just not making issues about my guns and her taking the time to be come competent with a firearm for her own safety.

There is always exceptions to the rules. The woman I was ever the most in love with in my life was kind of like a Flashdance movie kind of situation! She had a more male or macho type job and at the time I had a more office or inside type of job.

[Euphoria526]

(Him) Is that a gun?
(Her) Yes, it is.
(Him) Why do you have a gun?
(Her) So I don't get raped.
(Him) But I would never rape you!
(Her) Then you don't have to worry about the gun.

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That is exactly how I would see it.

Guys perspective here:
I'd find it hot. I also prefer strong minded/willed women who can take care of themselves if need be.
If they have ccw and I find it on my own I would not be spooked.
Plus then I can ask her, is there a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? Lol

[wpod]

I (a guy) posted that.
My wife is an ex-deputy.
I bought her a rifle for our 25th anniversary



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[jeremiah12]

Bonnie and BadKitty have given great advice.

On issues that are very important to you, do not compromise because you like other things about the person or the hormones kick in and create a strong attraction. (Yes, that is the scientist in me and attraction is initially all about hormones and good feelings).

There will always be another person if this one does not work out so do not waste time compromising on your personal core values to make it work.

I did on several issues and then felt because I had invested so much time in the relationship I had to stay and not break it off. We got married and then our son was born. Then those issues I had compromised on came out.

Three years ago the gun issue nearly caused a divorce. I decided I would not longer not have guns in the house, I would teach our son how to use guns, and I would buy our son his first rifle and handgun. He was over 18 and going to college and wanted to learn to shoot.

My wife was angry to the point of telling me she would divorce me. I did this anyway and told her if she did not like it or respect me enough then we could no longer be married. She would be the one to tell our son why she started the divorce over my teaching him to shoot and buying him guns and she would be the one to leave the house because I plan to provide a place for our son to come home to stay when he is on break.

It was a very tense year or so but she realized I would not back down and our son loved to go shooting and when he graduated he was moving out of state and I would go with him because I have nothing holding me here. Our son also told her she was stupid that she would do this over guns.

We are both teachers just went on break. She asked me last Friday to take her shooting next week. We have known each other 38 years and been married 31 of those years. That is too many wasted years and wasted time arguing over guns.

If I had it to do over again, I would have never married her. Guns were not the only issue but just one of a few issues that I should not have compromised on because they are my core beliefs.

[I Swan]

Wow man, that's a powerful post. I was doing a lot of compromising with someone I was and am still a bit interested in. I need to reevaluate that.

[BonnieB]

(up front warning: off topic response)

Iswan,

If you don't like women who are heavily into guns, have assertive personalities, or are willing to do any sport they're physically capable of, you may be in the wrong forum. The Women's Forum writers tend to be just that type, although not all are. And we mostly think that shooting is a "sport", not "a men's sport". We think that 'self defense' is a non-gender issue and aren't standing around, waiting for someone to rescue us. Just so you know.

That said, everyone is welcome to post here, as long as they are civil and on-topic.