What can I do to help?

[ziconceo]

Ok, well The parents aren't doing anything. Its like they don't even care for her which is really sad. They act like it doesn't even happen. I need to have something I can put to the table incase I need to teach them how to deal with this issue myself. Are there any programs you guys would recommend? I think she needs to be put on that show "beyond scared straight" (or however you spell it)

[jeremiah12]

Ok, well The parents aren't doing anything. Its like they don't even care for her which is really sad. They act like it doesn't even happen. I need to have something I can put to the table incase I need to teach them how to deal with this issue myself. Are there any programs you guys would recommend? I think she needs to be put on that show "beyond scared straight" (or however you spell it)

As a high school teacher, I deal with this on a daily basis. This problem has been in the making for 14 years and it will not be quickly fixed by you or any other caring outsider.

She has probably been identified at her school as an "at-risk" student. From what you describe, I am sure the school has contacted her parents over discipline problems and grades. Having been a teacher on these student success teams more times than I care to remember (all thanks to your tax dollars and our feel good politicians) the parents have been offered parenting classes (paid for by our tax dollars), the daughter has been offered counseling and drug rehab (paid for by our tax dollars) and all sorts of other assistance (paid for by our tax dollars). After a few meetings, when nothing has changed, the parents quit attending and the student's behavior gets worse.

The next chance to get the student's attention is her arrest. If that does not do it, then some other traumatic event.

You are not going to teach her parents how to be parents. I am over 50 and deal very effectively with teens. I get them to behave when their parents cannot. I and other teachers like me cannot get parents to understand how to parent their teens. We all have even successfully parented our teens to adulthood.

LE resources are spread so thin that we have a hard time arresting all the students caught with drugs on our campus. We have our own SRO and she spends half her time transporting students arrested for offenses far worse than simple possession. Those arrested for possession or low level dealing, get probation because there is no place to house them. They know it. They will also learn quickly that it was you who is ratting them out and you will become the one they target. The your GF's parents will turn on you, and your GF might do the same. It is a very old story.

[ziconceo]

^ so what should I do? I thought the police were supposed to crack down on this kind of stuff more severly....Don't making arrests and giving out tickets help fund you officers? Wouldn't busting these people help you out financially? I'm so confused :/

[Samuelx]

You're misunderstanding on quite a few different levels.

Re the criminals you're so concerned about, go talk to local law enforcement.

[APV]

if those suppliers still free then probably the police has nothing on them. your word is not an evidence and your girl friend daughter most probably will not cooperate. if you have friends you may try to scare those guys sort of "the girl does not worth the consequences if you do not leave her". but it is a risky business. in my opinion the best way is if you have a friend in law incorcement to talk friendly to those guys that it is in their best interest to leave the girl alone.they may understand friendly talk if it comes from the law enforcement officer.

[omgwtfbbq]

When asked similar questions like this, I usually advise people to continue to contact local LE when incidents occur. Even if nothing comes of it, an incident report will still be filed and then if criminal charges are levied, there will be a record of behavior for the District Attorney to look at and hopefully motivate them to pursue a conviction.

As far as the minor's behavior, as others have said, it's likely that she isn't using simply because it's available. All criminal behavior is based on needs, social, economic, mental health, etc etc. If those needs aren't being met (must likely the fact that her parents aren't being parents) then she will continue to pursue criminal activity utilizing other suppliers of controlled substances even if the current people get locked up.

I know it's not something you or your GF probably prefer but reporting the minor as well as the dealers may be a way to get an informal probation case going with her which would make available to the minor and her parents services to treat the minor's drug and alcohol problem as well as parenting skills for her parents.

Many people are against reporting family or friends to LE because they are afraid of saddling them with a life-long record, however, in the case of minors, misdomeanor adjudications rarely follow you past age 21. In my department (I work Adult Probation, but have a little exposure to Juvenile Services) the minor and parents will meet with a juv. Probation Officer prior to any court action being taken and discuss options for the minor and parents, and many times in cases like this, there is no prosecution of the minor.

Just food for thought.

[code_blue]

Be as supportive and trustworthy as you can and trust her to make her own decisions. You can advise her that you do not agree with what she is doing, but it is her decision. You cannot help someone who doesn't want to be helped, but you can inform them and trust that they will find their way back.

She's still young and testing boundaries. I'm sure that no one here was exactly a saint while growing up.

You also give her ultimatums or "if you continue to do this, you do not deserve to be in our lives" or take away the safety nets and stick by it. Do not give in.

Eventually, she will decide what is more important in her life. You cannot teach a person if you cannot make them understand and agree to the logic.

[ziconceo]

@Samuelx You're probably right on that one lol

@APV All the people I know that were in law enforcement are retired so i dont think that would work..unless I could get some random officer to help me out I would just have to "okay" it with her parents as I dont think they would appreciate me bringing a cop to their house without warning.

@omgwtfbbq That's one of the main things I'm kinda wondering is who do I report it to? do I call 911 or the sherrif directly?

@anbu_yoshi Both my friend and I have done that to her with no effect whatsoever. I do like the ultimatum idea, I think punishment is the only way to get through to her now because so far positive reinforcement hasn't done anything.

Thank you all for you answers so far, If I can get this problem resolved it would take a lot of stress off of my shoulders

[code_blue]

You are correct. Some people must fall, fall very hard, to realize what is going on.

You, yourself must ask "Do I really need this in my life?" If not then cut her loose, if yes then you must accept this nonsense from her.

Maturity is often painful to the soul, but that is the price that we pay for logic and reason.

[ziconceo]

The problem is that Ittl still effect me even if I "cut her loose" she is in a room right next to my gfs room and the second hand smoke is getting in there which infuriates both of us to no end.

[APV]

The problem is that Ittl still effect me even if I "cut her loose" she is in a room right next to my gfs room and the second hand smoke is getting in there which infuriates both of us to no end.

btw, is there a chance that her friends are not criminals but rather same type of wild youngsters having fun? I guess wait a bit. There are guys with law enforcement background on this forum that may advise, give them a chance.

[ziconceo]

@APV so if i put a suppressor on my rifle and shot it in my backyard would that count as: "wild youngsters having fun?" just curious...

[APV]

@APV so if i put a suppressor on my rifle and shot it in my backyard would that count as: "wild youngsters having fun?" just curious...

my first wild guess it would not. One of my friends used to work with drugs addicted and parolies in the past. I will call him with that situation and ask for his opinion.

[CBR_rider]

1) Sounds like parents are either giving up due to being at their wit's end or they didn't really care to begin with if there is "second hand smoke" in her bedroom!

2) If you know who is actually selling her dope and where she buys it at, you can always give that to the narcotics team in your area.

3) As some have suggested, have a frank conversation with her about her life (preferably thiswould be done by someone she respects). Beyond that... she may have to learn from the school of hard knocks herself

[code_blue]

The problem is that Ittl still effect me even if I "cut her loose" she is in a room right next to my gfs room and the second hand smoke is getting in there which infuriates both of us to no end.

Wait, wait. They live with their parents? Nothing you can do about that. Her parents, their choice to intervene.

The reality of the situation is rather than fixing her, you both leave. You may want to chat with your gf to see if she should leave with you or you just don't go there at all and have your gf come to you.

Young ones think they're invincible. She needs to understand that the consequences of her decisions are real and not empty threats. No different than training a dog.