Divorce among LEOs?

[woolymanx]

[rcslotcar]

I met my future wife on the job. She was a 19 year old Station Clerk. I was a 32 year old Deputy. Her Father was a Lt. for a surveillance unit. She was familiar with the routine, working weekends, holidays,birthdays, and all the other BS. We dated for 9 months before going to Las Vegas and ,,well that was 35+ years ago. Still Married and retirement is "Great"!!

[SVT-40]

I was divorced, but not because of my job... The former Mrs. SVT-40 had a job which caused her to travel, and we had a few other issues. We amicably divorced.

I remarried about 8 years later to a female Officer. We dated and lived together for four years prior to getting married In fact she had been one of my trainees 10 years earlier...

She had never been married.

We have been married now for 13 years.

She will retire next year...


If you look at the stats, female Officers have a much higher divorce rate when they were married before being hired. May men just can't handle having a wife who becomes a cop.

Yes the job makes relationships difficult. But you get out what you put in...

[esy]

2nd a lot of the advice posted.

Communication is key. No surprise that this hasn’t changed regardless of the profession.



There are other sources such as emotional intelligence that is being circulated a lot now too.

https://www.blueeq.com

[Rogue187]

Where could one find that book?
It sounds like a book that should be in every cops library.

[HUTCH 7.62]

I set the standard even lower. One hitter quitter here.

[gorn5150]

My wife and I married when I was a cadet officer. We've been married 41 years without any talk of divorce. I have several buddies that are at or around the 40 year mark too. Then again I know a lot of guys that couldn't keep it in their pants and have been divorced one or more times. Some people don't take vows and oaths seriously, I do. I think "job stress" is an excuse for some to destroy their relationship.

[Spanky8601]

Where could one find that book?
It sounds like a book that should be in every cops library.

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_c_1_13?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=emotional+survival+for+law+enforcement&sprefix=Emotional+sur%2Caps%2C242&crid=YZGUSUSKPX1X

Just in case I messed up the cut and paste... It is on Amazon. Just FYI 45 years married to the same lady.

[Bigdawg90]

I’ve been on the job for a year and half and have seen 4 divorces. One was just after the academy. I was married 5 years before becoming a cop. Now my marriage is even stronger after the job. It’s always about communication. I know everyone hears it, but then everyday I see people who don’t do it. I don’t think marriage is for everyone because of that. Emotional survival was huge for us and knowing what to expect and good coping mechanisms. I got great advice from a cop who was married 43 years. He said that you can tell her everything but don’t put an expectation of fixing it on her, just ask her to support you through dealing with it. I tell my wife everything and even show her videos, but I always tell her how I train to deal with it. There’s no way of getting around the hard ships of this job, there’s just finding healthy ways of dealing with them.

[TRICKSTER]

This,I know lots and lots of LEO's current and retired still on wife #1.


I have always spent my time off with and on my family. Lots of friends spent their time off golfing and doing other things to avoid their family.

Life is what you (not your job or friends) make it.

^This^

Once I built up seniority and comp/vacation time I made it a priority to take at least month off every year when the kids were out of school and travel the country with the family in our RV, hiking, fishing and visiting state and national parks. My children are all grown now and starting their own families, but they still talk about how much they enjoyed this, how much they learned and how it built family bonds.

[Ron-Solo]

Stay faithful to your marriage vows is the best way to stay married. Too many guys fall victim to the readily available donut dollies. Keep your zipper closed and don’t fool around.

[esy]

Where could one find that book?
It sounds like a book that should be in every cops library.

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_s...d=YZGUSUSKPX1X

Just in case I messed up the cut and paste... It is on Amazon. Just FYI 45 years married to the same lady.

Yup.

My union actually has a regular and ready stock of them and they are given to every new, graduating recruit whether they are hired on with us or not. More often than not, the books are used as kindling or forgotten about which is a shame.

[Samuelx]

When I was working Patrol, I was THIS close to being divorced (of course, she didn't tell me then, she told me later... ) - 4.5 years of Tues/Wed/Thurs days off while working PM shift (wife and kids were gone when I woke up and asleep when I got home) can do that...

[Kraviwannabe]

Been married over 30 years. Retired in 2011. I never brought the job home or commiserated with co-workers after shift and never talked shop with the boy'os. Stayed close to the Lord and made sure I regularly hung out with friends who weren't only on the job.

[Che762x39]

That is norm. What I see and it just might be anecdotal. You got a job that pays really well and that girl who was a Prom Queen or a Varsity Cheerleader and did not give you a second look in HS is now hot for you and that potential of you making $100K.

Most police jobs put you in the top 5% of wage earners in the country. Money draws a lot of honey. Beware my friend!