Deployment Question

[OneSevenDeuce]

lol, Change your bank account.

Dude, you got yourself into a predicament. You are married AND she's pregnant, AND she likes to stray? That dog won't hunt my friend. Cut your losses on this one.

[Lower86]

I second talking to JAG. If you go to them first, they can be your best friend. If she goes to them first, meh.. not so good.

[Subotai]

She's hanging out with guys, that's a bad sign on any planet.

[thebloodsonthewall]

I wish I could go to JAG. I am on a small FOB that doesn't have any of those things on it. No PX or Legal or anything useful. Hopefully we will go to one of the other FOB's soon. Off to work I go. Have a good one guys.

[Lost]

You can go. Tell your chain you need to talk to JAG ASAP, they will get you there or put you in touch with them on the phone (if you have a landline).

Be safe.

[metalliman545]

chain of command WILL help. just talk to em, tell em you need to get your finances, im still in iraq(5 more days!) but just in my platoon of 20, 5 got/are getting divorced, guess how many had their bank accounts cleaned out as soon as they told their wife they were sending them papers? all 5. if you are going to do it, make sure to get control of your finances, its your money, you earned it, dont let some **** have it

[Larker]

First of all, I'm very sorry that you got thrown this curve ball. I've seen a LOT of military marriages go sour, both young and old. Some of them saw it through even after infidelities, and many failed simply because of the strain, and cheating was never a factor. The service is extremely pressing on families, and even worse, doesn't give single soldiers the time to establish a solid relationship before getting married.

My wife and I are dual military, ended up deploying together (but different FOBs/COPs), and we still had it pretty rough.

Get all your ducks in a row (like everyone else said, JAG, separating finances, adjusting SGLI), but try to do so on the low.

At any rate, whether you suspect her of cheating or not, you should definitely separate your finances, and allot her what she *needs* to survive (ie. food, gas, etc.). Set up as many of your bills on direct deposit/allotment as you can, or give access to someone that can trust to pay your debts/bills so you reduce the margin of control that your spouse has in the ability to mess your finances up.

When she asks about why she's not getting as much for her allowance, tell her that you're saving money up for something expensive, like a nice trip or a car.

If she wants more spending money, tell her to get a part time job, or start babysitting or something.

Your Chain of Command should be very supportive in getting you to JAG. If your spouse is messing stuff up for you, you're not combat effective. You should see about getting sole control of anything that you both have documented legal custody over (like your car). This is to ensure she doesn't sell these items. You can look into divorce paperwork if you want.

Hopefully you have some kind of homeowner's renter's insurance, and you have inventoried your valuables with them.

Last, your SGLI. I say do this last because when you change it, she will get a letter stating that she is not the sole beneficiary, or that it has otherwise changed. It'll be a bit difficult to explain your way around that one.

But the idea here is, the more you can accomplish in separating her from your finances before she catches on, the less damage she'll be able to do you.

You can't control anyone. If someone has their mind fixed to do something, they're going to do it, regardless of your actions. My gunner's ex-fiance was a clearing barrel when she showed up, and she went right back to it as soon as he was out of the picture. He gave her a general POA to handle his car and his stored goods and once he caught on, it was a nightmare to straighten everything out with JAG, and they weren't even married yet!

I'm not going to tell you what your wife is or isn't. I have no place to say such. All I can do is suggest that you set up precautions to protect yourself should you suspect something is up. Setting yourself up for success will help you stay focused on the mission at hand, and hopefully give you some peace of mind despite what she tells you over the phone.

I wish the best for you. Stay safe.

[rooster85]

Cut your losses and move on. This happens way to often and its unfortunate but its something at we as servicemen have to put up with. All you can do is be there for your child. I went through a similar secnario when i deployed in 05 but thankfully we had no kids. Hnag in there and just think about your mission, not what shes doing.

[Spanky8601]

Setup a new bank account THAT SHE WON'T HAVE ACCESS TOO. Just wanted to make that clear, then get rid of her.

If you end up doing this, make sure to lock your credit up. There are lots of companies, like Life Lock that will secure your credit. It will stop additional accounts from being opened, in your name.

[Uriah02]

This thread is full of all kinds of Jody stories...
To Thebloodsonthewall, let it be. If that is her support structure she needs to keep sane don't fight her on it, it isn't like you can make any forward progress by getting in an arguement everytime you talk. Hopefully she'll always have a girl with her, but either way there isn't anything you can do now but make the time you have together count.

[cgseanp1]

It did not happen to me. It did not happen to a lot of guys in my unit. We have very faithful wives. Marines need to stop getting married for the wrong reasons and find a good girl who will be waiting for them when they come home.

Oh, so only Marines marry for the wrong reasons? You can't always tell who the "good" girls are. Must be nice to have it all figured out, though.

To OP, sorry to hear about your situation. I know it sucks. I'm in the Coast Guard, and while I was never gone for a year at a time, I did 3 month patrols (3 in, 3 out) and that was hard enough. I used to see pictures of my then GF on FB and Myspace out partying and what not.. maybe not doing anything innapropriate, but it bothered me to see it. I can't imagine what a year at a time would be like. It's hard to work and function when all you can think about is them and what they are doing.

Like other people said, never end a conversation with an argument. That has to be one of the worst feelings when you are thousands of miles away and won't get to talk again for who knows how long.

How far along is she? Do you get to go home when the baby is born?