Deployment Question

[cr250chevy]

Red flag. But, if she did not cross the line, there is still hope. My suggestion...stop bringing it up every time you talk, that will do nothing but push her away. If you want to keep her, and want her to be faithful, draw her in closer. Keep up those conversations, and forgetaboutit...

Here's one thing you can do. Open up a new bank account and wire transfer all your money into it. I've seen guys get cheated on then their wife cleaned out his bank account and put him in debt. Might want to change your life insurance if its all going to her.

Edit: only do this if you have positive confirmation that she is cheating or all evidence strongly supports the idea of her cheating.

Thank you for your service sir. I feel for you and all the others serving our country who have to go through this....
If you want it to work out I'd go Capo's route, but only if you think it will work out (ie she wont/does not cheat on you).
If you are not sure it will I'd follow ironclash's suggestion, but it would/could lead to things getting worse.
Regardless, biggest thing is to not talk about it TOO MUCH when your on the phone with her, instead let her know what you want out of the relationship and your feelings for her; and the rest is up to her actions and your response to them. The key is to try your best at reminding her who you are and that you are worth waiting for. Good luck, and be safe!

[todd2968]

Something we are all faced with, some women have to have a man around and cannot stand alone. If she tried maybe there is hope, but realistically women don't have to try very hard. For now put it out of your head and don't falter yourself. Deal with it when you return, and have all the facts. Just to be sure set aside a little cash just in case.
Good luck

[winnre]

I deployed in 2005 and only a few months later my wife started screwing her boss's best friend. I came home on leave to find our bed a mess. Hint to cheaters: Burgundy sheets show it all.

I filed for divorces and extended my tour. It broke my heart, we had been married for 9 years. I got off deployment in 2008.

In time I see the GOOD things that have happened. I am lucky to have gotten rid of her before we hit ten years, so she gets no retirement from me. if she sleeps around then she deserves the guy who screws the spouse of a deployed soldier. I have MANY people on my side.

Today she is but a bad memory, in 4 days I will have 30 years of service. In other words...

YOU ARE BETTER THAN HER.

I only wish I took the advice of others and separated our banks accounts and such sooner. if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's a duck. No one suspects without reason.

[professionalcoyotehunter]

Its an unfortunate predicament, it happens to everyone including myself. My last pump to Iraq back in 08, my wife left me for a corpsman. There is not much you can do from where you are at. If she is going to cheat, she will cheat. Deployments are a test of true commitment when it comes to a relationship. If she can't stand you being gone for a year or so then she does not deserve you for a life time. You can talk to her as much as you want, and I want you to. Encourage her that the year will go by quick and you will be home soon. I truly do hope that you two work it out. Don't be a statistic amongst us.

It did not happen to me. It did not happen to a lot of guys in my unit. We have very faithful wives. Marines need to stop getting married for the wrong reasons and find a good girl who will be waiting for them when they come home.

[C.W.M.V.]

Everyone that goes there that is married, goes through what your going through now.

My ex wife cheated on me while I was there in 03. My baby momma cheated while I was there in 07.

Not much you can do about it while being there. Just focus on your mission and try not to think about it.

Not true at all. I was lucky enough to never have had an argument with the wife while I was gone. Came back with a stronger marriage than when I left.

Its simple-If you dont trust her, seemingly with good reason, its not going to work out especially being in the military.

It did not happen to me. It did not happen to a lot of guys in my unit. We have very faithful wives. Marines need to stop getting married for the wrong reasons and find a good girl who will be waiting for them when they come home.

Amen. Ive seen too many soldiers get married to barracks whores and then wonder why it all falls apart. Dont marry a woman you meet in the bar on post.

[coyote43g]

It was wrong for me to say everyone but there's quite a bit of infidelity inside the military and the military wives network. Its an unfortunate thing that happens to some marriages during deployment.

[BoJackUSMC]

Change your bank account so she cannot take all the money out. Also, talk to JAG officer and try to get a limited power of attorney to someone you trust like your family member. Be nice to her until you come back home so she cannot try to use her resource in her advantage to screw you over while you are over there in the sand box. Trust me, she has lot more resource she can turn to while you are there so try not to get her mad. You can treat her like crap when you come back home from the deployment and stay safe and stay Focus!!!. Mistake and not staying focus on the mission in Iraq can get you kill or your team member kill.

[neomentat]

sounds to me like she's cheating on you big time and you're in DENIAL, look at it this way, if she's that kind of girl it's a good thing you're finding out now rather than later, you'll find someone better & you need to start thinking about your life without her and protect your financial interest

I am currently in Iraq. I have been here about three and half months and as far as I know we are going to be here a year. I am married and my wife is pregnant with out first child.

We had some problems earlier this year and things were really bad for awhile. She tried to cheat on me and all kinds of things went wrong. We worked everything out and everything was good for awhile. Everything is still good I guess.

One of her friends who is also married hangs out with these couple guys all the time. My wife hangs out with that friend often so she is always with those couple guys. I don't think she needs to be hanging out with one girl and two guys. In my mind, she is married and doesn't need to hang out with guys. We have been arguing over this for about a week now. It is almost all we talk about. I know she isn't cheating on my but I am still not comfortable with it.

What would you guys do in this situation?

[NoahH]

Next time you're on the phone with her, tell her you've been monitoring her activity via predator drone, and if she even thinks of doing anything mischievous you won't hesitate to fire a missile right at her face.

[Arondos]

I was 19 and she was 18 when I went active duty USN. Coming up on 26 years later and we are still married. I saw way to many marriages end in a mess over 20 years. If you have doubts cover your ***.

To survive deployments, stresses of coming home and leaving you have got to trust each other. The biggest adjustment we have had was me being home all the time when I retired.

[Darkomkiv]

Just returning from OEF, about 1/2 my unit filed for divorce. Definitely cover your ***. But tread lightly. if shes around barracks rats theyll prolly show her the ins and outs of the military. Seen it happen a lot this past year.
Stay focused. Dont become distraught and complacent. Deal with it when your back stateside/RnR.

[thebloodsonthewall]

Thanks for all the responses guys. I am still thinking this over, trying to figure out the best way to handle it. I want to make it work because she is pregnant and due in less than a month. But if I can't trust her then, well it just isn't going to work.

[rero360]

I got burned too, the girl I was dating with when I deployed cheated on me. I came home for leave, everything was just fine, about two months before I came home I noticed a change in her demenor but didn't really think much of it. Came home, as I was moving my stuff into her place I was moving stuff around to make room and found evidence, names dates, details, that she had cheated on me with 3 guys in the last month and a half before I came home. Needless to say I repacked my **** and moved back in with my parents that day.

My suggestion, because she is the mother of your child and because of my nature, to give it another try. With that said though I would highly recomend securing your finances so she can't bleed you dry and mentally be ready to sever ties the moment you notice any infidelity or funny business.

[thebloodsonthewall]

If the worst case scenario happened and I decided that a divorce was the best course of action, how does it work? I want to make it work but at some point I might have to cut my loses and move on.

If I had to, could I have my parents open an account in their name and transfer most of my money to their account so she couldn't get any of it? If we did separate, I wouldn't really care about all our possessions because I would have to move into the barracks anyways. Unless I got promoted a couple times and had the option of living off post of course.

I don't want to do that but I always say: Plan for the worst and hope for the best.

[Lost]

If the worst case scenario happened and I decided that a divorce was the best course of action, how does it work? I want to make it work but at some point I might have to cut my loses and move on.

Good luck with it working out. If it doesn't, try this:

1. Talk to JAG.

They will give you all the advice you need and may be able to help you through this. They couldn't help me because I lived in California and everything is so complicated here, they said it was best to hire a civilian attorney that knew all the rules and restrictions. JAG will also tell you how much of your pay your wife is entitled to. For me, all she was entitled to was just over $400. After she wrote a letter to my BN SGM falsely accusing me of cheating on her, my Chain of Command got involved. My 1SG told me to give her half of my BAH plus money for utilities to protect myself in case she tried telling the courts or my BN SGM I didn't give her any money and left her "high and dry". That CYA info worked out well for me.

2. Set up a new bank account/direct deposit, change your beneficiaries, emergency contacts, etc.

Get her name off of everything as soon as you can. Once you establish your financial independence, you will be protected from some of her anger.

3. Find someone you trust and give them a partial or full power of attorney.

I trust my dad with my life (and he didn't like my ex-wife anyways), so I gave him full power of attorney. I set up a new bank account and direct deposit to it. He wrote a check to her every month for half my BAH and average monthly cost of utilities. The rest of my paycheck went into damage control for all of the bills she stopped paying (from the moment I left).

4. File for divorce.

Just do it. If JAG can't help you, try and get a recommendation for a good attorney. It will be expensive, but worth it in the end.

5. Tell her.

Get your ducks in a row and then let her know you filed for divorce and she can expect to be served with the papers soon. You already tried working it out, there is no reason to try and fix it again by talking about it before filing.