Need some input here...

[aplinker]

i was a jerk to my wife, and we did counseling together, and she did her own counseling, and i did my own counseling and it really helped us. i told her when she wanted me to do counseling "if we fix our marriage and dont fix ourselves its not gonna work." I confidently feel you dont need to go for 20 years, but more tools in your toolbox sure never hurts. good luck. the sincerest best of wishes

+1

I hope you both find what you need.

[freonr22]

yes we did, that was over 1 1/2 years ago and we are stronger than ever

[wildhawker]

You are a moron if you stay with him.

Aren't we both judgemental and presumptuous?

Firstly, the OP did not say "...had sex with while married..." Secondly (even if adultery is the sin in question), while not necessarily an option in all circumstances, forgiveness and commitment to rebuilding is nonetheless a valid (and correct) one for many. It is offensive to assert that those who work through human failures are "morons".

Obviously, counseling is likely in order- both as a couple and each as individuals. He would be wise to work on the underlying cause of his holding onto the past, and she now must find a reason to trust him.

If this was not a hypothetical I am truly sorry to hear of this sad and unfortunate situation.

[wildhawker]

Well, if you have access to a gun, why isn't he dead by now?

lol

This is a website for responsible gun owners- how is this funny?

[wildhawker]

...
But Once a Cheater always a cheater. Some change some never change.

In the first sentence you assert that people are incapable of change. In the subsequent sentence you state that change is possible but not necessarily elected by everyone. Which is it?

Once a sinner, always a sinner- true. Unfortunately, humankind in its entirety suffers from this terminal condition. However, we do have the wonderful power of reason and choice (unless, of course, a serious mental condition prohibits such) and can overcome this propensity for evil.

[masameet]

This is a website for responsible gun owners- how is this funny?

Well, if you can't understand why I wrote "lol" under my question, I'll spell it out for you:

If I found dirty pics of another woman my husband had had sex with on his phone, I'd:
kick him out for a few days to think
fill out divorce papers, but not file right away
file for divorce right away
forgive and forget

Now given the choices in the poll, do you really really REALLY think the OP would follow my suggestion?

My "lol" means "Don't take this suggestion seriously."

But you did. Oh well.

And here's another clue: Gender differences when it comes to sex, infidelity and revenge are marked in that men tend to kill their "loved" ones. Women get even in other ways, like getting higher alimony or waging bitter child custody battles.

[masameet]

And honestly I don't frequent this so-called Ladies forum because all too many men post here.

Do we really need men's input all that much, esp. when questions are specifically being asked of women but answered by men who don't have a clue?

[wildhawker]

And honestly I don't frequent this so-called Ladies forum because all too many men post here.

Do we really need men's input all that much, esp. when questions are specifically being asked of women but answered by men who don't have a clue?

Let's not turn this into a gender war- no reason to throw stones.

[wildhawker]

Well, if you can't understand why I wrote "lol" under my question, I'll spell it out for you:

Now given the choices in the poll, do you really really REALLY think the OP would follow my suggestion?

My "lol" means "Don't take this suggestion seriously."

But you did. Oh well.

And here's another clue: Gender differences when it comes to sex, infidelity and revenge are marked in that men tend to kill their "loved" ones. Women get even in other ways, like getting higher alimony or waging bitter child custody battles.

I read your "lol" loud and clear. Nonethless, in the context of this website and specifically the OP, it was not appropriate.

Not sure where vengeance was mentioned by the OP or where they requested input on how to "get even"- again, to exacerbate an already delicate and hurtful situation will only bring about more hurt and destruction.

[aplinker]

I read your "lol" loud and clear. Nonethless, in the context of this website and specifically the OP, it was not appropriate.

Not sure where vengeance was mentioned by the OP or where they requested input on how to "get even"- again, to exacerbate an already delicate and hurtful situation will only bring about more hurt and destruction.

lighten up, Francis.

I'm sad to hear about the OPs situation - they're both calgunners, to boot.

But... Sometimes humor is a good thing.

I kept track of the thread in hopes things improved for the OP. I'm glad to hear there's been progress.

[masameet]

Ahem.

For all you serious guys who must tell us women shooters a thing or two, please to remember this little tidbit regarding the Ladies Forum:

Ladies Forum -- A place for our female Calgunners to discuss, share and interact without the 'excess attention' sometimes found in online forums.

Frankly I haven't talked with that many female shooters, here on Calguns or IRL. But I would suspect the one other thing we women have in common, besides a love of firearms, is our independence. Which also means we have come to trust our thinking. Now some of you guys are just tops and really care about us as shooters. And I know, because I've met and shot with and even learned from some of you. But for some of you to come in here and tell us how to think and post?! Pu-leeze. We're women, we don't think like you guys. We don't expect or demand you to think like us, now do we? And why should? That's why we women, well, some of us, like you guys. Because you're not like us. So gender differences are a good thing and worthy of respecting. Let's keep it that way.

As to the OP, I sympathize with her plight. But the decision is ultimately up to her. Anyway the one thing true about us women is we really have to get other women's opinions about certain things. We need that moral support. And other female Calgunners had chimed in, so I decided I'd throw something in from left field. [Sigh] We women, we're such neurotics. We tend to blame ourselves when we should put the blame where it belongs -- on the jerk. lol

[Steyrlp10]

Ditto on jerks. Makes me appreciate nice guys all the more!

[johnthomas]

Well, if you have access to a gun, why isn't he dead by now?

lol

"Well your honor, I killed my husband because I posted my quandry on calguns.net and a person named masameet asked why he isn't dead yet. I got to thinking about it and figured he was right".

Don't kill your husband. You know what your relationship can withstand. If you decide to leave him, plan it out, take him for every thing he has. How dare him risk your health by bringing home God knows what that he may have gotten from his girlfriend.

[masameet]

We haven't heard from the OP.

Oh, well. Maybe she took my advice after all.

[lilamyb83]

We haven't heard from the OP.

Oh, well. Maybe she took my advice after all.

No, no, I'm still here. LOL.

If I were going to kill anyone, it would be the other woman, because she knew EXACTLY what she was doing when she started the whole thing. But I am not a killer by nature, and would inevitably get caught (I have no ninja skills), so...

UPDATE: I let him come home on Sunday. Marriage counseling begins the 29th of this month and will happen every Monday thereafter. And he knows he has a LOT of making up to do for this one...

Thanks again everyone!