LEO Funny Stories!

[PsychGuy274]

Howdy All,

So I'd like to hear some of the stories that I KNOW you guys have. I did a search and found nothing on this topic and I'm surprised.

To start off:

One of my CHP buddies pulled over this girl some time ago for DUI. After she was hooked he went to look in her car and saw that the mileage on the vehicle was 23152. Priceless.

Anyone?

[Jonathan Doe]

I have several funny stories. Here in one:

When I was working on a patrol boat/harbor patrol assignment in early 90's, Rick Dees used to have a nice boat in the Marina Del Rey harbor. One day, as I pass by his boat, I saw him, and and yelled "Rick, do you know a guy named Howard Stern???" He just waved and laughed. He was pretty cool.

[fullrearview]

Howdy All,

So I'd like to hear some of the stories that I KNOW you guys have. I did a search and found nothing on this topic and I'm surprised.

To start off:

One of my CHP buddies pulled over this girl some time ago for DUI. After she was hooked he went to look in her car and saw that the mileage on the vehicle was 23152. Priceless.

Anyone?

God I hope he got a picture!

[ARtistinCA]

I had a great one yesterday that freaked me out after the matter.

I got dispatched to a 911 hang up at a residence that is in an area of town that, if hit with a tactical nuke, wouldn’t be missed.
Got there, took my precautions and knocked on the door. Knocked again…. And again. Went to the garage knocked on the door. FINALLY a WMA came out sweating pretty good. I asked if everything was OK because we had a 911 call from this address. “Oh yes everything is OK”, this coming from a crankster, “my wife just fell off the bed and has a gash on her head.” I was like – yea sure she fell off the bed. So I did a security check. I walked upstairs keeping my eye on the WMA. On my way up I talk to the daughter that called who said yea she fell – I freaked and called 911 but she’s OK. Well I breathed a little better until I got to the bedroom where the wife had fallen.

First off - the house was a typical crankster house – it stunk like funk and ***. It was dirty and closed up. NO A/C hence the sweat on the WMA.

So I roll into the bedroom…. And Mrs. Crankster is sitting on the floor. She has a band-aid on her head, little bit of blood on her forehead, big *** bump. I try talking to her but she looks in a daze, eyes half open. She’s probably 5’-8” and weights like 100 lbs. She looks like a skeleton. She’s MAYBE in her 40s. She’s not responsive to my questions yet she’s breathing and conscious. Her mouth is open and her eyes are moving.

I’m thinking … DUDE ZOMBIE!!!!

Well turns out she’s partially deaf, suffers from HIV and Hep-C, and, well has more prescription meds than Anna Nicole Smith. Oh did I tell you her teeth were rotted out from the meth?

Yea…. ZOMBIE. SoI gott the fire boys off their asses and gave tem a medical stat.

[bubbagump]

A drunk girl called me a Pubic Safety Officer once. We both laughed...and then I gave her a ticket for possession of Toluene. That was the most creative thing anyone ever called me while working for the PD.

[ke6guj]

A drunk girl called me a Pubic Safety Officer once. We both laughed...and then I gave her a ticket for possession of Toluene. That was the most creative thing anyone ever called me while working for the PD.

possession of Toluene is illegal?

[bubbagump]

possession of Toluene is illegal?

381. (a) Any person who possesses toluene or any substance or
material containing toluene, including, but not limited to, glue,
cement, dope, paint thinner, paint and any combination of
hydrocarbons, either alone or in combination with any substance or
material including but not limited to paint, paint thinner, shellac
thinner, and solvents, with the intent to breathe, inhale or ingest
for the purpose of causing a condition of intoxication, elation,
euphoria, dizziness, stupefaction, or dulling of the senses or for
the purpose of, in any manner, changing, distorting or disturbing the
audio, visual, or mental processes, or who knowingly and with the
intent to do so is under the influence of toluene or any material
containing toluene, or any combination of hydrocarbons is guilty of a
misdemeanor.

[Regulus]

Once went back and forth with an East LA Deputy who dropped off a homeless guy in our city.

The city I worked (borders East LA) rarely saw homeless people and when I pulled up on the guy I asked why he was here and how he got here. He replied, "I don't know where I am, the Deputy dropped me off." I said, "Oh, really?" and took him back to East LA. Sure enought about an hour later he was back at our park. After saying, "Oh... HELL NO" to myself, I asked him to climb in and I'd take him back again. We both got a good laughed out the game we were playing. I told the homeless guy, "The next time the Deputy tries to bring you back, let him know we are slow over here and I have all night to play". Never saw the homeless guy again.

[ke6guj]

381. (a) Any person who possesses toluene or any substance or
material containing toluene, including, but not limited to, glue,
cement, dope, paint thinner, paint and any combination of
hydrocarbons, either alone or in combination with any substance or
material including but not limited to paint, paint thinner, shellac
thinner, and solvents, with the intent to breathe, inhale or ingest
for the purpose of causing a condition of intoxication, elation,
euphoria, dizziness, stupefaction, or dulling of the senses or for
the purpose of, in any manner, changing, distorting or disturbing the
audio, visual, or mental processes, or who knowingly and with the
intent to do so is under the influence of toluene or any material
containing toluene, or any combination of hydrocarbons is guilty of a
misdemeanor.

I see, "possession of toluene with the intent to ..." is illegal. I thought you were just saying that possession of toluene was illegal.

[CSACANNONEER]

Back in the mid 80's I was with a SO's SAR unit. Anyway, I went to SAR City in Barstow a few times. I know that I was there for some good stories but, I don't remember much other than, campfires, ORVs, flare guns and the bottom of the bottles of Wild Turkey.

[Triad]

THANKS FOR KEEPING US SAFE OUR DEAR LEGISLATORS!!! Sheesh it's laws like this that make me cringe.

Have you ever dealt with a paint huffer? It ain't cool...

[SVT-40]

One night many years ago while on patrol I found a "gentleman" standing beside a telephone pole holding his ear to the pole. When I asked him what he was doing he told me the pole was "speaking to him"...

Every city has people who drift through town who are "lacking a full set of tools in their tool kit". Most of these guys are harmless, however they cause problems for beat cops, as their fellow citizens think their unusual behavior in less than appropriate and call the cops to "remedy the situation". This guy was one of these soles, and I needed a "creative" way to get him to move along to the next town.

I exclaimed in a happy voice "You can hear the voices also"!!! I thought I was the only one!!

He was overjoyed to believe an LEO could also hear the "voices coming from the telephone pole".

After we chatted for a few minutes I told the gentleman that I knew the location of a "magic telephone pole". I told him this "magic" telephone pole played music in addition to talking. I told him I would be happy to drive him to it's location.

So off we went a few towns away to this very attractive "magic" telephone pole, which just happened to be in front of a LASD station......

I last saw this gentleman as he was happily and intently listening to the music of the "magic telephone pole".

I also told him if any guys in tan shirts and green pants come out to talk with him to keep the "magic" telephone pole a secret, as they would not understand what the magic telephone pole was saying.

[ke6guj]

So off we went a few towns away to this very attractive "magic" telephone pole, which just happened to be in front of a LASD station......

I last saw this gentleman as he was happily and intently listening to the music of the "magic telephone pole".

I also told him if any guys in tan shirts and green pants come out to talk with him to keep the "magic" telephone pole a secret, as they would not understand what the magic telephone pole was saying.

well, in that case, is this a funny LEO story?

[bubbagump]

Driver arrested in fatal crash

"School had just let out about 3:30 p.m. Monday, and Luis was on his cellphone with his mother, asking if he could go to McDonald's, across the street, with friends, Jose Salazar said.

His mother suddenly heard screeching and screaming over the phone, and the call ended. She called back immediately and a girl answered. The girl told Luis' mother that he had been in an accident. Jose Salazar also called his brother and received the same grim news."

"The van driver was arrested Tuesday after South Gate police determined that he may have been using an inhalant when he lost control of his van the day before."

http://articles.latimes.com/2008/dec/03/local/me-crash3

[bubbagump]

well, in that case, is this a funny LEO story?