Funny deployment stories

[CWUSCG]

We had just gotten U/W for a 5 or 6 day leg near kuwait...and within a few hours of tossing the lines, the sewage suction pump takes a dump. There's no girls on the boat, so privacy wasn't a concern. So we find a few buckets and put them on the fantail so you could s**t.

CO's rule was you cleaned the bucket with the hose & tossed your s**t overboard and bleach it out for the next guy. So naturally... while you were "relieving yourself" the guys would throw stuff at you(and laugh hysterically)...wrenches....cigarette butts....chew....deck equipment....anything.
It sucked at the time, but made for good camaraderie afterwards.

[roll2li]

CO's rule was you cleaned the bucket with the hose & tossed your s**t overboard and bleach it out for the next guy. So naturally... while you were "relieving yourself" the guys would throw stuff at you(and laugh hysterically)...wrenches....cigarette butts....chew....deck equipment....anything.
It sucked at the time, but made for good camaraderie afterwards.

Haha, like 5 gallon buckets? We had to carry ours out at Bridgeport and also routinely harassed anyone during their "private time."

[Massan]

[BillyGoatCrawler]

I left my COP in Astan and went to a FOB on the way out for R&R and saw chow halls with fountain drinks and fat people mingling with the opposite sex and bus transits and pizza huts and coffee shops and a px with more fat people in it and snack foods by the isle and gyms with full racks of weights and machines that weren't running on repairs using 550 cord and random pulleys and they had shower connexes and had hot water and had toilets that flush my **** away so i don't have to mix it with fuel and burn it and "bomb shelter" things all over the place and there were paved roads and MWRs that had working phones and internet and people with cell phones and air conditioning that worked and beds to sleep on and only distant inaccurate indirect and no small arms attacks and then it hit me......... everyone here gets the same hostile fire and combat pay as everyone in my infantry platoon back in the mountains and I found that funny.

Then I got to Kyrgyzstan and saw everything above plus more and the Air Force peoples DRINKING BEER in the BAR PLACE on the base and we weren't allowed to have any.... And our uniforms differentiated us so it wasn't possible to trick them. THEN I found that whole hostile fire/combat pay thing even more ironic when I realized they get the same deal...

That's a funny story.

[Arondos]

One day while board on patrol (SSBN life can get slow at times). We decided to take a training rad con bottle and fill it with glowing goo from the break and they glow sticks.

After filling the bottle we patiently waited for the messenger of the watch to come back with the night orders. (Fairly predictable time and it is a new guy who doesn't know much).

As he comes back our ELT (Engineering Laboratory Technician) steps around the corner and spills the glowing stuff all down this kids chest.

We both give give him our best I don't believe this just happened looks and then start screaming "Oh my God that's primary coolant. You're potentially contaminated get your poopie suit (coveralls) off right now!"

We strip him down to his tighty whiteys. Then suited him up in antic's (yellow canary suit) complete with rubber booties, hood, the whole nine yards.

Then we sent him off carrying the tightly capped bottle to tell the Engineer "I am potentially contaminated with this primary sample."

Well he found the Eng watching a movie in the dark with the CO and some other officers.

The story I got from one of the junior officers was. There was knock on the door and someone requested to enter. The door opens, we see the outline of antic's then the door closes and this glow in the dark bottle starts bobbing around. The kid eventually finds the Eng and tells him. The CO was not amused and told the Eng "go fix your nucs."

I think the best part was watching the Eng try not to laugh while he attempted to chew our asses out.

[SoCal_Sapper]

We had a SSG who was just bad luck, plain and simple. In 2003 we based ourselves in an old Iraqi division motor pool. SSG Frye was stung by a scorpion a couple weeks later when he reached under his bunk for his boots. A couple months later we got a chance to swim in the Tigris and SSG Frye got a metal flake in his eye. While in the recovery tent after having the flake removed from his eye SSG Frye was bitten by a rat. With 2 weeks before redeploying back home the platoon thought it would be a good idea to do some MOUT exercises while using live grenades. You guessed it, SSG Frye lobbed a grenade into a room, turned to give him self cover and a piece of fragmentation went through his heel. Man did that guy have some bad luck.

Another funny story is that one time we were raiding a house and the guy left his front door unlocked. We went in quietly and the dude was banging away at his wife. I guess we didn't scare him too bad since he was pitching a tent when we tossed his in the back of the vehicle. On a side note, his wife was pretty hot .

This one is more of a "You get what you deserve" story. Later on in either 2003 or 2004, I cant place the exact date, we had this scum bag supply douche in our battalion. We had a dog problem on our base because people used to like to feed them so they would keep coming around. This supply douche bag took 3 puppies in a sack and tossed them into the small river near our base, killing them. We all heard about it and gave him **** because he was such a ****ing assclown. I don't care who you are you don't kill puppies and if you have no choice you do not drown them in a frigging river. Well, he got what he deserved because weeks later he started losing his hair in patches. We started heckling him by calling him Chester the Cheetah and told him that was his punishment for being a complete *******. He never got those patches of hair back and I'm glad.

During one mission we had detained this one person who was acting disorderly. We had zip tied him and tossed him in the APC (yeah we still had APCs in 2003). Well as the guys in that vehicle were standing out of the hatch one of our team leaders gets bit on the ***, hard. The stinky haji had sat himself up and bit the **** out of him. Since I was driving behind him I noticed the guys pulling security go from looking outwards to looking downwards. They had pulled over and dumped the dude on the sidewalk unconscious. The team leader later showed us that the dude had broken skin and we all had a good laugh.

[TMcGuff]

Short but sweet

Half the platoon getting crabs in Thailand.

[bRiT636]

lol finding a young soldier, smoking sat on a Jerrycan of gas - Realizes his mistake and stubs the smoke out on the can!...Earned himself a smack in the head.

Different guy poured gas on a bonfire a few weeks later and earned himself a medivac, during the medivac a guy in a portapotty got turned into a stinking smurf when the Chinook blew it over lol.

[bRiT636]

We also had a phantom pooper, stealing peoples mugs...never did find out who it was.

[bRiT636]

lol also remembered another from Belize. Middle of a practice ambush setup on an infantry unit, when someones fires a few aimed shots and then starts spraying. Turns out the Sqn 2IC was getting stalked by a puma while reccing a 'dump' site. We gave him **** about it being a ND and he covered it up with the firing of the rest of the mag.

Never did find any blood trails...

[IrishJoe3]

I was project site OIC for a construction project. As I am sitting in the humvee one of my Soldiers walks up to me, fear of God in his eyes and his M-4 in both hands. The rifle was bent, the magazine was crushed, and the magazine spring was sticking about 2 feet out of the base of the magazine. Somehow his rifle managed to fall out of the cab and under the drum of a dirt compactor.

Needless to say, the nickname of "Crush" stuck.

[bRiT636]

lol working on a ilive runway (EOD) with a excavator and requested confirmation that there were no powerlines/servives at my location. Got my answer and started digging...seconds later all the power on the runways goes down.

Also about to make a controlled explosion at the London docks, called the Flight authority requesting no air traffic, as we were in the flightline.

Initiated the dem, just as a small commuter plane passed overhead lol. Someone got chewed out both times but at least we were covered.