Funny deployment stories

[pancake]

Figured I'd start a thread that is both humorous and therapeutic.

All happened last year in afghanistan:
We were on the cop, after a week of missions. We starting to get some spg-9 rounds fired at us. I was out in the open with my squad leader, next to a tent that just got put up. Hesco's werent even filled up. So we bounded forward to the pisser(tubes and rocks), then to our hooch. Ran up to the tower. I see a buddy still in pt's firing the 240 at some terry's. Soon as it died down I simply asked. hey what you listening to? Linking park. What a badass mix, lol. I turn to my cook and asked, hey we still getting those disgusting ugr's for chow right? Soon after that, I had to run to the other tower to bring 240 and saw ammo. As I'm going out. A round hit the barrier right, while my first sergeant was running toward me. He gets rocked, dust flying and you see him shake his head and screaming whooo!!! I get to the tower. I proceed to play some tunes, my fav at the time was don't stop believing by journey. The fight continues to escalate. There were saws, 240's 50's, pkm's, random 50 cal sniper rifle and a couple of vics that are on qrf to bring the fight to them. At the end of the day we found out we smoked three of them all while listening to journey. love that song! Would my leadership approve of the tunes? Possibly not, but I boosted the morale in that tower. And we f**ked some s**t up. We had zero casualties on our end, overall a damn good day.

[GillaFunk]

I hate the fact that I have only been out of the grunts for 7 years and you are using some lingo I cant understand.

FECK.

Funny story though. Thanks for sharing.

[matticus]

that story made my day, random story i like

the people at our toc were all up type and **** halfway through our tour in 2005, so we used to do pranks daily. one of them was putting a now leasing flag ontop of the toc before the morning briefing with all the highers in sector.

I got my *** reemed, but it was hilarious to me

[chris]

i found this funny but the others guys thought it was disgusting.


as we all know after being in country for a while you notice minor things that change. well something changed it was on the FOB and it was around 4th ID showed up. i used the porta johns by my tent and i as i was leaving the porta john in notice a hole about crotch level and it went through to the other one. and there was some writing on the door now it's been 5 years since then so it's from memory. "be here on saturday night at midnight and wait."
i came back to the tent and told the guys hey there's a glory hole in the porta john. they thought it was disgusting but i thought it was funny.

and another quick story about our barracks in Camp Victory. shortly after we arrived there was the front desk where CQ is to held at. they had a dry erase board and a lost and found section. in it " found lost pink vibrator". i was not surprised but found it very funny. yes i have a sick mind.

[pancake]

Those stories were awesome. We had this female medic, no I'm not sexist if you guys were wondering. But this chick was disgusting. She slept with a lot of men, at least in the double digits. Lets say she was quite popular in the whole brigade. Like really a whole brigade? Actually give her props, she's got skills. Anyways she was transferred to our unit for some reason. She had the most ridiculous outbreak of herpes I've ever seen. Although we are all grown men, we still pointed and laughed. Also many references family, as she was the living female version of quagmire giggity

[Bobby Ricigliano]

We (Army) shared an old airplane hangar with the Navy. There was a divider right down the middle, half ours, half theirs. They had helos and aviation stuff, and our side was just a post office and storage space. The hangar was completely overrun with pigeons and pigeon droppings. The Navy had a contractor with a pressure washer who came in regularly and cleaned their half spotless.

We (E4 and below) had to sweep,scrape, and mop our side by hand and breathe in airified pigeon crap-dust on a regular basis. It is funny now, but it really sucked then.

[thebloodsonthewall]

I got on that is kinda funny. My Brigade just got a new Commander, an 0-6. When we were in Iraq earlier this year, he stopped by my FOB on his way home from Afghanistan. He was with the 75th Ranger Regiment. It was nasty out that day, cold, raining, windy all that good stuff. We had strykers and you stand in the hatches while on mission. Before we started heading back to the FOB, he asked me to take the hatch because it was cold out. He sat down below and fell asleep with his head on my friend's shoulder. So a full bird Ranger Colonel was sleeping on a E-4's shoulder.

[JerryM]

Well, this is 2003 and we are getting ready to go on a mission, staging outside the wire just goofing off. We were very green.

Right as we are about to mount up, we hear this who who who... sound going over head. We all look at each other and shrug our shoulders. But all of the Iraqi kids hanging out with the MPs at the checkpoint jump and take cover (smart kids).

Second mortar round goes overhead (mind you these things were hitting like 100 meters to our rear). Now we get smart and start reacting (more like running around like chickens with their heads cut off), jump in our vehicles and go on mission.

Long story short, we roll the mortar man up the next day (we did not even know it was him. Rolled the guy up for suspected activity, but confessed to an fellow interrogator about his mortaring activities).

Month later, the guys is already released and selling cokes by the side of the road. Pull over, take a picture with they guy trying to kill us. We are family!!!

[roll2li]

Our b/n CO was doing ridealongs into Baghdad from Ramadi. The convoy stops to check out some garbage in the road and before doing their 5's and 25's are hit with secondary IEDs and indirect fire in the rear. Being in the command truck, he tries to turn up the volume on the radio rack but turns it all the way to "Z." Needless to say the convoy commander is cut off in the middle on walking in a Cobra. Everyone makes it out OK though, thanks to BFT.

When I was first in Camp Bastion in '08 the Marines would ask us to build all sorts of random stuff to disguise their convoys e.g. canabilizing two armadillos to make a medical shack (their surgeon was riding in a 20' connex). One time they asked for us to build wooden racks that they could stretch tarps over and hide fuel or water sixcons when they were on a flatbed MTVR. We turned around several real quick for a RCT and when the convoy commander showed up to take them I asked him if he needed one of my operators with a reachlift. He replied no, and the next thing I saw was this:

[roll2li]

Gotta be more stories than this, I'll share another one:

Was working on the Camp Bastion berm expansion project 24-7 so my troops were rotating in and out of the wire to get to the equipment. We had so many people moving, the Brits guarding the gate gave us our own running password, but most guys being delirious quickly forgot it.

One night they stopped an armadillo full of troops coming back in, the cover sentry leans in the back with his flashlight:

"Wot's the password?"

Everybody in the back feel asleep within the 5 minutes they let us soak so the driver (female) shouts back.

"I love sexy British boys 69!"

Needless to say they let us through.

[racky]

mine isn't really a funny story but here's mine. i was at kunsan getting plastered drunk with all my buddies. some random army guy was so drunk that his friends apparently abandoned him because somehow he ended up following/tailgating my friends and i. everytime he'd get into our conversations, he'd constantly drop the "N-bomb." the dude was white. anyways we were walking down an alley with some juicies and the army guy just kept butting in our coversations and dropping N-bombs. i finally had enough and told him to STFU. army guy got pissed and you can always count on the liquid courage to get people to do stupid things.

BAM!!!! i knocked him the F out!!!! right hook to the temple.

my buddies and i ran through the allies laughing our butts off. the juicies that were with us were running scared in the other direction screaming their butts off.

about 30min later, my friends and i are comming out of a bar and to our suprise the army guy was there walking down the stip. we walked right by him, said wassup, and went about our merry way. he didn't even notice it was us that knocked him out!!! maybe he was dazzed or maybe he was so drunk he never knew what even happened. i'll never know. but i laugh about it up to this day.

[NiteQwill]

Mine is shorty but funny at the time...

On some lonely road in Iraq... My buddy is driving and I'm TC, he proceeds to do some quick evasive maneuver to the right, needless to say... his rifle goes out the door (pre-battlelock doors), ran over by our rear tire, and almost another vehicle behind us. Being in Homer Simpson-mode, he proceeds to exit the vehicle to chase after his weapon while the truck is still moving! With me in it! Driverless...

He eventually retrieved his weapon and jumped back in. (Fired perfectly when he needed it, too!)

I nearly died laughing (not from a driverless hmmwv).

[Raider510]

On a convoy in Tal Afar in mid 03, goin about 40 mph in a 1088 with a 5k tanker of JP8 on the back, some Iraqi dude's duck or chicken or something got too far into the road, and in the rear view my TC saw nothin but feathers lol.

[docsmileyface]

I had a buddy who was like Dr Kevorkian to Iraqi animals - he never totally intentionally ran them over, but he scored all kinds of roadkills. The first one was a donkey. Earlier in the day we passed through Qayarrah and they were butchering some sheep and our gunner told our driver not to look because it was so brutal the sight of it would scar our innocent driver for life and the driver got mad and said "I used to work on a ranch and slaughter animals all the time screw you!"

So we're driving along to Kirkuk and the TC has his ipod speakers taped to his mic boom on his headset and we're listening to music.... C & C Music Factory's "Everybody Dance Now" is playing and a group of donkeys starts meandering into the road. The TC says "hey man, watch out, but don't stop for these stupid animals." All of the donkeys start to walk off the road as our Caiman MRAP barrels at them at 50mph, then one at the last second decides to try to cross on the other side of the street. Everyone gets silent as we watch a donkey fly like a helicopter literally forty feet into the air and off the road, almost hitting a bunch of Iraqi kids playing soccer - the only thing heard in our truck besides the THUMP was "badaaadaaa badaaaa daaa daaa daa da!"

[roll2li]

So on the road doing our normal runs the Iraqi kids would know to line up to ask for water bottles/candy etc from the gunners. Unfortunately with one guntruck there was some miscommunication between the gunner and the VC and instead the gunner tossed a piss bottle at a kid. Next day guess what we get (besides the usual ones)?




As my buddy who was the convoy commander said, "That is the smallest middle finger I have ever seen. So adorable it just brings a tear to my eye."