The dumb things we do in the Military thread

[nick]

The following video was taken at AP Hill during a 2 week long exercise. Me and my Gunny were making our rounds to the support units around the camp. We headed for the ASP (Ammo Supply Point) to pick up some 5.56 for our next range exercise. We come to discover that our boys have been rather bold and built up their very own catapault.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zWrAvV5F71o

That's a trebuchet, not a catapult. A much better design, if you ask me, good choice on their part.

[Arondos]

We got our butts chewed by our engineer for it while he was trying not to laugh.

We were sitting in the engine room after 30+ days of being underwater. Somewhere a rocket scientist had decided we needed glow sticks on all of the EAB manifolds even though anybody with a half a brain on a submarine crew can find them with their eyes shut. (An EAB is a gas mask modified with a regulator and hose you can plug into an air supplied manifold so you can breathe in the event of a nasty atmosphere on a submarine).

Well someone got the bright idea of putting the green glowing liquid from the glow sticks in a training radcon bottle and labeling it. (Water from the reactor plant is normally clear and you couldn't tell the difference from tap water)

We waited till the messenger of the watch came back with the night orders. He was some new E-2 with basically no clue. Out ELT (lab tech) came around a corner with the lid off the bottle and spilled it on the messenger.

At this point 3 or 4 of us start shouting Oh my GOD! That's a primary sample! Get your poopy suit (coveralls) off you are potentially contaminated! We stripped him down to his tighty whiteys then put him in a set of anti c's (bright yellow cloth anti contamination clothing) completed with hood, and rubber booties.

We gave him the glowing green bottle, his coveralls sealed in a plastic bag, and told him "You need to go find the Engineer and tell him you were potentially contaminated with this primary sample."

Well the Engineer was watching a movie with the CO. I guess they heard a knock on the door, told the kid to enter, of course the room was dark so they just see this glowing green bottle bobbing as he tries to figure out where the Eng is. He found the Eng and told him "I was potentially contaminated with this primary sample." The Captain told the Eng "Eng go fix your nucs."

The hardest part was trying to look appropriately chastised without laughing.

[coyote43g]

Oh my bad, I guess its a trebuchet or whatever.

Good story guys! Keep em coming.

Our Gunny made us sort out all the ply wood and other types of wood at our make shift motorpool during one of my deployments. We literally spent most of the day making the yard look like a home depot lumber yard. The next day, we got fresh new building supply from the Army and we got told to go ahead and burn all the wood that we had previously organized.... FML

[6114DAVE]

Standing by to stand by to stand by to standby....etc. the stupid hurry up and wait game

[us.marshal]

We got our butts chewed by our engineer for it while he was trying not to laugh.

We were sitting in the engine room after 30+ days of being underwater. Somewhere a rocket scientist had decided we needed glow sticks on all of the EAB manifolds even though anybody with a half a brain on a submarine crew can find them with their eyes shut. (An EAB is a gas mask modified with a regulator and hose you can plug into an air supplied manifold so you can breathe in the event of a nasty atmosphere on a submarine).

Well someone got the bright idea of putting the green glowing liquid from the glow sticks in a training radcon bottle and labeling it. (Water from the reactor plant is normally clear and you couldn't tell the difference from tap water)

We waited till the messenger of the watch came back with the night orders. He was some new E-2 with basically no clue. Out ELT (lab tech) came around a corner with the lid off the bottle and spilled it on the messenger.

At this point 3 or 4 of us start shouting Oh my GOD! That's a primary sample! Get your poopy suit (coveralls) off you are potentially contaminated! We stripped him down to his tighty whiteys then put him in a set of anti c's (bright yellow cloth anti contamination clothing) completed with hood, and rubber booties.

We gave him the glowing green bottle, his coveralls sealed in a plastic bag, and told him "You need to go find the Engineer and tell him you were potentially contaminated with this primary sample."

Well the Engineer was watching a movie with the CO. I guess they heard a knock on the door, told the kid to enter, of course the room was dark so they just see this glowing green bottle bobbing as he tries to figure out where the Eng is. He found the Eng and told him "I was potentially contaminated with this primary sample." The Captain told the Eng "Eng go fix your nucs."

The hardest part was trying to look appropriately chastised without laughing.

That is awesome! Thanks for sharing

[delisle]

Sweeping

The stupidest thing I ever did while on active duty in was sweep water off of the ship, WHILE IT IS STILL RAINING!!!!

[Manic Moran]

We never did have really the best relationship with our gate guards at LSA Anaconda. There were many instances of our deliberately running over their traffic cones or nearly (one actually) ramming the gate, or staging a sit-in protest and blocking the gate. I'd direct the tank's main gun into the clearing barrel to demonstrate my thinking on the matter.

One day, we're coming in, and the lad asks to see my ID.

"You want what?"
"Your ID cards. I have to see your ID cards"
"What the hell fo... Never mind, I know better than to fight Army stupidity. Here's my card"
"And the cards of everyone in the tank"
"You're kidding."
"Well, you could be Iraqi insurgents"
"Where the hell would Iraqis get a hold of a couple of Abrams tanks, people who know how to use them, and, by the way, look as white as I do?"
"I just need the cards"
(On tank intercom) "Lads, send me your ID cards. I know better than to fight Army stupidity..."
(Driver) "Sir, I didn't bring my ID card."
"Figures..." (Hands two more ID cards down) "We're running a three-man crew, gunner's on leave"
(Guard checks IDs for authenticity) "OK, Sir, here you go, thank you"
"Can I ask you a question?"
"Sir?"
"You've got a 7.62mm in that tower, and.50 cals in those two towers over there. I've got a couple of tanks. What would you do if I refused to show you ID and just drove in anyway?"
"Ummm...."
"You do realise how stupid this is, right?"
"Ummm...."

In my most recent trip over, to Afghanistan, we got a request to report "How many children were staying in hotels in our province" Now, I'm sure that someone in State Dept had a valid reason for knowing this. My first question is "How do you want to define 'child'?" Around here, if you can grow a beard or carry a gun, you're not a child any more. The second question is "How do you want to define 'hotel'?" Every village has a guest house by the mosque, for visitors. The third question is "This is the third poorest country in the world, it has no encompassing telecommunications infrastructure, limited government infrastructure, and I don't think we could answer the question in the US, let alone in Afghanistan. What are you guys smoking?"

The request got killed. The event also precipitated a very entertaining letter from one poor, overworked O-3 who had O-6s on the CC list... "The Good Idea Fairy must DIE"

NTM

[Manic Moran]

Some photos I took on a recent trip.

Please note, for example, the 'prohibited items' display on the wall by the checkpoint. Mostly knives.



Or the 'No liquids' sign on the wall here. (I lost a bottle of shampoo I forgot I had in my bag)


Can't take the metal through the metal detector, it'll set it off. So put through the X-ray machine.


We may now fly in total security.


The first photo was taken in Kandahar. I'm getitng on a C-130 to Bagram. I come face to face with the checkpoint, manned by RAF police. I beckon one of them over.

"Erm.. Are you going to send me through that checkpoint?"
"Yes, Sir"
(Looking down at my gear) "Is this going to cause a problem?" (Referencing rifle and sidearm)
"How much ammunition are you carrying, Sir?"
"What does it ma... Hell, about 290 rounds of 5,56mm"
"That's fine, Sir, you can have up to 500 for your rifle.
"!?"
"2,000 5.56mm if you had a belt-fed like a Minimi"
"And 60 rounds for the sidearm"
"You're only authorised 45, Sir"
"What would you have me do with the extra 15?"
"Put it in your checked baggage, Sir" (Checked Baggage means the rucksack which gets put onto the cargo pallets)
"You want me to put the one magazine into the checked baggage, but I can carry three on?"
"Yes, Sir. And that knife (Gesturing to the Gerber case on my web gear) has to go in checked baggage as well" (At that point I took the picture on the basis that people wouldn't believe I had to go through airport security).

So I put the magazine and knife into the rucksack, then divest myself of the webbing (with ammo), armour, rifle and sidearm, put the lot through the X-Ray machine. Then I put my shirt through it as well, since I had my pockets filled. Pass through the metal detector, I beep. I get wanded down. Then I retrieve my gear, put it on, and go onto the airplane.

So when we went through again at the next airport, I was ready for it with the camera.

NTM

[Matt C]

TSA type checkpoint while armed with authorized machine gun and ammo. But can't have the knife. Or 1 extra mag. That may actually take the cake of the most ridiculous thing of all time, military or otherwise.

[PyroFox79]

In Iraq I was told by my Staff Sgt. that if I eat this 2 pound block of velveeta cheese I would have to do chow runs and other stupid jobs for the rest of the deployment. I ate about 95% of it before throwing up and couldn't do the rest. That was the worst experience of my life. I was plugged up for 2 weeks.

[tacticalyankee]

For me, dealing with Counter-Intel MI guys is the highlight of my day. They are all super paranoid and in my opinion not qualified to do anything concerning intelligence. We do our own intel within our unit from CIDNE and open source stuff and civilian stateside provide us with the rest. That said I do deal with them from time to time for Force Protection stuff. They have made a point of telling me every day for the last 4-5 months about this imminient car bomb. For the record, thats a threat every single day. It'd be like warning people in Seattle of potential rain every day from November to April.