I feel like a work in progress

[DysfunctionalVet]

I'm 100% PTSD with SMC-S. Ever since I got home I don't view my life as being the same. I miss excitement and the rush of the combat zone. It's something my wife just doesn't understand.

Lately I've been doing things to get that "rush". You could say my behavior has been reckless but the feeling I get from what I do is amazing! It's not drugs or booze.

The crappy part is my wife is due with our 3rd kid in a week. Honestly I checked out of the marriage probably 2 years ago. I've tried to get her to understand how my life isn't the same as it was before. She likes to think I use PTSD as an excuse to get away with things. I've decided my marraige is done. I want to quit my job and leave everything and disappear. I feel bad for my wife and kids since I'm supposed to be the one to support them but I just can't deal with it anymore.

Am I a dirtbag for realizing I'm not the same person and now I have a different outlook on my life? I try and control my urges but I really need the excitement and feeling of a rush in my life!

[ducky_0811]

Ptsd will effect everyone differently, you are not the only who has been changed. Acknowledging you have changed is a good thing and some of the things you are experiencing are classic signs of true PTSD. what I would advise you to do is, and this is coming from someone who swallowed the pill, is seek help. Call military one source, call the VA if you've left service, let your command know if you're still in. Let your wife know you're having problems being connected to the family and acknowledge that you want to get help.
It takes a special person to voluntarily expose to ourselves to combat, but it takes a MAN to ask for help. Don't let foolish pride and anger dictate your future.

[Bikertrash]

She needs to go to counseling with you in order to understand what it is to live with it. You also have work to do. You can't run from yourself for very long.

[keenkeen]

I'm 100% PTSD with SMC-S. Ever since I got home I don't view my life as being the same. I miss excitement and the rush of the combat zone. It's something my wife just doesn't understand.

Lately I've been doing things to get that "rush". You could say my behavior has been reckless but the feeling I get from what I do is amazing! It's not drugs or booze.

The crappy part is my wife is due with our 3rd kid in a week. Honestly I checked out of the marriage probably 2 years ago. I've tried to get her to understand how my life isn't the same as it was before. She likes to think I use PTSD as an excuse to get away with things. I've decided my marraige is done. I want to quit my job and leave everything and disappear. I feel bad for my wife and kids since I'm supposed to be the one to support them but I just can't deal with it anymore.

Am I a dirtbag for realizing I'm not the same person and now I have a different outlook on my life? I try and control my urges but I really need the excitement and feeling of a rush in my life!

Are you in treatment and following medical advice?

Including taking any prescribed medications?

[CAL.BAR]

PTSD is like any other combat injury. Replace PTSD and with amputated limb and ask the same question. If you think that you get to walk away from your wife and 3 kids b/c of an amputated limb - you have your answer. On the other hand, as rightly pointed out above, if she thinks she got the same man back she sent off to war she needs to face reality as well. She can't expect you to be the same person you were before either. You EACH have to face who you are NOW and learn to live together going forward. If nothing else, than for the sake of the children. You are not living only for yourself now. You wouldn't run out on your unit - so why consider running out on your children.

[emtmark]

Dude you on the edge, seriously.

[NYT]

you are not a dirtbag at all. ptsd affects everyone differently. i would recommend getting touch with a professional, meeting with friends who served and try to find enjoyment in the little things. several of my friends have gotten back from either afghanistan, iraq or both and had similar issues. some have gone into contracting to get that rush or buzz after being in combat. some have started shooting competitively, golfing, surfing, etc.

surfing i hear is an amazing outlet. get out on the water in the morning and return home exhausted in the afternoon.

[SDBlaster]

What you need is a dirt bike, seriously, I think about my Saturday at the mx track all week long. Nothing gets the blood flowing like ripping through a rough track and hitting a boosty double. I surf, ride mtn bikes, kempo, nothing gives me the same feeling as my dirt bike

[Germz]

get help through appropriate venues, but realize that it is YOU who has the illness, not the rest of your family.

Dumping your loved ones because you miss being shot at and kickin in doors doesn't solve either problem. get help to deal with your issues.

[DysfunctionalVet]

Thanks guys. I just needed to vent. I don't have any friends and I don't really get along with my parents. I need to find friends or a group who knows what it is we all go through.

[NATEWA]

Ptsd will effect everyone differently, you are not the only who has been changed. Acknowledging you have changed is a good thing and some of the things you are experiencing are classic signs of true PTSD. what I would advise you to do is, and this is coming from someone who swallowed the pill, is seek help. Call military one source, call the VA if you've left service, let your command know if you're still in. Let your wife know you're having problems being connected to the family and acknowledge that you want to get help.
It takes a special person to voluntarily expose to ourselves to combat, but it takes a MAN to ask for help. Don't let foolish pride and anger dictate your future.

Good advice. I have two friends that are/were LE. They both have shot and killed someone and one saw a dead officer. Both handled it differently. One friend retired after counseling and meds. He had PTSD and anxiety issues. The other is still working.

[philobeddoe]

Thanks guys. I just needed to vent. I don't have any friends and I don't really get along with my parents. I need to find friends or a group who knows what it is we all go through.

You need to consider therapy and a support group,
and not a support group to vent, but one to work with to acquire the tools to
cope with your injury ... so that you can live an enjoyable and fulfilling life.

[71MUSTY]

You do need to man up for the sake of the kids. (SORRY)

What others have said. Plus there are many professions where being an Adrenalin junkie is a plus.

1. Medical help
2. Psychological help
3.Perhaps a career change.

Oh and I love the dirt bike idea.

[BoJackUSMC]

Seek help from VA counseling...

VA have thing called "Combat Veteran PTSD Program." Awesome program for those who been to combat zone and has been through some crazy stuff.

Also, check into Kansas PTSD Treatment Program, VA will send you there for free.

[cbright1]

There is nothing more important that your kids. Sorry, but that's the way I feel. You have kids, you have to set your desires aside until they are grown up.