Help needed from the CalGals: Overblown concerns with co-renting with a co-worker.

[Swagman00]

I thought I'd post this here rather then OT. The higher demograph of the fairer sex will undoubtedly have a more intelligent answer then there.

So...I have a problem. Two weeks ago I received a 30 day notice on my rental that I would be booted out by the end of the month because the property changed hands. With my current income level and the availability of property to move to became an unexpected issue.

A week and a half in, I still can't find somewhere within my price range by myself. As I explained this to a well known co-worker, she mentioned that her roommate would be out by the end of the month. She needed someone to help her split rent where she is and it's still local in the area. After all is said and done, I'd have twice the room and be paying a couple hundred less a month which is great. I informed her of my "sizeable" firearm collection and she is perfectly comfortable with it and actually prefers an armed occupant. I also asked if she would be comfortable with living with a guy and she replied that it wouldn't be a problem at all. We've worked with one another for well over a year. I certainly prefer living with someone I know then a total stranger living near my firearms.

Now here's the part that made start to think: When I first said I needed somewhere to go, her whole attitude went from ornery to bubbly/elated. I dismissed this as her solving her rent issue. Now after that point when I was confronted with her asking me if I decided on moving in, it was all smiles from her that shift. The next day when she came in, she wore her hair down and wear a light dusting of makeup. She was just as happy to see me...again.

I couldn't help but ask about it and she said it was nothing. She planned to go out later that night with a cousin. She still seemed unusually happy around me though.

Now fast forward to last Friday. I've already submitted the tenant application form to her landlord and was talking about it to another co-worker. When I got to the part joking about if her guy friend would be a bit jealous, I find out that moment that she has been divorced about a year. The last guy cheated on her behind her back.

......that last bit caught me off guard.

As for me, I've been single a long while and I can't remember if I've mentioned it at all while at work. By now you guys can imagine where this might be going.

Am I getting nervous over nothing here? Being clueless to women on some things, I can't help but feel I'm judging this the wrong way. At the same token, may very well be right on the clues. As for those of you that simply say "Why don't you just ask her?", I don't want to insult her and lose the rental proposition. I also have to work side by side with this individual, so ending up on the bad side of this could hurt operations on the job.

Ugh, the drama...

[Ladyrr]

Maybe she is just happy that there is a roommate. Period. I know that if I was in her position, I would be happy that I had a room mate I knew, They know their own way around security. I would make a statement that you do like your privacy and that work is work and if you don't talk to her at home it is not personal. You need OFF time as well as she does. Just be nice about it. I am sure it is nothing to worry about. Just make sure you both understand Work vs non work friendship. and nothing should come between you and your professional relationship. Just a quick roommate talk will get everyone on the same page.

[Laythor]

she's happy for whatever reason. don't over think it.

just be a roommate, dont make jealous jokes, etc.

treat her like a guy roommate and you'll be fine.

[Swagman00]

Good points. I trust her just as much as she trusts me. I find it paramount when renting.

Certainly no jokes at all about jealous significant others anymore. I felt like a jerk after learning what happened to her. Poor girl...

[Asphodel]

Well, there are some really obvious.....or at least should be obvious......things to consider.

Everyone has 'pet peeves' which may seem 'unreasonable' or even 'irrational', but are a 'fact of life' for them.........and they can relate to seemingly extremely 'trivial' details. Finding ways to learn about someone's 'pet peeves' carefully and tactfully, before finding out 'the hard way' is a challenge.

Playing music is one such.......some folks really need quiet after the stresses of their work day........other simply can't live without 'background music', and become uncomfortable in a quiet environment......its 'spooky' to them.

Another is the display of personal possessions, such as books or artwork......tastes differ......what makes an environment 'homey' to one person may make it 'cluttered with junk' to another.

Will you be sharing a kitchen and bathroom?

If either, you must arrange very clear delineation of responsibilities and obligations.....before someone becomes 'annoyed'.......its one of most important issues in shared living quarters. Some people have a 'fetish' for 'squeaky clean/spotless/freshly polished, with 'a place for everything, and everything in its place'.

Some folks just care about basic reasonable cleanliness......and some 'really mean to, but don't quite get around to it'.......and some women are every bit as lazy or distracted as some men, in that respect.

If you share quarters with a 'clean freak', you have no choice but to become an equally 'clean freak'......some people are 'obsessive-compulsive' about such things........others aren't.........its your responsibility, as the 'newbie' to adapt to the 'existing regime'.......and do it before 'subtle resentment' may have a chance to evolve.

A shared environment can be comforting and re-assuring, or it can become 'hell on earth', depending on the needs and feelings of the people involved.

In short........are you two sure you can be 'compatible' in your situation? The time to find that out is before you are committed.

cheers

Carla

[DannyInSoCal]

Why do I hear porn music...?!?!?!

[Shackletown]

I agree with the above that she's just happy to solve her rental situation with someone she knows and can trust.

That being said make sure you firmly plant yourself in the friend zone and don't cross it by being flirtatious, especially when drinking if you do.

Also, remember you work with this person, so you've gotta be extra cautious about being a good roommate, because even if things don't go well and you move out, you still work together.

Not saying I think you're that kind of person, but it's good to keep in mind that there are long-term repercussions to think about with this living situation.

Carry on

Sent from my S4

[rkt88edmo]

You can imagine what happens next

He fixes the plumbing?

Just don't unpack everything too quickly right off the bat. If it feels increasingly weird it probably is, bail. If it works out just fine then, great. I wouldn't bring up any suspicions.

[movie zombie]

listen to your inner self which is picking up cues.
make it clear that you appreciate being able to have a compatible roommate but don't want to jeopardize your friendship and/or working relationship. this can be done by simply stating, "I've always been leery of rooming with a friend, especially one I work with. what are the ground rules we're going to have about bringing dates home? also, I value my privacy and wouldn't want things that I do in private being discussed at work."
she may very well be just happy about having a good roommate. however, never hurts to make sure.....and like stated above: stay in the friend zone by being nothing more than a roommate/friend. no touching, no friends with benefits, no nothing.

[Zedrek]

Dude here, you might want to wait a little bit before jumping to conclusions. It could be a combination of things. Play it out slowly so you don't embarrass yourself.

[The Banana]

It could simply be that this woman has been stressing out about money, now she won't need to be so she took the extra few dollars she knows she has to get some new make-up and a new haircut, when stress gets off of my back, I know I feel like a new woman.

It could also could have been a very ugly divorce and knowing she has a man with guns in the house makes her feel at ease.

Dunno. Its a bit early to tell and looks like she is not the one stirring the drama pot.

[Swagman00]

Okay, time for an update.

I found out that she's already had a squeeze for the last six months. That fixes one problem, but another problem developed...

I never said a word about this. Over the last week, other co-workers have asked me if I was really moving in with her. I have to admit my jaw dropped as I heard how fast this has spread like wildfire.

So...once I had a moment I talked to her. In private for a few minutes. Apparently, it started with a few people then moved on towards other shifts from the two or three people she shared it with, and so on, and on, and on...

Good lord, don't people have something to do with their lives?

Than my boss caught word.

That was a tough one to explain.

[Zedrek]

Okay, time for an update.

I found out that she's already had a squeeze for the last six months. That fixes one problem, but another problem developed...

I never said a word about this. Over the last week, other co-workers have asked me if I was really moving in with her. I have to admit my jaw dropped as I heard how fast this has spread like wildfire.

So...once I had a moment I talked to her. In private for a few minutes. Apparently, it started with a few people then moved on towards other shifts from the two or three people she shared it with, and so on, and on, and on...

Good lord, don't people have something to do with their lives?

Than my boss caught word.

That was a tough one to explain.

Meh, I work in a prison and you'd be surprised how quickly gossip travels. I'm not sure how it's any of your boss' business. You shouldn't have to explain anything.

[Ladyrr]

Ok so people at work have potty on their minds. As with any other roommate rental agreement, you have to be able to discuss your concerns, rule etc... Before you give the deposit.

Have a signed agreement, kitchen privileges, meaning food, if she/you buys it, it is not communal property, unless you make something a free for all, like spaghetti. Cookies etc...

Rules regarding bringing home someone who most likely will be spending the night.

Laundry, cleaning schedules, expectations is what you need to discuss. Also since you 2 work together, make a rule that stuff that happens at home does not get brought up at work PERIOD. Keep it professional. Who knows you might like her squeeze and enjoy hanging out with THE BOTH of them.

Open lines of communication. That is what works. If you or she can't say it to each other the deal is off. Make sure you both sign and agree on your house rules. Then everything is perfect.

PS the boss is just curious, either he likes gossip and unfortunately believes gossip, or he is just making sure it does not interfere with work I.e. the both of you are dating and living together would be a red flag for a bosses point of view.

Enjoy your new place who knows you might just live there for 2-10 years.

[movie zombie]

Ladyrr spells it out correctly.

also, shouldn't be that hard to explain to a boss that there is no romantic involvement and therefore no need for his concern about your personal life.

and you might want to have a conversation with your new roomie that you like your personal life to be private and that talking about you in any way shape or form isn't going to make for a good situation.