Need advice: my wife and a very sensitive issue

[jeremiah12]

Got my help.

[mofojoe]

Tell tinkerbell to come out of his room.

[Glock Girl in CA]

I don't know her, but from what you say, your wife is an emasculating female who seems to have a rigid set of rules you must adhere to, regardless of your opinion. She is being outrageously unreasonable. She cannot deny you what the Constitution provides you - a right to bear arms so you can have a chance at life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Be a man and tell her calmly and authoritatively that you will be a law-abiding gun owner and all that comes with it. She's been married to you for 29 years and she isn't going to be so quick to throw it all away, either. She gave you an ultimatum, which rarely works out in the giver's favor. Be a man, make a decision, deliver in a spirit of calm and gentle execution and live with it. Regardless of subject, when my husband does it, I love him for it. I know that he loves me and if he's arrived at a conclusion, he got there by thinking of what's best for our family.

Then go out and buy her "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. It's a game-changer.

GG, married nearly 10 years and loving it

[Roland Deschain]

She will not go to couple's counseling because it is my past issues making me paranoid.

BS (perhaps your "story" as well), nothing paranoid about your "story". She doesn't want to make it work. Nothing you can do to change that...

[jeremiah12]

BS (perhaps your "story" as well), nothing paranoid about your "story". She doesn't want to make it work. Nothing you can do to change that...

First of all, you do not know me. If you think my story is BS, please move along. I have lived a life that 80% cannot fathom because they did not have similar experiences. If I had to prove some of the key points, I can provide access to the local PD agency that handled the investigations and I can take you to the graves. This had been a major family drama in my life up to age 20 with law suites, investigations, etc. Now, I am not here to prove anything. I am way past it. You either believe me or do not. I needed the perspective of some of the ladies, that is all. It is hard for me to walk away from a vow.

[Roland Deschain]

First of all, you do not know me. If you think my story is BS, please move along. I have lived a life that 80% cannot fathom because they did not have similar experiences. If I had to prove some of the key points, I can provide access to the local PD agency that handled the investigations and I can take you to the graves. This had been a major family drama in my life up to age 20 with law suites, investigations, etc. Now, I am not here to prove anything. I am way past it. You either believe me or do not. I needed the perspective of some of the ladies, that is all. It is hard for me to walk away from a vow.

I don't believe it. However that's not the point. As I quoted if she doesn't want to participate in marriage counseling to resolve the issues then it's she that is walking away from your vow... Not sure why you need the perspective of the ladies to come to that conclusion...

[jeremiah12]

I don't know her, but from what you say, your wife is an emasculating female who seems to have a rigid set of rules you must adhere to, regardless of your opinion. She is being outrageously unreasonable. She cannot deny you what the Constitution provides you - a right to bear arms so you can have a chance at life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Be a man and tell her calmly and authoritatively that you will be a law-abiding gun owner and all that comes with it. She's been married to you for 29 years and she isn't going to be so quick to throw it all away, either. She gave you an ultimatum, which rarely works out in the giver's favor. Be a man, make a decision, deliver in a spirit of calm and gentle execution and live with it. Regardless of subject, when my husband does it, I love him for it. I know that he loves me and if he's arrived at a conclusion, he got there by thinking of what's best for our family.

Then go out and buy her "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. It's a game-changer.

GG, married nearly 10 years and loving it

Thank you. This actually helped put things in perspective. Yes my past colors my current thinking and it is hard to separate the 2.

I have made the mistake of trying to talk her too much about it.

I have spent the last hour outside with my son, having a conversation of why I am loading my magazines. I showed him proper handling. I talked to him about some of the very common situations that are easy to avoid just by paying attention to what is happening around you. I answered a few of his questions.

He thinks it is a good idea to do the self-defense training class. He wants to go with me. Monday we are going to the range so I can get him familiar with my Glock. Then, I am going to start taking him to the local gun stores to look things over. I have 2 weeks before I return to work. We will find an indoor range that will let us rent for him to try several different guns. Then I will purchase his first gun. (He already thinks the Glock is cool, something about coming from a solid German line with some Irish mixed in and so I am sure he is genetically pre-disposed to be attracted to German engineering, But there are other fine choices to make that have German roots.)

It turns out my son is more afraid that I realized, and he likes this plan. As his dad I certainly am legally allowed to purchase a handgun for him than transfer it even though he is 19.

BTW, if I had a daughter, I would do the same.

I am a huge fan of Dr. Laura. I know of that book. I will get it and just leave it lying around.

What ever she decides is her choice, but I do have an overwhelming desire of doing whatever to save my loved ones, even if it means I die so they can live. I can no longer live under her fears, but I have to do my best to give this marriage a chance. It may be too late, but I can walk away saying I gave it my best.

I do think that if I just act she will accept it.

Thanks again for giving me some clarity.

I am also going to start my search for a job in Nevada, so I can still be close to my son while he is at school and I can quit living in fear. My son knows and understand why. He accepts it.

[kielbasavw]

German gun = hk

If your wife is not willing to work things out, such as refusing counciling.... then its already too late. It seems she does not have respect for you, and your 30 year relationship. I believe the only thing letting her stick around is she has eveything she wants in place, and the second you take that power away from her, adios.

I really hope that is not the case.... but the problem isn't you, its her. She NEEDS to want it to work, not matter what you do try or say it won't change anything. Sounds like her mind is made up.

[POLICESTATE]

If she's not willing to go to counseling then you either acquiesce or quit. If you choose to acquiesce then I hear prescription antidepressants and stuff like that can help you not be so concerned with life's little curve balls and that could helpwith the marriage. If popping pills to cope is okay with you.

I'd just bring in the ammo and keep stuff in the safe. And I would teach everything to my kids(as I already do) I think they need to know to stay safe.

Your primary duty as a parent is to the safety and security of your kids.

[sd_shooter]

I went through something similar. Wife didn't want guns in the house because she thought our boys would shoot themselves. However at her parents house there are guns stashed in closets. What guns? Loaded? Where? No one will talk about it... it remains a pink elephant.

Anyway, after more discussion I realized that as a man I'm the head of the household. Whatever we do is my responsibility. That's true whether the guns are kept in the attic, in a bank deposit box or in a safe within the house.

I bought a safe and we have peace in the house. The kids haven't shot anyone and they actually don't even care about the guns. (We go shooting together from time to time and they'd rather play PS3 now that they are familiar with real firearms.)

I'd say get a big safe with electronic access like the Bighorn or the First Alert from Costco. Fast access, excellent security for the money. Those little handgun safes are easy to crack open with only a screwdriver.

EDIT:
Forgot to add that I also sent to her a "Women on Target" NRA class where she was able to shoot with other ladies and with female instructors. It was definitely a turning point.

[movie zombie]

.......When we got home, I said I failed again. Lets just say there was a time I had a job that required training for real defensive driving to get away from BG from guns in places 99% of the population will never see. It was a job for a rich uncle. I failed to teach my son some of the basics of what to do and how to prevent getting into such situations before they happen. Situational awareness.

...........BTW, she called the local LE, they do not have time to come and take a report. She took pictures with her cell phone, but they are too busy and it would likely not matter, the car is probably stolen or has stolen plates. We need a picture of the perp, which we do not have.

I said that is it, I am getting the quick access safe and keeping my loaded Glock in it when I am at home. I am teaching our son how to use it and we are going to take self-defense training classes together. I am installing security cameras around the house (she does not like that either because people will think we are spying on them). I am sending my son to a self-defensive driving school. He is not going to visit friends in LA this summer. He can after the training (he has to use my truck, she will not let him use hers and he does not have his own wheels).

I am back to the point I cannot live this way anymore. I now how to stay safe and want my loaded gun available when legal. I want my son to have the same skills I learned. But she is right now thinking it is time to let me go. I love her and I cannot take the thought that she was killed and I did not have a chance to protect her because I did not have the tools I really needed. I also do not want to have my son be an easy target, and today showed me he is. He had no idea what was going on until he was forced off the road and the gun appeared......

re first paragraph: she needs to hear this.
re second paragraph: you are being responsible and reasonable, imo.
re third paragraph: excellent!
re fourth paragraph: she needs to hear this.

however, instead of saying it, write it. just as you wrote it for us.

you've agreed to her terms for 29 years. getting a lockbox and having the means to defend you and yours at hand is reasonable. having it at home unlocked is not.

so, what to do? you and your son go to counseling? have an intervention with her? ask her what part of LE does not have the resources or time to follow up with her complaint makes her think they're going to have the time and resources to help her in a real emergency?

I don't know. if your son is going off to college and she's left home alone, well, you're going to have to live with her making her own decisions to be unprotected. if your son is going to be in the home while going to college you have a legitimate concern that he does not have situational awareness. getting him into training this summer is excellent.

for the record: I do not understand how anyone grows up in and/or around Stockton without developing situational awareness. its where I got my street smarts. perhaps I read your post incorrectly? that you live in an area that is now like Stockton? perhaps chico?

if she refuses to understand that your concerns come from love. that you are not flipping back to your past, well, you can't control her thoughts or her decisions. before you try and change someone else, remember how hard it is to change yourself....... you can either stay in the home and remain a possible defenseless victim or you can stay in the home and be armed, making sure your son is developing survival skills. if she's had it, let her be the one to leave. if she doesn't want to do counseling with you, then let her be the one to leave.

just my rambling thoughts...........