Gun Control Dictionary

[Ech0Sierra]

[Ech0Sierra]

Range – 1. Tract of land which could be better used for a mall, set aside for gun owners to practice their depraved shooting on while also getting drunk and degrading minorities.
2. The distance at which a gun can effectively strike you down at a roadside market while you're buying flowers on Mothers Day.

Registration – A system of making sure that criminals are rendered incapable of using guns by spending very small amounts of money making lists of law abiding, but extremely misguided, citizens who own guns.

Revolver – The gun Dirty Harry used to shoot all those misunderstood victims of society in his movies. Holds up to 50 rounds of Ammunition that can blow up a car. Must be banned.

Rifle – A type of two-handed gun with a long Barrel firing generally more powerful Ammunition than a Handgun, and capable of greater Accuracy when shooting Police officers. Must be banned.

Rifling – 1. The spiral grooves on the inside of a Barrel that spin the Bullet, making it more accurate when shot at your Hybrid SUV outside Starbucks.
2. The process of quickly going through your pockets to steal your valuables that a gun owner will perform after he has killed you in a mall parking lot.

Scope – A magnifying optical sight which allows a shooter to aim at ambulances from much greater distances. Also used to peer into your bathroom window at night.

Self-Defense – A complex procedure for dealing with crime; involving a combination of one or more of the following:
a) cooperating
b) crying
c) talking to a 911 operator for twenty minutes
d) curling up into the fetal position
e) wetting yourself
f) filling out victim impact statements

Semi Automatic – A type of gun which fires one Bullet every time the Trigger is pulled, into your daughter’s violated body. The KKK want everyone to own one.

Shot – 1. The firing or discharge of a gun
2. What your children will end up if you don’t send money to the Bradys right now.
3. Alcoholic drink; the typical gun owner begins his day with at least a dozen.

Shotgun – A gun with no Rifling that fires clouds of multiple deadly projectiles, each of which can independently seek out and hit innocent bystanders.

Sights – The devices that allow a gun to be aimed; often not used as it is well known that spray-firing from the hip is more deadly.

Sniper – 1. One who shoots from concealment, concealment meaning the bushes at the local playground.
2. Anyone owning a Rifle with a Scope.

Sniper Rifle – Any Rifle with a Scope. Or which could be fitted with one. Or which has Rifling.

Sportsman – Anyone participating in any outdoor activity that doesn’t involve a gun.

Statistics - 1. Indisputable facts which prove gun control works.
2. Filthy lies which the NRA uses in a feeble attempt to discredit gun control.

Stock – The handle or support of a Rifle or Shotgun. Not to be confused with Stalk, which is what gun owners do to their innocent victims.

Stockpiling – The illegal Militia-inspired practice of buying more than 20 rounds of Ammunition per month.

Target – Anything a gun owner happens to be aiming at, usually your children as they walk to school.

Target Rifle – Euphemism for Sniper Rifle.

Trigger – The lever which, when carelessly pulled in a drunken stupor, fires the gun.

Trigger Lock – Device which prevents gun crime by being far too complex for stupid gun owners to figure out how to remove.

Violence – Acts of aggressive behaviour intended to cause harm to another; completely negated by waiting periods.

VPC – Violence Policy Center. An organization known for its meticulously researched and subtle position papers on Gun Control issues.

Weapon – While theoretically describing anything that could be used to harm or wound, we will take it to refer only to guns.

Wife Beater – 1. A sleeveless undershirt, usually stained, worn by trailer-dwelling gun owners.
2. Anyone possessing both a) a gun, and b) a wife.
Copyright HellIsForHeroes and totse.com

[timmyb21]

[Patriot]

I don't see 'high-powered' or 'capable of being fired from the hip'

[packnrat]

should have been here today, had a bunch of them around the house.






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