Help! Need some advice

[glockman19]

I need some advice and I'm banned from off-topic.

A neighbor, older lady, (85) with mentally challenged adult child, lost her husband 6-8 months ago. She has been very depressed.

This morning she called asking for a ride to the beach so she could kill her self.
I spoke with her for a min and told her I understand her pain and longing but would not help her harm her self.

Should I call someone? Who?

or

Would I be that neighbor that oversteps?

Once before I involved myself with a neighbor's problems and it turned out bad...I diagnosed my neighbors 2 year old with autism while babysitting. Our relationship that started with BBQ's ended in litigation over cut trees. It's been 18 years since moving and resolute in my actions because the child got the medical attention he needed and I sew on LinkedIn he was a college graduate and doing well.

Thanks in advance for any constructive answers.

[Calico1404]

85? No other family you can get a hold of?

Short of contacting another family member of theirs to simply advise of the current situation I would just stay out of it. At 85 if she has not committed yet then...... this is just my opinion sorry for being cold.

[glockman19]

85? No other family you can get a hold of?

Short of contacting another family member of theirs to simply advise of the current situation I would just stay out of it. At 85 if she has not committed yet then...... this is just my opinion sorry for being cold.

No family...Sister lives in Canada, Manitoba, Calgary I think. She was out after the husband died because of her depression.

[Calico1404]

I would say stand down. Find a resource here perhaps.

https://www.aging.ca.gov/

[huntercf]

Bake her some cookies and go spend some time with her, check on her regularly, she is probably just lonely that her husband is gone and doesn't have anyone to talk to.

Does she go to church? If so you might let them know, they may send people to visit.

[Garv]

Find out what she likes to do and find some local gatherings so she has peers to talk to and hang with.
Sounds like she needs something beyond home.

Bingo, sewing, Chippendales, whatever.

[brian5271]

If she told you she wants to kill herself report it.

[glockman19]

I just stopped by, she is emaciated, 70-80 lbs. apparently not eating. She looks very frail.

A few months ago when her sister was looking in on her she said she had plenty of money and the bills were paid, she says she's broke and can't afford food. I don't believe her.

I'm getting closer to calling someone...Who is the Question? getting Law Enforcement or Social Services may do more harm than good.

[helpfuljack]

I just stopped by, she is emaciated, 70-80 lbs. apparently not eating. She looks very frail.

A few months ago when her sister was looking in on her she said she had plenty of money and the bills were paid, she says she's broke and can't afford food. I don't believe her.

I'm getting closer to calling someone...Who is the Question? getting Law Enforcement or Social Services may do more harm than good.

You're a good person. Call the Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255), or better yet, have her call them. They have resource referrals they can provide, from community counseling, to social services, etc.

I would avoid calling the police unless you feel she's in imminent danger of self-harm, as they typically are not well equipped to deal with mental illness, and she will most likely be 5150d, which is not an optimal outcome (although better than suicide).

She can always go to the emergency room.

You can also call your city/county's mental health department and see if they have an outreach/response team, or see if your city/county has a senior services department that might be able to help her.

Good luck!

[smak28]

You're a good person. Call the Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255), or better yet, have her call them. They have resource referrals they can provide, from community counseling, to social services, etc.

I would avoid calling the police unless you feel she's in imminent danger of self-harm, as they typically are not well equipped to deal with mental illness, and she will most likely be 5150d, which is not an optimal outcome (although better than suicide).

She can always go to the emergency room.

You can also call your city/county's mental health department and see if they have an outreach/response team, or see if your city/county has a senior services department that might be able to help her.

Good luck!

This. Suicide hotline. I'm sure they have people call them for other people.

[sofbak]

Just about every county in CA has an elder/aging persons service department. Here is the one for San Diego as an example:

http://www.sandiegocounty.gov/hhsa/programs/ais/

Also large metro areas have city-based departments that provide services/support to aging residents. Again the San Diego version:

http://www.sandiego.gov/seniorservices/

Find out what your area offers and call them soon.

[glockman19]

I got into touch with another neighbor that doesn't want to get involved but will try to get the sisters number in Canada.

I want to explore every avenue, (Family, friends, neighbors), other than the government before being forced to contact a government agency. all of the options I see at the County level would remove her from her home.

Thanks to Mods for keeping this thread open.

[russ69]

...I would avoid calling the police unless you feel she's in imminent danger of self-harm, as they typically are not well equipped to deal with mental illness,...

I don't know where you live but cops deal with this all the time. They know the resources to call. A leo would only intervene if she was a danger to herself or others.

[003]

As mentioned by Russ, I strongly suggest you call you local Police Department. They are trained to handle this type of situation. They can contact all other appropriate agencies as necessary. As noted above, most if not all counties in California have social service folks designated to deal with seniors. Whether you like it or not, you are involved, whatever you do, do not "blow it off".

An editorial comment. Cops are not the "bad guys" that the Media and the liberal pundit like to portray. They are the appropriate agency to call in this situation.

[Baeleron]

A neighbor, older lady, (85) with mentally challenged adult child, lost her husband 6-8 months ago. She has been very depressed.

I'm going to have to offer the dissenting opinion that you should myob. You certainly should not get involved in assisting her, but other than that, why not just let her decide? How exactly is having her involuntarily thrown into the belly of the state machine going to help her or anyone else? This is not some teenage girl who just got dumped. This is an 85 year old woman who has lived an entire life, probably has no responsibilities remaining, and deserves enough respect to be able to go out with dignity at the time, place, and manner of her own choosing.

Flame away, but that's my opinion. And I hope if it's ever my turn someday that I'll be accorded the same decency.