So glad I'm unarmed here in Paris

[colossians323]

Great to hear

[hunterb]

Just fly the French battleflag - with the fearsome snow eagle, soaring majestically through the clouds against a snow covered Alpine peak!

It's worked SO well for them throughout their history...




A brief history of French military endeavors.

- Gallic Wars
- Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. [Or at this time in history, a Roman]

- Norse invasions, 841-911.
- Lost (French count it a "tie") After having their way with the French for 70 years, the Norse are bribed by a French King named Charles the Simple (really!) who gave them Normandy in return for peace. Normans proceed to become just about the only positive military bonus in France's [favour] for next 500 years.

- Hundred Years War
- Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Sainted.

- Italian Wars
- Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

- Wars of Religion
- France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots

- Thirty Years War
- France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

- War of Revolution
- Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

- The Dutch War
- Tied

- War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War
- Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

- War of the Spanish Succession
- Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

- India, 1673-1813.
- Lost. British were far more charming than French, ended up victors. Therefore the British are well known for their tea, and the French for their whine (er, wine...). Ensures 200 years of bad teeth in England.

- Seven year War 1756-1763
- Lost: after getting hammered by Frederick the Great of Prussia at Rossbach, the French were held off for the remainder of the War by Frederick of Brunswick and a hodge-podge army including some Brits. War also saw France kicked out of Canada (Wolfe at Quebec) and India (Clive at Plassey).

- American Revolution
- In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

- French Revolution
- Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

- The Napoleonic Wars
- Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

- Haiti, 1791-1804.
- Lost. French defeated by rebellion after sacrificing 4,000 Poles to yellow fever. Shows another rule of French warfare; when in doubt, send an ally.

- Barbary Wars, middle ages-1830.
- Lost. Pirates in North Africa continually harass European shipping in Mediterranean. France's solution: pay them to leave us alone. America's solution: kick their asses ("the Shores of Tripoli"). [America's] first overseas victories, won 1801-1815.

- The Franco-Prussian War
- Lost. Germany (yep, the Germans again) first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

- Mexico, 1863-1864.
- Lost. France attempts to take advantage of Mexico's weakness following its thorough thrashing by the U.S. 20 years earlier ("Halls of Montezuma"). Not surprisingly, the only unit to distinguish itself is the French Foreign Legion (consisting of, by definition, non-Frenchmen). Booted out of the country a little over a year after arrival.

- Panama jungles 1881-1890.
- Lost. No one but nature to fight, France still loses; canal is eventually built by the U.S. 1904-1914.

- World War I
- Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States [Entering the war late, no less]. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

- World War II
- Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

- War in Indochina
- Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu

- Algerian Rebellion
- Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

- War on Terrorism
- France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.

The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France collapses?"

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage." - Gen. George S. Patton -

Or, better still, this quote from the Wall Street Journal: "They're there when they need you."

Wow great time to be talking crap about the French. Are you a member of ISIS or just that much of an a-hole?

[SonofWWIIDI]

Glad to hear you're back safely!

[major burnout]

Wow great time to be talking crap about the French. Are you a member of ISIS or just that much of an a-hole?

He forgot a couple dates on that list.

2014- Government of france lets a bunch of possible terrorists come in.

2015- French citizens are killed by a bunch of terrorists.

[slamfire1]

I know how you feel. I was on business travel in 1992 in LA when the Rodney King riots broke out. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1992_Los_Angeles_riots I flew out to LA, through LAX, and therefore did not have any of the firearms I could have used to defend myself, had I been home. With the city bursting into flames around me, seeing plumes of smoke in the air in the daylight, and the 24 hour riot coverage on TV, frankly I was scared. I got the puny tire jack out of the car and carried that on the passenger seat. I was not going to go down nicely, even though, given time and enough attackers, I fully expected to end up like Reginald Denny (see 14min 50 seconds on this Utube video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kzuWr0FYe5Y )

I was able to have my departing airport changed from LAX to John Wayne by calling my travel bureau and holding the phone up next to the television, and let them listen to the announcements that shots were being fired from the ground, at airplanes landing, taxiing, and taking off at LAX!

I was very glad when I got home and wrapped my fingers around a nice M66 S&W. There is something so comforting about a 357 Magnum.

Wish you a safe trip home. Take lots of pictures as this will be something you can talk about. This is the bad example of how not to run a nation and disarm the people.

[American Samurai]

find some Narcos to protect you.

[AJAX22]

Go get a bacon cheeseburger and walk down the Champs de lise

**** terrorists

[Win231]

I read an article this evening about the restaurant attack. Witnesses said after the gunmen were through shooting, they walked "slowly & calmly" to their car. I was thinking, "Yeah...they knew no one could stop them, so why hurry?"

[SonofWWIIDI]

Go get a bacon cheeseburger and walk down the Champs de lise

**** terrorists

You forgot the freedom fries.

[Rosereader]

Just fly the French battleflag - with the fearsome snow eagle, soaring majestically through the clouds against a snow covered Alpine peak!

It's worked SO well for them throughout their history...




A brief history of French military endeavors.

- Gallic Wars
- Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. [Or at this time in history, a Roman]

- Norse invasions, 841-911.
- Lost (French count it a "tie") After having their way with the French for 70 years, the Norse are bribed by a French King named Charles the Simple (really!) who gave them Normandy in return for peace. Normans proceed to become just about the only positive military bonus in France's [favour] for next 500 years.

- Hundred Years War
- Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Sainted.

- Italian Wars
- Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

- Wars of Religion
- France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots

- Thirty Years War
- France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

- War of Revolution
- Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

- The Dutch War
- Tied

- War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War
- Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

- War of the Spanish Succession
- Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

- India, 1673-1813.
- Lost. British were far more charming than French, ended up victors. Therefore the British are well known for their tea, and the French for their whine (er, wine...). Ensures 200 years of bad teeth in England.

- Seven year War 1756-1763
- Lost: after getting hammered by Frederick the Great of Prussia at Rossbach, the French were held off for the remainder of the War by Frederick of Brunswick and a hodge-podge army including some Brits. War also saw France kicked out of Canada (Wolfe at Quebec) and India (Clive at Plassey).

- American Revolution
- In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

- French Revolution
- Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

- The Napoleonic Wars
- Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

- Haiti, 1791-1804.
- Lost. French defeated by rebellion after sacrificing 4,000 Poles to yellow fever. Shows another rule of French warfare; when in doubt, send an ally.

- Barbary Wars, middle ages-1830.
- Lost. Pirates in North Africa continually harass European shipping in Mediterranean. France's solution: pay them to leave us alone. America's solution: kick their asses ("the Shores of Tripoli"). [America's] first overseas victories, won 1801-1815.

- The Franco-Prussian War
- Lost. Germany (yep, the Germans again) first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

- Mexico, 1863-1864.
- Lost. France attempts to take advantage of Mexico's weakness following its thorough thrashing by the U.S. 20 years earlier ("Halls of Montezuma"). Not surprisingly, the only unit to distinguish itself is the French Foreign Legion (consisting of, by definition, non-Frenchmen). Booted out of the country a little over a year after arrival.

- Panama jungles 1881-1890.
- Lost. No one but nature to fight, France still loses; canal is eventually built by the U.S. 1904-1914.

- World War I
- Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States [Entering the war late, no less]. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

- World War II
- Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

- War in Indochina
- Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu

- Algerian Rebellion
- Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

- War on Terrorism
- France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.

The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France collapses?"

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage." - Gen. George S. Patton -

Or, better still, this quote from the Wall Street Journal: "They're there when they need you."

Pfaahahaha this post made me forget what the OP was about. No matter, not a particularly accurate or unbiased assessment, but extremely funny

[Sky_DiveR]

Glad to hear you and your wife made it back safely. You now have a Thanksgiving to be thankful for.