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  #1  
Old 03-03-2019, 1:59 PM
bombadillo bombadillo is offline
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Default Question about marriage, drinking, and battle of wills

So first off being a Christian, have severe back problems, and casually drink, I wanted to ask some questions.

I preface this that way because it leads into other things. So I have severe back problems and have to take sleeping pills to sleep. I will have a scotch in the evenings, and don't overdo it by any stretch. I have had a couple problems in the past where I have not slept, taken an Ambien, and then had a scotch afterward. It's led to me cooking at night, and doing some crazy things. It got to the point where my wife thought I had a problem with drinking, but we went back and forth on the ambien and mixing it with alcohol. I told her that I would NOT drink ANYTHING for the time I am having to take the Ambien to sleep. She wants me to make a LIFELONG commitment to her and God that I will never consume alcohol again. I don't believe that I have any problem with alcohol and have simply stopped drinking for the time being. I'm at near breakpoint in my marriage right now and am just frustrated.

I'm upset that EVERYTHING I say seems to have to get run through about 3 other women and I can't talk directly to my wife without her having to "make sure she's thinking right" all the time. I feel like I married another 3 women in addition to my wife and I'm going a little nutty over it.

THAT SAID, I'm feeling like I'm pinned in a corner and it's my way or the highway as far as drinking is concerned to my wife. I don't tend to do well when I'm feeling trapped or like someone is trying to coerce me to do something I just don't want to do. What are your thoughts (TO THE MEN OF FAITH) regarding what I've stated. I'll answer any other detail questions you may have if need be.

-C
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Old 03-03-2019, 2:06 PM
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Are there children involved ?

oh, and how long have you been married?
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Old 03-03-2019, 2:10 PM
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Ambien can make you do crazy things without adding alcohol.
Talk to your doctor about a substitute?
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Old 03-03-2019, 2:11 PM
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Depends on your relationship. Do you want to make it work? Kids? How long have you been together?

Consider getting a different prescription! Get off the sauce for a while. See if things get better. I kind of doubt she’s at her wits end after it only happening a few times. Be real with yourself!

Have you reached out to brothers at church?

Last edited by 9mmContagion; 03-03-2019 at 2:14 PM..
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Old 03-03-2019, 2:13 PM
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3 kids

14 years

Yes I certainly want to make it work.

Definitely feel backed into a corner
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Old 03-03-2019, 2:14 PM
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Originally Posted by Garv View Post
Ambien can make you do crazy things without adding alcohol.
Talk to your doctor about a substitute?

I've offered to quit indefinitely while I'm taking Ambien but that seems to be not good enough
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Old 03-03-2019, 2:38 PM
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I've offered to quit indefinitely while I'm taking Ambien but that seems to be not good enough
So her objection is not that you act strangely from Ambien, that is OK, but simply because you drink alcohol?

Does your faith forbid alcohol?
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Old 03-03-2019, 2:56 PM
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Sleeping... Get some herbal supplements... I would try hops or catnip to help you sleep. You could also get some fresh cat nip and make a tea with it... You should also step away from all electronics for at least an hour before going to sleep... Maybe do some reading... For me reading the Bible tends to make me feel more relaxed and unwind because I know it is all in Gods hands.

So far as drinking and your wife first off I have no problem with a drink when I want one I have one but, it is very moderate one or two at best.

If your wife has a problem with drinking is it because she is listening to her friends or a pastor or does she feel the Bible tells her this?

As a Christian male you should be the spiritual leader of the family not in a dominate way but, in a way she will be compelled to follow you and not other people...

Now this question might sting a little.... How well do you fulfill this? What things can you do to start doing it better?

Where do you start...
Nothing you say will change her mind....But what you do can. You can start praying for a change and ask God to either change you or her or both of you... I prayed for several years and I listened and learned from God (reading the Bible) to become the man of God I needed to be.

When I thought my marriage was coming to an end I believe the Lord revealed to her she needed to make a change too... Since then our marriage has become better than I could have imagined... So my best suggestion is Pray, Pray and Pray and ask others to pray for both of you too...
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Last edited by tozan; 03-03-2019 at 3:01 PM..
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Old 03-03-2019, 4:19 PM
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Originally Posted by Garv View Post
So her objection is not that you act strangely from Ambien, that is OK, but simply because you drink alcohol?

Does your faith forbid alcohol?
No my religion does not forbid alcohol however if there is a problem it could become a sin issue potentially. I I'm a very moderate Drinker, I don't go overboard and I never get drunk. I have one or at most two glasses of scotch occasionally or a glass of wine here and there. her qualms with me was mixing Ambien with alcohol which was not a good idea. There were issues in the house because of this and I offered to stop drinking indefinitely while I am on the drug Ambien. That answer was not good enough for her, she wanted me to make a lifetime commitment of no drinking.



Quote:
Originally Posted by tozan View Post
Sleeping... Get some herbal supplements... I would try hops or catnip to help you sleep. You could also get some fresh cat nip and make a tea with it... You should also step away from all electronics for at least an hour before going to sleep... Maybe do some reading... For me reading the Bible tends to make me feel more relaxed and unwind because I know it is all in Gods hands.

So far as drinking and your wife first off I have no problem with a drink when I want one I have one but, it is very moderate one or two at best.

If your wife has a problem with drinking is it because she is listening to her friends or a pastor or does she feel the Bible tells her this?

As a Christian male you should be the spiritual leader of the family not in a dominate way but, in a way she will be compelled to follow you and not other people...

Now this question might sting a little.... How well do you fulfill this? What things can you do to start doing it better?

Where do you start...
Nothing you say will change her mind....But what you do can. You can start praying for a change and ask God to either change you or her or both of you... I prayed for several years and I listened and learned from God (reading the Bible) to become the man of God I needed to be.

When I thought my marriage was coming to an end I believe the Lord revealed to her she needed to make a change too... Since then our marriage has become better than I could have imagined... So my best suggestion is Pray, Pray and Pray and ask others to pray for both of you too...

I guess first off I feel that we could always be a better husband than we are. I've been pretty darn angry lately and have not been the best leader in my house according to what scripture says. It's been really frustrating feeling like everything I am doing is not good enough for her, and everything I talk about with her seems to have to be run through other women, friends, pastor and whomever. I told her I didn't want to make a lifelong commitment but I'm willing to stop indefinitely while I'm on this particular drug. I don't want to make a lifelong commitment that I may fail at because ultimately if I just want to go have a beer with friends I want that freedom. her issue now is patterned drinking and having a drink on a nightly basis which I was doing for a while but by no means in excess. The problem arose when I had a drink and then I went and took a sleeping pill. I didn't go to sleep and ended up doubling up on my sleeping meds and when my daughter was crying in the room I went in to go help her and she said I was stumbling around and not able to stand well on my own. This freaked her out and rightly so but like I said my word that I will not drink at all during the time I'm taking Ambien is not good enough she wants a lifelong commitment and I'm just not sure if I'm willing to make that commitment yet.
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Old 03-03-2019, 4:52 PM
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Hope the guns are all locked up.
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Old 03-03-2019, 4:52 PM
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Hope the guns are all locked up.
Why's that?
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Old 03-03-2019, 5:24 PM
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Originally Posted by bombadillo View Post
I guess first off I feel that we could always be a better husband than we are. I've been pretty darn angry lately and have not been the best leader in my house according to what scripture says. It's been really frustrating feeling like everything I am doing is not good enough for her, and everything I talk about with her seems to have to be run through other women, friends, pastor and whomever.
I hope you didn't think I was picking on you... I agree we all have room to grow...



Maybe have a private talk with the pastor yourself. You might want to look for a really good Christian marriage councilor so these things can get resolved between you too. Your wife should not be filtering your marriage through her woman friends because it sounds a lot like gossip and being disrespectful to her husband.
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Old 03-03-2019, 5:25 PM
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You need to read up on the bad effects of Ambiem. While the majority can use it successfully, there are sometimes issues. Mixing with any Alcohol can really mess it up. Read about the chemical itself, not the advertisement from the company. If you can the best resource will be the Physician Desk Reference.
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Old 03-03-2019, 5:34 PM
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So alcohol evil, Drugs Ok? Surprise her, Dump the ambien an start smoking weed.
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Old 03-03-2019, 5:50 PM
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+1 on the weed and stop drinking alcohol and taking ambien
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Old 03-03-2019, 6:06 PM
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Default Question about marriage, drinking, and battle of wills

Ultimatums are not a healthy way to resolve issues. Neither is making a promise that you don’t wish to keep. Obviously separating the medicating from the drinking is a good idea. You and she need to understand each other before a decision can be made. Those decisions can be made together, not one person making the decision for the other. I’m not sure I understand who the 3 people are in your scenario, but this issue is between yourself and your wife and anyone you MUTUALLY agree to consult. Perhaps someone in your church or elsewhere is qualified to give advice professionally?


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Old 03-03-2019, 6:19 PM
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Originally Posted by bombadillo View Post
3 kids

14 years

Yes I certainly want to make it work.

Definitely feel backed into a corner
Iam not GOD but I know someone very very close with almost same situation

4kids 14 years married.

The grand question is it wrong to drink and the short answer no.

But how GOD reveled to me was that if my heart was truly his and his spirit dwelled in me that my love for him would be great and that I would not need to drink not even one beer.

Remember we are the head of household you might be able to stop drinking before getting drunk but what if your kids when grown say dad drank beer so it’s ok for me to drink but they don’t have the will power to stop at 1 or 2 and GOD forbid something happens one day they get drunk.

I said that’s a good enough answer for me I definitely wouldn’t want to be the one to stumble my own kids to a life of sin and misery which is the one to be a drunkard.

The works GOD has allowed me to do and be used by him I would not want anything to be a snare.

I know long rant just remember the devil looks for any opening and it started with one beer for me to get that noose around my neck you might be fine right now but the devil plays the long game and in 5-10 years you can be overcome.

Prayers for you and your family.

1 peter 5:8 be sober minded and vigilant your advasary the devil walks around like a lion seeking whom he can devour.

Key point to verse be sober minded

Last edited by libertyordeath; 03-03-2019 at 6:30 PM.. Reason: Add scripture
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Old 03-03-2019, 7:02 PM
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Drinking while on meds can be ruinous for yourself and your family. Do not do it. You seem to recognize that, so good. I agree with others that maybe a different med is in order. Drinking, moderately, when not on meds is not the end of the world and some people enjoy it. Demanding that you never drink again seems unreasonable, but maybe you really scared the family and they only want the best for you. I would not drink to escape the pain or other problems --it can grab onto you and take you down. Wait until all is under control and be honest about it.
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Old 03-03-2019, 7:02 PM
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Thank you liberty or death. Lots to chew on.
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Old 03-03-2019, 7:05 PM
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Drinking while on meds can be ruinous for yourself and your family. Do not do it. You seem to recognize that, so good. I agree with others that maybe a different med is in order. Drinking, moderately, when not on meds is not the end of the world and some people enjoy it. Demanding that you never drink again seems unreasonable, but maybe you really scared the family and they only want the best for you. I would not drink to escape the pain or other problems --it can grab onto you and take you down. Wait until all is under control and be honest about it.


Certainly trying this. The ultimatum is what is killing me. I feel backed into a corner by 5 people and under duress. I don't feel like I am ALLOWED to have a decision here. We are doing professional counseling this Thursday.
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Old 03-03-2019, 7:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bombadillo View Post
It's led to me cooking at night, and doing some crazy things. It got to the point where my wife thought I had a problem with drinking, but we went back and forth on the ambien and mixing it with alcohol.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bombadillo View Post
Why's that?
You really have to ask?
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Old 03-03-2019, 7:57 PM
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You really have to ask?

I thought you were going a whole different direction. It's not like that. It was always things just keeping myself busy or working in the garage. It's not a problem as I'm no longer drinking. I refuse to allow myself to go there again.
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Old 03-04-2019, 6:13 AM
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Counseling is the right answer. Your drinking isn't the underlying problem. But, as you describe it, the relationship is broken. You're BOTH extremely hurting and the strategies you've each chosen aren't solving anything. A good Christian counselor (I hope, and I hope it's your pastor) can cut away the layers and get to the root sin problems, then move you towards a God-honoring marriage.

I'll be praying for you.

By the way, to be honest, if it bothers you that she has friends she goes to, then why is it OK to come here, share personal stuff, and get out opinions? This is why you need a counselor - a single person you both agree to work with as your only outside counselor.
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Old 03-04-2019, 7:45 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WASR10 View Post
Ultimatums are not a healthy way to resolve issues. Neither is making a promise that you don’t wish to keep. Obviously separating the medicating from the drinking is a good idea. You and she need to understand each other before a decision can be made. Those decisions can be made together, not one person making the decision for the other. I’m not sure I understand who the 3 people are in your scenario, but this issue is between yourself and your wife and anyone you MUTUALLY agree to consult. Perhaps someone in your church or elsewhere is qualified to give advice professionally?


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This. Early in our marriage drinking was a stumbling block for my wife. I agree I was drinking too much. I gave it up for a time. Now I’ll have maybe 1 beer a week and my marriage is better for the change. 34 years now this month.
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Old 03-04-2019, 7:53 AM
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Originally Posted by bombadillo View Post
I'm upset that EVERYTHING I say seems to have to get run through about 3 other women and I can't talk directly to my wife without her having to "make sure she's thinking right" all the time. I feel like I married another 3 women in addition to my wife and I'm going a little nutty over it.
I'm confused by that part. You talk to three other women, she's talking to her GF' about the situation, or your wife has mood swings and it seems like you're taking to a different woman at different times?
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Old 03-04-2019, 8:01 AM
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I’d consider looking to address the sleeping pill usage as well. Ambien isn’t meant for long term usage. Maybe seek some therapy for the back.

Obviously, Bill is correct. You guys need some counseling.
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Old 03-04-2019, 11:11 AM
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I'm confused by that part. You talk to three other women, she's talking to her GF' about the situation, or your wife has mood swings and it seems like you're taking to a different woman at different times?

my apologies, my wife is talking to the pastor's wife, her friend, and her other friend. I feel like I'm having a discussion with three different women who I did not marry. When I talk to my wife I have to figure out Whose advice I am talking to at any given point when she's bouncing things off of three different people I just get frustrated.
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Old 03-04-2019, 11:14 AM
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Counseling is the right answer. Your drinking isn't the underlying problem. But, as you describe it, the relationship is broken. You're BOTH extremely hurting and the strategies you've each chosen aren't solving anything. A good Christian counselor (I hope, and I hope it's your pastor) can cut away the layers and get to the root sin problems, then move you towards a God-honoring marriage.

I'll be praying for you.

By the way, to be honest, if it bothers you that she has friends she goes to, then why is it OK to come here, share personal stuff, and get out opinions? This is why you need a counselor - a single person you both agree to work with as your only outside counselor.
That's a good question and a very good thought regarding going somewhere else like this for counseling if you will. I only come here because I have a good idea what to expect especially in this for him. For the most part it's conservative male married men who are bible-believing Christians. I also come here just some extent to be mostly Anonymous as only a few people on this board actually know me as a real human and not as Bombadillo on Calguns. I actually showed my wife This Thread just a few posts back so it's not like I'm hiding anything from her and she knows I was just checking with other guys would say about the same thing.
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Old 03-04-2019, 2:04 PM
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Don't forget brother once you two are reconciled. Whoever that is accomplished. Remember to forgive your wife for any offence she has done to you. That means bring it not remembrance. I did this for my wife and my family. And this is before I knew the lord.
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Old 03-04-2019, 2:34 PM
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You COULD have a drinking problem AND a wife problem. Neither of which have anything to do with your religion. But you won't know what the problems really are until you talk to a professional like a counselor or therapist or a priest if you so desire. So my advice, obviously there is A problem, it might not be your fault but you need to seek guidance from a professional instead of random dudes on the interwebs.

Im a Christian and was married in the church. I dont really see this as a religious issue at all. Go get marriage or substance abuse counseling.

If you are convinced you dont have any alcohol issues, you have nothing to worry about by going to a substance abuse counselor. If they send you home saying you dont have any alcohol issues, then you can tell your wife you looked into it and there isnt anything for her to be concerned about. Seems like the easiest way to take that argument away from her.
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Old 03-04-2019, 2:54 PM
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Originally Posted by bombadillo View Post
Certainly trying this. The ultimatum is what is killing me. I feel backed into a corner by 5 people and under duress. I don't feel like I am ALLOWED to have a decision here. We are doing professional counseling this Thursday.
good luck with this.

from my perspective, whatever is driving the conflict should be removed if possible.

while i don't see anything wrong with a tip now and then, perhaps you should look closer at your reluctance to give up the bottle, regardless of why you feel resentful at her "ultimatum". maybe you are underestimating your dependence, even if you don't regularly get drunk or "act like an alcoholic".

ambien+booze is a commonly abused combination.

i would like to be able to say your wife is being unreasonable, but i honestly don't know how that would help you here.
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Old 03-04-2019, 2:54 PM
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ditch the ambien and use melatonin instead.

either case though, drinking doesnt help back problems. you might as well take motrin and get an epidural.

if you cant sleep, get some exercise, yoga and swimming is good for people with back pain. i swim mainly as yoga i would need to pay for.
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Old 03-04-2019, 3:11 PM
Ortega1137 Ortega1137 is offline
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Smoke cannabis. It will help you with both of your issues.
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Old 03-04-2019, 5:09 PM
bombadillo bombadillo is offline
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Smoke cannabis. It will help you with both of your issues.
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ditch the ambien and use melatonin instead.

either case though, drinking doesnt help back problems. you might as well take motrin and get an epidural.

if you cant sleep, get some exercise, yoga and swimming is good for people with back pain. i swim mainly as yoga i would need to pay for.


I've had 17 epidurals of various sorts. RFA ablations, piriformis injections, L1/2/3/5 and SI Injections. Facet joint injections, and medial branch blocks.


Don't get me wrong, I was having drinks of scotch simply because I enjoy it. I wasn't intending to mix the two until one night when I just COULDN'T sleep!!


As far as alcohol, I truly feel as though there is no problem and haven't had a drop out of respect for my wife for the last month. My issue is she wants me to make a LIFELONG COMMITMENT to never drink any alcohol again and I believe that it's too much to ask. I just want to go have a beer or scotch with a buddy or what not. I told her I would not have anything to drink at home so long as I was taking the Ambien though have respect for her.
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Old 03-04-2019, 9:29 PM
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I've had 17 epidurals of various sorts. RFA ablations, piriformis injections, L1/2/3/5 and SI Injections. Facet joint injections, and medial branch blocks.





Don't get me wrong, I was having drinks of scotch simply because I enjoy it. I wasn't intending to mix the two until one night when I just COULDN'T sleep!!





As far as alcohol, I truly feel as though there is no problem and haven't had a drop out of respect for my wife for the last month. My issue is she wants me to make a LIFELONG COMMITMENT to never drink any alcohol again and I believe that it's too much to ask. I just want to go have a beer or scotch with a buddy or what not. I told her I would not have anything to drink at home so long as I was taking the Ambien though have respect for her.
I'm sure no one wants to tell you your business. If I were in a similar situation, I would ask myself why my wife thought I drank too much. Personally, I rarely drink, very rarely. My wife says she tries to get me to drink as I loosen up.

If I had to choose between a beer with friends, a glass of scotch to shutdown the day, etc vs my wife, I would choose the wife.

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Old 03-05-2019, 9:53 AM
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So first off being a Christian, have severe back problems, and casually drink, I wanted to ask some questions.

I preface this that way because it leads into other things. So I have severe back problems and have to take sleeping pills to sleep. I will have a scotch in the evenings, and don't overdo it by any stretch. I have had a couple problems in the past where I have not slept, taken an Ambien, and then had a scotch afterward. It's led to me cooking at night, and doing some crazy things. It got to the point where my wife thought I had a problem with drinking, but we went back and forth on the ambien and mixing it with alcohol. I told her that I would NOT drink ANYTHING for the time I am having to take the Ambien to sleep. She wants me to make a LIFELONG commitment to her and God that I will never consume alcohol again. I don't believe that I have any problem with alcohol and have simply stopped drinking for the time being. I'm at near breakpoint in my marriage right now and am just frustrated.

I'm upset that EVERYTHING I say seems to have to get run through about 3 other women and I can't talk directly to my wife without her having to "make sure she's thinking right" all the time. I feel like I married another 3 women in addition to my wife and I'm going a little nutty over it.

THAT SAID, I'm feeling like I'm pinned in a corner and it's my way or the highway as far as drinking is concerned to my wife. I don't tend to do well when I'm feeling trapped or like someone is trying to coerce me to do something I just don't want to do. What are your thoughts (TO THE MEN OF FAITH) regarding what I've stated. I'll answer any other detail questions you may have if need be.

-C
OP, I am sorry to read about your problems and frustrations.
You did a good job of explaining your situation.
So much so I thought that you should be saying all of that to your wife.
Perhaps you have already.

I would recommend discussing with her how you do not like how she blabs your personal issues with her friends since it's none of there business.
Why is she doing this? It seems that women tend to share their personal issues with each other in their normal conversations.

My wife was a cosmetologist (hair dresser) and saw this first hand because she would tell me about all the drama her clients had.

A couple of things that come to mind:
1. For your back, have you tried one of those Inversion Tables that you lay on and basically hang upside down at different angle settings? It is like using Traction.
I use one myself with positive results. They cost around $100 on Amazon. I use an Inova myself.

2. Regarding your sleep issue, like already mentioned, some folks using Melatonin have positive results with helping them sleep.
Marijuana helps you sleep as well. You can get edibles if you do not like smoking it. Perhaps discuss your sleeping issue at the Dispensery and they can guide you to an ultimate product.
Lots of medical issues are now being found, using MJ, to help folks with all sorts of issues without having the "high" effect.

Good health to you OP.
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Old 03-05-2019, 10:39 AM
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Good intentions & good responses notwithstanding, don't seek marriage advice on the internet. Get professional help. A good therapist can work within whatever faith framework you operate in.

If the wife feels frustrated by conversations with you, then it's natural for her to seek the ear of a friend. No harm there & is actually quite healthy. The last thing we all need is to be stuck in our own heads about an interpersonal problem.

Ultimatums suck. Might be good to pry a bit to see why she feels so strongly about it. Is it just on principle? Is it self-righteousness? Or is there more to the story?

If this is the only issue, it's probably a rather simple fix. More often than not, however, our reasons are just the story we tell ourselves to allow us to do whatever we want to do (think Iraq & WMDs -- scant evidence but it was enough to create a rationale for the war our country already wanted to fight after 9/11). If she's looking for a way out, then this may only be her rationale. Good stuff to talk over with the professionals.

Ambien does funky stuff. I recall a local case where a lady was acquitted of vehicular manslaughter because, she claimed, she was "sleep driving" under the influence of Ambien.

Nothing against weed but I would be extra careful about putting anything in writing that could trace itself back to you in any way if you go this route. Our local IA will revoke a CCW if you're caught with it. That could also have some spillover effects on buying/selling or even owning. The political winds are favorable now but they change on a whim.
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Old 03-05-2019, 10:53 AM
bombadillo bombadillo is offline
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for what it's worth as far as the information goes, I am in therapy with a pain management doctor who is the surgeon. I am on a pretty good pain regimen as far as medications go and he is the one who prescribed me the ambien. Ambien isn't inherent Lee bad and I've actually had good success with it in the past the problem for me has been taking him being and then going in having a drink later because I really wanted to sleep and the ambien by itself wasn't working.

As far marijuana goes, I really have no intention of taking marijuana primarily because I'm in Idaho and it's illegal in the state in any way shape or form. They don't even allow him through Interstate transfers here.

this Thursday we have a professional marriage counselor that we are both familiar with and he is going to be doing an initial examination or evaluation whatever it's called in this case to find out what the root problems are and he's going to try to sort through the garbage and find out some main source issues. I'm really hoping that this does help and I'm very curious to hear what he thinks on this ultimatum pertaining to it being a lifelong commitment vs. Just letting my yes be yes and my no be no.
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  #39  
Old 03-05-2019, 11:16 AM
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So first off flush the Ambian. My neighbor mixed Alcohol and Ambian and woke up with kid splattered all over his car.
true story.

Second, Why not stop drinking all together?? If it's not a big deal to you then why make it a big deal in your marriage?

Is a little Scotch more important to you then your children???

If I had to chose between booze and harmony with wife and kids my choice would be easy.

Sorry to be a d**k but you wanted honesty.

Your life is hard enough right now with being disabled without adding to your problems.
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Old 03-05-2019, 1:01 PM
thetruecheese thetruecheese is online now
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So first off flush the Ambian. My neighbor mixed Alcohol and Ambian and woke up with kid splattered all over his car.
true story.

Second, Why not stop drinking all together?? If it's not a big deal to you then why make it a big deal in your marriage?

Is a little Scotch more important to you then your children???

If I had to chose between booze and harmony with wife and kids my choice would be easy.

Sorry to be a d**k but you wanted honesty.

Your life is hard enough right now with being disabled without adding to your problems.



false dichotomy

he can drink and have a wife and kids
hell, maybe he wants to have a drink with his kids someday?

but of course this isn't an option he is being ALLOWED to take

op you are in deep, best of luck
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