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Ladies Forum A place for our female Calgunners to discuss, share and interact without the 'excess attention' sometimes found in online forums.

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  #1  
Old 02-22-2014, 8:27 AM
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Default My wife doesn't like guns

I just had an honest talk with my wife. She's scared of them. I would like to help her get over that. In a best case scenario, I'd hope she would enjoy shooting so that we can do it together.

I have a pistol and a rifle both in .22. I've been inviting her to go to a local indoor range, but so far she has been turning me down. Today I told her I wanted her to give it a try and not to decide she doesn't like them out of fear, but to make that decision, one way or the other, just from knowledge and experience. She didn't answer, but I believe she's giving it some thought.

Any other suggestions for things I can say or do?
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  #2  
Old 02-22-2014, 8:54 AM
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you have to just take her. My wife was the same way for years and I finally got her to go out with me. Now I am in the process of building another AR because she is so in love with it she wants her own to shoot. .22 is always a good starter. No recoil, minimal noise and you can teach/show her that the "evil scary" features mean nothing. good luck. I hope she turns around and gets the bug. I know it has made my life a million times better.
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Old 02-22-2014, 9:19 AM
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Skip the indoor range. Find a quiet outdoor range or even better some way out BLM. New shooters and those that don't care for shooting don't care for the noise and a loud indoor range can be a tense uncomfortable experience.
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Old 02-22-2014, 9:40 AM
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I assume you want a woman's perspective given you've posted here in the Ladies' Forum.

1-you had a good discussion and your wife was honest. but what is she afraid of specifically? or is it a general fear? try and find that out.

2-.22 is a great caliber to start with! and having both a pistol and rifle is great, too. which models? is the pistol a revolver? if so which one? more info on your guns, please.

3-make an exchange play date plan: you spend one entire day doing something she likes that you aren't particularly into. she does the same. stay with me for a minute on this, please.

4-after you find out what her fear of guns is based on get back to us. however, I thinking that handling the guns at home, empty, w/o any pressure to fire them would go a long ways. snap caps for a pistol after she is comfortable handling them. show her how to take apart and put the guns together again. removes "mystery/fear".

5-get a woman friend or someone other than yourself to train her how to shoot. it removes a lot of pressure for her. there are women teaching women courses.

6-introduce her to corneredcat.com

7-indoor range is intimidating even for experienced shooters due to noise, atmosphere, etc. the outdoor range suggestion is better.

8-your pistol may not fit her hand well. and only she will know whether it does if she handles it as well as other .22's. however, handling a gun is different than firing one so until she fires a few different .22's she may not have an idea of what is a good fit for her. just 'cause it is a good fit for you does not mean it is a good fit for her.

9-you want this to be a positive experience for her so the less pressure you exert the better. stop trying too hard. try the "play date" idea and if it works make it a real fun time: take water, soap to clean her hands after firing/handling guns, make sure there are potties and know where they are, tell her you're taking her out to lunch/dinner afterwards to her fav place. again, make it for fun her so she looks forward to it instead of dreading it.

10-find another calgunner in your area and make it a double date at the range.

11-back off entirely. don't pressure her. let her know how much it would mean to you for her to share this with you but let her know you respect how she feels and ask her what you can do to make it easier for her.

12-understand that you may just have to accept the fact that guns aren't for her. you can't make that decision for her. she has to make it. and you need to be ok with that. you also need to let her know that all you're asking is that she give it a chance. but at the end of the day it is HER decision and you're going to need to respect that. there are plenty of guys on calguns that were in your position that over the years found their wife coming to them asking to go to the range and/or saying they wanted to get a gun.
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Old 02-22-2014, 9:54 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by movie zombie View Post
I assume you want a woman's perspective given you've posted here in the Ladies' Forum.
Thank you MZ... I was jussssssssssst fixin' to post and ^^^ BAM...!

That was CLOSE...!!!
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  #6  
Old 02-22-2014, 9:56 AM
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  #7  
Old 02-22-2014, 10:21 AM
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I am married with my wife for 18 years. Before, I met her I already have this thing about firearms just don't have the $$. Relationship came with my wife, the thing about firearms ended up in the back burner because she was not happy about any firearm in the house. Not until recent local news and Sandy Hook 2012, she actually opened the firearm discussion. She did all the talking and reasoning why we need one. Its like just a genie in the bottle. She said I could purchase a firearm...now we have firearmS.

Sometime, time will help. I know we don't have lots of time in CA but I rather have the agreement between the two us before making any decision. Afterall, did I said 18 years...

I know some of you will not agreed with me and that's fine. I just thought to bring some another possible circumstance for you to hear.
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  #8  
Old 02-22-2014, 10:31 AM
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What MZ said.

Take it slow and easy and acclimate her to it. Love is patient, love is kind. It took me 10 years with my wife and now we go on shooting dates regularly and just spent Valentines Day weekend taking a 4 Day Handgun class at Front Sight Nevada. Having sons also helped cause she saw how much fun we were having.

Last edited by acegunnr; 02-22-2014 at 10:33 AM..
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  #9  
Old 02-22-2014, 11:48 AM
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Get her a nice pink color revolver.
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  #10  
Old 02-22-2014, 11:54 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BoJackUSMC View Post
Get her a nice pink color revolver.
That actually worked for me! Got her a pink G19 and she loves it and the attention she gets at the range.

Oh don't forget to accessorize

Last edited by acegunnr; 02-22-2014 at 12:21 PM..
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  #11  
Old 02-22-2014, 11:55 AM
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ah, yes, the color pink will solve everything!!!
not.
I hate pink.
some like it, some don't.
fear of guns has nothing to do with the color of the gun.
if she wants a pink gun, get her a pink gun.
better yet, hopefully, she gets into liking a gun well enough to go buy her own and choose her own color.
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  #12  
Old 02-22-2014, 12:48 PM
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For me and my wife it was a gradual thing. She would get mad when I left anything out (no kids) or cleaned guns in the living room. After a while she stopped caring because she decided I would not change. I would always invite her on my shooting trips and about two years ago she finally said yes. It was a long process but I did not want to force it on her, which would probably chase her away.
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  #13  
Old 02-22-2014, 1:42 PM
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My wife listens to me babble about guns and gun laws all the time.

She wasn't interested in guns herself, but saw getting a safe as a Really Good Idea.

Then, we went up to Vacaville (Centermass, NOT GFOS!) so she could shoot mine, and a couple we rented. After, we had lunch, and we just talked shooting casually on the way home.

One day a couple years ago I said "You need one you like - let's go shopping!" and we did. She found one she liked - not one I would have picked - and bought it. She took the HSC test cold, and missed none.

She got lessons, not from me (but I was there to get the benefit, too).

She will come with me to try out things I may buy or borrow. She'll never be a 'shooter'; she'd rather go to a baseball game.
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  #14  
Old 02-22-2014, 2:06 PM
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I wish I had an answer for you. We are married 41 years. 35 of those years she never touched a gun but was robbed at her job 9 times twice hostile take overs. The last one she was the CEO and got hurt pretty bad. Once she retired she came home one day with a pistol. The next thing I knew she was scheduled for her interview and received her California ccw. I look back at all the times I pleaded and cajoled to no avail.

Good luck on your journey. There are a couple of bad things that happen once she gets involved. The first is you get the chair facing the crowd less than 50
% of the time.

My wife carries in a purse and we all know the purse must match the shoes and the holsters must match the outfit. This is vey expensive when you talk CCW purses from Gun Totten Mammas.

Good luck and I hope you come to a definitive answer to your question I didn't.

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  #15  
Old 02-22-2014, 4:09 PM
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Oh crap, I want that pink Glock now. It will go with my pink handcuff I carry at my work.
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  #16  
Old 02-22-2014, 8:33 PM
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Be patient. My wife wouldn't be in the same room as a gun, she was afraid of them. I never pushed her but suggested she should at least learn how to handle one and unload one in case she ever had too since we have kids around the house. She agreed. She was shaking so bad when I was teaching her but she did it. I had her to it a couple times until she was comfortable. Then one day she's like lets go shooting..Now she has her own gun (Beretta PX4) and shoots it better than me. She misses shooting since she is with child.

It helped to show her that I can't always be here to defend her and my son. The protective mom instinct is very strong. Let her set the pace and be there to support her. Good luck.
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Old 02-23-2014, 6:33 AM
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Thank you everyone for the tips.

I really like the idea of an outdoor range thing, where we could make it a picnic or something. I'm not sure that we can pull it off right away though because of our young kids. (2 1/2 and 3 mos)

I've started to read corneredcat.com... this looks great. I'll definitely share it with my wife this morning.

I think we're still pretty far away from my wife meeting other shooters or instructors. She's a pretty private person. But I think that will help later on after we get passed the first intimidation hump.

Sorry for not answering all comments, bouncing my 3mo old.
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Old 02-23-2014, 10:00 AM
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glad we were able to help you!
and i hope over time it really helps your wife to at least become familiar with a handgun for her own self-defense....and the defense of that 3-month old you're bouncing!
but keeping it slow and simple and respecting her decisions and pacing is the key.
keep us posted, please!
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Old 02-23-2014, 10:40 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 4DMASTR View Post
Skip the indoor range. Find a quiet outdoor range or even better some way out BLM. New shooters and those that don't care for shooting don't care for the noise and a loud indoor range can be a tense uncomfortable experience.
100% agree. I was about to comment and state this, but you already did and more eloquently than I was going to say.

My wife after a year of going to the range is just about to where hearing a 357 Mag or 45 going off doesn't make her jump - but it still really bothers her. Mind you we have a range membership and go sometimes weekly, but at a minimum once every 3 weeks. She wears ear plugs and ear muffs (which I'd recommend you have your wife do if you go to a range).

My wife loves going to BLM. No one else around, no pressure, I just unload the gear on a table and she can shoot as much or little as she wants. She just chills in her Costco folding chair and sips her soda and snacks (we usually grab Subway on the way out of town).

.22 is a great caliber to introduce her to. Just thinking off the top of my head: I would recommend starting with the rifle. From some reason I think this is going to be less intimidating, because you don't have the pistol out in front of you. You just put it to your cheek and pull, and the recoil is so minimal in .22.

I would also work on her finding her own psychological motivation as to why she should learn how to defend herself with a gun. This recent story near me is a perfect example of why we should have handguns at ready access in our homes:
http://www.kcra.com/news/ceres-woman...glass/24565458

Would she, or could she, defend herself with a shard of glass in a physical confrontation, or would she rather be able to retreat to your bedroom, lock the door, and grab a gun? My wife uses these news stories to motivate her. She goes to the range and makes herself shoot higher calibers than she likes (she only likes .22) and visualizes the targets as the bad guy(s) trying to harm her children. She knows .22 isn't enough to stop them - she's an ok shot at the range, but in panic, real life, I'm thinking she may get 2-3 rounds into the attacker when dumping the magazine, and that isn't going to stop with .22.

Last edited by Jason95357; 02-23-2014 at 10:45 AM..
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Old 02-23-2014, 10:53 PM
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Another idea that hasn't been mentioned yet. Have her attend a Women On Target Instructional Shooting Clinic. We hold them monthly at Burro Canyon in Azusa. The class is for women only and is taught by certified NRA Instructors. We teach the ladies, safe handling, storage and basic pistol or rifle marksmanship depending on the class. We've been running these clinics since May of 2013 and every lady that has come thru our clinics has walked away with a better knowledge of how to safely handle a firearm.

Have her bring a friend along. I've had groups as many as six come together.

You can view our 2014 schedule here, http://www.calguns.net/calgunforum/s...d.php?t=873814

Some of our past clinics to give you an idea.

Jan 2014 Pistol clinic - http://www.calguns.net/calgunforum/s...d.php?t=879304

December 2013 Rifle Clinic - http://www.calguns.net/calgunforum/s...d.php?t=863426
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Old 02-24-2014, 9:01 AM
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I had my wife take a HSC and to my luck the class was taught by a women.I think that really helped her feel relaxed. Especially when the instructor told a 6' + 220+ guy that because he was late that he couldn't attend and he would lose his 45.00.My wife leans over to me and said "She didn't even blink! I like her"But I thought that all was lost when the second round she fired the brass got stuck between he safety glassed and her face!She keep the muzzle downrange, but the gun down, cussed and went back to shooting.Now she is no Shooter but she understands the need and purpose of firearms and will go with me if I ask her to but she prefers to go shopping

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Old 02-24-2014, 9:52 AM
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Send her to an NRA "Women on Target" class. It will be tailored for women and (likely) taught by women. Make sure the class is run outdoors, anything at an indoor range is likely to make a poor first impression.

My wife used to be scared ****less when talks of guns came up, but after the class she mellowed. She's taken several more classes with me since then and her confidence has increased each time.
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Old 02-24-2014, 5:17 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BoJackUSMC View Post
Get her a nice pink color revolver.



(How big a razzberry am I allowed to do here? Can't be big enough.)
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Old 02-24-2014, 5:32 PM
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Take her to a Women on Target class. This is the exact reason I think the program is worth volunteering my time for.
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Old 02-25-2014, 11:51 AM
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I can not post in a mature fashion so I will not be posting in the Ladies Forum anymore.

Last edited by Kestryll; 02-25-2014 at 1:14 PM..
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Old 02-25-2014, 1:12 PM
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Since the Head Janitor has acted, the details here are no longer needed.

But I'll leave the post as a reminder that the Report Post button gets appropriate action ...


ETA - Sorry, MZ - didn't mean to inadvertently cast aspersions. Deleted because it quoted the offending remark, which itself was deleted by Mr K.

// Librarian
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Last edited by Librarian; 02-25-2014 at 4:55 PM..
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Old 02-25-2014, 4:17 PM
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glad to know that my hitting the report button was taken seriously, Librarian.

I understand the removal of the quote of what BigPimp wrote but now I'm getting PM's from people thinking I was reported....perhaps because not only was the quote removed but what I wrote as well......
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Old 02-25-2014, 4:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by movie zombie View Post
glad to know that my hitting the report button was taken seriously, Librarian.

I understand the removal of the quote of what BigPimp wrote but now I'm getting PM's from people thinking I was reported....perhaps because not only was the quote removed but what I wrote as well......
Come on, admit it. You were hitting the Blanton's early and hard today and decided to speak your mind. Right?
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Old 02-25-2014, 5:07 PM
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LOL, I think I'm actually more careful posting when I have had a nip or two......and for the record, I finally finished the Blanton's some weeks ago.......not my fav bourbon despite it being more expensive than Knob Creek or Bulleit!

Thanks to Mr K, Librarian, and all the mods for not letting this forum become another OT!
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Old 02-25-2014, 5:37 PM
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Originally Posted by aacx22 View Post
I just had an honest talk with my wife. She's scared of them. I would like to help her get over that. In a best case scenario, I'd hope she would enjoy shooting so that we can do it together.

I have a pistol and a rifle both in .22. I've been inviting her to go to a local indoor range, but so far she has been turning me down. Today I told her I wanted her to give it a try and not to decide she doesn't like them out of fear, but to make that decision, one way or the other, just from knowledge and experience. She didn't answer, but I believe she's giving it some thought.

Any other suggestions for things I can say or do?
Sorry, male posting here and offering my .02.

Have her watch that video of the stay at home mom getting pummeled and dragged around while her toddler watches from the crib. All caught on nanny-cam. I told my wife that all the rage and motherly instinct that women can have will be nothing against a violent 200lb parolee who picked your door to kick in.

Even though my wife served in the military, she has virtually no interest guns, preferring purses, clothes, and shoes. I resolved the situation by telling here I don't care if she likes guns. I just insisted that she gain proficiency with a weapon just for self defense if not recreational.

Of course I wish she had more interest. But. I have got her trained up on quickly opening the safe, grabbing the 870 which is right in front, racking a round, and defending our home. A few times a year of live fire and intermittent informal training with snap caps is all I can expect, but she saw the light that they are tools that can make all the difference in the world, whether she "likes guns" or not.
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Old 02-25-2014, 6:05 PM
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LOL, I think I'm actually more careful posting when I have had a nip or two......and for the record, I finally finished the Blanton's some weeks ago.......not my fav bourbon despite it being more expensive than Knob Creek or Bulleit!

Thanks to Mr K, Librarian, and all the mods for not letting this forum become another OT!
I've got about 2 shots (one good swig) left in a bottle of Buffalo Trace that I bought a while back. Have you ever tried it? It's not bad but, it sure isn't Wild Turkey SINGLE BARREL (my favorite).
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Old 02-25-2014, 6:21 PM
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Hey! What did I miss??? Oh yeah...glad to see we ladies aren't afraid to talk about Bourbon.
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Old 02-25-2014, 6:25 PM
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Lots of good advice in here. What worked for mine was making her learn how to unload to show that there is no round in the chamber on every weapon I have. She still isn't huge on going shooting with me since it isn't her hobby but, not that she'll admit to it, she has a little bit of comfort in knowing how to check and clear everything that could possibly be found in our house.

Also explain to her that guns don't go off by themselves. They're machines, just like cars. Cars don't drive themselves (yet) around the block and as long as they are properly maintained, they are no more harmful than the person holding it.
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Old 02-25-2014, 6:29 PM
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LOL, Pally: not afraid to hit the report button AND not afraid to talk bourbon but I fear we've thread jacked the OP's topic....so i'll start a LF bourbon thread!
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Old 02-25-2014, 6:46 PM
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Oops...sorry about that!
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Old 02-25-2014, 7:02 PM
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hey, several of us did it...me included.....sigh. so easy for a conversation to take a turn!
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"Her hands, her comfort, her confidence, her choice.", Mr K re buying a gun for a woman.

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"The theory that a woman found dead in an alley, raped and strangled with her own pantyhose, is somehow morally superior to a woman explaining to police how her attacker got that fatal bullet wound."-- as seen on a t-shirt
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Old 02-25-2014, 7:10 PM
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I'm in Lake Balboa - Mine will take yours to Angeles for review. My experience has been a neutral 3rd party is best, the more the husband tries, the worse it is?
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Old 02-25-2014, 7:19 PM
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glad to know that my hitting the report button was taken seriously, Librarian.

I understand the removal of the quote of what BigPimp wrote but now I'm getting PM's from people thinking I was reported....perhaps because not only was the quote removed but what I wrote as well......
Nice job MZ... I'm not posting here, so you don't really see this but since this thread is on my 'Posts By ZirconJohn' feed... I watched the whole thing this morning and into the day.

Nice job MZ... very-very nice I am proud to have you as a CGN friend
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Old 02-25-2014, 7:26 PM
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My wife was terrified of guns - I finally got her to go to the range one day (indoor range). As soon as we walk in, there is a guy firing a .357 - he squeezes of a round before we get to the booth and she starts crying! I got her to calm down, and not jump every time someone fired. I had her shoot my 9mm and she did OK, still was not happy or comfortable. A few weeks ago, I convinced her to go to one of the "Women On Target" events. i explained to her that it would be all women in the class, except the instructors, and she reluctantly went. She came home, and was excited to tell me about her day, and how well she did.

She is much more comfortable around guns now, and has even mentioned getting her own handgun, and wanting to go to a Women On Target rifle event as well!

Long story short, it just takes patience, and possibly even someone other than you to teach her a bit. If you know any police officers who would go to the range with you guys and teach her some stuff, that might be good as well.
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Old 02-25-2014, 7:30 PM
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appreciate the support, ZJ!

lots of good info supporting the article coming from a lot of the men of calguns that perhaps will keep the OP from learning lessons the hard way. I think he appreciates all the advice.
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"Her hands, her comfort, her confidence, her choice.", Mr K re buying a gun for a woman.

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