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Ladies Forum A place for our female Calgunners to discuss, share and interact without the 'excess attention' sometimes found in online forums.

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  #1  
Old 08-19-2013, 10:43 AM
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Default I would like your perspective - my wife is uncomfortable with me owning more than one

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I would like your perspective - my wife is uncomfortable with me owning more than one gun.

Forgive me for not using the Search function to look for similar threads...

I've plinked all my life with others' guns. I've always been a steady shot and always enjoyed it. I did not become a firearms owner until about 5 years ago because for many years before that I was not ready to assume the responsibility.

Before I purchased my first firearms (plural), I consulted an LE acquaintance for his opinion. His suggestions based on my requirements formed the foundation of my now-9-gun collection.

When I started acquiring and target shooting my own gear, my wife said that she had assumed I'd buy only one gun, say, for camping and home defense. She was comfortable with that, but five years on, now that I own two pistols, two rifles, three pump shotguns and two single-shot break-action shotguns, this morning she acted visibly freaked and said, "I can't tell my friends! how many guns you own..." implying that they would think me a whackjob.

I have my collection locked in a safe. The one or two pieces I may keep in the house get locked when I leave. I train at least twice monthly at the range. I am serious about gun safety, and the safety of my wife and our home.

My wife and I should talk about this, but I don't know where to begin! I have yet to take her to the range because I have not wanted to push the issue. She may never want to go. In that case, I hope that when we're camped in an area where firearms are not prohibited and where there is a safe place to target shoot, that she might enjoy hitting her first aluminum can, her first paper target with the Remington Model 63 I purchased for her.

Thanks for reading this, ladies of calguns. I sincerely appreciate any and all opinions and experience on the matter. I did read savannah's excellent reply to SilverTauron's post here, but I'd like to hear more.
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Old 08-19-2013, 11:06 AM
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So what's her objection? I haven't heard yet what it is that she finds objectionable about your "collection".

"I can't tell my friends!"

GOOD! There's no reason her friends need to know what you own, or how many.

Just how involved in the shooting sports have you gotten her? Target shooting, skeet shooting, pistol, rifle... ??? I'm guessing you're going to come back and say "none". Well there you go. Ignorance breeds fear, and fear breeds contempt. You address contempt and fear through knowledge (education) and exposure.

Have her take a basic class of some kind. NO, not one that you teach her! It must be a basic NRA class or equivalent taught by someone who is NOT YOU. Make that a condition on there being any further discussion on the subject. At least then you are going to be using the same terms, and not arguing over basic facts - those will already be settled hash.

If she's unwilling... well, two can be unwilling, can't they. I do love my wife, and I do take her feelings into account... but I won't be dictated to in my own home. That's not macho BS... she has her lines in the sand and I have mine. Because we love each other we do respect those lines, even if we have both been known to "boundary push" on occasion. Some of your boundaries should be worth the push-back. If you let those boundaries that are important get trampled... then how can either of you respect you?

If she has some reasons or some feelings, you can listen to them without having to agree with them. Sometimes people just need a hearing. Let her get it all out, if that's what she needs to do. Maybe vocalizing those concerns will make her realize just how ridiculous they sound. Insist on her going to a class - one that involves classroom learning as well as live fire training.

This might be the step that makes or breaks both your marriage and your shooting hobby. Just do it.
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  #3  
Old 08-19-2013, 11:31 AM
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Compromise- if she can live with one purse or pair of shoes, you can live with just one gun.
So many people fail to understand that one gun doesnt cover all needs. My dad can't see why anyone needs anything more than one .22 rifle, yet I point out to him that he probably owns 20 different varieties of saws and at least 10 different electric drills.
Different tasks require a different tool.
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Old 08-19-2013, 11:38 AM
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The class is a good idea.

I had my wife take an NRA "Women on Target" class that was taught by women. It took place at an outdoor range (much less noise) and featured a variety of guns. She did pretty well and now knows that guns won't just "go off" by themselves and without ammo they are hunks of metal.

She's still not a gun fanatic like me, but at least guns are no longer a big issue between us.
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  #5  
Old 08-19-2013, 11:41 AM
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Search for home invasion on liveleak . Com and show her why you need more than one.
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  #6  
Old 08-19-2013, 12:07 PM
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Quote:
jeffyhog

Different tasks require a different tool.
Indeed. Which is precisely why I own more than one firearm. Thanks for your post.




Quote:
bruss01

So what's her objection? I haven't heard yet what it is that she finds objectionable about your "collection".

Outstanding! point, sir, and this question will be part of our discussion later.




Quote:
"I can't tell my friends!"

GOOD! There's no reason her friends need to know what you own, or how many.
I agree... but the reason for my post in this particular subforum was to gain womens' perspectives.




Quote:
Just how involved in the shooting sports have you gotten her? Target shooting, skeet shooting, pistol, rifle... ??? I'm guessing you're going to come back and say "none". Well there you go. Ignorance breeds fear, and fear breeds contempt. You address contempt and fear through knowledge (education) and exposure.
I don't see a need for three question marks, my good man. If you had read my post thoroughly you'd discover that I have taken an approach that doesn't "push" the issue to see if she'd like shooting instruction. I see now that some education in these matters is necessary... and it's the reason for my question posted here in this subforum.




Quote:
she has her lines in the sand and I have mine. Because we love each other we do respect those lines, even if we have both been known to "boundary push" on occasion. Some of your boundaries should be worth the push-back. If you let those boundaries that are important get trampled... then how can either of you respect you?
So far in our marriage and in our relationship long before, we have always agreed with each other about our personal boundaries and having respect enough for one another not to push each other's buttons.

This is a new issue (to me, anyway! d'oh!), and one I'd like to discuss with my wife an an appropriate time, soon. I appreciate your input, but your delivery is a bit strong.



Quote:
If she has some reasons or some feelings, you can listen to them without having to agree with them. Sometimes people just need a hearing. Let her get it all out, if that's what she needs to do. Maybe vocalizing those concerns will make her realize just how ridiculous they sound. Insist on her going to a class - one that involves classroom learning as well as live fire training.
Of course people need a good listening to. And I agree that sometimes in a husband/wife scenario, it can be better to have a third party be the instructor. That person will be a professional. Meanwhile, when the topic has come up in the past, I quietly and briefly relay safe gun handling fundamentals.




Quote:
This might be the step that makes or breaks both your marriage and your shooting hobby. Just do it.
Really? That is what you take away from my first post? For one thing, I will always shoot, God willing. Secondly, this is not a marriage-breaking deal. She and I have come too far for that. Now, I don't hold a crystal ball, but... she is not a complete hoplophobe and I wish only to put her at ease... which is why I've opted to post here in the calguns Ladies forum rather than in a general gun discussion area.

Again, you make several good points but you've also stated the obvious in others. Regardless, I thank you for your contribution.




Quote:
sd_shooter

The class is a good idea.

I had my wife take an NRA "Women on Target" class that was taught by women. It took place at an outdoor range...
Excellent. My first thought was when the opportunity presented itself, I'd choose to take her to an outdoor range, because it is indeed a far more pleasant environment. Angeles, in fact; the shooting benches are shaded and there's usually a nice breeze. Thanks for your reply.



Quote:
L4D

Search for home invasion on liveleak...
In due time. Right now I wish to reduce her anxiety, not heighten it. lol.

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Last edited by 200Apples; 08-19-2013 at 12:09 PM..
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  #7  
Old 08-19-2013, 12:07 PM
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Things to ask wife:

1. Why is this a problem or a concern for you?
2. Why would you ever feel the need or desire to tell anyone about
my personal belongings?
3. Are you afraid of guns?
4. Will you come to the range and learn a little bit about shooting and see
if you like shooting?
...if the answers to the above are not satisfactory or helpful...
5. When would you like to file dissolution papers at the local county courthouse?

I'm not kidding about #5. There are some things worth compromise and some things not worth compromise.
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  #8  
Old 08-19-2013, 12:36 PM
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Get a new wife.
No really get a new wife she sounds like one of the bleeding heart liberals that really wants you to get rid of the gun you have, but wont say it.
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  #9  
Old 08-19-2013, 1:07 PM
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Why does she have to tell her friends?? Smh I never want to get married eff that
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  #10  
Old 08-19-2013, 1:20 PM
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My good fellow, it was not my intention to "come on strong" as we sometimes say in the vernacular, it was merely my wish to convey some helpful advice. Now please allow me to set down my teacup and retract my pinky finger...

Dude, sorry if my directness seemed brash to you. Regardless of my marksmanship on the range, I'm a straight shooter when it comes to offering advice. For what it's worth, I came to this post via the "new posts" link and did not notice it was posted in the ladies forum or I probably would have held my tongue.

The class is a good idea and I'm glad you're considering it.

RE: boundary pushing - I've always felt that most people, like the humble turtle, make progress only when sticking their neck out. The saying goes, if you're not outside your comfort zone, you're not learning anything. My wife and I are both hard-headed, stubborn, opinionated and set in our ways. Neither of us is a dainty flower who would wilt under a coarse word or a stern gaze. It sometimes takes a combination of pry bars, big hammers and the judicious administration of high explosives to get one of us to budge from our positions. And we do - persistently, lovingly and sometimes LOUDLY - whatever it takes to get our point across. Sometimes that leads to a Mexican standoff, and sometimes it leads to one of us (eventually) having a change of heart or just plain learning to live with something. If your marriage is one where a strong word or a hurt feeling would be a major trauma... well, I've been down the road of relationships to know that whatever doesn't kill me only makes me stronger. We can endure a lot of abuse as long as there is trust and respect.

What I meant about make/break for both the hobby and the relationship is just this... sometimes, people you care about will stand up to you just to see what's there... if there's something passionate in you that you will stand up for, even if it is simply "I want to do this". Many times they can still disagree with you but respect you for "sticking to your guns". A marriage can survive disagreement... boy howdy have I seen mine go through a lot of them! I have yet to see one worth having that could stand up to loss of respect. That was all I intended to convey. Not that her questioning the number of guns you own means the marriage is "on the rocks". And that actually taking a hard line about this, if it is something truly important to you, could actually be a relationship builder if she disagrees but still understands how you feel and respects your position. If I crumbled and gave in every time my wife expressed displeasure with something I've done, plan to do, or plan to continue doing, I believe it would lead in short order to life and a relationship that neither of us could live with.
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Old 08-19-2013, 1:29 PM
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It's just ignorance on your wife's part. Once she understands how firearms function and that it's perfectly normal to own a couple hundred different models, she'll get over her concerns. I'd imagine everything she knows about firearms she learned from Hollywood and the Media; she needs to gain some firsthand knowledge and hands-on experience and then she'll be fine.

Really, you need to talk to her about the blabbermouth thing; her friends/co-workers/hair stylist/etc. don't need to know what you own, period, be it guns or jewellery or stacks of gold.
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Old 08-19-2013, 2:41 PM
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IMO your firearms shouldn't be part of a discussion with her friends. That's a good thing.

I would get to the bottom of what she really feels. It sounds like it's a "what would the neighbors think!" reaction.

It does sound like an ignorance thing. She most likely doesn't know what you do with the firearms at the range either. That may sound silly, but she prolly doesn't realize that you don't take a pistol skeet shooting or a shotgun to do 200 meter precision shooting. She prolly doesn't even realize that there's different things to do at a range. It really is the same as a golfer that has multiple clubs to hit the same ball or a mechanic that has multiple tools.

I'd actively try to get her interested in your hobbies without being pushy or overbearing. Especially if you have shooting buddies that are female or that have wives/gfs that are into shooting. That would be a great way to get her to talk to other gun owning/shooting women.
NOTE: do not take her out with another wife/gf that feels the same way about guns or they'll just sit behind you guys flinching together every time a shot is fired and commiserate with each other about how crazy you guys are.

Assuming it's your money that you are spending on your collection, then I would assume she has her own money she's spending shopping for her hobby (whether it be clothes or cosmetics or whatever). So you can try to also relate to her like that.

It's a tough position to be in for sure. And your best bet is to get her involved with your hobbies. That may be easier said than done. But if she won't take a class (sounds like she's benefit most from a ladies only class), then trying to get her involved casually would be a great starting point.

Hope that helps and best of luck!
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Old 08-19-2013, 4:02 PM
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She is not familiar or knowledgeable about guns - that's why it bothers her. And she may be concerned about safety, or the cost, or numerous other things. You might want to sit down and ask her why it bothers her, and get to the root of it. If she's afraid, have her take a course in safety. You can stress how important it is that she know how to safely handle it (not necessarily shoot it) in case she has to.

Then try to explain why you have more than one. The comparison to tools is spot on - another good one is golf clubs or pots/pans. Try to explain to her that the different guns are for different purposes. Just like you need more than one cook-pot, or kitchen appliance. And there is the collector aspect of it as well. Does she collect something? If so, kindly compare to that.

Women on target is an outstanding way for her to learn more with absolutely no pressure, and with other women. The course helps you to understand that it is not something to be afraid of - but rather something to take control of. Very empowering.
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Old 08-19-2013, 8:40 PM
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You know in other states it'd be strange if you had less than 4 guns. California is just has a few people who say more than 2 guns is stockpiling and can only be for the purpose of mass murder. If your wives friends are that shallow and misinformed maybe they don't need to know you have guns at all. Or maybe it's your wife that is shallow and misinformed. Get a copy of control by Glenn Beck. Read it and then give it to her.

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Old 08-19-2013, 8:51 PM
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Get a new wife? Serve her divorce papers? Is this the Ladies Forum or did it turn into OT when I wasn't looking? So many responses to the OP and yet how many are actually from women?
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Old 08-19-2013, 9:59 PM
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My post _is_ a woman's post, based upon my own experience.

More broadly, (npi) I think 200Apples needs to sit down with his wife and have The Talk about firearms, because if he _thinks_ he's done at nine, they're both in for some surprises.
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Old 08-19-2013, 10:06 PM
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Tell your wife she has no business telling her friends how many guns you own, and for that matter it's probably best not to talk about all the other nice and expensive things you guys own.

What is she really afraid of however? That you're going to go all crazy and take your guns and shoot some place up? If she thinks that then she must not know you very well (or maybe she does, I don't know one way or the other).

Need to find out what her real problem is, the cost of your hobby is another strong contender. Women and money, it's the classic combination.
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Old 08-19-2013, 11:23 PM
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BadKitty is right: It's wonderful that all these ladies have taken the time to reply.



Quote:
PO STATE

Tell your wife she has no business telling her friends how many guns you own,
You are correct, sir... we've covered that already.


Quote:
What is she really afraid of however?
Again, we'll get to the bottom of this, shortly.



woods? m/f? Either way, thanks for the book suggestion. I'll check that out tomorrow (it's late...)

BadKitty -and- six10, thank you very much. lol!@ the comment: "...if he _thinks_ he's done at nine, they're both in for some surprises." HEE! Where did I say I was "done" at nine? Good Lowrd, I know I'm not finished there. I have what I feel I need today; I enjoy my small collection. Like anything else we find interesting, the more we learn, the more we see in addition.

_____


My wife exhibited a mellower tone when I saw her again this afternoon. I'll keep you all posted on our progress, but, again, this is not something where I'm going to demand a quick answer from her, so give it a couple of days.

Meanwhile, I'd like to hear more from the Women of calguns on this issue.

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Old 08-19-2013, 11:26 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by six10 View Post
My post _is_ a woman's post, based upon my own experience.
I didn't say that none of the replies are from women; I asked how many of the replies were from women. You also didn't post suggesting that he should just go and divorce his wife.
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Old 08-19-2013, 11:41 PM
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Why would I advise him to divorce his wife when he's got a lifetime of shoes/matching handbags leverage ahead of him?
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Old 08-19-2013, 11:52 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 200Apples View Post
When I started acquiring and target shooting my own gear, my wife said that she had assumed I'd buy only one gun, say, for camping and home defense. She was comfortable with that, but five years on, now that I own two pistols, two rifles, three pump shotguns and two single-shot break-action shotguns, this morning she acted visibly freaked and said, "I can't tell my friends! how many guns you own..." implying that they would think me a whackjob.

Ok...so you've owned a gun for at least 5 years and it sounds like she was agreeable to one firearm; but, you have since added eight more items to the collection. It sounds like she was keeping quiet about her growing concerns and that your most recent purchase was the tipping point.

My hunch is that she is concerned because of what owning so many guns represents for some people [and her]. That is - owning more than, say, three firearms makes you a "gun nut" and that's socially unacceptable. In fact, she did voice her concern about what others would think ("I can't tell my friends! how many guns you own...").

There is a cultural issue of "how many is too many?" when it comes to guns. For an active hunter living in a rural area, is 9 too many? For an active duty Soldier or Marine, is 9 too many? For a competitive pistol and shotgun athlete, is 9 too many? How about for a daycare owner? Or the leader of a racist group? Is 9 too many then?

Since she was ok with one and was ok with it for a good number of years, that leads me to believe that your wife doesn't so much have a problem with guns; but rather, she is starting to become concerned about what the guns are becoming for you. If you've simply become a firearms hobbyist or recreational/sports shooter, ok cool. If you're also now a survivalist and are stockpiling gold bars, military surplus equipment, tinfoil hats and purified water in the garage, I could maybe see her concern.

As I think you already know, asking her to share her concerns is [hopefully] the fastest and easiest way to an answer. If my hunch is correct, then you will need to ease her concerns about why you have so many guns by explaining firearms more in terms of a hobby - Ex. "I appreciate the beauty and historical value in the curio and relic pieces", "I like to tinker with mechanical things and working with guns is like working on cars", "I enjoy target shooting because I enjoy the challenge of bettering my score each time."

If she's concerned about your collection because she's worried about what other people will think; then yes, you need to have a a discussion about her not telling people. Not only would her talking possibly cause her to lose favor with some anti-gun friends; but, it also puts your collection at risk for theft. It sounds like you have this part covered though.

Good luck and please don't divorce your wife.
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Old 08-19-2013, 11:55 PM
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Originally Posted by six10 View Post
Why would I advise him to divorce his wife when he's got a lifetime of shoes/matching handbags leverage ahead of him?

I know! Some handbags and shoes cost more than most firearms do and some women have no problem plunking down hundreds of dollars for ONE bag!!!

$500 purses? No siree!! I'd rather get me a nice Sig or Kimber or tricked out G17!!

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Old 08-20-2013, 6:50 AM
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my take as a female is that you are handling this slowly and appropriately, 200. her first reaction was upset and now she's mellowed a bit. you've already take care of the not telling others what you've got in your home re weapons.....or any other thing of value for that matter. while she may trust her friends the issue is that they may tell others who tell others, etc. understanding that not letting on that there are weapons in a home is the first line of defense is something she needs to understand clearly as it reduces the need to use a firearm.

I like the idea of talking about the different need for different guns for different purposes. self-defense is one issue. shooting clays, plinking, etc are another. and she needs to understand that the classes you take, the events you attend, the practice you do is fun, hones your skills in each area, and social as well. the golf example was good. also, does she cook? would she use the broiler to steam a delicate fish? cooking pots/pans and utensils make a good comparison as well. if her thing is purses and shoes you can use that as well.

understand her concerns. my husband is Australian and as such is very conflicted re private gun ownership. I had a small pistol or two when we met. I had talked of getting something better and he was resistant until we got a reverse emergency call from the sheriff stating there was an armed felon in the area who had escaped a shoot out with deputies. hubby actually said he thought it was time I armed up as i'm home alone in the forest w/o neighbors, etc. however, as I continued to buy he did ask if I knew that his risk of dying from a gun shot wound had gone up because statistically most gun deaths were the result of being shot by someone you know. my response to him was had he ever known me to do anything violent in the time we'd been together. he's seen me clean my guns. he's heard me critique improper use in the movies and re news reports when I think someone went overboard with claiming self-defense in some of the cases out of Texas. in other words, he's learned to trust that I actually know what i'm doing. I bring my targets home from the range to share with him. he notes improvement. while he doesn't share my passion, he knows I enjoy it.

sometimes it really is a matter of just sitting down and talking. if you can get her to a range with you or to take a class that would be even better. my hubby has shot a few of my pistols when out in the high sierra with another friend. however, a range trip just isn't something that he's up for.

thanks for sticking through the testosterone laden posts and I hope we the women of calguns have been of help.
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"The theory that a woman found dead in an alley, raped and strangled with her own pantyhose, is somehow morally superior to a woman explaining to police how her attacker got that fatal bullet wound."-- as seen on a t-shirt
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Old 08-20-2013, 10:19 AM
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movie zombie

thanks for sticking through the testosterone laden posts and I hope we the women of calguns have been of help.


On the contrary; thank you for your thoughtful replies. They are thoroughly appreciated. Too, six10, lol @ your "Once she understands how firearms function and that it's perfectly normal to own a couple hundred different models, she'll get over her concerns." Heh. No kidding. Thank you again woods, katokat, kaligaran and edwardm.



Quote:
kaligaran

She most likely doesn't know what you do with the firearms at the range either. That may sound silly, but she prolly doesn't realize that you don't take a pistol skeet shooting or a shotgun to do 200 meter precision shooting. She prolly doesn't even realize that there's different things to do at a range. It really is the same as a golfer that has multiple clubs to hit the same ball or a mechanic that has multiple tools.
Precisely. Well said.



Quote:
Assuming it's your money that you are spending on your collection, then I would assume she has her own money she's spending shopping for her hobby (whether it be clothes or cosmetics or whatever). So you can try to also relate to her like that.
It is, and she has her discretionary income as well. She has always been supportive of the fact that as spouses, people do still benefit from their own interests. In fact, she's been wonderful in that regard.



Quote:
But if she won't take a class (sounds like she's benefit most from a ladies only class), then trying to get her involved casually would be a great starting point.
I think that once her concerns are addressed, we might move on to an actual range trip or other outdoor shooting area and have some fun. Like I said, I believe that once she fires a decent .22 rifle with little nolse and little-to-no recoil and hits her target, she'll have an appreciation for what it is we all like to do.

I collect, too, vintage Coleman (which is where my username comes from: the Coleman Model 200A I first acquired for a teardrop trailer project) and one summer evening after dinner while I was lighting a couple of these great-looking vintage lanterns she said, "I can see why you like this..." which was one of the nicest things I've heard anyone say. Point being she's a decent gal, and though she might act stubborn at times she's not at all overbearing.



Quote:
BadKitty

Since she was ok with one and was ok with it for a good number of years, that leads me to believe that your wife doesn't so much have a problem with guns; but rather, she is starting to become concerned about what the guns are becoming for you.
Oh, no doubt. She also knows me and knows how my interests can snowball. And as you have mentioned, part of what concerns her too likely stems from a cultural issue. She and I were both raised in Los Angeles and whereas I have enjoyed outdoor recreation all my life, she on the other hand has camped once. It may very well be! that everything she knows about guns has come from Hollywood, as six10 said. One redeeming factor is that she knew her father kept a .22 semiauto pistol in his nightstand and she also remembers him going to the range with it.



Quote:
As I think you already know, asking her to share her concerns is [hopefully] the fastest and easiest way to an answer. If my hunch is correct, then you will need to ease her concerns about why you have so many guns by explaining firearms more in terms of a hobby - Ex. "I appreciate the beauty and historical value in the curio and relic pieces", "I like to tinker with mechanical things and working with guns is like working on cars", "I enjoy target shooting because I enjoy the challenge of bettering my score each time."
This is very true. Thank you for being another voice of reason.



Quote:
movie zombie

... and he was resistant until we got a reverse emergency call from the sheriff stating there was an armed felon in the area who had escaped a shoot out with deputies. hubby actually said he thought it was time I armed up...
Funny how that works. Guns are feared until there's a bad guy in the vicinity, then all of a sudden everyone wants a gun. The Dorner manhunt was an example (not your Australian husband who was only concerned for your safety).


Thank you all again for your thoughtful and experienced replies. I'll keep you posted on any progress.

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Old 08-20-2013, 11:37 AM
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also, an idea: if your wife accepts a range date with you, how about packing a special picnic with foods she enjoys? or tell her that after you'd like to take her to a fav restaurant or coffee shop or bar or whatever?

I think you've got this under control. but please yes do keep us posted. its always a learning lesson.
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Old 08-20-2013, 11:41 AM
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better off with less people knowing anyhow. yw
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Old 08-20-2013, 5:12 PM
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I was pretty freaked out about firearms at my house at all. When my son brought home his hunting gear he was relegated to the garage and I never wanted my son cleaning guns at the house. I was not informed.

Since that time, my kids moved out and my husband wanted a home protection gun. My son won an AR-15 at an NRA dinner and my husband wanted to buy it. I was not a happy camper. I finally came to an agreement with my husband. If we BOTH took a handgun safety class, I would agree to the gun. We took a class from an NRA safety instructor who was a woman. We took the class at her home up in the hills with the range being one she had in her back 40. It was a beautiful fall day with a nice lunch on her back deck. Very very non threatening for a girl who didn't like guns. Actually, it was a fun day with my husband. We were the only two people in the class. It wasn't a class filled with gun toting big burly guys in a basalite block room with testosterone swirling around.

I came home after that class relaxed about shooting and owning guns. I was the first one to take the plunge. I won't even tell you what we own, but it is a nice collection.

Find a class for you and your wife to take together. I don't care how many guns you have handled, take it with her in a great environment. If you are in Northern CA (near the Sacramento area) pm me and I will give you the name and phone number of the instructor we used.

She will come around. Just take the fear out of the guns and have a great date with her at a class.
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Old 08-21-2013, 9:50 AM
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It looks like your wife missed the part where a dedicated home defense plan morphed into a hobby.

Everyone should have a hobby. But you say she 'assumed' you'd only have one gun. Apparently you didn't talk it over with her when you started buying more? Did she know what you were buying or what you were doing with the money? Clearly she hadn't agreed in advance.

Can we assume that you can actually afford all these guns and ammo, without negative impact to the family budget? Is anyone else doing without something important because of it?

It does seem like you're amassing a sizable collection for someone who only goes to the range twice a month. Or do you live near BLM land to shoot there, or hunt? If so, has your wife agreed to your spending a lot of time away from the family?

No one in your house should be discussing what firearms are there, it's just inviting a burglary, even if they can't get into the safe. But women do talk over things that are bothering them with their friends, as a sounding board and support source.

If you keep all guns locked up when you're not home, what is your wife doing to keep safe when you aren't home? Lots of women are entering shooting sports right now, I mean LOTS, because ot that question, what will they do if the hubby isn't home when the stuff hits the fan. What will you do if you come in through the door and a burglary/assault is already in progress?

As people have said above, if it's possible to involve your wife in your hobby, do it. It will definitely help. And as above, lessons for her would be stellar. How do you get her to a lesson? See above sentence starting with "what was your wife doing to keep safe..."

I don't tell people I know about what's in my house, and yes, in part because they might think that I've become a gun nut. One family is already pulling away because it bothers them that I might have guns in the car when I go to their house. I don't require my friends to agree with me on everything and love everything I do. But I WAS disappointed that people kinda slid out of my life. Maybe I should have known better and kept my mouth shut.

Anyway, good luck and I hope you can persuade your wife about tolerating your hobby.
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• Don't marry or move in together before you're both at least 25.
• Don't have children until you're married five years or at least age 30.
• Put 10% of your salary into savings every month no matter how broke you are.
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• Keep a handgun on your bedside table.
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Last edited by BonnieB; 08-21-2013 at 9:52 AM..
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Old 08-22-2013, 4:27 PM
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BonnieB

It looks like your wife missed the part where a dedicated home defense plan morphed into a hobby.
Since the beginning it has always been more than a dedicated home defense plan. It was also an outdoor recreation, hunting and defense plan. As I mentioned briefly in my first post, after talking to an LE buddy the initial plan over 5 years ago was for a rifle, a shotgun and a handgun. Perhaps I should have noticed then that I overlooked her feelings on the matter, but the quantity of "one gun" was never mentioned. And we all know that "two is one, and one is none...".




Quote:
Everyone should have a hobby. But you say she 'assumed' you'd only have one gun. Apparently you didn't talk it over with her when you started buying more? Did she know what you were buying or what you were doing with the money? Clearly she hadn't agreed in advance.
At the time I began owning my own and target shooting, we were not married (married 3.5 yrs, together 11). We have had a basic financial agreement since the beginning of our marriage, however. We both work. My son has graduated college. We pool our resources where we need to for our mortgage and our bills, then put some into savings and any left over is our separate discretionary income.




Quote:
Can we assume that you can actually afford all these guns and ammo, without negative impact to the family budget?
Yes. I live within my means.




Quote:
Is anyone else doing without something important because of it?
No.

Hobby diversions are important to me. Saving for their expenditure then making a puchase is gratifying.




Quote:
It does seem like you're amassing a sizable collection for someone who only goes to the range twice a month. Or do you live near BLM land to shoot there, or hunt? If so, has your wife agreed to your spending a lot of time away from the family?
9 guns in five years? is nothing compared to some folks I know!


My camping plans and my future outdoor recreation plans have influenced some of the purchase decisions.




Quote:
No one in your house should be discussing what firearms are there, it's just inviting a burglary, even if they can't get into the safe. But women do talk over things that are bothering them with their friends, as a sounding board and support source.
Exactly, and my wife and I have already discussed this topic. Since you ask, something not mentioned so far is that my wife can express her concerns to me about aspects of our lives, but she's one to keep her cards close to her vest otherwise. She's not "gabby". She's a mostly private person and she's had the same friends for decades. Her exclamation quoted in the original post was one made to me out of frustration.




Quote:
If you keep all guns locked up when you're not home, what is your wife doing to keep safe when you aren't home? Lots of women are entering shooting sports right now, I mean LOTS, because ot that question, what will they do if the hubby isn't home when the stuff hits the fan. What will you do if you come in through the door and a burglary/assault is already in progress?
I've mentioned this, today. She didn't have an answer other than "I just trust it doesn't happen..." in so many words... which, when verbalized, caught her off guard. I then asked her if she'd be open in the future to training. Handgun training with a professional instructor. She said yes!




Quote:
As people have said above, if it's possible to involve your wife in your hobby, do it. It will definitely help. And as above, lessons for her would be stellar. How do you get her to a lesson? See above sentence starting with "what was your wife doing to keep safe..."

I don't tell people I know about what's in my house, and yes, in part because they might think that I've become a gun nut. One family is already pulling away because it bothers them that I might have guns in the car when I go to their house. I don't require my friends to agree with me on everything and love everything I do. But I WAS disappointed that people kinda slid out of my life. Maybe I should have known better and kept my mouth shut.
The latter seems a life-long endevour for me! Hahahaha...




Quote:
Anyway, good luck and I hope you can persuade your wife about tolerating your hobby.
Thank you, Bonnie. She is tolerating it now, and there's new hope for a future where firearms aren't so intimidating to her. I will be even more proud of her the day we can both be at the range and she pulls off a few hits and a quick mag change. That! would be awesome.

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Old 08-23-2013, 10:01 AM
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Originally Posted by 200Apples View Post
I've mentioned this, today. She didn't have an answer other than "I just trust it doesn't happen..." in so many words... which, when verbalized, caught her off guard.

I had a roommate that like to keep our doors unlocked, even while we sleep, because she came from a small town in Northern California where crimes apparently don't happen. I had to explain to her that the condo two-doors down had been burglarized while the owners were home, there had been a home-invasion robbery about a mile away and that a kid was murdered on the next block over all in the space of a couple of months. She still didn't get it and I'm glad I don't live there anymore!

Yes, it does happen!


Quote:
I then asked her if she'd be open in the future to training. Handgun training with a professional instructor. She said yes!

Yay!



If she's interested in speaking with other women about gun ownership, please do let me know. I and other women from CalGuns would be more than happy to chat with her via e-mail or phone or even invite her to the range.


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Old 08-23-2013, 11:46 AM
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Trade her in on a newer model...

No, tell her one for every room... if someone were to bash the door in, in the middle of the day and it was locked in the room... or if they climbed IN the bedroom window... what would she do?
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Old 08-23-2013, 12:19 PM
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Trade her in on a newer model...

Really? I hope you're talking about the OP trading in one of his guns for a newer gun and not talking about the OP trading in his wife for a younger woman.

I mean, a smart man wouldn't come into the Ladies forum to bash women when that's against the rules, right?


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Old 08-23-2013, 1:17 PM
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OP, it sounds like this is going really well and you have the problem well in hand. And you get either a shooting buddy or a well-defended wife or both, how cool is that.

(I hope you didn't find my tone sarcastic, they were all meant to be valid questions...)
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• Don't have children until you're married five years or at least age 30.
• Put 10% of your salary into savings every month no matter how broke you are.
• Don't ever screw around with the IRS.
• Keep a handgun on your bedside table.
• Don't smart-mouth judges, or cops who stop you on the road.
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Old 08-23-2013, 6:43 PM
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BonnieB

OP, it sounds like this is going really well...
Well, it certainly hasn't spiraled out of control since my first post... (or has it. HEE.) We're not out of the woods yet, but still! I cannot! thank all of you enough for your perspectives and for your advice.




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(I hope you didn't find my tone sarcastic, they were all meant to be valid questions...)
calguns! asks the tough questions.






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the86d

Trade her in on a newer model...
lol dude... you're walking on thin ice. hahahaha...

But for what it's worth? NO. My bride is already a younger woman. She's all the high-performance responsiveness I can handle when she's in tune. Meanwhile, our ages match up well. I'm a late bloomer. Hah!




Quote:
BadKitty

If she's interested in speaking with other women about gun ownership, please do let me know. I and other women from CalGuns would be more than happy to chat with her via e-mail or phone or even invite her to the range.

I have to admit, that would be fantastic, and I am a little moved by your gesture, BK. Thing is, she's more shy than I am. I think when the time is right (a month or two from now?)... perhaps a range trip where *SURPRISE* omg look there are some of the Ladies of calguns over there... LOL. ifyewknowwhatimean...

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Old 08-23-2013, 10:25 PM
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Originally Posted by 200Apples View Post
perhaps a range trip where *SURPRISE* omg look there are some of the Ladies of calguns over there... LOL. ifyewknowwhatimean...

*winkwink nudgenudge*


"Oh hey 200Apples! What are YOU doing here? What a coincidence! Say, is THAT your wife?!"

I'll try to practice ahead of time so I sound more realistic.

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Old 08-26-2013, 2:37 PM
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Sorry, late to the thread -- I take it that things are moving more to the positive side of things since the first post?

Hope so
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Old 08-30-2013, 3:38 PM
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.

Thanks for asking!.Yes... things were never "bad" bad... It was just one late morning where the fear of something stemming from valid ignorance of the subject reared it's ugly head. At least she's amendable and shows willingness to learn. I care, too, about how she feels. Can't get anywhere in marriage saying "my way or the highway!". Hahaha...




Quote:
*winkwink nudgenudge*

"Oh hey 200Apples! What are YOU doing here? What a coincidence! Say, is THAT your wife?!"

I'll try to practice ahead of time so I sound more realistic.

That made me lol.


Sounds good!
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Old 08-31-2013, 8:50 AM
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I'm not a lady, but have been married to a wonderful wife for 43 years. She knew that I liked firearms before we got married. As time went on, I began acquiring more firearms, and the question came up a few times about "Why do you need ANOTHER gun?"

Okay, here goes! I explained that, besides being fun to shoot and excellent for home/personal defense, they were also solid "investments"! Now, it didn't hurt that I was a police officer and was REQUIRED to have at least my issued firearm.

Through the years, the "investment" aspect of the firearms that I bought began to make sense to her, and it became even more apparent during the last few years, when prices began increasing even more. Just to make a valid point, I explained that one of the firearms that I bought several years back had cost me $400....but was now worth almost $1,000, even in used condition (new ones were selling for $1,200-$1,500).

I also pointed out the ammo aspect to her, explaining that it would last "forever" if properly stored. A good example of that is some very inexpensive 7.62x39 ammo (Barnaul) that I paid .69 cents per box of 20 rounds several years ago....and is now selling for, what, $5-$6 for 20 rounds? Besides saving money by purchasing in bulk amounts "back then", the investment aspect of ammo has proven itself greatly through the years!

Want some humor? Since I was a police officer, all firearm-related items were tax deductible (job-related items). Every year around tax time, we'd go to our tax man, and all firearms, firearm accessories and ammo receipts were itemized....and used as tax deductions. Every year, we would receive a tax refund (federal) that averaged about $4,000. Well, during the last year before I retired, I hadn't bought ANY firearm or any ammo. I didn't need to. We had our taxes prepared, and....we didn't have very many things that we could use as tax deductions. Our tax man said that we'd only be getting a refund of about $1,000.

"Honey, why is our refund going to be so low this time?", she asked, as we left the tax preparer's office. I explained that I hadn't bought any firearms or ammo during the previous year. She paused, then said, "Well, maybe you SHOULD buy more guns and ammo!". I had to explain to her that, when I was retired, those job-related items would no longer be deductible.

Yes, I think that I'll keep my wife!
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Old 09-02-2013, 2:31 PM
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.


Thanks! I'm glad that a former leo would add his experience to this thread. (glad, as a result of the respect I was raised to have for the good men and women serving the the military and in law enforcement. I think it necessary to say so either because of or in spite of the few bad apples still employed in that role...)

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Old 09-04-2013, 6:58 PM
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Hi 200 - Looks like all the ground has pretty much been covered - economics came to my mind but you and BonnieB checked off those particulars. Is there a chance she is not ok with where the safe is located? Looking into a safe containing multiple guns in one's bedroom closet might just hit too close to home about today's societal woes. In her mind one gun to defend was "doable" and now there is the prospect one gun not being good enough. If she sees the bedroom turning from sanctuary into fortress it could be more unsettling than reassuring.

If she were amenable, I would suggest looking at your inventory together - just as it sits in the safe - and asking her her opinion of each gun (touch to point it out but leave it in the safe). With the media circus on evil guns and the hoopla over gun control everywhere it is possible you made a purchase that looks bad *** and awesome to you, but is scary as hell to her.

There is only one person who can change your wife's perspective and that is her. My best suggestion is to delete this thread so she does not get offended by your "research" and to have her make her own posting - "Help, My Husband Has Too Many Guns" (prepare her for the non-beneficial male reply postings though). If her view is expanded by the Ladies of Calguns then lucky you; if they do not, and you respect your wife, I would say it is time to compromise and downsize by 2. She is also welcome to contact me via my website if she is not comfortable in the forum environment. Good Luck!

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