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Ladies Forum A place for our female Calgunners to discuss, share and interact without the 'excess attention' sometimes found in online forums.

View Poll Results: If I found dirty pics of another woman my husband had had sex with on his phone, I'd
kick him out for a few days to think 12 15.79%
fill out divorce papers, but not file right away 6 7.89%
file for divorce right away 41 53.95%
forgive and forget 17 22.37%
Voters: 76. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
Old 05-29-2009, 10:13 AM
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Default Need some input here...

Just curious.
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  #2  
Old 05-29-2009, 10:57 AM
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Why is castration not an option in your poll?
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  #3  
Old 05-29-2009, 3:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lilamyb83 View Post
Just curious.
First thing to do is step back and take a good long think about wether this is the hill you are willing to die on.

Everyone's temperament and circumstances are different. If there are young children involved their wellbeing should come first.



PS: Be sure it is what you think it is. There is some really raunchy stuff that gos around on cell phones.
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Last edited by Meplat; 05-29-2009 at 3:27 PM..
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  #4  
Old 05-29-2009, 3:35 PM
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You are a moron if you stay with him.
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  #5  
Old 05-29-2009, 5:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Meplat View Post
PS: Be sure it is what you think it is. There is some really raunchy stuff that gos around on cell phones.
It is what I think it is. I know the girl.
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  #6  
Old 05-29-2009, 5:28 PM
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My wife (while holding tight to a certain part of me) said "file for divorce right away and cut this thing off!!!"
This is why I do not take pic's. LOL j/k
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  #7  
Old 05-29-2009, 7:54 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Meplat View Post
Everyone's temperament and circumstances are different. If there are young children involved their wellbeing should come first.
This seems to be implying "stay for the kids". Parents unhappily "forced" to stay together will vent in some manner with their kids, whether it be acting out due to stress or triangulating aggression.

A dad like that is not a good influence on the kids, unless of course we all agree that lies are the fundamental basis for a healthy relationship.
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  #8  
Old 05-29-2009, 7:58 PM
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make him do penance to see the strength of his convictions... ie: have him try slaa (sex love addicts anonymous) a 12 step program. you will see if it was just a mistake on his part or whether hes just not that into commitment

ps its free
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They don't believe it's possible, but then Alison didn't believe there'd be 350K - 400K OLLs in CA either.
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  #9  
Old 05-29-2009, 8:13 PM
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My wife said she'd "file for divorce right away".
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  #10  
Old 05-30-2009, 12:53 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Peter Venkman View Post
This seems to be implying "stay for the kids". Parents unhappily "forced" to stay together will vent in some manner with their kids, whether it be acting out due to stress or triangulating aggression.
That's not what I said. When you A S S U M E, you make an *** of U & ME.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Peter Venkman View Post
A dad like that is not a good influence on the kids, unless of course we all agree that lies are the fundamental basis for a healthy relationship.
So, you should tell your spouse you cheated? And that is going to benefit her how?
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  #11  
Old 05-30-2009, 2:11 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Meplat View Post
That's not what I said. When you A S S U M E, you make an *** of U & ME.
If what you are inferring is incorrect, why have you not clarified it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Meplat
So, you should tell your spouse you cheated? And that is going to benefit her how?
Knowing if one's spouse is a cheater seems like a benefit to me.
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You're right. There's no possible way that CGN members marching alongside the Pink Pistols in the SF Pride Parade can do anything to dispel the stereotype that gun owners are conservative bigots clinging to their guns and bibles. Not a single person in the crowd is rational or reachable because the parade's for gay folks and it's in SF.
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  #12  
Old 05-30-2009, 2:41 AM
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He had sex with this women in the past? Before you?
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  #13  
Old 05-30-2009, 2:50 AM
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As much as I hate to say this... You are entitled to half unless you agreed to a prenup.
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  #14  
Old 06-02-2009, 9:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GenLee View Post
Why is castration not an option in your poll?
lol aren't you a guy?

I have trouble conceptualizing a guy suggesting that to a woman lol
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  #15  
Old 06-05-2009, 2:26 PM
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Originally Posted by compsoftstation View Post
As much as I hate to say this... You are entitled to half unless you agreed to a prenup.
Hope it's not a prenup gotten from the Internet too. I had a past case like that and it didn't hold up in court. People who go cheap for legal matters get cheap results.
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  #16  
Old 06-05-2009, 2:30 PM
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Interesting survey you want to take... my current spouse and I have an understanding about infidelity -- it's not healthy and may cause death. He favors wood chippers and I am a fan of changing the locks on the doors, tossing out personal items of the offending man, and then gleefully setting them on fire on the lawn.

So, we're happily married. He took good notes and remembers what happened to the other guy!
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  #17  
Old 06-05-2009, 6:44 PM
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It's up to you. But Once a Cheater always a cheater. Some change some never change.
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  #18  
Old 06-05-2009, 7:51 PM
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This thread makes me sad.

I hope you're doing OK.
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  #19  
Old 06-05-2009, 8:01 PM
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Too difficult for us to give you any advice - I am sure there are history behind this - We don't care fnor are we privy to the info -

Marriage is a work in progress - Do all you can to work it out - Good luck to the both of you and the kids -
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  #20  
Old 06-06-2009, 9:31 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by uclaplinker View Post
This thread makes me sad.

I hope you're doing OK.

ditto.

but my answer is the quicker he is kicked to the curb and you get on with your life the better.

mz
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  #21  
Old 06-07-2009, 11:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Peter Venkman View Post
This seems to be implying "stay for the kids". Parents unhappily "forced" to stay together will vent in some manner with their kids, whether it be acting out due to stress or triangulating aggression.

A dad like that is not a good influence on the kids, unless of course we all agree that lies are the fundamental basis for a healthy relationship.
Untrained Psychobabble!
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  #22  
Old 06-07-2009, 11:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Peter Venkman View Post
If what you are inferring is incorrect, why have you not clarified it?
Life is complicated. Don't give advice if you don't know what you are talking about.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Peter Venkman View Post
Knowing if one's spouse is a cheater seems like a benefit to me.
And that is exactly why you should refrain from giving relationship advice!
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  #23  
Old 06-08-2009, 12:23 AM
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Do you love him? If he is truly sorry and you really feel that it could work out, then forgive. I do want to add that the part that really bothers me is he must have low self esteem, not only for the act, but keeping the act on his phone. I wish you the best.
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  #24  
Old 06-08-2009, 9:23 AM
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Thats really sad. Its such a horrible feeling whenever your love cheats on you. Its never an easy decision...
On a side note. I'm a Taurus, enjoy long walks on the beach, 5'10"...
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  #25  
Old 06-08-2009, 11:15 AM
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Well, if you have access to a gun, why isn't he dead by now?

lol
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  #26  
Old 06-08-2009, 4:34 PM
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Are the pictures of a woman he had sex with BEFORE you two got married? When did he get these pictures? Do they see eachother alot? Does he try to stay away from her?

Take those into consideration, along with many many other things. Either way this is a tough situation and it really is too bad you are going through this.
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  #27  
Old 06-09-2009, 10:55 AM
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I think a long talk is in order before doing anything rash.
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  #28  
Old 06-09-2009, 6:03 PM
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deleted
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"Her hands, her comfort, her confidence, her choice.", Mr K re buy a gun for a woman.

Gun Control:
"The theory that a woman found dead in an alley, raped and strangled with her own pantyhose, is somehow morally superior to a woman explaining to police how her attacker got that fatal bullet wound."-- as seen on a t-shirt

Last edited by movie zombie; 06-09-2009 at 6:10 PM.. Reason: just too critical of the males in other threads.
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  #29  
Old 06-10-2009, 12:09 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sierratangofoxtrotunion View Post
lol aren't you a guy?

I have trouble conceptualizing a guy suggesting that to a woman lol
Hey mister, you get NO input here... LOL.

As to the rest of you, we are going to try counseling and see if we can get our marriage back on track.

Thank you for all the input!
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  #30  
Old 06-10-2009, 12:16 AM
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i was a jerk to my wife, and we did counseling together, and she did her own counseling, and i did my own counseling and it really helped us. i told her when she wanted me to do counseling "if we fix our marriage and dont fix ourselves its not gonna work." I confidently feel you dont need to go for 20 years, but more tools in your toolbox sure never hurts. good luck. the sincerest best of wishes
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We will win. We are right. We will never stop fighting.
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Originally Posted by bwiese View Post
They don't believe it's possible, but then Alison didn't believe there'd be 350K - 400K OLLs in CA either.
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Originally Posted by louisianagirl View Post
Our fate is ours alone to decide as long as we remain armed heavily enough to dictate it.
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  #31  
Old 06-15-2009, 7:21 PM
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Originally Posted by freonr22 View Post
i was a jerk to my wife, and we did counseling together, and she did her own counseling, and i did my own counseling and it really helped us. i told her when she wanted me to do counseling "if we fix our marriage and dont fix ourselves its not gonna work." I confidently feel you dont need to go for 20 years, but more tools in your toolbox sure never hurts. good luck. the sincerest best of wishes
+1

I hope you both find what you need.
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  #32  
Old 06-15-2009, 8:41 PM
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yes we did, that was over 1 1/2 years ago and we are stronger than ever
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We will win. We are right. We will never stop fighting.
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Originally Posted by bwiese View Post
They don't believe it's possible, but then Alison didn't believe there'd be 350K - 400K OLLs in CA either.
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Our fate is ours alone to decide as long as we remain armed heavily enough to dictate it.
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  #33  
Old 06-15-2009, 9:17 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kalguns View Post
You are a moron if you stay with him.
Aren't we both judgemental and presumptuous?

Firstly, the OP did not say "...had sex with while married..." Secondly (even if adultery is the sin in question), while not necessarily an option in all circumstances, forgiveness and commitment to rebuilding is nonetheless a valid (and correct) one for many. It is offensive to assert that those who work through human failures are "morons".

Obviously, counseling is likely in order- both as a couple and each as individuals. He would be wise to work on the underlying cause of his holding onto the past, and she now must find a reason to trust him.

If this was not a hypothetical I am truly sorry to hear of this sad and unfortunate situation.
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  #34  
Old 06-15-2009, 9:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by masameet View Post
Well, if you have access to a gun, why isn't he dead by now?

lol
This is a website for responsible gun owners- how is this funny?
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  #35  
Old 06-15-2009, 9:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rg_1111@yahoo.com View Post
...
But Once a Cheater always a cheater. Some change some never change.
In the first sentence you assert that people are incapable of change. In the subsequent sentence you state that change is possible but not necessarily elected by everyone. Which is it?

Once a sinner, always a sinner- true. Unfortunately, humankind in its entirety suffers from this terminal condition. However, we do have the wonderful power of reason and choice (unless, of course, a serious mental condition prohibits such) and can overcome this propensity for evil.
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  #36  
Old 06-15-2009, 10:03 PM
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Originally Posted by wildhawker View Post
This is a website for responsible gun owners- how is this funny?
Well, if you can't understand why I wrote "lol" under my question, I'll spell it out for you:
Quote:
If I found dirty pics of another woman my husband had had sex with on his phone, I'd:
kick him out for a few days to think
fill out divorce papers, but not file right away
file for divorce right away
forgive and forget
Now given the choices in the poll, do you really really REALLY think the OP would follow my suggestion?

My "lol" means "Don't take this suggestion seriously."

But you did. Oh well.

And here's another clue: Gender differences when it comes to sex, infidelity and revenge are marked in that men tend to kill their "loved" ones. Women get even in other ways, like getting higher alimony or waging bitter child custody battles.
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Last edited by masameet; 06-15-2009 at 10:06 PM..
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  #37  
Old 06-15-2009, 10:07 PM
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And honestly I don't frequent this so-called Ladies forum because all too many men post here.

Do we really need men's input all that much, esp. when questions are specifically being asked of women but answered by men who don't have a clue?
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Old 06-16-2009, 12:10 AM
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Originally Posted by masameet View Post
And honestly I don't frequent this so-called Ladies forum because all too many men post here.

Do we really need men's input all that much, esp. when questions are specifically being asked of women but answered by men who don't have a clue?
Let's not turn this into a gender war- no reason to throw stones.
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Old 06-16-2009, 12:22 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by masameet View Post
Well, if you can't understand why I wrote "lol" under my question, I'll spell it out for you:

Now given the choices in the poll, do you really really REALLY think the OP would follow my suggestion?

My "lol" means "Don't take this suggestion seriously."

But you did. Oh well.

And here's another clue: Gender differences when it comes to sex, infidelity and revenge are marked in that men tend to kill their "loved" ones. Women get even in other ways, like getting higher alimony or waging bitter child custody battles.
I read your "lol" loud and clear. Nonethless, in the context of this website and specifically the OP, it was not appropriate.

Not sure where vengeance was mentioned by the OP or where they requested input on how to "get even"- again, to exacerbate an already delicate and hurtful situation will only bring about more hurt and destruction.
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Old 06-16-2009, 1:27 AM
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Originally Posted by wildhawker View Post
I read your "lol" loud and clear. Nonethless, in the context of this website and specifically the OP, it was not appropriate.

Not sure where vengeance was mentioned by the OP or where they requested input on how to "get even"- again, to exacerbate an already delicate and hurtful situation will only bring about more hurt and destruction.
lighten up, Francis.

I'm sad to hear about the OPs situation - they're both calgunners, to boot.

But... Sometimes humor is a good thing.

I kept track of the thread in hopes things improved for the OP. I'm glad to hear there's been progress.
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