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Calgunners in Service This forum is a place for our active duty and deployed members to share, request and have a bit of home where ever they are.

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  #1  
Old 09-24-2008, 7:30 PM
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Default USMC joke

The first recruit to sign up at the Tun Tavern walked up the the table and was told if he signed up he would get a free shot of whiskey.

The Second recruit walks up to the table and gets 2 free shots for his enlistment bonus.

When the Second recruit tells the First recruit what his bonus was the First recruit tells him...

"It wasn't that way in the old corps"
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  #2  
Old 09-24-2008, 7:34 PM
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What do Marines and Submarines have in common?
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  #3  
Old 09-24-2008, 7:41 PM
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Seamen go down on both of 'em...

OK, I was Air-Force & Army.... I'm sure Y'all Jarheads & Squids have plenty about us.
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  #4  
Old 09-24-2008, 8:00 PM
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Q: What's the easiest way to knock out a Marine?

A: Throw sand at a brick wall and tell him to hit the beach!
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  #5  
Old 09-24-2008, 8:23 PM
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What's the difference between a Marine and a pig?

A pig WILL NOT stay up all night to sleep with a Marine
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  #6  
Old 09-24-2008, 8:27 PM
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i liked that one joke about the snoring marine
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  #7  
Old 09-24-2008, 8:40 PM
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What does "MARINE" stand for?

My
Ass
Rides
In
Navy
Equipment !!!

or

Muscles
Are
Required,
Intelligence
Not
Essential !!!


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  #8  
Old 09-24-2008, 10:23 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 6172crew View Post
The first recruit to sign up at the Tun Tavern walked up the the table and was told if he signed up he would get a free shot of whiskey.

The Second recruit walks up to the table and gets 2 free shots for his enlistment bonus.

When the Second recruit tells the First recruit what his bonus was the First recruit tells him...

"It wasn't that way in the old corps"
****ING CLASSIC MAN!!!!
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  #9  
Old 09-24-2008, 10:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 6172crew View Post
The first recruit to sign up at the Tun Tavern walked up the the table and was told if he signed up he would get a free shot of whiskey.

The Second recruit walks up to the table and gets 2 free shots for his enlistment bonus.

When the Second recruit tells the First recruit what his bonus was the First recruit tells him...

"It wasn't that way in the old corps"
****ING CLASSIC MAN!!!!
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  #10  
Old 09-24-2008, 10:37 PM
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i'm not military, but i heard this one from a friend.

An officer walks into a mess hall and announces assignments for the group. He turns to the soldiers and tells them to assemble at the parade grounds at 0700.

Next he walks to the sailors and tells them to assemble at the parade grounds at 7am.

Finally, he walks over to the Marines and tells them to assemble at the parade grounds when the big hand reaches the 12 and the little hand reaches the 7.

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Just do what M Sage and others have said to do, they know what theyr talkin about. Just dont urinate in your barrel and expect ur rifle to be ok. My buddy and I recently went shooting and he shot corrosive yugo ammo through his Mosin and figured he could just piss in the barrel and call it a day. Several days later the bolt was rusted shut but I guess the fouling wasnt TOO bad.
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  #11  
Old 09-25-2008, 3:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WhoDat View Post
What do Marines and Submarines have in common?
60 men go down 30 couples come up?
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  #12  
Old 11-28-2008, 11:50 PM
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Missguided
Army
Rejects
In
Navy
Equimpment

Seriously, all branches are great.
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  #13  
Old 11-29-2008, 3:58 AM
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The Marine Sniper

A USMC sniper was real good at his job. This sniper had a method. He would yell out some insult at the enemy and when someone stood up to reply, Bang! One less insurgent!

After every mission the company commander would ask "How many insurgents have you shot today?"

However, on this particular day when asked about the number killed, he reported "Five killed and I let one go.

"Let one go?" roared the company commander. "What do you mean, you let one go?"

"Well, I yelled out 'Osama is a Homo!' Then this big insurgent stood up and yelled 'Obama is a Socialist!' I just couldn't shoot a fellow Republican!"
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  #14  
Old 11-29-2008, 6:35 AM
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OOPS wrong thread

Last edited by Rob454; 11-29-2008 at 6:36 AM.. Reason: Wrong subject to the post
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  #15  
Old 11-29-2008, 4:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hitman13 View Post
The Marine Sniper

A USMC sniper was real good at his job. This sniper had a method. He would yell out some insult at the enemy and when someone stood up to reply, Bang! One less insurgent!

After every mission the company commander would ask "How many insurgents have you shot today?"

However, on this particular day when asked about the number killed, he reported "Five killed and I let one go.

"Let one go?" roared the company commander. "What do you mean, you let one go?"

"Well, I yelled out 'Osama is a Homo!' Then this big insurgent stood up and yelled 'Obama is a Socialist!' I just couldn't shoot a fellow Republican!"
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  #16  
Old 11-29-2008, 5:55 PM
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Uncle
Sam's
Misguided
Children
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  #17  
Old 11-29-2008, 6:02 PM
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U
Singed the
Mother f******
Contract
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  #18  
Old 11-30-2008, 2:23 AM
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Mrs. Smith, a teacher called on Johnny to tell a personal story with a moral.

Johnny said, "My Uncle Ted was a Marine pilot during the war in Vietnam, one day his plane got hit by a missile and was going down. Uncle Ted grabbed a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete and bailed out. On the way down he drank the whole case of beer. As luck would have it he landed in a field and was surrounded by 100 Viet cong soldiers. He started shooting his machine gun and killed 70 of them before he ran out of ammunition. Then he grabbed the machete and killed 20 more before the machete blade broke. He then killed the last 10 with his bare hands."

"Oh my God!" exclaimed Mrs. Smith, "What could the moral of that story possibly be?"

Johnny said, "The moral of that story is.. Don’t mess with Uncle Ted when he’s been drinking!"
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  #19  
Old 11-30-2008, 8:36 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hitman13 View Post
The Marine Sniper

A USMC sniper was real good at his job. This sniper had a method. He would yell out some insult at the enemy and when someone stood up to reply, Bang! One less insurgent!

After every mission the company commander would ask "How many insurgents have you shot today?"

However, on this particular day when asked about the number killed, he reported "Five killed and I let one go.

"Let one go?" roared the company commander. "What do you mean, you let one go?"

"Well, I yelled out 'Osama is a Homo!' Then this big insurgent stood up and yelled 'Obama is a Socialist!' I just couldn't shoot a fellow Republican!"
Im going to have to pass this one along to a few jarhead buddies.
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  #20  
Old 12-01-2008, 5:12 AM
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Urine
Samples
Make
Civilians

that was one from back in the day when they first instituted the Zero Tolerance Policy.

Yes Marines are a Dept of the Navy, Its the MENS DEPT!
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I am naked except for seatless white chaps, a boonie hat and a tactical vest playing HALO.
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I don't like getting my butt kicked, but I would like to have it spanked by some big hairy guys!
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I wouldn't put "mounting a weasel" past too many people on this forum.
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Going after the NFA soon is like asking the girl you just met in the bar if she's into anal sex...
-Gene
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  #21  
Old 12-01-2008, 5:13 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by F-2_Challenger View Post
U
Signed the
Mother f******
Contract
fixed it for ya!
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Originally Posted by Soldier415 View Post
I am naked except for seatless white chaps, a boonie hat and a tactical vest playing HALO.
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Originally Posted by oaklander View Post
I don't like getting my butt kicked, but I would like to have it spanked by some big hairy guys!
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Originally Posted by ohsmily View Post
I wouldn't put "mounting a weasel" past too many people on this forum.
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Going after the NFA soon is like asking the girl you just met in the bar if she's into anal sex...
-Gene
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  #22  
Old 12-05-2008, 11:17 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hitman13 View Post
The Marine Sniper

A USMC sniper was real good at his job. This sniper had a method. He would yell out some insult at the enemy and when someone stood up to reply, Bang! One less insurgent!

After every mission the company commander would ask "How many insurgents have you shot today?"

However, on this particular day when asked about the number killed, he reported "Five killed and I let one go.

"Let one go?" roared the company commander. "What do you mean, you let one go?"

"Well, I yelled out 'Osama is a Homo!' Then this big insurgent stood up and yelled 'Obama is a Socialist!' I just couldn't shoot a fellow Republican!"
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  #23  
Old 12-09-2008, 12:31 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hitman13 View Post
The Marine Sniper

A USMC sniper was real good at his job. This sniper had a method. He would yell out some insult at the enemy and when someone stood up to reply, Bang! One less insurgent!

After every mission the company commander would ask "How many insurgents have you shot today?"

However, on this particular day when asked about the number killed, he reported "Five killed and I let one go.

"Let one go?" roared the company commander. "What do you mean, you let one go?"

"Well, I yelled out 'Osama is a Homo!' Then this big insurgent stood up and yelled 'Obama is a Socialist!' I just couldn't shoot a fellow Republican!"
i'm overwhelmed by how great that joke is. i've already passed it along.
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