Calguns.net  

Home My iTrader Join the NRA Donate to CGSSA Sponsors CGN Google Search
CA Semiauto Ban(AW)ID Flowchart CA Handgun Ban ID Flowchart CA Shotgun Ban ID Flowchart
Go Back   Calguns.net > SPECIALTY FORUMS > Calgunners in Service
Register FAQ Members List Calendar Mark Forums Read

Calgunners in Service This forum is a place for our active duty and deployed members to share, request and have a bit of home where ever they are.

 
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
  #1  
Old 12-21-2013, 11:29 PM
18Dmedic 18Dmedic is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 601
iTrader: 5 / 100%
Default ******FAVORITE STORIES FROM THE SERVICE******

I'll start...

****PLEASE REMEMBER OPSEC/PERSEC...change names and places if necessary...

So I am at my CO's house....long story short...Bunch of folks I know and a bunch I don't.....gotta pee.....so I go to the hall bathroom (Powder Room)...and there is somebody in it...so I wait back at the little bar...pretty soon a lady comes out....she is about 100lbs built like a brick ****house and is with one of my teammates....I gotta pee ...so I go in the bathroom....unzip and open the ****ter lid and staring back at me is one HUMONGOUS turd. I mean that turd was the size of a small baby....I never even seen a turd that big.....I dont know how anybody could possibly push that ****ing thing out their ***. Then it dawned on me...that turd just came out of Ms. Bubbles. Holy ****! That turd probably weighed as much as one of her legs. How in the hell can a giant turd of Guinness World Record size ever come out of that lil girl? Holy **** is an understatement. She must take a dump once a ****ing year.

Then as I started peeing all over aforementioned Turd Giganticus a horrible thought occurred to me. My face froze. Sweat busted out all over my forehead. My heart started racing. I had just taken ownership of the giant turd in the bowl. I was in the bathroom! Everybody would see me walk out and know I just laid a Monster Turd.

Oh **** me.....all my friends...their wives....trophy girlfriends and Sarge just laid a Monster Fawking Turd in the toilet everybody was using all night. WTF do I do?

Nobody would believe me if I said it was there when I got there. Do I come out and holler "Who gave birth?" No....I need to find something to bust up the Giant Turd. Make it a bunch of lil turds so it will flush down. Nothing....I keep looking for a coat hanger anything to bust this ****ing thing up. I think it has grown by the way....well hell....I'm going to have to grab that Giant Turd and break it up with my bare hands....no other choice...time is running out.....been in there 2-3 minutes already......how bad can it be anyway? I mean I'll wash my hands really good.....Beats being known as the guy that gave birth to the Giant Turd at the party the rest of my life....No hell no....I ain't going to grab the Giant Turd bare handed...plus there was piss all over it....nope could never eat chicken wings again as the memory of squishing that Giant Turd between my fingers would be burnt into my memory forever and ever....somebody knocks on the door...oh FAWK...

What do you think I did?

I did what any true soldier would do. I instantly grabbed the lil porcelain statue girl thing holding the toilet paper....stabbed the giant turd.....swung that mammoth thing up and in one swoop had it in the hand towel....wrapped that big bi@otch up....threw it in the linen drawer....turned on the sink water....rinsed off the lil toilet paper holding statue lady....flushed the toilet...washed my hands and walked the **** out.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it!
Reply With Quote
 

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 1:58 PM.




Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Proudly hosted by GeoVario the Premier 2A host.
Calguns.net, the 'Calguns' name and all associated variants and logos are ® Trademark and © Copyright 2002-2018, Calguns.net an Incorporated Company All Rights Reserved.
Calguns.net and The Calguns Foundation have no affiliation and are in no way related to each other.
All opinions, statements and remarks made by Calguns.net on this web site and elsewhere are solely attributable to Calguns.net.