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Calgunners in Service This forum is a place for our active duty and deployed members to share, request and have a bit of home where ever they are.

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Old 12-22-2013, 12:29 AM
18Dmedic 18Dmedic is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 601
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I'll start...

****PLEASE REMEMBER OPSEC/PERSEC...change names and places if necessary...

So I am at my CO's house....long story short...Bunch of folks I know and a bunch I don't.....gotta I go to the hall bathroom (Powder Room)...and there is somebody in I wait back at the little bar...pretty soon a lady comes out....she is about 100lbs built like a brick ****house and is with one of my teammates....I gotta pee I go in the bathroom....unzip and open the ****ter lid and staring back at me is one HUMONGOUS turd. I mean that turd was the size of a small baby....I never even seen a turd that big.....I dont know how anybody could possibly push that ****ing thing out their ***. Then it dawned on me...that turd just came out of Ms. Bubbles. Holy ****! That turd probably weighed as much as one of her legs. How in the hell can a giant turd of Guinness World Record size ever come out of that lil girl? Holy **** is an understatement. She must take a dump once a ****ing year.

Then as I started peeing all over aforementioned Turd Giganticus a horrible thought occurred to me. My face froze. Sweat busted out all over my forehead. My heart started racing. I had just taken ownership of the giant turd in the bowl. I was in the bathroom! Everybody would see me walk out and know I just laid a Monster Turd.

Oh **** me.....all my friends...their wives....trophy girlfriends and Sarge just laid a Monster Fawking Turd in the toilet everybody was using all night. WTF do I do?

Nobody would believe me if I said it was there when I got there. Do I come out and holler "Who gave birth?" No....I need to find something to bust up the Giant Turd. Make it a bunch of lil turds so it will flush down. Nothing....I keep looking for a coat hanger anything to bust this ****ing thing up. I think it has grown by the way....well hell....I'm going to have to grab that Giant Turd and break it up with my bare other choice...time is running out.....been in there 2-3 minutes bad can it be anyway? I mean I'll wash my hands really good.....Beats being known as the guy that gave birth to the Giant Turd at the party the rest of my life....No hell no....I ain't going to grab the Giant Turd bare there was piss all over it....nope could never eat chicken wings again as the memory of squishing that Giant Turd between my fingers would be burnt into my memory forever and ever....somebody knocks on the door...oh FAWK...

What do you think I did?

I did what any true soldier would do. I instantly grabbed the lil porcelain statue girl thing holding the toilet paper....stabbed the giant turd.....swung that mammoth thing up and in one swoop had it in the hand towel....wrapped that big bi@otch up....threw it in the linen drawer....turned on the sink water....rinsed off the lil toilet paper holding statue lady....flushed the toilet...washed my hands and walked the **** out.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it!
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