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Ladies Forum A place for our female Calgunners to discuss, share and interact without the 'excess attention' sometimes found in online forums.

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  #1  
Old 08-25-2017, 11:53 PM
Redemption Redemption is offline
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Default Want ladies opinion

A litte backstory:

The missus and i have been together the better part of a decade, she was gunshy when we first moved in together. Over the years i slowly melted away her opposition to firearms and about two years ago i started teaching her to shoot. Our experience together in this regard has been extremely positive and we moved at her pace.

About a month ago she expressed interest in taking the FSC exam and picking out something of her own. My first and only concern was that i had said or done something that made her uncomfortable with using what we had. She assured me that ive been wonderful throughout the teaching process

Her reasoning was fairly interesting. She wants one to call her own, something she can mod to her liking, something that would just be her own. Personally i think its great, it feels like i can call her a full convert now.

At the time i offered to help pay for half with no regard for caliber or brand to which she only gave a brief protest about wanting to pay for it on her own and then accepted the offer.

Heres my question. Should i stick to that and pay for half or should i just leave her to pay for all of it on her own?

I guess my assumption is that this is an independence thing, a coming into her own thing and i dont really want to interfere with that if what she really wants is to feel independant on it, but i also want to be helpful to that end.
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  #2  
Old 08-26-2017, 12:10 AM
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Rorge Retson Rorge Retson is offline
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You can be plenty helpful in lots of other ways.

I'd let her pay for it, then it truly is "hers."
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  #3  
Old 08-26-2017, 12:34 AM
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Originally Posted by Rorge Retson View Post
You can be plenty helpful in lots of other ways.

I'd let her pay for it, then it truly is "hers."
I believe you are probably right. This conversation happened about a week ago and ive been mulling it over on and off since then.

There is something special about being able to say that something is truly your own, especially that first firearm. My goal is to encourage her learning....no stike that, the process has always been as a facilitator to her learning, offering knowledge shortcuts and basic fundimentals while staying away from the all too common large caliber pushing that a lot of SO's seem to be guilty of.

Heres what im thinking... Sit her down and say that while the offer will remain open if she chooses and more importantly wants, but that absolutely no insult will be taken if she truly wants to pay every last dime on her own, that i understand why she would want to be able to say that it is truly hers.

Solid plan?
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  #4  
Old 08-26-2017, 12:39 AM
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Once she buys it, offer her the cash. If she wants, let her spend it on something else...except shoes or purses. or to save toward her next one.
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  #5  
Old 08-26-2017, 1:45 AM
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I think Redemption is right. Talk it over one more time, let her choose what she wants to do, and then stick to it. If she wants to pay all on her own, brava !

But you still could give her a gift card to buy holsters, ammo, mags, whatever accessories she wants. I often wind up with as much money sunk into holsters, ammo, mags, cleaning kits, etc as the gun itself.
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  #6  
Old 08-26-2017, 8:11 AM
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My wife:

Offer her to buy accessories such as a holster, her ammo if the caliber us different, or shooting lessons. It's awesome that you got her into shooting and that he wants to buy her own!

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  #7  
Old 08-26-2017, 8:30 AM
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If she accepted your offer to pay half, I wouldn't suggest backing out of that. I'd be pretty mad if my husband said he'd pay half, and I agreed, and then he changed his mind and didn't follow through. Even with the reasoning that he thought I wanted to do it independently, I'd be mad and hurt. (You asked for women's opinions ) That's worse. If I didn't want the money, I wouldn't have accepted the offer. I don't want him deciding what will make me feel more independent. It kinda defeats the purpose.

By all means, talk to her about it again, and let her know you don't HAVE to pay for half, but you are offering because you are supportive of and excited about her interest. Give her the chance to say she would rather do it herself, but allow her the choice of saying she appreciates your support.

I wanted my own firearms because I wanted to make choices of what I liked and I wanted to have my name attached to them. It has absolutely nothing to do with the money for me.

Getting her FSC will allow her to have the weapons in her name. You can even transfer any from your collection to her then. She may feel differently, which is why you should ask her again, but I wouldn't feel any less Independence or ownership if I only paid half of the cost, but I was the buyer. It's mine if it's in my name.

Regardless, you can further encourage her enthusiasm for shooting with gifts of ammo and accessories for her new treasure!

Just tell her you've been thinking about it a lot and want to make sure she's comfortable with your offer to pay half. Tell her you don't want to take anything away from her first gun purchase, but you just want her to know how much you support her.
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Old 08-26-2017, 8:34 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Redemption View Post

Heres what im thinking... Sit her down and say that while the offer will remain open if she chooses and more importantly wants, but that absolutely no insult will be taken if she truly wants to pay every last dime on her own, that i understand why she would want to be able to say that it is truly hers.

Solid plan?
Solid plan 😃
I think she will appreciate that even more than the money.
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  #9  
Old 08-26-2017, 12:13 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BonnieB View Post
I think Redemption is right. Talk it over one more time, let her choose what she wants to do, and then stick to it. If she wants to pay all on her own, brava !

But you still could give her a gift card to buy holsters, ammo, mags, whatever accessories she wants. I often wind up with as much money sunk into holsters, ammo, mags, cleaning kits, etc as the gun itself.
Thank you I agree.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RyeBarRez View Post
My wife:

Offer her to buy accessories such as a holster, her ammo if the caliber us different, or shooting lessons. It's awesome that you got her into shooting and that he wants to buy her own!

Sent from my Pixel using Tapatalk
Thats exactly what I will do of she elects to pay for the firearm entirely on her own.

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Originally Posted by ArmedAngel View Post
If she accepted your offer to pay half, I wouldn't suggest backing out of that. I'd be pretty mad if my husband said he'd pay half, and I agreed, and then he changed his mind and didn't follow through. Even with the reasoning that he thought I wanted to do it independently, I'd be mad and hurt. (You asked for women's opinions ) That's worse. If I didn't want the money, I wouldn't have accepted the offer. I don't want him deciding what will make me feel more independent. It kinda defeats the purpose.

By all means, talk to her about it again, and let her know you don't HAVE to pay for half, but you are offering because you are supportive of and excited about her interest. Give her the chance to say she would rather do it herself, but allow her the choice of saying she appreciates your support.

I wanted my own firearms because I wanted to make choices of what I liked and I wanted to have my name attached to them. It has absolutely nothing to do with the money for me.

Getting her FSC will allow her to have the weapons in her name. You can even transfer any from your collection to her then. She may feel differently, which is why you should ask her again, but I wouldn't feel any less Independence or ownership if I only paid half of the cost, but I was the buyer. It's mine if it's in my name.

Regardless, you can further encourage her enthusiasm for shooting with gifts of ammo and accessories for her new treasure!

Just tell her you've been thinking about it a lot and want to make sure she's comfortable with your offer to pay half. Tell her you don't want to take anything away from her first gun purchase, but you just want her to know how much you support her.
Oh I totally wouldn't just back out of paying half. No that would be a real jerk move. Moreso I want her to know that I am not trying to interfere with or insert myself into her decision on this, that her...forgive the example but that I am not trying to tell her how and when to step out of the nest, nor would I dream of telling her how to fly where this is concerned. She and only she can make those determinations.

I agree with you on the bit about having her name attached to it, something she mentioned to me. I believe there is a mental aspect of owning, not just physically owning something but mentally making it an extension of your body, and I can see how having your name attached to that serial number can be an important aspect of ownership.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ArmedAngel View Post
Solid plan 😃
I think she will appreciate that even more than the money.
I think so as well, I will most likely have the conversation with her on Monday, which is basically my Saturday.
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  #10  
Old 08-26-2017, 12:43 PM
ArmedAngel ArmedAngel is offline
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On behalf of wives everywhere...thank you for supporting yours, and for being concerned & aware of her feelings in this matter.

The mark of a good man is how well he cares for his wife, in my opinion.
😊
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Old 08-26-2017, 2:31 PM
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Originally Posted by ArmedAngel View Post
On behalf of wives everywhere...thank you for supporting yours, and for being concerned & aware of her feelings in this matter.

The mark of a good man is how well he cares for his wife, in my opinion.
😊
Thank you. I think many SO's get caught so far up in the teaching process that at some point they forget that once you impart that knowledge that individual is going to develop their own tastes, their own opinions and eventually their own Independence based on their experience with you. I've never found much equity in pushing a platform or caliber on anyone who isn't ready for that brand or caliber of firearm. Their tastes may never match yours, and there's nothing wrong with that. The result is always bad when someone does that and people just end up ruining what could be an extremely rewarding experience.

The day after that conversation we went and she held and inspected a number of firearms and developed some opinions on a few brands based on hand feel, the only thoughts offered on my end about my knowledge in the history of the brands and models she held. She has short fingers so a fair bit of the full size platforms feel like too much of a reach for her trigger wise, and she tends to not like the snappyness of my compact 9mm so we will have an upcoming range day where she can try a few 9mm and .380's that meet her hand feel desires and get a feel for the differences in felt recoil from compact to full size. Then she will have looked over all of the factors that she wants to make an informed decision. No matter what she chooses I am proud of her, she's learned a lot and it really is cool to watch her develop her own tastes.

My biggest regret is that my work schedule keeps us from going to the range on ladies night. When she gets her own she will feel more comfortable taking range trips when I can't attend.
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Last edited by Redemption; 08-26-2017 at 2:34 PM..
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  #12  
Old 08-29-2017, 9:37 PM
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The direction you're going is great! Since you made the offer to pay for half, I wouldn't back out now. But giving her an option of letting you pay instead for some ammo & accessories might be a good idea. The decision should be hers.

I would also like to suggest you take the next step. Talk her through field stripping & cleaning her own gun. Then back off & let her establish her own cleaning schedule. Whether that's after every range visit or after 5,000 rounds, that should be her decision. If she wants modifications, talk through them with her or, if more complicated, do them together so she will know how to do it on the next one.

As a mechanically challenged woman shooter, I take pride in each new accomplishment, however small. In my own ongoing learning process, I've definitely found YouTube to be my friend.
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Old 08-29-2017, 10:12 PM
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Originally Posted by WheelGunMagic View Post
The direction you're going is great! Since you made the offer to pay for half, I wouldn't back out now. But giving her an option of letting you pay instead for some ammo & accessories might be a good idea. The decision should be hers.

I would also like to suggest you take the next step. Talk her through field stripping & cleaning her own gun. Then back off & let her establish her own cleaning schedule. Whether that's after every range visit or after 5,000 rounds, that should be her decision. If she wants modifications, talk through them with her or, if more complicated, do them together so she will know how to do it on the next one.

As a mechanically challenged woman shooter, I take pride in each new accomplishment, however small. In my own ongoing learning process, I've definitely found YouTube to be my friend.
Thank you, before she ever fired her first round she was taught how to field strip most of my firearms. Early on our focus was on an understanding of the parts of a firearm and on weapons safety. When she gets her first one she will very likely want to get to know her handgun before she takes it out for a spin. I will assist her in any way she wants or needs to that end.

She isnt very mechanically inclined either so she is very likely to ask me about a facor she doesnt like and jf it js reasonable to change it.

we ended up having a conversation about the money other day. She was pretty suprised that i asked anyone else about it, but not upset that i did. Her words on the matter was that initially she was worried i might want her to get a larger caliber but that the fear was put to rest within a few moments when i told her that the offer was regardless of caliber or brand.

We had a good chuckle about that and i asked her why she thought i might have that opinion. She figured that because i mostly shoot calibers .40 and up that i might want her to also. We went into depth on that topic, she often wants to keep up with me in departments that it may not be reasonable, even if i have not pushed for her to do so.

We had a small talk about some things, reiterating that proficiency and comfort is far more important than any other factor, that the choice in calibers is about choosing a platform, that you will be comfortable and proficient with and that there is nothing wrong with trying lots of things and deciding what is or is not right for you.

I reiterated that no matter if she chooses a caliber i like or one i dont or a brand i like or one i dont i am extremely proud of the progress she has made, and that it has been personally rewarding to teach her, and to be with someone who has a common interest. I also pointed out that though most of my firearms fall into the Remington or Springfield box i dont really have a brand loyalty, or a caliber loyalty. I believe that whatever she chooses she will make a great choice, and if she turns out not to like it, well good thing shes not limited to owning just one.
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Old 09-08-2017, 9:34 AM
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Originally Posted by Redemption View Post
......
I reiterated that no matter if she chooses a caliber i like or one i dont or a brand i like or one i dont i am extremely proud of the progress she has made, and that it has been personally rewarding to teach her, and to be with someone who has a common interest. I also pointed out that though most of my firearms fall into the Remington or Springfield box i dont really have a brand loyalty, or a caliber loyalty. I believe that whatever she chooses she will make a great choice, and if she turns out not to like it, well good thing shes not limited to owning just one.

been out of the country since Aug 15 and just returned to read this: warms my heart, I tell you!!!! really does warm my heart!
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Just use it for an excuse to keep buying "her" guns till you find the right one...good way to check off your wanted to buy list with the idea of finding her the one she wants of course :D
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Old 09-08-2017, 10:22 AM
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If she declines the offer to pay half give her a gift card of about equal the value to spend as she likes. Either a store card or prepaid Visa/MC works!
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