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  #1  
Old 02-13-2018, 1:29 PM
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Default "MONKEY FIGHTING A SHARK" - Fun and games with Armslist Scammers

Anything I have listed for sale on Armslist always carries the following terms and conditions:

PAYMENT: CASH, WALMART MONEY TRANSFER, or U.S. POSTAL MONEY ORDER ONLY!!!! NO PAYPAL, NO PERSONAL CHECKS, NO "CERTIFIED" OR BANK CHECKS, NO OTHER FORM OF MONEY ORDER WILL BE ACCEPTED.

SCAMMERS: I KNOW ALL OF YOUR STUPID SLEAZY FRAUDULENT LITTLE CRIMINAL GAMES AND ANY CONTACT FROM YOU WILL BE REPORTED TO THE FEDERAL BUREAU OF ALCOHOL, TOBACCO, AND FIREARMS. DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME OR MINE TRYING TO CHEAT ME OUT OF MONEY AND/OR THIS RIFLE, BECAUSE IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN! TAKE YOUR BOGUS CASHIER'S CHECKS OR FAKE COMPANY CHECKS, STICK THEM IN YOUR BUTT, AND LIGHT THEM ON FIRE.



But obviously the scammers don't take the time to actually read your listing, they just see it and instantly reply in their pathetic attempts to snare you with their bogus schemes.


So I have a standard way of dealing with them, as demonstrated below from a current on-going encounter with a dung-eating dick-breath scammer (who uses the email address peterdruy@gmail.com ) trying to pull the same tired old con that they all do over a rifle I have listed for sale:


SCAMMER: still up for sale ?

ME: Yes, still for sale

SCAMMER:
Hello, how are you? Thanks for the response, I am an FFL dealer and my name is Victor Torres . I'm interested in the purchase of your merchandise but due to my health conditions we can't meet, my means of payment can only be a certified check which will be issued out by my account officer, as soon as the check clears your bank you will be shipping to my FFL license copy and if you don't know how to ship i could organize for a local pick up by a fellow FFL dealer close to your location, pick up would only take place at your convinient time and location...Kindly get back to me with the details requested below so the payment can be sent out to you without further delay


Name to be on the check..........
Address for the check to be delivered to........
Final asking price.......(Shipping included if shipping)
Cell number.........


ME: Dear Peter:

A family emergency in my home country of Tierra del Fuego has come up that will require me to be out of the country for several weeks while I attend to my ailing and infirm 110 year old Aunt Jane (or "Tia Juana", as we call her in Spanish), and I will be flying home first thing tomorrow morning, but I have instructed my trusted business partner and head rifle salesman to handle the payment and shipping aspects of this transaction for us. Shipping charges will be $50, so please send your $1,650 certified bank check payment him at :

Mr. William P. McMullen
550 North Brand Blvd. Suite 800
Glendale, Ca. 91203

Please be sure to include a copy of our email correspondence including this message, and a signed copy of your FFL along with the payment, so that he will know the details of our deal and can take the appropriate action to see that you are taken care of.

We very much look forward to doing business with you.

Sincerely,
Dr. von Weigert


SCAMMER: Thanks for you willingness to sell this merchandise to me, i will keep you updated with the tracking # of the payment. I urge you to de-activate the listing now and await the check



Of course, the address I gave him to send his bogus check and altered or pirated FFL to is the LA division of the ATF, and my "business partner" Mr. McMullen is the Special Agent In Charge of that office.
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Last edited by Marcus von W.; 05-25-2018 at 10:59 AM..
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  #2  
Old 02-13-2018, 1:33 PM
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You retired?





-
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  #3  
Old 02-13-2018, 1:35 PM
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No, I'm Tierra del Fuego's Ambassador to the United Nations, and also the senior diplomat in charge of the Tierra del Fuego embassy here in Riverside..
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Old 02-13-2018, 1:42 PM
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So after Mr McCullen handles like a bunch of these "sales" for you can you go down there and get your check ?

Wait, you better make sure he has cash for you,

people can't be trusted these days.

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Old 02-13-2018, 1:56 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcus von W. View Post
...also the senior diplomat in charge...
Don't you mean the seņor diplomat in charge?
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Old 02-13-2018, 1:59 PM
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That too. In my official work for the Tierra del Fuego government, I wear many hats....or should I say, many sombreros.
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Old 02-13-2018, 3:56 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcus von W. View Post
No, I'm Tierra del Fuego's Ambassador to the United Nations, and also the senior diplomat in charge of the Tierra del Fuego embassy here in Riverside..
Really? Are you on a first name basis with Macri?
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Old 02-13-2018, 4:08 PM
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That’s too funny! It’s nice to have a little fun with these idiots out there....it’s truly hilarious that people actually fall for this ****! Good on you for yanking this idiots chain a little hopefully he gets nailed for trying to steal peoples hard earned property and wasting your time.
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  #9  
Old 02-13-2018, 4:23 PM
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I would mess with them as long as they are on the hook. Hahaha
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Old 02-13-2018, 5:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by soopafly View Post
Don't you mean the seņor diplomat in charge?
COS "Chief of Station"....
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Old 02-13-2018, 5:48 PM
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http://ebolamonkeyman.com/index.html
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  #12  
Old 02-13-2018, 6:59 PM
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Funny, I actually know a Victor Torres here in Nevada County!
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  #13  
Old 02-13-2018, 10:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JackEllis View Post
Really? Are you on a first name basis with Macri?
Dude, he's like a little brother to me! Just yesterday he called me up and invited me to bring my pack of Dogo Argentino's down to Patagonia and go lion hunting with him.
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Last edited by Marcus von W.; 02-19-2018 at 9:02 PM.. Reason: spelling correction
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Old 02-14-2018, 3:10 AM
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Good one Marcus! Those jerks deserve worse.
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Old 02-14-2018, 6:40 AM
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I actually have the check sent to my office so it costs them some money. Then I say I never got it send another one, and on and on until they drop out.
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Old 02-14-2018, 7:08 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcus von W. View Post
Dude, he's like a little brother to me! Just yesterday he called me up and invited me to bring my pack of Dogo Argentino's down to Patagonia and go lion hunging with him.
Fun fact (Marcus knows this already, being the ambassador and all). It's muy frio in Tierra del Fuego, even in summer, but apparently the natives didn't wear clothes. They did build a lot of fires, which is how the area got its modern name (Land of Fires).
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Old 02-14-2018, 7:45 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JackEllis View Post
Fun fact (Marcus knows this already, being the ambassador and all). It's muy frio in Tierra del Fuego, even in summer, but apparently the natives didn't wear clothes. They did build a lot of fires, which is how the area got its modern name (Land of Fires).
Wouldn't it just have been better to have worn clothes? Or at least animal pelts.
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Old 02-14-2018, 8:44 AM
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Excellent question! There's no deer, no elk, no sheep. Not sure about seals. IOW, nothing they can make cloths out of. Plenty of fish, though.
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Old 02-14-2018, 8:51 AM
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OP that is awesome! Troll level: MASTER
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  #20  
Old 02-14-2018, 8:58 AM
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Shooter, man, we have hot naked native women standing around the fire, ready to cuddle to keep warm. Why would any self-respecting straight guy want to mess with that by covering those girls up in a bunch of greasy guanaco pelts?
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Old 02-14-2018, 9:42 AM
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Golf clap...
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  #22  
Old 02-14-2018, 12:07 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by coryhenry View Post
I actually have the check sent to my office so it costs them some money. Then I say I never got it send another one, and on and on until they drop out.
Even better!👍
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  #23  
Old 02-15-2018, 9:28 AM
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I have also read something along the lines where the seller (you) will be unable to complete the transaction right away because you are looking for writers as follows:
Quote:
'I am looking for 10 people who can hand copy the first volume of Harry Potter. As this project pays 500 dollars per copy plus a bonus for extreme legibility, I am surprised the college students are not more willing to perform this tack for my client (I can offer up to $850 plus the $150 bonus but still can only find 3 people who have started this process.

"You would happen to know a few friends, with very good handwriting, willing to earn a few dollars do you?

Additional work is possible (to include copies of The Hobbit).
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Old 02-15-2018, 7:27 PM
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Haha, noble work Herr Doktor! Reminds me of the fine efforts of this intrepid hero:
https://www.google.com/amp/s/gizmodo...1756344562/amp
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Old 02-19-2018, 8:59 PM
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I just received this email message from the scammer:

Hello there how re you doing i will like to inform you that the check is made to deliver tomorrow okay
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Old 02-20-2018, 4:53 AM
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I was wondering what happened with this....It's funny how they think they have you potentially on the hook. I wish all these kind of people a painful death scamming on people for their hard earned money. It's hard to believe that people fall for them at the same time though lol.
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Old 02-20-2018, 7:51 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcus von W. View Post
Dude, he's like a little brother to me! Just yesterday he called me up and invited me to bring my pack of Dogo Argentino's down to Patagonia and go lion hunting with him.
Do you own Dogo's? They are beautiful dogs... a friend of mine has one.
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Old 02-20-2018, 8:42 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OCEquestrian View Post
Do you own Dogo's? They are beautiful dogs... a friend of mine has one.
My daughter and I run a dog rescue/shelter/sanctuary for medium and large dogs and wolf-dog hybrids, and we currently have 4 Dogos here, and recently adopted out another Dogo and a "Pogo", which is a Pit/Dogo mix.
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Old 02-20-2018, 8:44 AM
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And the latest from the scammer:

SCAMMER:

Hello you dont reply my email i have been trying to reach out to you i will like to inform you that the check will be delivered today i want you to know i sent you a check that is meant for me so not delay the payment in transaction once you get the check kindly tell your friend to deposit the check and when cleared i will provide the necessary information to help send the excess funds to and also the address for the shipping thanks for your understanding



ME: I'm still down here in Tierra del Fuego taking care of my Aunt Jane ( Tia Juana in Spanish) as she continues to recover from her serious case of that dreaded tropical illness known as "Montezuma's Revenge", and I am also running her famous "Tia Juana's Donkey Show" - starring Pedro, the world famous "Happy Donkey" and his handler the lovely and talented Rosie, who perform amazing feats on stage for a live audience.....kind of like a circus show horse act, only with a pedigreed Mexican show burro.

I have instructed my good friend and business partner, Mr. Bill McMullen, to handle this transaction for me in my absence, and make sure you get everything that is coming to you.

Do you have a phone number he can contact you at should he find it necessary? Mr. Bill's phone number is 818-265-2500 and his fax is 818-265-2501 if you need to contact him for anything. I'm sure he would enjoy talking to you.

Thanks, and as we say in Spanish,
"Chinga tu pinche puta Madre, Pendejo!", which means "Hope you have a great day and it's a pleasure doing business with you".

Most sincerely,
Dr. von Weigert
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Old 02-20-2018, 8:50 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcus von W. View Post
My daughter and I run a dog rescue/shelter/sanctuary for medium and large dogs and wolf-dog hybrids, and we currently have 4 Dogos here, and recently adopted out another Dogo and a "Pogo", which is a Pit/Dogo mix.
My friend has an eight month old female Dogo he went to Argentina to get. She is the sweetest big lap dog anyone could want and the breed is just so beautiful...Cheers to you and your daughter for your work!!!
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Old 02-20-2018, 6:03 PM
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LOL. That last reply to the scammer is awesome. Let's hope he does not use Google Translate on your "hope you have a great day".
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Old 02-21-2018, 8:57 AM
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Holy smokes!the plot thickens. Love the excess funds twist. Goin for your gun and your money. You should offer him free passes to the donkey show. Maybe a stint as a guest star.
The ubiquitous scammer grammar is just icing on the cake!
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Old 02-21-2018, 9:07 AM
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Most excellent - well played sir!
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Old 02-21-2018, 9:11 AM
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I hope your Tia Juana pulls through.


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Old 02-21-2018, 9:13 AM
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"...and make sure you get everything that is coming to you."

Nice touch.
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Old 02-21-2018, 10:59 AM
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Thanks! Very entertaining.
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Old 02-23-2018, 9:55 AM
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Newest from the scammer:


SCAMMER:
i try contacting your friend he is not responding can you please have him contact me i sent out a check meant for me to him directly so as to avoid delay in payment and shipping and i haven't heard from him since


ME:
Bill says he never received your letter with the payment. He says there is a guy named Leeland Yee in the next office building over who has been stealing the checks out of people's mail to pay for his sex change operation and cocaine habit, and he thinks Mr. Yee may have taken your letter.

He said to ask you to put a stop payment order on this check with your bank and he will report it to the Los Angeles Police as stolen, and for you to send him another check so he can get your rifle and funds to you as quickly as possible.

Give me your home phone number and I will have him call you for the information he needs to report the loss to the police - the check number, the bank it was drawn on, your checking account number, the day it was made and the amount it was made out for, your mother's maiden name and place of birth, and your social security number. He needs all this information for your protection, because this Leeland Yee is a very dangerous criminal and the police will have to make sure Yee has not stolen your identity and is pretending to be you when he picks up on underage boys in the gay bars.

thanks for your anticipated cooperation,
Dr. von Weigert
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Old 02-23-2018, 9:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcus von W. View Post
Newest from the scammer:


SCAMMER:
i try contacting your friend he is not responding can you please have him contact me i sent out a check meant for me to him directly so as to avoid delay in payment and shipping and i haven't heard from him since


ME:
Bill says he never received your letter with the payment. He says there is a guy named Leeland Yee in the next office building over who has been stealing the checks out of people's mail to pay for his sex change operation and cocaine habit, and he thinks Mr. Yee may have taken your letter.

He said to ask you to put a stop payment order on this check with your bank and he will report it to the Los Angeles Police as stolen, and for you to send him another check so he can get your rifle and funds to you as quickly as possible.

Give me your home phone number and I will have him call you for the information he needs to report the loss to the police - the check number, the bank it was drawn on, your checking account number, the day it was made and the amount it was made out for, your mother's maiden name and place of birth, and your social security number. He needs all this information for your protection, because this Leeland Yee is a very dangerous criminal and the police will have to make sure Yee has not stolen your identity and is pretending to be you when he picks up on underage boys in the gay bars.

thanks for your anticipated cooperation,
Dr. von Weigert
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Old 02-23-2018, 10:26 PM
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Someone wanted his driver to pay me with credit card at my store and asked me to give back the extra money in cash to him.

I gave him the address of Sacramento PD, and that stupid mofo actually went

Later he asked me why I gave him a wrong address.
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Old 02-25-2018, 6:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcus von W. View Post
Newest from the scammer:


SCAMMER:
i try contacting your friend he is not responding can you please have him contact me i sent out a check meant for me to him directly so as to avoid delay in payment and shipping and i haven't heard from him since


ME:
Bill says he never received your letter with the payment. He says there is a guy named Leeland Yee in the next office building over who has been stealing the checks out of people's mail to pay for his sex change operation and cocaine habit, and he thinks Mr. Yee may have taken your letter.

He said to ask you to put a stop payment order on this check with your bank and he will report it to the Los Angeles Police as stolen, and for you to send him another check so he can get your rifle and funds to you as quickly as possible.

Give me your home phone number and I will have him call you for the information he needs to report the loss to the police - the check number, the bank it was drawn on, your checking account number, the day it was made and the amount it was made out for, your mother's maiden name and place of birth, and your social security number. He needs all this information for your protection, because this Leeland Yee is a very dangerous criminal and the police will have to make sure Yee has not stolen your identity and is pretending to be you when he picks up on underage boys in the gay bars.

thanks for your anticipated cooperation,
Dr. von Weigert
Oh God, please don’t let it stop! At this point, I am living vicariously through this thread. Next round, ask him to send a $5 bill so you can take the bus to pick up the check. Ask him to send a drawing of a shark fighting a monkey so you know he is legit. Ask him to attend an Amway meeting at your house. Just more!
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