Calguns.net  

Home My iTrader Join the NRA Donate to CGSSA Sponsors CGN Google Search
CA Semiauto Ban(AW)ID Flowchart CA Handgun Ban ID Flowchart CA Shotgun Ban ID Flowchart
Go Back   Calguns.net > SPECIALTY FORUMS > Ladies Forum
Register FAQ Members List Calendar Mark Forums Read

Ladies Forum A place for our female Calgunners to discuss, share and interact without the 'excess attention' sometimes found in online forums.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 07-13-2012, 8:11 AM
Untamed1972 Untamed1972 is offline
I need a LIFE!!
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 17,579
iTrader: 2 / 100%
Default Do 40yo+ women really want/expect to start families at that age?

I have a serious question for you ladies. I frequently meet single or divorced women in the 38 to 40+ year old range who do not have children yet but they want to have children or are looking to start a family or say "I want to have kids someday". at 40? Really? Someday....you're 40....when is that someday supposed to come?

I'm 40 myself, with no kids. The logical part of me easily does the math. If I met someone today and even rushed things, dated and married in a year, got pregnant right away, that adds another year till the first child is born. That puts me at 42. 42 + 5 = 47. Taking kid to first day of kindergarten when i'm 47yo? And that's at the earliest counting from today. At 47 I will be 10yrs shy of retirement. I'm gonna retire when my kid is just starting high-school?

I'm just curious if these women are really serious for the most part or are the just not coming to term with the fact that ship has sailed? Do they expect to find men in their age range 40+ that want to have more kids or start having kids?

I just have to look at them and shake my head and think quietly to myself "You must be insane".

So what say you ladies?
__________________
"Freedom begins with an act of defiance"

Quote for the day:
Quote:
"..the mind is the weapon and the hand only its extention. Discipline your mind!" Master Hao, Chenrezi monastery, Valley of the Sun

Last edited by Untamed1972; 07-13-2012 at 8:14 AM..
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 07-14-2012, 10:02 AM
movie zombie's Avatar
movie zombie movie zombie is offline
Cat-in-a Box/NRA Lifetime
CGN Contributor - Lifetime
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: SCruz Mountains
Posts: 14,644
iTrader: 3 / 100%
Default

yes, there are women at 40 wanting to start families.

i think they are insane.

and i think the guy they marry who wants to start a family at that age is equally insane.

why? you did the math.....and at a certain age it makes more sense to be a grandparent than a parent.

the most important thing is to be upfront re your desires in an adult relationship and steer clear of women that don't share your vision of the future. oh, and keep it wrapped. i had a woman friend that was dating a guy who forgot that and he ended up paying for that moment of forgetfulness for 18 years......his kids were grown and he was having fun playing the dating game with about 8 women at the time. he continued to do so and never married my friend who actually was just trying to trap him as he was a "good" catch. seriously. i say "friend" when she ended up being merely an acquaintence largely due to her not having any moral qualms re this incident.
__________________
"The theory that a woman found dead in an alley, raped and strangled with her own pantyhose, is somehow morally superior to a woman explaining to police how her attacker got that fatal bullet wound."-- as seen on a t-shirt
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Shootist View Post
Just use it for an excuse to keep buying "her" guns till you find the right one...good way to check off your wanted to buy list with the idea of finding her the one she wants of course :D
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 07-14-2012, 10:39 AM
movie zombie's Avatar
movie zombie movie zombie is offline
Cat-in-a Box/NRA Lifetime
CGN Contributor - Lifetime
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: SCruz Mountains
Posts: 14,644
iTrader: 3 / 100%
Default

wasn't implying or thinking you "trapped" Bill, LdyApxr.

just relating the experience i had with a so-called friend as a cautionary tale for the OP.

this "friend" also had a good job, had bought a home, had a car, etc. and was in the 40 or so age group. she was more than capable of supporting a child on her own, especially since she had already declared she wanted a baby. the problem is she didn't tell the lover and she really did think he was a good catch and she'd get him. i think she filed for child support out of revenge for his not marrying her. in the end he never did marry her; however, his family did accept the child and had visitation with the little girl as well as including her in on family events and having parties for her. he never really did, though.

T was a good mother. but guys need to think twice before having sex w/o taking responsibility/precautions for themselves. never trust that the woman really is on the pill....or if you've seen the movie Your Sister's Sister, don't trust that the condom your lover shows up with hasn't been tampered with. even unprotected sex with women that are supposedly infertile can result in pregnancy. friends of my parents were declared infertile and so adopted. one year later she was pregnant. they loved both kids equally but infertility is a complicated circumstance and not always accurate.

glad you, Bill, and Riley worked it out to your satisfaction. i'm sure your independent attitude had a lot to do with that.
__________________
"The theory that a woman found dead in an alley, raped and strangled with her own pantyhose, is somehow morally superior to a woman explaining to police how her attacker got that fatal bullet wound."-- as seen on a t-shirt
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Shootist View Post
Just use it for an excuse to keep buying "her" guns till you find the right one...good way to check off your wanted to buy list with the idea of finding her the one she wants of course :D
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 07-17-2012, 1:15 PM
Lifeon2whls's Avatar
Lifeon2whls Lifeon2whls is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,751
iTrader: 12 / 100%
Default

From a guy's perspective...

My father was 50 and my mother was 35 when they had me...and I have a sister who is 2.5 years younger.

I never had any problems with parents that were, most of the time, older than everyone else's. Age is what you make of it and if you want kids, they won't care how old you are when you cart them off the kindergarten or see them off the college. That said, the hard time with it is really now. I'm in my 30's and settling down and my father is in his 80's. There is a very good likelyhood he won't get to see my children and my mother will be close to (if not already) 70 by the time I have them.

I don't want to wait to have children for this reason but I know plenty of women who simply arent ready and are waiting until later in life to have their kids. The biggest benefit is that you're more likely stable in a career and able to take time with your children...or even like my mother...take an early retirement.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 07-20-2012, 9:52 PM
onequickshift's Avatar
onequickshift onequickshift is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 466
iTrader: 0 / 0%
Default

Ummm my aunt is 50, a widow, her husband died to mel cancer. Her oldest son died in a car accident coming home from a late night job when retarded greaser boys drag racing a mustang and a nova slammed into his little civic, stock and driving normal, on his green light, they were going far to fast to stop and thought theyd just run a stop light.

Anyways, shed been devastated. Withdrawn. That was 3 years ago, a year after, she entertained thoughts of maybe dating...never happened. And just a few months ago, she adopted a little 7 yo asian girl lol. And by accident a few WEEKS ago, ran into her first bf from the east coast when she was in junior high...

They reconnected, and since he was a widower himself, no kids. Oddly its been perfect for her. If you didnt know the girl was adopted youd think they were a family that was made, rather then assembled now...but still. Little girl calls her mommy, and the love is beautifully amazing. Age honestly, has nothing to do with it...

My aunt is a Dr, at a local hospital, has a great income, her bf was a nurse when he was younger, but now is a pharma at local drug store, both super stable. And aunts thinking of getting for little girl and adding to her family, a chesapeake retriever.

Life can reinvent at the strangest time in ones life...
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 07-20-2012, 10:21 PM
QQQ's Avatar
QQQ QQQ is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 2,243
iTrader: 6 / 100%
Default

Women who are over 40 should not be making children. Given the elevated risk of Down's and other birth defects (not to mention other pregnancy complications), it's a selfish and dangerous move. Either adopt or reproduce when it's still healthy to do so. The same applies to men.

Finding love? That's a different matter entirely.

Last edited by QQQ; 07-20-2012 at 10:26 PM..
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 07-21-2012, 7:34 AM
movie zombie's Avatar
movie zombie movie zombie is offline
Cat-in-a Box/NRA Lifetime
CGN Contributor - Lifetime
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: SCruz Mountains
Posts: 14,644
iTrader: 3 / 100%
Default

QQQ, thread is not about "should" but are women really serious about having kids after 40....and the answer is yes many women are. as a woman i think they're crazy but then i have guns and many women think i'm crazy.
__________________
"The theory that a woman found dead in an alley, raped and strangled with her own pantyhose, is somehow morally superior to a woman explaining to police how her attacker got that fatal bullet wound."-- as seen on a t-shirt
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Shootist View Post
Just use it for an excuse to keep buying "her" guns till you find the right one...good way to check off your wanted to buy list with the idea of finding her the one she wants of course :D
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 07-21-2012, 7:57 AM
anthonyca anthonyca is offline
Calguns Addict
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 6,316
iTrader: 0 / 0%
Default

Male here. I did a.job in a fertility clinic and there was a woman patient who must.have been 70. There is no way she.was under 55.
__________________
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Union...70812799700206

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wherryj View Post
I am a physician. I am held to being "the expert" in medicine. I can't fall back on feigned ignorance and the statement that the patient should have known better than I. When an officer "can't be expected to know the entire penal code", but a citizen is held to "ignorance is no excuse", this is equivalent to ME being able to sue my patient for my own malpractice-after all, the patient should have known better, right?
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 07-21-2012, 8:26 AM
RileyBean RileyBean is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 258
iTrader: 0 / 0%
Default

Had both my sons with my wife and I both near 40 (+\- 2 years). It's been perfect! Plenty of money, large house, great stability. Definitely wouldn't have been nearly as rewarding if I were much younger. IMHO.

Last edited by RileyBean; 07-21-2012 at 8:29 AM..
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 07-21-2012, 10:01 AM
jeep7081's Avatar
jeep7081 jeep7081 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Tree House
Posts: 1,534
iTrader: 13 / 100%
Default

It's tough. I had 2 kids in my 20's and 2 around 40yr. Big difference. Yes, more mature. More stabile. But, not as much energy. Although, wife is much younger and keeps up with them, I on the other hand struggle. I also agree, if I make it to 80yrs old as my grandparents have, that puts my youngest in his 40's. Still a full life ahead I will miss out on vs my older kids who will be in their 60's. So, waiting, I personally feel has it's disadvantages.
__________________
-If you insult me for my grammar errors, what makes you think I understand the insult?
-Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Are we done
-Voting is like falling off your bike. Sidewalk or street. Both are painful to fall on. But, the sidewalk (Mitt) is closer to the green grass.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 07-21-2012, 5:17 PM
SacRN SacRN is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: N. California
Posts: 3
iTrader: 0 / 0%
Default

To the OP - yes there are many woman who want children even though they are 40's. Some because they wanted the picture perfect house, husband etc and it didn't materialize that way. Others wanted to wait and now their biological clock is ticking. If you do not want children, just be forward about that fact and keep yourself from having children (yes, accidents sometimes happen but can mostly be avoided).

I work in a field where I see many older women having kids, for many different reasons. It happens fairly often.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 07-26-2012, 8:08 AM
Untamed1972 Untamed1972 is offline
I need a LIFE!!
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 17,579
iTrader: 2 / 100%
Default

Thanks for the input ladies. Sorry I didn't respond sooner, forgot to check back here after I posted this.
__________________
"Freedom begins with an act of defiance"

Quote for the day:
Quote:
"..the mind is the weapon and the hand only its extention. Discipline your mind!" Master Hao, Chenrezi monastery, Valley of the Sun
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 07-26-2012, 8:19 AM
Untamed1972 Untamed1972 is offline
I need a LIFE!!
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 17,579
iTrader: 2 / 100%
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by RileyBean View Post
Had both my sons with my wife and I both near 40 (+\- 2 years). It's been perfect! Plenty of money, large house, great stability. Definitely wouldn't have been nearly as rewarding if I were much younger. IMHO.

I think it would be one thing to consider having kids at 40 if you'd already been married for awhile.

But if you're 40+ and single and still looking for a relationship with the intent of having kids....I think that's chasing a dying or dead dream.

In the last 10yrs I've dated women who have kids already (and many do not want anymore) but that never really worked out for me either. And I've tried many variations, ie number of kids, ages of kids, father's involvement, etc. None of it really seemed to work out. There was always some kinda "ex drama", being "the other guy" sucks too. It always felt like "stepping into someone elses life already in progress".

Might just hafta wait a few more years till some of those Moms' kids are old enough that they're are out of the house. I dunno, just a sucky age to be single I guess. I've met alot of otherwise great women, but that issue always seems to get in the way.

Guess that's the price a pay for making a bad choice the first time around in my 20's.
__________________
"Freedom begins with an act of defiance"

Quote for the day:
Quote:
"..the mind is the weapon and the hand only its extention. Discipline your mind!" Master Hao, Chenrezi monastery, Valley of the Sun
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 07-26-2012, 8:38 AM
movie zombie's Avatar
movie zombie movie zombie is offline
Cat-in-a Box/NRA Lifetime
CGN Contributor - Lifetime
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: SCruz Mountains
Posts: 14,644
iTrader: 3 / 100%
Default

unfair? who said life was fair?....certainly not my mother!

i call it being clear about your own responsibilities and what you were willing and not willing to deal with. i call it making a mature, adult decision. i call it making sure you didn't set yourself up for failure. more should be so honest with themselves and with their potential partners.
__________________
"The theory that a woman found dead in an alley, raped and strangled with her own pantyhose, is somehow morally superior to a woman explaining to police how her attacker got that fatal bullet wound."-- as seen on a t-shirt
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Shootist View Post
Just use it for an excuse to keep buying "her" guns till you find the right one...good way to check off your wanted to buy list with the idea of finding her the one she wants of course :D
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 07-26-2012, 9:02 AM
Untamed1972 Untamed1972 is offline
I need a LIFE!!
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 17,579
iTrader: 2 / 100%
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by LdyApxr View Post
I'm gonna step out on a limb here and admit that when I was a single mom with my oldest son(he's 23 now), his father was never in the picture and to this day even though he lives in the town that all of my family live in 2hrs away, Josh has never met him and does not want to. But I will admit that I was really biased about dating guys who had kids. I didn't want THEIR drama. I didn't have drama and did not need any from a guy with an ex and kids. Unfair? Sure, but that is just how I am.
I've met women like that too and generally thought they were pretty hypocritical and just walked away. But it was usually because they had a boat load of ex drama of their own they expected the guy to suck up but didn't wanna return the favor.

It was rare to meet single mom's where dad was totally outta the picture. Usually he was around but just a dirtbag trouble maker. The couple mom's I most seriously pursued were one's who one young child with no dad in the picture. My fear always was one day dad would decide to show up and insist on being in the picture and start making trouble tho.

To this day my "One that got away" that I still kick myself about was a single mom, with one young daughter at the time. But she lived a couple hours away (met while I was traveling for work) and because of shared custody issues she would have never been able to move, and my job isn't portable to where she was.
__________________
"Freedom begins with an act of defiance"

Quote for the day:
Quote:
"..the mind is the weapon and the hand only its extention. Discipline your mind!" Master Hao, Chenrezi monastery, Valley of the Sun
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 07-26-2012, 9:06 AM
POLICESTATE's Avatar
POLICESTATE POLICESTATE is offline
I need a LIFE!!
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: TEXAS
Posts: 18,183
iTrader: 25 / 100%
Default

Had our kids in our early and mid-30's. Can't imagine starting out at 40, it would kill me.

Also parenting these days isn't the same as it was in the good old days. Too many products, too much advice, too much BS and most of the other preschool and elementary parents I think are idiots but then I live in the bay area so I guess it's kind of stacked like that here.
__________________
-POLICESTATE,
In the name of the State, and of the School, and of the Infallible Science


If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face — forever.


Government Official Lies
. F r e e d o m . D i e s .
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 08-20-2012, 2:45 PM
Tlc.norcal's Avatar
Tlc.norcal Tlc.norcal is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Eureka
Posts: 54
iTrader: 0 / 0%
Default

As someone just getting back into the single scene, if the 'kid' meaning the other person has kids at home subject comes up, I simply move on down the line. Because to be honest, I have truly done my time at this age, and don't need to do it again. I'm totally cool with people with kids, especially kids that are grown up or nearly grown up. But if they have little kids or kids that need them, they should be there for their kids, not looking for a future Mrs. Ex. As for wanting kids after 40+ hell no.

I don't really like my sleep interrupted by feverish babies... now other interruptions sometimes that's nice...
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 08-20-2012, 2:54 PM
POLICESTATE's Avatar
POLICESTATE POLICESTATE is offline
I need a LIFE!!
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: TEXAS
Posts: 18,183
iTrader: 25 / 100%
Default

I don't, thought of this. And look it has Tim Curry in it!
__________________
-POLICESTATE,
In the name of the State, and of the School, and of the Infallible Science


If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face — forever.


Government Official Lies
. F r e e d o m . D i e s .
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 08-20-2012, 2:54 PM
9mmrevolver's Avatar
9mmrevolver 9mmrevolver is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: neverland
Posts: 1,477
iTrader: 3 / 100%
Default

Another thing to ponder. My wife's friend had a kid late in life. He has autism. Went to a bday party for him that had mostly autistic kids. All of the mothers were older too. Seems to me the older u are the more likely you are gunna have a kid with some sort of retardation.
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 08-20-2012, 3:08 PM
POLICESTATE's Avatar
POLICESTATE POLICESTATE is offline
I need a LIFE!!
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: TEXAS
Posts: 18,183
iTrader: 25 / 100%
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by 9mmrevolver View Post
Another thing to ponder. My wife's friend had a kid late in life. He has autism. Went to a bday party for him that had mostly autistic kids. All of the mothers were older too. Seems to me the older u are the more likely you are gunna have a kid with some sort of retardation.
The older women get, the more risk there is of a variety of things. There's loads of research and information on it, but folks want what they want and damn the consequences.

I say you're best off having kids young, you have the energy.
__________________
-POLICESTATE,
In the name of the State, and of the School, and of the Infallible Science


If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face — forever.


Government Official Lies
. F r e e d o m . D i e s .
Reply With Quote
  #21  
Old 08-20-2012, 8:41 PM
barbasol's Avatar
barbasol barbasol is offline
Senior Mumbler
CGN Contributor
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Long Beach
Posts: 954
iTrader: 37 / 100%
Default

My wife and i are actively trying and she is 42. I am 36. She has a 15 year old from a previous marriage who is now my daughter. We are all excited about it.

Neither of us see any issues with it
__________________
Free Loan Modification Review and Short Sale Info for any Calgunners in Socal. PM me for details
15% commission rebate and 5% donation to Calguns Foundation for any closed home sale by a Calgunner or referral. PM for details*subject to lender approval
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 08-21-2012, 5:44 AM
Steve G Steve G is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: SoCal
Posts: 1,879
iTrader: 28 / 100%
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by barbasol View Post
My wife and i are actively trying and she is 42. I am 36. She has a 15 year old from a previous marriage who is now my daughter. We are all excited about it.

Neither of us see any issues with it
Wow how selfish.
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 08-26-2012, 1:12 PM
2Cute2Shoot's Avatar
2Cute2Shoot 2Cute2Shoot is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Bay Area
Posts: 1,038
iTrader: 0 / 0%
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by movie zombie View Post
yes, there are women at 40 wanting to start families.

i think they are insane.

and i think the guy they marry who wants to start a family at that age is equally insane.

why? you did the math.....and at a certain age it makes more sense to be a grandparent than a parent.

I TOTALLY disagree! i dont kno where you get all that from! i personally think some of the BEST parents are the ones who actually waited to have children until they were mature and financially stable! some of us are just not ready at 21 to be having babies. And if i am going to live into my 70's or 80's unless i get hit by a bus or something then that should be more than long enough!

i would rather be 40 and set in my career where i have money saved up enough to buy that baby the better things in life, and to where i am in management and not just a worker so i can take that time off to pick up my baby from school or be there when he/she is sick etc., and not be sticking him in daycare all the time because i have NO control over my schedule.
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 08-26-2012, 1:18 PM
odysseus's Avatar
odysseus odysseus is offline
I need a LIFE!!
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: NorCal
Posts: 10,407
iTrader: 1 / 100%
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by 2Cute2Shoot View Post
where i am in management and not just a worker so i can take that time off to pick up my baby from school or be there when he/she is sick etc., and not be sticking him in daycare all the time because i have NO control over my schedule.
Aside from your other points, which I don't disagree too much and it's your life to live (plenty of people are having kids later in life than in their 20's), this part I quoted struck me.

I don't know what industry you might thinking of, but "management" doesn't mean less time or demands, but it often means more time demands. What do you think you will be "managing"? Daycare will be a norm in most scenarios like you elude to, unless you have a stay-at-home husband. I am not sure where you got this idea, but I want to alert to it.
__________________
"Just leave me alone, I know what to do." - Kimi Raikkonen

The moment the idea is admitted into society, that property is not as sacred as the laws of God, and that there is not a force of law and public justice to protect it, anarchy and tyranny commence.' and that `Property is surely a right of mankind as real as liberty.'
- John Adams

http://www.usdebtclock.org/
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 08-26-2012, 1:24 PM
2Cute2Shoot's Avatar
2Cute2Shoot 2Cute2Shoot is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Bay Area
Posts: 1,038
iTrader: 0 / 0%
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by odysseus View Post
Aside from your other points, which I don't disagree too much and it's your life to live (plenty of people are having kids later in life than in their 20's), this part I quoted struck me.

I don't know what industry you might thinking of, but "management" doesn't mean less time or demands, but it often means more time demands. What do you think you will be "managing"? Daycare will be a norm in most scenarios like you elude to, unless you have a stay-at-home husband. I am not sure where you got this idea, but I want to alert to it.
i am not talking about 'less' hours im talking about more control of your schedule. i have some older gf's that are management so they can come and go how they want a LOT easier than someone my age. they dont have that boss over their shoulder expecting them to work x hours. I have been told SOO many times by girls to just wait until i have proven myself (and getting promotion to manager is a good signal of that) to where the boss wants to know that i am completing my task and not working those hours. I think if you cannot be a stay at home mom, then that is WAY better.
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 08-26-2012, 1:36 PM
bill_k_lopez bill_k_lopez is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Long Beach
Posts: 2,836
iTrader: 20 / 95%
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by movie zombie View Post
yes, there are women at 40 wanting to start families.

i think they are insane.

and i think the guy they marry who wants to start a family at that age is equally insane.

why? you did the math.....and at a certain age it makes more sense to be a grandparent than a parent.
Some of us wanted to have established lives\careers and be financially\emotionally stable before getting into having kids rather than being young reckless and ending up single parents. Everyone has their own thoughts on how this thing called "life" works.

I'll be retiring the year my oldest graduates from HS and 62 when his brother graduates. I did the math, and its just numbers.

Last edited by bill_k_lopez; 08-26-2012 at 1:39 PM..
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Old 08-26-2012, 2:05 PM
movie zombie's Avatar
movie zombie movie zombie is offline
Cat-in-a Box/NRA Lifetime
CGN Contributor - Lifetime
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: SCruz Mountains
Posts: 14,644
iTrader: 3 / 100%
Default

glad it worked for you, bill.
just 'cause i think its insane, doesn't mean it doesn't work for others.

the OP was asking women if it really was a desire by some women at age 40.
my response as a female respondant stands: yes, there are women wanting to do that....but i think they are insane. doesn't make me right, doesn't make wrong....just means i stated my opinion.

but in the end it is what each individual and then each couple wants. there really is no right or wrong. and you are right that numbers are just numbers.

the OP expressed he has no desire to start a family. he's clear about it for himself after running the numbers. now he needs to date women who've come to the same conclusion as he has....

heck, i've also known women that established their careers but didn't have an SO/husband so they went the single parent route on their own. i think they're crazy, too.....but its not me, is it? and they're doing fine.
__________________
"The theory that a woman found dead in an alley, raped and strangled with her own pantyhose, is somehow morally superior to a woman explaining to police how her attacker got that fatal bullet wound."-- as seen on a t-shirt
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Shootist View Post
Just use it for an excuse to keep buying "her" guns till you find the right one...good way to check off your wanted to buy list with the idea of finding her the one she wants of course :D
Reply With Quote
  #28  
Old 08-26-2012, 2:33 PM
Sunday Sunday is offline
Calguns Addict
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Shasta Co.
Posts: 5,574
iTrader: 1 / 100%
Default

The clock is ticking !!!!!!!! Being a parent is interesting. I became a parent a 37 and it has been great but if I was a parent at 19 then when the kids were 21 I would be 40 And maybe be a young grandparent ? But shoulda, coulda, woulda doesn't count.
Reply With Quote
  #29  
Old 08-26-2012, 3:26 PM
Sakiri's Avatar
Sakiri Sakiri is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Arcata
Posts: 1,395
iTrader: 0 / 0%
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by QQQ View Post
Women who are over 40 should not be making children. Given the elevated risk of Down's and other birth defects (not to mention other pregnancy complications), it's a selfish and dangerous move. Either adopt or reproduce when it's still healthy to do so. The same applies to men.

Finding love? That's a different matter entirely.

This is how I feel about it.

I'm 31 years old right now. I have an IUD in. This particular one needs to be out 5 years after it's put in(hormonal).

If by the time I have this thing removed I have not decided to have children(I'll be 35) I will be getting the surgery done and I will adopt later if I *do* decide to have kids. I refuse to have them that late.

I've been fighting this decision with my family for a decade now. Mom wanted me to have kids, my sister had two and it took until this past year for my mother to finally admit to me that me not having kids was the best decision I made. I told her it's not over yet, but she's adamant that not popping out kids with different fathers and not being married or whatever is not better than not having kids. My sister's two sons are by two different fathers and she's never been married. Mom's stuck with her oldest all the time and the younger was put up for adoption during her pregnancy, adopted at birth.

Only reason we're even *thinking* about the remote possibility right now is because my partner is 24. He might want kids in the next few years. He's also the last male on his father's side with the death of his cousin last year.

We'll see. I don't expect people to push having kids way early when they aren't ready for them, but I honestly think 40 is a bit too old to start planning a pregnancy.

Just my 2cp
Reply With Quote
  #30  
Old 08-26-2012, 3:42 PM
8bitnintendo's Avatar
8bitnintendo 8bitnintendo is offline
Space Cadet
CGN Contributor - Lifetime
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Redwood City
Posts: 1,305
iTrader: 5 / 100%
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sakiri View Post
If by the time I have this thing removed I have not decided to have children(I'll be 35) I will be getting the surgery done and I will adopt later if I *do* decide to have kids. I refuse to have them that late. I've been fighting this decision with my family for a decade now...
Tubal ligation is really minimally invasive, I had mine done 7 years ago (at 25) and it was an outpatient surgery. I took that day off work (surgery at 7AM) and was back at work the following day without taking any of the painkillers prescribed, just Aleve.

Regarding the family, one option is also just not to inform them whether you decide to get sterilized or not, just tell them you don't plan to have children "yet" since it isn't really their business. If more kids in the family is that high on their priority list, they can birth and raise them.

Or, (but I haven't really looked into it), I hear you can freeze eggs now. If you're on the fence you might be able to freeze some while you're young and in vitro fertilize your own eggs into yourself later. IVF is expensive and requires multiple attempts for a likely success, but if you think you might decide later that you need children with your own genes that is another way to go.
__________________
"Decompression planning is like measuring with a micrometer, marking with chalk, and cutting with an ax."
NRA Endowment Member
CRPA Life Member
Reply With Quote
  #31  
Old 08-26-2012, 4:00 PM
Sakiri's Avatar
Sakiri Sakiri is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Arcata
Posts: 1,395
iTrader: 0 / 0%
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by 8bitnintendo View Post
Tubal ligation is really minimally invasive, I had mine done 7 years ago (at 25) and it was an outpatient surgery. I took that day off work (surgery at 7AM) and was back at work the following day without taking any of the painkillers prescribed, just Aleve.

Regarding the family, one option is also just not to inform them whether you decide to get sterilized or not, just tell them you don't plan to have children "yet" since it isn't really their business. If more kids in the family is that high on their priority list, they can birth and raise them.

Or, (but I haven't really looked into it), I hear you can freeze eggs now. If you're on the fence you might be able to freeze some while you're young and in vitro fertilize your own eggs into yourself later. IVF is expensive and requires multiple attempts for a likely success, but if you think you might decide later that you need children with your own genes that is another way to go.
My mom was on my case since my first marriage(19 years old) "when are you gonna have kids? I wanna be a grandma" and up until I divorced him. I moved to the West Coast and it died down a bit when I was 27.

I'd planned on a tubal when I was 21 or 22 but the insurance didn't want to pay for it because I was "too young" unless there was some medical issue like gross deformity or a genetic issue that I didn't want to pass on or had AIDS or something. Typically doctors back home don't like doing them on anyone under the age of 30 that hasn't had at least 2 kids yet. /rolleyes

Egg freezing is an idea for those younger than I I'd think. Just remember that cells can rupture while frozen and it might not be 100% possible to use them.

I have no regrets, personally, and ultimately it's everyone's decision to make on their own with this one, but we all have opinions.
Reply With Quote
  #32  
Old 08-26-2012, 4:04 PM
NSR500 NSR500 is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Houston & SF Bay Area
Posts: 19,531
iTrader: 2 / 100%
Default

I'm not interested in having kids past 30, but I ain't going to fault someone for trying. Having my daughter is the best thing that has happened for me. If people can support their kids then more power to them.
Reply With Quote
  #33  
Old 08-26-2012, 4:07 PM
8bitnintendo's Avatar
8bitnintendo 8bitnintendo is offline
Space Cadet
CGN Contributor - Lifetime
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Redwood City
Posts: 1,305
iTrader: 5 / 100%
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sakiri View Post
I'd planned on a tubal when I was 21 or 22 but the insurance didn't want to pay for it because I was "too young" unless there was some medical issue like gross deformity or a genetic issue that I didn't want to pass on or had AIDS or something. Typically doctors back home don't like doing them on anyone under the age of 30 that hasn't had at least 2 kids yet.
Gotcha, wasn't a problem with my insurance or with doctors out here -- I grew up in North Carolina, and I'm sure it would have been almost impossible there, unless I went to Planned Parenthood or something and paid out of pocket. It didn't even come up with insurance, but maybe they were just thanking their lucky stars it would spare them on paying for prenatal and obstetrics, which can be much pricier. In California there are laws regarding health providers discriminating on sterilizations based on age, number of prior children, etc. That probably made it easier since my doc was trying to persuade me not to since I might change my mind -- I can't exactly blame him, given the way medical liability works these days. I have to wonder whether he'd have been trying to persuade me not to have kids in case I changed my mind; what, would I be able to give them back?
__________________
"Decompression planning is like measuring with a micrometer, marking with chalk, and cutting with an ax."
NRA Endowment Member
CRPA Life Member
Reply With Quote
  #34  
Old 08-26-2012, 7:12 PM
fal_762x51's Avatar
fal_762x51 fal_762x51 is offline
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: BFE
Posts: 2,614
iTrader: 38 / 100%
Default

__________________


Antelope Valley grown, now State of Jefferson transplant.
Reply With Quote
  #35  
Old 08-26-2012, 7:17 PM
Bugguts's Avatar
Bugguts Bugguts is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 1,286
iTrader: 0 / 0%
Default

I asked for a tubal after my oldest son was born. I KNEW I did not want any more kids and I was told that my insurance wouldn't pay for it because I was too young and may change my mind(I was 20).
Reply With Quote
  #36  
Old 08-26-2012, 7:31 PM
kermitz's Avatar
kermitz kermitz is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Vacaville CA
Posts: 651
iTrader: 4 / 100%
Default

My grandmother had 5 kids, the 5th was born 25 years after the 1st one. She was in her 40's and my uncle(#5) sure seems retarded. My cousin waited until she was 42 to start a family, both of her kids are autistic. I think age is a definite factor in the health of the child.
__________________
John Moses Browning 1855 - 1926
Eugene Morrison Stoner 1922 - 1997
Reply With Quote
  #37  
Old 08-26-2012, 8:39 PM
Sakiri's Avatar
Sakiri Sakiri is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Arcata
Posts: 1,395
iTrader: 0 / 0%
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by kermitz View Post
My grandmother had 5 kids, the 5th was born 25 years after the 1st one. She was in her 40's and my uncle(#5) sure seems retarded. My cousin waited until she was 42 to start a family, both of her kids are autistic. I think age is a definite factor in the health of the child.
All of the studies I've seen have found evidence to suggest this, but it's ultimately up to the couple if they want to risk it or not.

Way I look at it is this: You're a woman. You have two ovaries. Those two ovaries contain every single egg you'll ever develop in your entire life. Only a few hundred of these ever actually mature. As you get older, cells start breaking down. Older you are, the higher potential for your eggs to be damaged. Damaged egg can result in birth defects or mental retardation.

I personally wouldn't risk it, but others would. It's subjective.
Reply With Quote
  #38  
Old 08-26-2012, 8:45 PM
Sakiri's Avatar
Sakiri Sakiri is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Arcata
Posts: 1,395
iTrader: 0 / 0%
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bugguts View Post
I asked for a tubal after my oldest son was born. I KNEW I did not want any more kids and I was told that my insurance wouldn't pay for it because I was too young and may change my mind(I was 20).
This is precisely what I was told.

I have certain things that run in my family, such as mental disorders that have a tendency of being familial, and I'd rather not risk passing that gene on to a kid that I'd be incapable of handling. In short, with my unstable lifestyle, I'd be a terrible mother. The child would be a burden on the state.

I was in Pennsylvania at the time as well. Things may work out later but eh. In the meantime, as I said, I have no regrets. Adoption is a possibility. And I look at that this way: Kid born, gave up for whatever reason, needs a chance to become a civil adult and not a statistic. Adopt that kid, give him a chance, statistic removed.
Reply With Quote
  #39  
Old 08-26-2012, 9:08 PM
movie zombie's Avatar
movie zombie movie zombie is offline
Cat-in-a Box/NRA Lifetime
CGN Contributor - Lifetime
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: SCruz Mountains
Posts: 14,644
iTrader: 3 / 100%
Default

age of the father is important:

http://articles.latimes.com/2001/jul/23/health/he-25555

perhaps more important than the age of the mother.
__________________
"The theory that a woman found dead in an alley, raped and strangled with her own pantyhose, is somehow morally superior to a woman explaining to police how her attacker got that fatal bullet wound."-- as seen on a t-shirt
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Shootist View Post
Just use it for an excuse to keep buying "her" guns till you find the right one...good way to check off your wanted to buy list with the idea of finding her the one she wants of course :D
Reply With Quote
  #40  
Old 08-26-2012, 9:21 PM
Bugguts's Avatar
Bugguts Bugguts is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 1,286
iTrader: 0 / 0%
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by movie zombie View Post
age of the father is important:

http://articles.latimes.com/2001/jul/23/health/he-25555

perhaps more important than the age of the mother.
That is pretty interesting. My son's father was 44yrs old when I got pregnant. His younger brother was diagnosed paranoid psychotic. That alone was reason enough for my son's father to never want children. He does not have it but it is in the family. Our son though is just fine do far but it still upsets his dad that at some point he may turn out like his uncle.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 12:57 PM.




Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions Inc.
Proudly hosted by GeoVario the Premier 2A host.
Calguns.net, the 'Calguns' name and all associated variants and logos are ® Trademark and © Copyright 2002-2021, Calguns.net an Incorporated Company All Rights Reserved.
All opinions, statements and remarks made by Calguns.net on this web site and elsewhere are solely attributable to Calguns.net.



Seams2SewBySusy