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Ladies Forum A place for our female Calgunners to discuss, share and interact without the 'excess attention' sometimes found in online forums.

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  #41  
Old 02-22-2013, 8:33 AM
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Originally Posted by becciboo View Post
Yes yes yes! I'm in the process of purchasing my first gun right now and I asked my husband why he's not excited at all about this. He said he's worried because we have a kid.. And it's not "safe" Despite, you know, having a safe. And being pretty educated about gun safety. They really need to add this to the premarital counseling questionaires!
Agreed re: the questionnaires

Have you taken him out shooting yet?

Guns/self defense is a complicated topic. Personally, I think it comes down to a person's natural fight/flight response. From everything I have read. a person's chance of survival in a sticky situation seems to decline rapidly when they go against their innate response.

Kids are an interesting topic too. I myself don't know how I feel about having readily accessible firearms around kids. I've heard all the different opinions on the topic. I think it depends on your kid. I don't know if there is a way to ever be 100% safe, but I think you can be 100% responsible. It seems that there is no perfect answer. If you don't want them to get at it without supervision, it would seem that you have to store it in a way that is not readily accessible to anyone.


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  #42  
Old 02-22-2013, 8:35 AM
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Originally Posted by becciboo View Post
Yes yes yes! I'm in the process of purchasing my first gun right now and I asked my husband why he's not excited at all about this. He said he's worried because we have a kid.. And it's not "safe" Despite, you know, having a safe. And being pretty educated about gun safety. They really need to add this to the premarital counseling questionaires!
Damn, I must of missed that part. Probably would of saved me a divorce.
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  #43  
Old 02-22-2013, 9:17 AM
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Originally Posted by becciboo View Post
Yes yes yes! I'm in the process of purchasing my first gun right now and I asked my husband why he's not excited at all about this. He said he's worried because we have a kid.. And it's not "safe"
I think it is vitally important that your husband should go to a handgun safety class, ASAP. And your child too, if she's old enough.

It's scary to have any adult in a house with a gun, who does not know how to handle it safely. (I'm having visions of your hubby being home alone with your child and some crack head starts to break in. Dollars to donuts he'd reach for your gun to defend your child, ethics or no ethics...)

Safety first, always.
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  #44  
Old 02-22-2013, 10:00 AM
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My wife loves to shoot. I've owned guns during our whole relationship but she hasnt gotten into them until this last year when I bought her the Glock she wanted. My only qualm about having a SO that shares the same passion you do is that its hard to go off an enjoy it buy yourself sometimes. Its great if you can find a partner who likes to share in your hobbies but when you're together day in/day out, its nice to be able to get away and not have them be sad/upset that you didnt let them come to the range with you.

I also ride motorcycles (another big red flag, even more so than guns I found) and when I would date someone and think things could get serious I made it VERY CLEAR that there were two things in my life I was not getting rid of, my guns and my motorcycles (unless I decided proactively to do so). If they couldn't accept that then I couldnt move forward with them. Its a bit harsh but once that's clear and you've communicated this, its a much smoother road (and easier conversation when IF they try to bring it back up later).
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  #45  
Old 02-22-2013, 11:59 AM
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I think that the most important ingredient for a successful relationship is mutual respect.

My wife is adamantly anti-gun, but we had a long and honest discussion early in dating. I made it clear that I would not ever change and she understood this. I also made it clear that if we had kids, they would be raised in the shooting sports and hunting, and agreed.

Because she's a woman of her word and we respect eachother, everything's still good.
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  #46  
Old 02-22-2013, 12:04 PM
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Originally Posted by Lifeon2whls View Post
I also ride motorcycles (another big red flag, even more so than guns I found) and when I would date someone and think things could get serious I made it VERY CLEAR that there were two things in my life I was not getting rid of, my guns and my motorcycles (unless I decided proactively to do so). If they couldn't accept that then I couldnt move forward with them. Its a bit harsh but once that's clear and you've communicated this, its a much smoother road (and easier conversation when IF they try to bring it back up later).

This is a smart move. At the end of the day, it's not like you didn't tell them ahead of time which way the wind was blowing on those issues. I've worked with the military and I have witnessed a similar issue with military wives. I've seen girls get married to servicemen and *then* the women bug out later about why he's never home, what he does is so unsafe, etc.


Don't get me wrong, I am NOT knocking military spouses. I've just [unfortunately] had to counsel many Sailors and Marines through these troubles (as a part of my professional employment) and it seems like some of the women just didn't understand what they were getting themselves into. They act surprised like, "Wait. What do you mean you have to go out to sea for 6 months?! Can't you just stay home?!" Uhm...no...he can't.


The same goes for gun ownership. If a significant other has a problem with it; it's best he or she know about the ground rules up front.


Of course, this doesn't apply if the significant other finds an interest in guns (or decides to join the military!) AFTER marriage. In that case, the spouse gets to weigh in on the issue.


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  #47  
Old 02-22-2013, 2:35 PM
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I stalked my Better Half when I found out he carried a 1911

The rest is history - lol
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  #48  
Old 02-22-2013, 4:22 PM
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Originally Posted by becciboo View Post
I should clarify. He's not legally allowed access to a firearm.

Uh oh....if your spouse is not legally allowed to access a firearm, you may not be able to have it in the house at all. I believe that there is some question amongst the legal community about whether or not a firearm can be in the house even if it is "not his" and "it's in a safe and he doesn't have the combination", etc.

Maybe someone with more knowledge can chime in here?


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  #49  
Old 02-22-2013, 4:28 PM
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If there is trouble, do you want a man who will step forward and protect you and the kids, or a little guy who asks you to get your gun?
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  #50  
Old 02-22-2013, 4:44 PM
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It's absolutely, 110% a deal-breaker for me if a woman is not into firearms, at least to some extent.
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  #51  
Old 02-22-2013, 4:49 PM
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Originally Posted by beb View Post
Movie zombie: Awww

I think my problem is that I have very few hobbies/interests. Its pretty much only cars and guns.... I don't like movies, dancing, music, anything. Lol. I'm pretty boring so I figure I do need guns to be a common interest..

You guys are right, I guess I can't make a universal rule but it is nice to have this fantasy going on in my head lol.
You're in luck, those are the two hobbies that my friend's wives complain about the most. Where are you meeting these guys who don't like cars and guns?

I am not the person to ask since I haven't been in a long term relationship in a while, and I am not a woman, but I'll put in my two cents. I don't think it's a deal breaker to have a spouse who doesn't have the same passion for your hoppies, but it is a deal breaker if your spouse hates your hobbies or thinks they are wrong. It will lead to fights over money which is on of the top two reasons for divorce and it is demeaning to who you are.
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I am a physician. I am held to being "the expert" in medicine. I can't fall back on feigned ignorance and the statement that the patient should have known better than I. When an officer "can't be expected to know the entire penal code", but a citizen is held to "ignorance is no excuse", this is equivalent to ME being able to sue my patient for my own malpractice-after all, the patient should have known better, right?
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  #52  
Old 02-22-2013, 5:02 PM
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I met my wife when I was 27 and never gave much thought about her outlook on guns. I was too interested in wooing her at the time to care.

She bought me an UZI for my 28th birthday and it opened up a lot of dialogue about firearms. Seems she used to roam around on horseback in Colorado outside Aspen with her own Winchester and one time bagged a cat that kept stalking her. She also told me then, how she would always have a gun around if she had it her way.

At that time I owned a .357 and .25. Fast forward 30 years and we own over 30 firearms. She has her own .357, a couple shotguns and has pretty much taken ownership of my mini-14. She was a damn good shot before she started to get ill. (Lupus)

I got real lucky with my wife because she enjoys everything weve done over the years from traveling on my Harleys, to four-wheeling with the Jeep, the mountain vacations, photography, traveling, etc. She is always game and loves nature.

I would say to those out there that dont have a permanent relationship to make sure when you chose a partner, it goes beyond the physical. Common interests and breathing room are 2 things that made our relationship go a long way. I couldnt imagine making it 5 years with a person that you have nothing in common with. Lifes to short, you both need to be happy.

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  #53  
Old 02-22-2013, 5:27 PM
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Originally Posted by madjack956 View Post
I met my wife when I was 27 and never gave much thought about her outlook on guns. I was too interested in wooing her at the time to care.

She bought me an UZI for my 28th birthday and it opened up a lot of dialogue about firearms. Seems she used to roam around on horseback in Colorado outside Aspen with her own Winchester and one time bagged a cat that kept stalking her. She also told me then, how she would always have a gun around if she had it her way.

At that time I owned a .357 and .25. Fast forward 30 years and we own over 30 firearms. She has her own .357, a couple shotguns and has pretty much taken ownership of my mini-14. She was a damn good shot before she started to get ill. (Lupus)

I got real lucky with my wife because she enjoys everything weve done over the years from traveling on my Harleys, to four-wheeling with the Jeep, the mountain vacations, photography, traveling, etc. She is always game and loves nature.

I would say to those out there that dont have a permanent relationship to make sure when you chose a partner, it goes beyond the physical. Common interests and breathing room are 2 things that made our relationship go a long way. I couldnt imagine making it 5 years with a person that you have nothing in common with. Lifes to short, you both need to be happy.

Do something you love with someone you love!
You two are lucky to have each other. Sounds like a loving happy life together.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wherryj View Post
I am a physician. I am held to being "the expert" in medicine. I can't fall back on feigned ignorance and the statement that the patient should have known better than I. When an officer "can't be expected to know the entire penal code", but a citizen is held to "ignorance is no excuse", this is equivalent to ME being able to sue my patient for my own malpractice-after all, the patient should have known better, right?
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  #54  
Old 02-22-2013, 7:20 PM
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anthonyca & becciboo,

We are indeed lucky to have each other in the grand scheme of things, but I would be painting a fairytale illusion if I said it was all peaches and creme.

In 30 years time we've had our fair share of "moments". Fortunately for us, the good moments, far outweigh the times we didn't see eye to eye.
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  #55  
Old 02-22-2013, 8:16 PM
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My wife is not that into guns but she is supportive of my hobbies just like I support hers. That's all that really matters to me in that regard
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  #56  
Old 02-22-2013, 9:29 PM
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My ex was into going with me to the range and shooting my ammo... but if she ever had to pay for ammo, she damn well made sure she got to shoot every last round of it herself. The girl I'm interested in currently is somewhat apprehensive about guns.. we'll see how that goes. (she trusts me and trusts my judgement - fortunately, we've been friends for years)
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  #57  
Old 02-23-2013, 7:16 AM
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Here is a touchy little subject. Does anybody have any reservations about having a firearm readily available in the house during an argument? My ex told me (a little before she left me) that she checked to see if my latest gun purchase was unloaded one morning. All my guns except for the one in the hand gun safe are unloaded so I was a little surprised at her statement. She said that she was concerned because I took it into the living room while she was sleeping (I was just taking pictures of it). I had shown her how to handle firearms before but wasn't confident in her remembering, so I unloaded my 1911 in the safe and put in a snap cap in the chamber and cocked the hammer back and put the safety on. I then asked her to show me how she checks to see that it was unloaded and she couldn't figure out the safety. Anyway, long story short, she kept thinking that I was going to shoot her no matter how much I tried to convince her she wasn't worth the expense of a .45ACP round nor the prison sentence involved. I don't know where her paranoia came from. I never hit her or hurt anyone (with a few work related exceptions) in my life.
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  #58  
Old 02-23-2013, 7:41 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zedrek View Post
Here is a touchy little subject. Does anybody have any reservations about having a firearm readily available in the house during an argument? My ex told me (a little before she left me) that she checked to see if my latest gun purchase was unloaded one morning. All my guns except for the one in the hand gun safe are unloaded so I was a little surprised at her statement. She said that she was concerned because I took it into the living room while she was sleeping (I was just taking pictures of it). I had shown her how to handle firearms before but wasn't confident in her remembering, so I unloaded my 1911 in the safe and put in a snap cap in the chamber and cocked the hammer back and put the safety on. I then asked her to show me how she checks to see that it was unloaded and she couldn't figure out the safety. Anyway, long story short, she kept thinking that I was going to shoot her no matter how much I tried to convince her she wasn't worth the expense of a .45ACP round nor the prison sentence involved. I don't know where her paranoia came from. I never hit her or hurt anyone (with a few work related exceptions) in my life.
When it comes to relationships which are in the "beta test" phase, I'd keep the location of your firearms on the QT. Unless the relationships in a degree of permanence,anyone can leave "at will" ,and if you and her split on hostile terms -or it turns out she's a psychological liability- the consequences can be severe.

In reference to your example, if your GF splits -or feels you're spending too much time oogling guns instead of her-she can use that story to sell getting a temporary restraining order .Hello sheriffs,bye bye guns.
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  #59  
Old 02-23-2013, 1:14 PM
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Hey fellas, let's please not get off topic. This thread is about "how important is it to date someone into guns?"


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Old 02-23-2013, 2:43 PM
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Originally Posted by BadKitty View Post
Hey fellas, let's please not get off topic. This thread is about "how important is it to date someone into guns?"


BK
In all fairness,I think we all can agree that getting "Lautenburged" on account of an anti-gun spouse or ex is a directly relevant subject.Someone who appreciates the 2nd Amendment won't try to disarm you via the court system.
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Old 02-23-2013, 3:05 PM
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I don't know that it is important that he/she be in to guns as it is that he/she respects that I am.

Being the suspicious type anyway, I would have to seriously question being involved with someone who may or may not be a convicted felon and I am not saying that all felons are created equal since I have three felon brothers(2 older, one younger) who were all convicted on drug charges years ago(almost 20yrs now) and yet none of them re-offended and were not violent criminals but I wouldn't date one or have them living with me and my kids but that's just me and I hope you don't take offense.
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Old 02-23-2013, 3:22 PM
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Without giving out details I'm no angel. It's been 10+ years for both of us..his record has been expunged. I'm not worried about living with him and the kid is ours. [b]And no offense taken ]/b]
Thanks! I know I can come off really abrasive so I'm glad you didn't take it personally. LOL

I'm no angel either and if I pretended to be(like my beloved older sister pretends), my friends and family would bust me out sooooo quick so my kids know that mom was/is not perfect. I couldn't pass that one by anyone related to me or who knew me in my teens(30+yrs ago).
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Old 02-23-2013, 6:51 PM
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Sure,,it would be great to date a gal that was into guns / cars / etc,,,that would be a great starting point for a relationship. However, it doesn't mean it's gonna work,,,but well worth the try :-)
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Old 02-23-2013, 9:35 PM
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It all depends. There are going to be certain things that will be compromised on in a relationship, and it depends if it is something you or your SO will be willing to compromise on it.

Do I prefer her to love it? Yes. Is it a requirement? No. The bare minimum is that she understands and respects it.
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Old 02-24-2013, 6:54 AM
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Originally Posted by BadKitty View Post
Hey fellas, let's please not get off topic. This thread is about "how important is it to date someone into guns?"


BK
I brought it up because my ex talked about it and I was wondering if anyone else had any thoughts on it. Perhaps relationships where both parties have an interest in guns don't think about having quick access to one during a heated argument. I never thought anything about it until she mentioned it. She had the same access though.
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Old 02-24-2013, 7:38 AM
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For us personally, that would be an asinine argument. My husband and I carry every day and we have had our fights but at no time EVER have either of us thought "this will solve the argument" Sheesh
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Old 02-24-2013, 10:53 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zedrek View Post
I brought it up because my ex talked about it and I was wondering if anyone else had any thoughts on it. Perhaps relationships where both parties have an interest in guns don't think about having quick access to one during a heated argument. I never thought anything about it until she mentioned it. She had the same access though.

In a relationship where both parties have guns, then it's double the opportunity for one person to lose their temper and shoot the other. A person being 2A supportive doesn't necessarily mean that he or she will be less afraid of a spouse/SO once the relationship goes bad. When you're afraid of your spouse, you're afraid of your spouse. I hope that helps answer your question.


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Old 02-25-2013, 4:19 AM
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dltd

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Old 02-25-2013, 7:32 AM
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I did not like guns just a few years ago......was afraid of them. I was really afraid of them in my husbands hands when my kids were young. Don't get me wrong, he isn't a violent guy, he has a heart of gold. But.....he is disorganized. I had five kids, three were curious boys. One was very curious and adventurous. If he could get hold of a gun, her would want to give it a try. We didn't have guns in the house. But, times are changing. We now feel the need to own and possibly carry in the future. So, I took a handgun safety class. I was the first to buy a handgun in the family. My daughter-in-law warned me (she is the one that married my adventurous son) that guns are like tattoos, you can't have just one. I didn't believe her........I do now.

Even though my kids are grown, We have a safe. Actually we have three different kinds of safes. One for easy access for handgun, one for easy access for the shotgun (shot locks are awesome) and a safe to hold everything else.

Times change and people change. So for me, it isn't a deal breaker. What is a deal breaker is when you marry someone who wants to change you or not let you be YOU. I don't want anyone who won't "allow" me to do what I want. You need to find someone who will discuss and compromise. I travel when my husband can't go with me, alone if I choose. My best friend is male, my husband isn't threatened by him and shouldn't be. I live my life with a great guy who lets me be me and have lived with him and loved him for 38 years. I am still me, good or bad, I am me. That is the only deal breaker for me.
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Old 02-25-2013, 12:57 PM
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For us personally, that would be an asinine argument. My husband and I carry every day and we have had our fights but at no time EVER have either of us thought "this will solve the argument" Sheesh
Yeah I agree.

If anyone reaches for a gun during a heated argument or even a bad breakup... then there's an underlying mental health issue/concern there IMO.

I'm not a mental health professional nor do I pretend to know much about the topic. But if owning a firearm made someone reach for it during a heated argument, the gun violence rate would be MUCH MUCH higher considering the number of households with firearms.
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Old 03-09-2013, 8:57 PM
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Having them be against your hobby/interests whatever they are is not a recipe for success no matter what.

I know when I ran away from my x, I took a suitcase, my camera, and my guns. I'm letting my attorney work out the rest.

And while shopping for future playmates, they will indeed need to enjoy similar interests, such as firearms to play house with me.
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Old 03-09-2013, 9:54 PM
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becciboo,

Tlc.norcal is a woman.


BK
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  #73  
Old 03-11-2013, 8:26 PM
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No worries
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Old 03-14-2013, 5:24 AM
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My boyfriend and I had our first date at the Gun Room in Elk Grove, he first caught my attention in class(college) when we were comparing hobbies and guns came up, I was impressed by his knowledge and he was impressed because I had range time with most of what he referenced. I served my time in the Army as an MP so guns have never been an issue with me, I was raised by a Vietnam vet. We're coming up on 4 years now and in that time our gun collection has increased and we occasionally reload together. Sorting brass in front of the TV is not unusual. Our issues with guns are mostly that when I want to watch TV with him he can't seem to put down the laptop(mostly calguns and youtube). Guys I've dated before were military like me so I've never had to deal with a SO very opposed or disinterested.

We don't have any children so there is always a loaded side arm in the house, it's either the Kimber 1911 or the Glock 9mm. Arguments have never escalated to a single thought of grabbing a gun, ownership of said firearms might be more the problem if we split.

Honestly, I have a bigger issue with my friends understanding my affinity for guns rather than my SO.

I would hope if I wasn't so lucky that my SO would be understanding, I know that some people feel neglected because their SO spends so much time on their hobby regardless of what it is. Disregarding guns can be an easier target because of fear, safety and the current events.
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Old 03-14-2013, 7:25 AM
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I'll put it this way... a wife turned on her husband who had arsenal enough to arm everyone on the block, cops not only took everything he had but arrested him and charged him with a list of things. She felt "threatened" by his prepping stuff and firearms. Maybe he was delusional maybe he wasn't. But your own wife? Ouch. If I remember right that was some cat in NJ. There are some cases of this across the country, not publicized in the mainstream media more a 5 second chirp from local media.

Some people are ok with it, some people aren't, some people don't mind compromise, some people won't compromise... just find someone you trust and who trusts you and (at very least) appreciates firearms for defense even if they don't want to head to the range with you.
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  #76  
Old 03-14-2013, 8:42 AM
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............and (at very least) appreciates firearms for defense even if they don't want to head to the range with you.

QFT!
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  #77  
Old 03-15-2013, 8:44 PM
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My wife of 19 years came from a liberal anti-gun household but had an open mind (unlike here siblings to this day) and tolerated my need of them for sport, hunting, and self-defense. eventually she also was swayed by concerns of safety so that she felt she and our daughters needed to be trained as well. She'll never hunt or shoot clays with me, but she doesn't oppose me doing it either. In fact she's been asking when Spring Turkey starts this year. I'll consider myself lucky if she just follows through on learning to fly fish finally. So my take on this is find multiple things in common but only consider people with open minds and a spirit of reasonable tolerance. It takes more than firearms to make a good relationship, but firearms can certainly break a relationship up.
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  #78  
Old 03-16-2013, 10:58 AM
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SWM: Homeowner in Sacramento with firearms, tools, kitchenware, garden, and car. Honest and funny...usually nice and sweet.

WLTM: Marriage-minded, single, fit young lady with good communication, a sense of humor, and a pallet of rifles made in your country of origin as dowry.
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  #79  
Old 03-16-2013, 1:56 PM
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Didn't we just do this topic like last week?
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