Open your favorite word processor.
Type up an official looking letter, with a letterhead from some fictitious but normal sounding medical clinic.
MAIL the letter to yourself with the Clinic's return address, neatly printed in a professional font.
Open the letter with a letter opener when it arrives, neatly along the top.
Fold the letter into three in the envelope, and put a copy in every purse, tool box and other item that might be stolen.
Woodbridge Medical Clinic
(Address in a neighboring town)
Re: ASIDD Test Results - URGENT!
Dear Patient # 3567-B,
Thank you for taking advantage of our recent Anonymous Screening for Incurable and Debilitating Diseases. The results of your tests have been returned to our office from the lab. It is urgent that you contact our office immediately!
We regret to inform you that you have tested positive (+) for Hyperdermal Disintegration Syndrome, a treatable, but incurable disease that causes your skin tissues to fail and fall from your body without warning after an extended period of pain, bleeding and tearing of the flesh. Your disease is similar to Leprocy but more severe, with the notable exception that HDS attacks only your genitalia and surrounding tissues, including the soft tissues that collectively form your anus and lower intestine.
Please note that there is no reason to panic. Researchers have made great strides in fighting this horrible disease, and our supporting foundation is confident that a cure is only a few years away! You are not alone. Thousands of people suffer from HDS. When caught early and with proper treatment, many of these people go on to live nearly normal lives for up to three days before they succumb to the disease, and it becomes incurable.
Please read the informational pamphlet provided to you when you visited the clinic. It will give you more details on this disease and explain how you can help prevent others from becoming infected. Briefly, it is spread by casual contact with items or objects that other people may touch, such as doorknobs, shopping cart handles and personal items such as wallets, purses and hair brushes or a pen or pencil, to name just a few.
When you touch these items, and you are NOT wearing your A-27 Rated antimicrobial latex gloves, you will need to immediately cleanse the item with at least ONE (1) A-27 antimicrobial moist towelette. A sample set of six A-27 antimicrobial towelettes were provided for you at the time of your visit. Of course, you may order additional A-27 antimicrobial towelettes at a discount by visiting our website. It is imperative that you immediately disinfect anything you touch with your bare hands that you believe another person may touch at any time.
When another person touches something that you have handled without wearing your A-27 Rated antimicrobial latex gloves, there is little to no chance that this person has avoided contracting HDS unless they IMMEDIATELY wipe their hands with a minimum of TWO (2) A-27 antimicrobial moist towelettes.
Please NOTE: Alcohol and other ordinary household disinfectants WILL NOT WORK, as they are ineffective when attempting to the kill HDS microbes.
Because of the incubation period, any person who has been inadvertently infected by touching something of yours that you have not properly cleansed according to procedures outlined in the pamphlet, there is still a window of opportunity for this person to immunize his or herself from HDS by following this very specific procedure.
Tell the infected person to WASTE NO TIME take the following steps in this exact order:
1. Immediately notify Civil Defense authorities (The Police) that they have touched a personal possession of a HDS-infected individual, and they believe that they may have contracted the disease.
2. Have the person take the item to the authorities and give them all personal information such as their name, address and telephone number, and next of kin, in case the person passes out or slips into a coma when the infection mutates beyond stage 1. This is the most dangerous moment in the cycle of HDS infection.
3. Have them identify YOU as the owner of the item they touched. This is a CRITICAL step, as a sample of your blood will be required in order to successfully develop an antidote for the individual infected by your personal property.
Failure to take these three steps as quickly as possible may mean that the person is now a HDS patient, and a certified medical clinic such as ours will need to develop a HDS treatment plan, if the person's life is to be saved.
If you have any questions or concerns, please stop into our office at any time. A representative will be happy to assist you. A-27 Rated antimicrobial gloves may be found at the door. Please put a pair onto your hands before entering the building. thank you for your cooperation.
Dr. Isaya Gunnadi
Chief Medical Consultant
Woodbridge Medical Clinic