OP, if she told you about her past relationships and why they did not work out, and those failed relationships followed similar abusive and controlling events and patterns as your current one, then honestly there's no sense in beating yourself up about this failed relationship.
And if you intend to leave, why can't you take your kids with you? And if need be, sell your firearms to help keep you and your kids fed and housed?
"Let those find fault whose wit's so very small,
They've need to show that they can think at all;
Errors, like straws, upon the surface flow;
He who would search for pearls, must dive below." -- John Dryden