Ladies and gentlemen, I know it's not the COOL answer, but as a former shooting instructor, and father of daughters who hunt and shoot, etc. I firmly believe that EVERYONE's first handgun should be whatever .22 caliber they fit/like the best. I don't care if you are a burly man, a petite woman, or my 40 pound little girl when I first taught her to shoot. The FIRST firearm should be low recoil, low concussion. Proper shooting technique is easier to develop that way. I agree that you need to let the shooter decide what FEELS best. But knowing what .22 grip you like will be a big help in picking your next handguns (that will cost a lot more) because you'll already know the grip angle and width you prefer. e.g. if you like the buckmark better than the ruger Mark II, you'll probably also prefer the hi-power grip angle to the GLock's. Or vice versa. If you already have a .22 in the same basic frame style, you'll be more likely to practice more often and shoot more rounds during those sessions. Once again, that's regardless of being a man or woman, big or small.
9mm and 45acp are equally lousy. There's not a dime's worth of difference in REAL terminal ballistics. Get over it.