in reading through this thread (thanks OP) I'm seeing a lot of the same discussions that my wife and I have been having (she's born and raised SoCal). Our compromise is that we decided that we can downsize dramatically and keep something small in SD (for social ties and access to some business clients) and be ID snowbirds. If I can get her up there for extended periods hopefully she'll acclimate and want less time in CA!
Anyway, in our research I found this site that provides a lot of info on the various cities/regions (weather, jobs, housing, etc), and has links to forum discussions that answer some of the questions being posted here.
Best to all....