How easy is it to get a Temporary Restraining Order?

[Sam Hainn]

Yo people. I was reading five.five.sixe's posts on his neighbor. He didn't say what docs were needed & what he had to prove about his neighbor to get the TRO. So I'm wondering: what kind of things must the problem person do & what documentation is needed in order to get a temporary restraining order or restraining order against somebody? I haven't done anything to cause one brought against me, but I'm in limbo of a separation on sad but congenial terms with my long time girlfriend where we owned a house together. She says she's no longer 'in-love'. :( I've tried to win her back by sending flowers, and card telling her how feel, the normal Romeo stuff. But I'm a realist and pragmatic. you can't make someone be in-love with you & you can't control somebody's free-will. I get that. It's been tough and emotional (she's leaving me & I'll have to buy her out of the house by refinance - that was another thread in off-topic). Rough as this has been or will get, I haven't done, and won't do, anything the slightest bit psycho. I've had some tough-topic conversations by phone with her asking why she left, but no threats, no anger, nothing nutso. I've pitched some accusational questions asking if she's met someone else cause it was so sudden. But I haven't stalked her or done anything weird. All her stuff is still at my house & it doesn't bug me. She still stops by while I'm at work to wrap up personal stuff cause she needs to be there to do it. I'm OK with that. If it must be, so be it. Pretty clear i won't do anything dumb. Each day that goes by it's gettin easier to handle the sad part. I'm just worried it would be too easy for her to get a TRO & I'd have to get rid of my collection. What does someone need to do to get a TRO or RO? Any thoughts people? :confused:

[AJAX22]

For a woman to get a TRO all she has to do is pretty much ask for one, If her claims are later substantiated by a judge then the TRO just becomes a RO (the T is for Temporary ;) )

Play nice, store your guns at a buddy's house and cease all contact with her immidiatly (get your lawyer to talk with her if its needed)

[Glock22Fan]

For a woman to get a TRO all she has to do is pretty much ask for one, If her claims are later substantiated by a judge then the TRO just becomes a RO (the T is for Temporary ;) )

Play nice, store your guns at a buddy's house and cease all contact with her immidiatly (get your lawyer to talk with her if its needed)


+1. A vindictive ex has the power to make your life miserable, from a gun perspective, however much you are blameless and harmless. You don't (usually) even get chance to contest it. Be really, really nice to her.

[Sam Hainn]

+1. A vindictive ex has the power to make your life miserable, from a gun perspective, however much you are blameless and harmless. You don't (usually) even get chance to contest it. Be really, really nice to her.

There must be something that requires proof otherwise anyone could walk in & get one just for fun. Doesn't there have to at least be one police report or a witness or something? Oh and she's not really an ex - we were never married. We're on the deed as single man/single woman. And contrary to popular belief there's no legal recognition of common law marriage in CA. Insurance companies & life benefits honor domestic partnerships to avoid getting sued but there's no CA legal allowance.

[Sam Hainn]

BTW - she's not vindictive either. I would've liked the chance to work through this rough spot & address our differences which were very minor. She says she still loves me and enjoys my company - is just not 'in love' with me. I think she's going through an age-related mid-life crisis thing but I digress - I'm not so stupid as to say that to her. ;)

We both know couples that have gone through much worse and stayed together. it was really sudden & I think she's being impulsive. But if she wants no reconciliation I can only respect that. My question is more along the lines of how easy is it to get the TRO? What is the process? I know most divorce paperwork includes a restraining order as lawyers put it in there to CYA even where the split is 100% amicable. I know couples that had to ask it be removed where both husband & wife agreed cause they were both gun owners and splitting on friendly terms. I just hope getting a TRO is not as easy as stopping at a 7/11 to buy lottery tickets.

[Rob P.]

It isn't that easy to just get one. There has to be some specific cause before one can be issued. Specific cause usually requires some sort of verifiable threat or danger to the party requesting the order or harm which cannot be remedied if the order is not granted.

[Fjold]

Do not call and leave mesages on her phone. She can save all of them up to show how you are "harassing" her, etc.

[grammaton76]

It isn't that easy to just get one. There has to be some specific cause before one can be issued. Specific cause usually requires some sort of verifiable threat or danger to the party requesting the order or harm which cannot be remedied if the order is not granted.

Is that true for women? Everything I've heard says that specific cause and such applies only to men... for women, their word is good enough.

[booknut]

Here's what little I know about them...

When I turned in the neighbor tweaker a few years back, I asked our local police about an RO.
I was told that the tweaker would be notified and have an opportunity to respond.

At the time, I wanted to keep myself anonymous unless the P.D. needed me to go to court so I never followed through.

Fast forward to my divorce... going on 1 1/2 yrs.
My wife(soon to be ex), has been increasingly hostile to me.
Early in the divorce, she claimed I was unfit to be even a part-time parent(after being the primary child rearing parent for the 12yrs our daughter had lived by that time - 14 now), that I should "...surrender all guns...", and stuff like that.

At the child-custody hearing, we opted to speak with a mediator.
He turned out to be a LIFE member of the NRA :D, a former Detective, and an all-around nice guy!

Lucky me! :D

Long story short, the mediator sided with me.

Recently we both had a loud argument at her work and she had her staff call the cops.
It's a small town, I know many of the cops and I wasn't all worked up when they arrived - plus, I was outside on the phone trying to call THEM!.
She didn't persue any actions then. (no threats or violence on my part)
I even dropped by the PD and spoke with the responding officer, later that evening.

I find out she wants an Injunctive Order (?), which is not the same as a full-on restraining order.
She wants me to only contact her if it's about our daughter, and to limit my visits to her work (medical office) and her home only to times concerning our daughter.
If she gets this, I won't have to surrender any firearms.

I believe she is going this route because she could never show that I am a danger to her; she just wants me to not speak with her in person.
Actually, she just wants to be in a position of control :rolleyes:

So, I don't think it is as easy as a woman walking into the local PD and walking out with an RO.

But, you should talk with your local LEO's, specifically the people in the office who would handle the initial request.

Divorce SUCKS especially if there is a kid involved.

but then, I suppose just about anyone could figure that out:mad:

[Glock22Fan]

Is that true for women? Everything I've heard says that specific cause and such applies only to men... for women, their word is good enough.

It's very common for a divorce lawyer to apply for, and get one, without any problems. Many divorce lawyers do it automatically.

My wife handled her divorce from her ex herself. She got a TRO, all she had to say was (true) that he threatened to kill her when she said she wanted a divorce. No witnesses, and he wasn't even asked if it was true.

[Fjold]

Do not go to her work, family's house, etc. to talk to her because she can claim that you are stalking her.

[Rob P.]

In California, a TRO is automatic when parties file for divorce. The court has discretion to NOT impose it IF IT IS ASKED to not issue one. Otherwise the court will issue the TRO automatically. They just rubber stamp the thing as part of the normal course of business whether it's needed or not.

Getting one even for a woman isn't automatic (unless as part of a divorce as above). Even a woman has to show that there is some cause to issue the RO. The bar may be lower because she's female but there is still a cause requirement. He's scarey and I'm afraid of him may not be enough. He's scarey, I'm afraid of him and he keeps coming around my house/work/etc. even though told not to would be sufficient.

[PeteRR]

On a related note. Your soon to be ex knows everything about you. Maybe you didn't get a permit for that deck you built. Maybe you've got an illegal firearm. Maybe you cheat on your taxes. She can make your life miserable if she so chooses, so clean up your act before things get too far along.

[Sam Hainn]

Some of you are cracking me up cause your projecting bizarre paranoia. What kind of women you guys have been with? :p You guys are scaring me about meeting any new woman again!! :eek:

And 'clean up my act?' What act is that?

First, we trust each other. She's not out to 'get me'. It's a bummer but there's no hate or bitterness & she's not out to smite me. 14 years, it just disolved. It happens. She's got no wish to make my life miserable. I haven't gone to her work & never did when we were together so why would I now? I haven't followed her & haven't a reason to. Most of her personal stuff/furniture is at our (now my) house & she is welcome to come & go for things she needs to move mostly while I'm gone. She says she's no longer 'in love'. Sure I think she's making a mid-life crisis panic mistake but I still trust her. she is free to do as she wants. It's her life, I was never a control freak. If she is no longer happy with me I have no desire to keep her trapped. If she met someone else, that sucks, but all the more I would want to be done with her.

I was trying to see if it was so common someone might unknowningly get one cause someone else handled the paperwork which sometimes happens with divorce papework. We joked today about it over coffee while resolving material things & there is no sign she would get a TRO for any reason. I'm good. ;)

[Got Stuff?]

In California, a TRO is automatic when parties file for divorce. The court has discretion to NOT impose it IF IT IS ASKED to not issue one. Otherwise the court will issue the TRO automatically. They just rubber stamp the thing as part of the normal course of business whether it's needed or not.

When I got divorced in July 2006, TRO or RO was never even brought up much less automatically granted.

Maybe there is a great deal of variance as to how these things are issued?

[Hoop]

Some of you are cracking me up cause your projecting bizarre paranoia. What kind of women you guys have been with? :p You guys are scaring me about meeting any new woman again!! :eek:

And 'clean up my act?' What act is that?



Count yourself very VERY lucky that your marriage just "dissolved" and you are going to part ways more or less amiably. Otherwise you might end up like the friend of mine who's going through his 2nd year of divorce proceedings, or the other buddy of mine who came home from work one day to find his entire house empty :eek: