View Full Version : Ode to Eugene and John C.

03-15-2007, 8:00 AM
My father just sent me this. How many can you identify with? Add your own!

Stuff you know if you have an AR

You have $9 per ounce special non-detergent synthetic teflon infused oil for cleaning.

You are able to hit the broad side of a barn from 600m.

Cheap mags melt.

You can silently flip off the safety with your finger on the trigger.

Your rifle has a 9 point stealth tactical suspension system.

Your bayonet is actually a pretty good steak knife.

You can put one hole in a paper target at 100m with 30 rounds.

When out of ammo, your rifle makes a great whiffle bat.

Recoil? What’s recoil?

Your sight adjustment is incremented in fractions of minute of angle.

Your rifle is used by elite forces worldwide to fight two bit nations most illiterate conscripts.

Your rifle won the cold war.

You paid $900.

You lovingly reload precision crafted rounds one by one.

Your foes laugh when you mount your bayonet.

Service life, 40 years.

You can change cartridge sizes with the push of a couple of pins and a new upper.

You can repair your rifle by taking it to a certified gunsmith, it’s under warranty!

You consider it a badge of honor when you shoot a sub-MOA 5 shot group.

After a long day at the range you relax by watching “Blackhawk Down.”

After cleaning your rifle you have a strong urge for hotdogs and Apple Pie.

Your rifle’s accessories are eight times more valuable than your rifle.

Your rifle’s finish is Teflon and high tech polymers.

Your wife tolerates your autographed, framed picture of Eugene Stoner.

Late at night you sometimes have to fight the urge to clear your house, slicing the pie from room to room.

Stuff you know if you have an M1 Garand

You’re searching the web for the authentic WW2 cleaning fluid that is carcinogenic.

You have a full gross of the little grease pots that fit in the stock.

You are able to hit the barn from two farms over.

Mags are for klutzes!

Your safety is both subtle and easy to use.

Your sling cost more than the Mosin-Nagant.

Your sight is the only peep sight you’ve ever seen on a battle rifle.

Your bayonet doubles as a fighting knife.

You can put a whole clip into a man-sized target at 200 yards.

When out of ammo your rifle is an excellent club.

Recoil? The .30-06 is a manly cartridge effective past 500 yards and capable of triumphing over the finest from Nazi Germany, Imperial Japan, and Communist North Korea, and taking any animal in North America. Don’t be wimping out about the recoil. The ‘03 Springfield, now, that had recoil!

Your rifle was used by the free world to turn back the tide of totalitarianism.

You bought your rifle from the Office of the Civilian Marksmanship Program for $600 and are tickled that the government – the GOVERNMENT! sent the rifle to your home.

You buy ammo by the case and debate the advantage of Lake City over Greek or Korean or Federal.

You consider it a badge of honor to know first hand what “Garand Thumb” is.

You secretly smile when the guy next to you gets Garand Thumb.

You relax after a long day at the range by watching “Band of Brothers”.

Time rifle spent in storage, 40 years.

After cleaning your rifle you have a strong urge to liberate a bunch of effete Europeans – again.

You have the helmet, the cartridge belt, the buttstock cleaning kit, the muzzle guard, and are still learning about the other accessories.

Your rifle’s finish is boiled linseed oil, which served our nation well, until the advent of the “Matty Mattel.”

Your wife tolerates your autographed, framed picture of John C. Garand.

Late at night you think of your Garand and feel at one with your Grandfather who carried one from D+10 to Mittersill.

03-15-2007, 8:08 AM
I identify with almost all the AR ones, especially clearing my house out at night.

I only really identified with the "I like Band of Brothers" with the M1 Garand, which is probably why I sold mine last night. :D

03-15-2007, 8:27 AM
Sounds like they jacked the AR stuff from that AK vs. AR vs. Mosin blog post.

03-15-2007, 5:09 PM
Sounds like they jacked the AR stuff from that AK vs. AR vs. Mosin blog post.

I knew I recognized those from somewhere.