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View Full Version : I found this: How god gave us THE 1911


1911Operator
04-28-2010, 9:51 AM
here it is! very funny:

1 In the beginning was the 1911, and the 1911 was THE pistol, and it was good. And behold the Lord said, "Thou shalt not muck with my disciple John's design for it is good and it workith. For John made the 1911, and lo all of his weapons, from the designs which I, the Lord, gave him upon the mountain."

2 "And shouldst thou muck with it, and hang all manner of foul implements upon it, and profane its internal parts, thou shalt surely have malfunctions, and in the midst of battle thou shalt surely come to harm."

3 And as the ages passed men in their ignorance and arrogance didst forget the word of the Lord and began to profane the 1911. The tribe of the gamesman did place recoil spring guides and extended slide releases upon the 1911 and their metal smiths didst tighten the tolerances and alter parts to their liking, their clearness of mind being clouded by lust.

4 Their artisans did hang all manner of foul implements upon the 1911 and did so alter it that it became impractical to purchase. For lo, the artisans didst charge a great tax upon the purchasers of the 1911 so that the lowly field worker could not afford one. And the profaning of the internal parts didst render it unworkable when the dust of the land fell upon it.

5 And lo, they didst install adjustable sights, which are an abomination unto the Lord. For they doth break and lose their zero when thou dost need true aim. And those who have done so will be slain in great numbers by their enemies in the great battle. a

6 And it came to pass that the Lord didst see the abomination wrought by man and didst cause, as he had warned, fearful malfunctions to come upon the abominations and upon the artisans who thought they could do no wrong.

7 Seeing the malfunctions and the confusion of men, the lord of the underworld did see an opportunity to further ensnare man and didst bring forth pistols made of plastic, whose form was such that they looked and felt like a brick, yet the eyes of man being clouded, they were consumed by the plastic pistol and did buy vast quantities of them.

8 And being a deceitful spirit the lord of the underworld did make these plastic pistols unamenable to the artisans of earth and they were unable to muck much with the design, and lo these pistols did appear to function.

9 And the evil one also brought forth pistols in which the trigger didst both cock and fire them and which require a "dingus" to make them appear safe.

10 But man being stupid did not understand these new pistols and didst proceed to shoot themselves with the plastic pistol and with the trigger cocking pistols for lo their manual of arms required great intelligence which man had long since forsaken. Yet man continue to gloat over these new pistols blaming evil forces for the negligent discharges which they themselves had committed.

11 And when man had been totally ensnared with the plastic pistol, the lord of the underworld didst cause a plague of the terrible Ka-Boom to descend upon man and the plastic pistols delivered their retribution upon men. And there was a great wailing and gnashing of teeth in the land.

12 Then seeing that the eyes of man were slowly being opened and that man was truly sorrowful for his sinful misdeeds, the Lord did send his messengers in the form of artisans who did hear and obey the teachings of the prophet and who didst restore the profaned 1911s to their proper configuration, and lo, to the amazement of men they didst begin to work as the prophet had intended.

13 And the men of the land didst drive out the charlatans and profaners from the land, and there was joy and peace in the land, except for the evil sprits which tried occasionally to prey on the men and women of the land and who were sent to the place of eternal damnation b by the followers of John.

here is where I found it: http://www.realpolice.net/forums/archive/t-69195.html

and i found these pics to go with it!
http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y134/boss_406/motivator5815448.jpg
http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y134/boss_406/1911jesus.jpg

nrvnqsrxk
04-28-2010, 10:00 AM
Nice, haha.

ThatFishGuy
04-28-2010, 10:06 AM
hahaha amazing! :rofl2:

C.W.M.V.
04-28-2010, 10:11 AM
If only it was short enough to be a signature!
EDIT: Got the important part

Oldnoob
04-28-2010, 10:18 AM
Funny.

maddoggie13
04-28-2010, 10:38 AM
amen

Chuntsman949
04-28-2010, 10:53 AM
makes me want to buy one even more now!

chuckdc
04-28-2010, 11:28 AM
So, now we have the Church of God, and John Moses Browning as His Prophet.

can't wait to see what the services look like......:36:


Funny that I saw (could have been here on Calguns) that Utah is working on a state day for Browning. I think that would make for a good national holiday, myself. Especially if you consider what his designs have done for this country.

Sam
04-28-2010, 12:44 PM
Amen!

wu_dot_com
04-28-2010, 1:41 PM
what about the browning hi power?

Untamed1972
04-28-2010, 1:43 PM
Are you trying to say that all these high $$$ custom built guns by the big name 1911 gun smiths are actually agents of the devil? LOL

luckystrike
04-28-2010, 2:04 PM
WIN

Grumpyoldretiredcop
04-28-2010, 5:37 PM
Beautiful.

I'd stick around, but I have to go bow down to the Austrian plastic instruments of Beelzebub that populate my gun safe. But, lo! My possession of one of the unsullied instruments of John, the prophet, by way of Samuel, the artisan, will save me from eternal malfunction. :D

five.five-six
04-28-2010, 5:42 PM
slightly blasphemous.... but funny

beerman
04-28-2010, 6:55 PM
"The 1911,it what jesus shoots".......But according to Juan,my forman,his brother Jesus' 1911 is in 38 super.

rorschach
04-28-2010, 11:54 PM
Amen

Bless me Father, for I have sinned, it has been a week since my last range session. Since then I have commited blasphemy by espousing the virtues of Glocks, SIG's and HK's... I have lied to my neighbor by assuring him that his Beretta Tomcat was a suitable home defense firearm... I have dishonored my father by giving him a gift certificate from Turners...

goathead
04-29-2010, 12:10 AM
cool

1911Operator
04-29-2010, 12:42 AM
Amen

Bless me Father, for I have sinned, it has been a week since my last range session. Since then I have commited blasphemy by espousing the virtues of Glocks, SIG's and HK's... I have lied to my neighbor by assuring him that his Beretta Tomcat was a suitable home defense firearm... I have dishonored my father by giving him a gift certificate from Turners...

HAHAHAHHA :clap:

doc540
04-29-2010, 4:15 AM
"Therefore have I poured out mine indignation upon them; I have consumed them with the fire of my Colt"

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v334/doc540/Guns/1911%20Knife/DSCN1222-1.jpg

AJAX22
04-29-2010, 4:57 AM
And you will know my weapon is a colt, when I lay my vengeance upon them

Legasat
04-29-2010, 8:07 AM
Hallelujah!!! I Believe! ;)

Bird of Fire
04-29-2010, 9:07 AM
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/186463/guns/1911God-1.jpg

Soldier415
04-29-2010, 9:08 AM
This is getting posted in the shop :D

ZombieTactics
04-29-2010, 9:47 AM
Sooner or later you have to cast down the false Gods.

Black Majik
04-29-2010, 9:53 AM
http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y134/boss_406/1911jesus.jpg

Jesus shoots a Kimber? Wow, he has sinned!

hybridatsun350
04-29-2010, 10:40 AM
makes me want to buy one even more now!

The fact that you do not yet own one is an abomination in and of itself! :eek:

POLICESTATE
04-29-2010, 10:47 AM
OP, this is just TOO funny, I just laughed myself into a sinus headache. A curse on this damnable cold I have!

fquinonez
04-29-2010, 11:00 AM
Now I wany ANOTHER one to keep my first company. Even Noah brought all his cares in pairs!

GunLover
04-30-2010, 8:31 AM
nice. Thanks for sharing.

1911Operator
04-30-2010, 9:46 AM
nice. Thanks for sharing.

yup! no problem :D