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RickD6023
07-01-2009, 9:45 AM
In Fighter Pilot Heaven:

Everybody's a Captain except God.... He's a Major.
You only come to work when you're going to fly....

You fly three times a day except Friday.

You never run out of gas.

The missions are only one hour long and no briefings are ever required.

You are always on TDY and there are no check rides.

It is always VFR and there are never any ATC delays.

You can fly out of the area and flight down to 50' AGL is approved.

There are no "over G's".

You always fly overhead landing patterns with initial approach at 20', then break left.

You can go cross-country anytime you desire. The farther the better!

There are no ORI's (Operational Readiness Inspections).

There is no SOF (Supervisor of Flying) or mobile tower duty.

There are no Friday meetings, but Friday evening "Stag Bar" is mandatory.

There are no Flight Surgeons.

There are no Wing staff jobs.

You don't need a kitchen pass, and the kitchen and bar are always open.

"Happy Hour" begins at 1400 hours and lasts til 0200 hours.

Supersof is the bartender. The other five are big-bosomed blondes.

Beer is free, but whiskey costs five cents.

The bar serves only Chivas Regal, Jack Daniels, and Beefeaters.

The girls are all friendly and each fighter pilot is allowed three.

There are no fat women and the thin ones look like Sophia Loren.

Country and Western music is free on the juke box.

The craps tables are always HOT and you never lose at blackjack!

You never lose your room key and your buddies never leave you stranded at the club.

The sun always shines and you can put your hat in your leg pocket.

Flight suits are allowed in the Officers Club at all times.

The motor pool always provides a staff car for visiting fighter pilots.

The Base Exchange always has every item you ask for. Most are free.

There are never any cross-wind landings and the runways are always dry.

Control tower flybys for a wheels UP check can be made at 600 knots.

There are never any noise complaints.

Full afterburner climbs over your house are encouraged.

ER's (Efficiency Reports) always contain the statement "Outstanding Officer".

Formal functions requiring Class "A" or formal attire never occur.

"Ace" status is conferred upon all fighter pilots entering Heaven.

There is no Hell.

All air traffic controllers are friendly, and always provide priority handling.

The airplanes never break.

4literranger485
07-01-2009, 2:35 PM
How about:

In Aircraft Maintainer Heaven there are:

No pilots to break planes

Unlimited decks of cards, and donuts.

I'm happy now. lol, thanks Captain!

The Wingnut
07-01-2009, 5:26 PM
*laff* So, we'd just sit in the bread van and watch the planes hold the ramp down?

Suvorov
07-01-2009, 6:34 PM
The bar serves only Chivas Regal, Jack Daniels, and Beefeaters.


Everyone knows that fighter jocks are partial to Weed! ;)

B.D.Dubloon
07-01-2009, 9:16 PM
My Grandfather was a Navy fighter pilot instructor (no combat that I know of) and has part of Gillespie's Pilot's Prayer on his tombstone. The above poster is right, Pilot's heaven is full of Gin.

Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of Earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
Sunward Iíve climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth
of sun-split clouds, ó and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed ofówheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hovíring there,
Iíve chased the shouting wind along, and flung
My eager craft through footless halls of air....
Up, up the long, delirious, burning blue
Iíve topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace
Where never lark nor even eagle flewó
And, while with silent lifting mind Iíve trod
The high untrespassed sanctity of space,
Put out my hand, and touched the face of God.

The Wingnut
07-02-2009, 2:46 PM
I Wanted Wings

I wanted wings 'til I got the God damn things
Now l don't want them any more
They taught me how to fly, then they sent me here to die
I've got a belly full of war.
You can save those Zeros for the other God damn heroes
For distinguished flying crosses do not compensate for losses.

chorus: I wanted wings 'til I got the God damn things
Now I don't want them any more.

I'll take the dames while the rest go down in flames
I've no desire to be burned;
Air combat's no romance and it made me wet my pants
I'm not a fighter, I have learned.
You can leave the Mitsubishes for the crazy sons-a-*****es
'Cause I'd rather lay a woman than be picked up by a Grumman.

I'm too young to die in a Goddamn PBY
That's for the eager, not for me.
l won't trust to luck to be picked up in a "Duck"
After I've crashed into the sea
I would rather be a bellhop than a flier on a flattop*
With my hand around a bottle not a God damn throttle.

I don't want to tour over Berlin or the Ruhr
Ack Ack always makes me lose my lunch;
For me there's no Hey Hey when they holler "Bombs Away''!
I'd rather be at home with the bunch.
For there's one thing you can't laugh off
And that's when they shoot your *** off
And I'd rather be home, Buster, with my *** than with a cluster,

They feed us lousy chow. but we stay alive somehow
On dehydrated eggs and milk and stew
The rumor has it next they'll be dehydrating sex
And that's the day I'll tell the coach I'm through.
For I've managed all the dangers, the shooting back of strangers
But when l get home late l want my woman straight, Buster.
*or
I would rather screw than fly a F4U

From There I Was, Flat on my back... by Col. Bob Stevens

jayfarley3
07-05-2009, 5:23 AM
How about:

In Aircraft Maintainer Heaven there are:

No pilots to break planes

Unlimited decks of cards, and donuts.

I'm happy now. lol, thanks Captain!


I'm gonna have to agree

Noboundaries
07-05-2009, 5:36 AM
In Fighter Pilot Heaven:

Everybody's a Captain except God.... He's a Major.
You only come to work when you're going to fly....

You fly three times a day except Friday.

You never run out of gas.

The missions are only one hour long and no briefings are ever required.

You are always on TDY and there are no check rides.

It is always VFR and there are never any ATC delays.

You can fly out of the area and flight down to 50' AGL is approved.

There are no "over G's".

You always fly overhead landing patterns with initial approach at 20', then break left.

You can go cross-country anytime you desire. The farther the better!

There are no ORI's (Operational Readiness Inspections).

There is no SOF (Supervisor of Flying) or mobile tower duty.

There are no Friday meetings, but Friday evening "Stag Bar" is mandatory.

There are no Flight Surgeons.

There are no Wing staff jobs.

You don't need a kitchen pass, and the kitchen and bar are always open.

"Happy Hour" begins at 1400 hours and lasts til 0200 hours.

Supersof is the bartender. The other five are big-bosomed blondes.

Beer is free, but whiskey costs five cents.

The bar serves only Chivas Regal, Jack Daniels, and Beefeaters.

The girls are all friendly and each fighter pilot is allowed three.

There are no fat women and the thin ones look like Sophia Loren.

Country and Western music is free on the juke box.

The craps tables are always HOT and you never lose at blackjack!

You never lose your room key and your buddies never leave you stranded at the club.

The sun always shines and you can put your hat in your leg pocket.

Flight suits are allowed in the Officers Club at all times.

The motor pool always provides a staff car for visiting fighter pilots.

The Base Exchange always has every item you ask for. Most are free.

There are never any cross-wind landings and the runways are always dry.

Control tower flybys for a wheels UP check can be made at 600 knots.

There are never any noise complaints.

Full afterburner climbs over your house are encouraged.

ER's (Efficiency Reports) always contain the statement "Outstanding Officer".

Formal functions requiring Class "A" or formal attire never occur.

"Ace" status is conferred upon all fighter pilots entering Heaven.

There is no Hell.

All air traffic controllers are friendly, and always provide priority handling.

The airplanes never break.

Sounds like Naval Aviation in the Philippines at Cubi Point in the good ol' days!!!!