PDA

View Full Version : Need some input here...


lilamyb83
05-29-2009, 9:13 AM
Just curious.

GenLee
05-29-2009, 9:57 AM
Why is castration not an option in your poll?

Meplat
05-29-2009, 2:19 PM
Just curious.

First thing to do is step back and take a good long think about wether this is the hill you are willing to die on.

Everyone's temperament and circumstances are different. If there are young children involved their wellbeing should come first.

:(

PS: Be sure it is what you think it is. There is some really raunchy stuff that gos around on cell phones.

kalguns
05-29-2009, 2:35 PM
You are a moron if you stay with him.

lilamyb83
05-29-2009, 4:01 PM
PS: Be sure it is what you think it is. There is some really raunchy stuff that gos around on cell phones.

It is what I think it is. I know the girl.

liketoshoot
05-29-2009, 4:28 PM
My wife (while holding tight to a certain part of me) said "file for divorce right away and cut this thing off!!!"
This is why I do not take pic's. LOL j/k

Dr. Peter Venkman
05-29-2009, 6:54 PM
Everyone's temperament and circumstances are different. If there are young children involved their wellbeing should come first.

This seems to be implying "stay for the kids". Parents unhappily "forced" to stay together will vent in some manner with their kids, whether it be acting out due to stress or triangulating aggression.

A dad like that is not a good influence on the kids, unless of course we all agree that lies are the fundamental basis for a healthy relationship.

freonr22
05-29-2009, 6:58 PM
make him do penance to see the strength of his convictions... ie: have him try slaa (sex love addicts anonymous) a 12 step program. you will see if it was just a mistake on his part or whether hes just not that into commitment

ps its free

Santa Cruz Armory
05-29-2009, 7:13 PM
My wife said she'd "file for divorce right away".

Meplat
05-29-2009, 11:53 PM
This seems to be implying "stay for the kids". Parents unhappily "forced" to stay together will vent in some manner with their kids, whether it be acting out due to stress or triangulating aggression.

That's not what I said. When you A S S U M E, you make an *** of U & ME.

A dad like that is not a good influence on the kids, unless of course we all agree that lies are the fundamental basis for a healthy relationship.

So, you should tell your spouse you cheated? And that is going to benefit her how?

Dr. Peter Venkman
05-30-2009, 1:11 AM
That's not what I said. When you A S S U M E, you make an *** of U & ME.

If what you are inferring is incorrect, why have you not clarified it?

So, you should tell your spouse you cheated? And that is going to benefit her how?

Knowing if one's spouse is a cheater seems like a benefit to me.

andrewj
05-30-2009, 1:41 AM
He had sex with this women in the past? Before you?

compsoftstation
05-30-2009, 1:50 AM
As much as I hate to say this... You are entitled to half unless you agreed to a prenup.

sierratangofoxtrotunion
06-02-2009, 8:15 PM
Why is castration not an option in your poll?

lol aren't you a guy?

I have trouble conceptualizing a guy suggesting that to a woman lol

Steyrlp10
06-05-2009, 1:26 PM
As much as I hate to say this... You are entitled to half unless you agreed to a prenup.

Hope it's not a prenup gotten from the Internet too. I had a past case like that and it didn't hold up in court. People who go cheap for legal matters get cheap results.

Steyrlp10
06-05-2009, 1:30 PM
Interesting survey you want to take... my current spouse and I have an understanding about infidelity -- it's not healthy and may cause death. He favors wood chippers and I am a fan of changing the locks on the doors, tossing out personal items of the offending man, and then gleefully setting them on fire on the lawn.

So, we're happily married. He took good notes and remembers what happened to the other guy!

rg_1111@yahoo.com
06-05-2009, 5:44 PM
It's up to you. But Once a Cheater always a cheater. Some change some never change.

aplinker
06-05-2009, 6:51 PM
This thread makes me sad. :(

I hope you're doing OK.

Saigon1965
06-05-2009, 7:01 PM
Too difficult for us to give you any advice - I am sure there are history behind this - We don't care fnor are we privy to the info -

Marriage is a work in progress - Do all you can to work it out - Good luck to the both of you and the kids -

movie zombie
06-06-2009, 8:31 AM
This thread makes me sad. :(

I hope you're doing OK.


ditto.

but my answer is the quicker he is kicked to the curb and you get on with your life the better.

mz

Meplat
06-07-2009, 10:41 PM
This seems to be implying "stay for the kids". Parents unhappily "forced" to stay together will vent in some manner with their kids, whether it be acting out due to stress or triangulating aggression.

A dad like that is not a good influence on the kids, unless of course we all agree that lies are the fundamental basis for a healthy relationship.

Untrained Psychobabble!:rolleyes:

Meplat
06-07-2009, 10:46 PM
If what you are inferring is incorrect, why have you not clarified it?

Life is complicated. Don't give advice if you don't know what you are talking about.



Knowing if one's spouse is a cheater seems like a benefit to me.

And that is exactly why you should refrain from giving relationship advice!

forgiven
06-07-2009, 11:23 PM
Do you love him? If he is truly sorry and you really feel that it could work out, then forgive. I do want to add that the part that really bothers me is he must have low self esteem, not only for the act, but keeping the act on his phone. I wish you the best.

Maddog5150
06-08-2009, 8:23 AM
Thats really sad. Its such a horrible feeling whenever your love cheats on you. Its never an easy decision...
On a side note. I'm a Taurus, enjoy long walks on the beach, 5'10"...

masameet
06-08-2009, 10:15 AM
Well, if you have access to a gun, why isn't he dead by now?

lol

Jpach
06-08-2009, 3:34 PM
Are the pictures of a woman he had sex with BEFORE you two got married? When did he get these pictures? Do they see eachother alot? Does he try to stay away from her?

Take those into consideration, along with many many other things. Either way this is a tough situation and it really is too bad you are going through this.

rimfire17
06-09-2009, 9:55 AM
I think a long talk is in order before doing anything rash.

movie zombie
06-09-2009, 5:03 PM
deleted

lilamyb83
06-09-2009, 11:09 PM
lol aren't you a guy?

I have trouble conceptualizing a guy suggesting that to a woman lol

Hey mister, you get NO input here... LOL.

As to the rest of you, we are going to try counseling and see if we can get our marriage back on track.

Thank you for all the input!:)

freonr22
06-09-2009, 11:16 PM
i was a jerk to my wife, and we did counseling together, and she did her own counseling, and i did my own counseling and it really helped us. i told her when she wanted me to do counseling "if we fix our marriage and dont fix ourselves its not gonna work." I confidently feel you dont need to go for 20 years, but more tools in your toolbox sure never hurts. good luck. the sincerest best of wishes

aplinker
06-15-2009, 6:21 PM
i was a jerk to my wife, and we did counseling together, and she did her own counseling, and i did my own counseling and it really helped us. i told her when she wanted me to do counseling "if we fix our marriage and dont fix ourselves its not gonna work." I confidently feel you dont need to go for 20 years, but more tools in your toolbox sure never hurts. good luck. the sincerest best of wishes

+1

I hope you both find what you need.

freonr22
06-15-2009, 7:41 PM
yes we did, that was over 1 1/2 years ago and we are stronger than ever

wildhawker
06-15-2009, 8:17 PM
You are a moron if you stay with him.

Aren't we both judgemental and presumptuous?

Firstly, the OP did not say "...had sex with while married..." Secondly (even if adultery is the sin in question), while not necessarily an option in all circumstances, forgiveness and commitment to rebuilding is nonetheless a valid (and correct) one for many. It is offensive to assert that those who work through human failures are "morons".

Obviously, counseling is likely in order- both as a couple and each as individuals. He would be wise to work on the underlying cause of his holding onto the past, and she now must find a reason to trust him.

If this was not a hypothetical I am truly sorry to hear of this sad and unfortunate situation.

wildhawker
06-15-2009, 8:19 PM
Well, if you have access to a gun, why isn't he dead by now?

lol

This is a website for responsible gun owners- how is this funny?

wildhawker
06-15-2009, 8:34 PM
...
But Once a Cheater always a cheater. Some change some never change.

In the first sentence you assert that people are incapable of change. In the subsequent sentence you state that change is possible but not necessarily elected by everyone. Which is it?

Once a sinner, always a sinner- true. Unfortunately, humankind in its entirety suffers from this terminal condition. However, we do have the wonderful power of reason and choice (unless, of course, a serious mental condition prohibits such) and can overcome this propensity for evil.

masameet
06-15-2009, 9:03 PM
This is a website for responsible gun owners- how is this funny?

Well, if you can't understand why I wrote "lol" under my question, I'll spell it out for you:
If I found dirty pics of another woman my husband had had sex with on his phone, I'd:
kick him out for a few days to think
fill out divorce papers, but not file right away
file for divorce right away
forgive and forget
Now given the choices in the poll, do you really really REALLY think the OP would follow my suggestion?

My "lol" means "Don't take this suggestion seriously."

But you did. Oh well.

And here's another clue: Gender differences when it comes to sex, infidelity and revenge are marked in that men tend to kill their "loved" ones. Women get even in other ways, like getting higher alimony or waging bitter child custody battles.

masameet
06-15-2009, 9:07 PM
And honestly I don't frequent this so-called Ladies forum because all too many men post here.

Do we really need men's input all that much, esp. when questions are specifically being asked of women but answered by men who don't have a clue?

wildhawker
06-15-2009, 11:10 PM
And honestly I don't frequent this so-called Ladies forum because all too many men post here.

Do we really need men's input all that much, esp. when questions are specifically being asked of women but answered by men who don't have a clue?

Let's not turn this into a gender war- no reason to throw stones.

wildhawker
06-15-2009, 11:22 PM
Well, if you can't understand why I wrote "lol" under my question, I'll spell it out for you:

Now given the choices in the poll, do you really really REALLY think the OP would follow my suggestion?

My "lol" means "Don't take this suggestion seriously."

But you did. Oh well.

And here's another clue: Gender differences when it comes to sex, infidelity and revenge are marked in that men tend to kill their "loved" ones. Women get even in other ways, like getting higher alimony or waging bitter child custody battles.

I read your "lol" loud and clear. Nonethless, in the context of this website and specifically the OP, it was not appropriate.

Not sure where vengeance was mentioned by the OP or where they requested input on how to "get even"- again, to exacerbate an already delicate and hurtful situation will only bring about more hurt and destruction.

aplinker
06-16-2009, 12:27 AM
I read your "lol" loud and clear. Nonethless, in the context of this website and specifically the OP, it was not appropriate.

Not sure where vengeance was mentioned by the OP or where they requested input on how to "get even"- again, to exacerbate an already delicate and hurtful situation will only bring about more hurt and destruction.

lighten up, Francis.

I'm sad to hear about the OPs situation - they're both calgunners, to boot.

But... Sometimes humor is a good thing.

I kept track of the thread in hopes things improved for the OP. I'm glad to hear there's been progress.

masameet
06-16-2009, 2:09 PM
Ahem.

For all you serious guys who must tell us women shooters a thing or two, please to remember this little tidbit regarding the Ladies Forum:
Ladies Forum -- A place for our female Calgunners to discuss, share and interact without the 'excess attention' sometimes found in online forums.

Frankly I haven't talked with that many female shooters, here on Calguns or IRL. But I would suspect the one other thing we women have in common, besides a love of firearms, is our independence. Which also means we have come to trust our thinking. Now some of you guys are just tops and really care about us as shooters. And I know, because I've met and shot with and even learned from some of you. But for some of you to come in here and tell us how to think and post?! Pu-leeze. We're women, we don't think like you guys. We don't expect or demand you to think like us, now do we? And why should? That's why we women, well, some of us, like you guys. Because you're not like us. So gender differences are a good thing and worthy of respecting. Let's keep it that way.

As to the OP, I sympathize with her plight. But the decision is ultimately up to her. Anyway the one thing true about us women is we really have to get other women's opinions about certain things. We need that moral support. And other female Calgunners had chimed in, so I decided I'd throw something in from left field. [Sigh] We women, we're such neurotics. We tend to blame ourselves when we should put the blame where it belongs -- on the jerk. lol

Steyrlp10
06-17-2009, 11:38 AM
Ditto on jerks. Makes me appreciate nice guys all the more!

johnthomas
06-17-2009, 12:04 PM
Well, if you have access to a gun, why isn't he dead by now?

lol

"Well your honor, I killed my husband because I posted my quandry on calguns.net and a person named masameet asked why he isn't dead yet. I got to thinking about it and figured he was right".

Don't kill your husband. You know what your relationship can withstand. If you decide to leave him, plan it out, take him for every thing he has. How dare him risk your health by bringing home God knows what that he may have gotten from his girlfriend.

masameet
06-17-2009, 12:22 PM
We haven't heard from the OP.

Oh, well. Maybe she took my advice after all. :rolleyes:

lilamyb83
06-17-2009, 11:17 PM
We haven't heard from the OP.

Oh, well. Maybe she took my advice after all. :rolleyes:

No, no, I'm still here. LOL.

If I were going to kill anyone, it would be the other woman, because she knew EXACTLY what she was doing when she started the whole thing. But I am not a killer by nature, and would inevitably get caught (I have no ninja skills), so...

UPDATE: I let him come home on Sunday. Marriage counseling begins the 29th of this month and will happen every Monday thereafter. And he knows he has a LOT of making up to do for this one...

Thanks again everyone!

freonr22
06-17-2009, 11:20 PM
:jump:

lilamyb83
06-17-2009, 11:34 PM
Ditto on jerks. Makes me appreciate nice guys all the more!

Nice guys? You mean they still exist? :eek::confused:

kalguns
06-18-2009, 10:38 AM
But I am not a killer by nature,

LET ME SEE YOUR WAR FACE!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

aplinker
06-19-2009, 3:22 AM
I wish you both very well. Hang in there!

No, no, I'm still here. LOL.

If I were going to kill anyone, it would be the other woman, because she knew EXACTLY what she was doing when she started the whole thing. But I am not a killer by nature, and would inevitably get caught (I have no ninja skills), so...

UPDATE: I let him come home on Sunday. Marriage counseling begins the 29th of this month and will happen every Monday thereafter. And he knows he has a LOT of making up to do for this one...

Thanks again everyone!

sierratangofoxtrotunion
06-20-2009, 9:58 AM
PUNISH HIM!!!

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y156/kasudyo/hissyfit-big.jpg

Meplat
06-20-2009, 10:33 PM
Ditto on jerks. Makes me appreciate nice guys all the more!

OMG!!! You don't know how good that sounds!!! Nice guys are baffled buy how a lot of women seem to gravitate to users and abusers!!!

gimmejr
01-12-2010, 6:45 PM
Sooooo is the OP single yet?

1911whore
01-12-2010, 7:06 PM
File and be free from cheaters! Single yet? Lets go shooting to get rid of frustration.

NorCalMama
01-12-2010, 7:31 PM
From what I read she and her husband were going to counseling, but there hasn't been any updates on their progress... after reading the thread I'm totally curious how things are going. Frankly, I'm not as gracious as the OP, I would have INSTANTLY filed for divorce after transforming my husband into a eunuch!

Steyrlp10
01-13-2010, 8:02 AM
From what I read she and her husband were going to counseling, but there hasn't been any updates on their progress... after reading the thread I'm totally curious how things are going. Frankly, I'm not as gracious as the OP, I would have INSTANTLY filed for divorce after transforming my husband into a eunuch!


Lol... my husband jokingly tells all his friends how he behaves because his wife can outshoot him. They thought he was insane when we were dating and they found out what I like to do at the range. He's a sweetie and has taken good notes of what happened to my ex - snicker...

Steyrlp10
01-13-2010, 8:03 AM
OMG!!! You don't know how good that sounds!!! Nice guys are baffled buy how a lot of women seem to gravitate to users and abusers!!!


It's strange, but before I got married to my current husband, he said almost the exact thing to me -- that nice guys really come in last.

I think you have 500 bonus points in the Nice Guy Dept by just being a Calgunner! :)

AEC1
01-13-2010, 9:23 AM
You will be in my and my wifes prayers. I cant begin to imagine how you must feel. Be blessed and be in prayer.

NorCalMama
01-13-2010, 9:46 AM
Lol... my husband jokingly tells all his friends how he behaves because his wife can outshoot him. They thought he was insane when we were dating and they found out what I like to do at the range. He's a sweetie and has taken good notes of what happened to my ex - snicker...

:shifty: lol

Dr. Peter Venkman
01-14-2010, 2:48 AM
I sincerely hope that things worked out and that you are not stuck in a situation with a cheater because of financial commitments and kids with the man.

diginit
01-31-2010, 6:04 PM
Seems to me like this guy is a fool. My X cheated on me. We broke up, and got back together 3 months later. Still couldn't trust her. Men and women aren't really all that different. Some cheat, Some don't. There's no law against it. Yet. It just depends on what a person can omit from their conscience. I understand your feelings. It's a tough decision.
You have to do what you feel is right to bring permanent closure to this matter, Or you will be reliving it the rest of your life. In my opinion, It's time to move on. I've found that being alone is better than being stabbed in the back by someone you thought you could trust and wondering if it will happen again.
I wish you the best. J.