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View Full Version : On the subject of Tasers...(long post warning)


heyeugenio
05-15-2009, 1:33 PM
For your reading pleasure, I just had to share this one::smilielol5:

"A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long -term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.

I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.

Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another.

The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5' long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, ' don't do it dip****, 'reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . .

. . . .HOLY MOTHER OF GOD

. . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION

. . .. WHAT THE HELL!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, and then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs?

The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.

A three second burst would be considered conservative?

SON-OF-A-*****; THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I **** myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone.; I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe it came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!

P.S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!"

bluestaterebel
05-15-2009, 1:39 PM
Ha! Dont tase yourself Bro! :rofl:

heyeugenio
05-15-2009, 2:03 PM
to be one of the first to get tased @ D-tac!!! I have yet to grow hair back on my head LOL.

Ogolden1
05-30-2009, 10:26 PM
It's NOT a "taser", it's a "stun gun".

Generally, you can give your thigh a quick burst and it just flenches your muscles. If you think that hurt, it's nothing! ... try putting it to your rib cage or neck area and letting it rip!

RetroPhit
05-30-2009, 10:28 PM
Yes that's a stun gun.

I do want the taser with the red dot though. Thinking that would be a good thing to carry around.

Matt C
05-30-2009, 10:30 PM
That post has to be a lie. I'll tell you what, I'll wager* anyone $100 that you can contact Taser my thigh while standing and I don't go down.

*Offer void where prohibited by law ;)

sytfu_RR
05-30-2009, 10:43 PM
That sounds like a stun-gun, as Tasers come with lithium batteries that are non-rechargable. Tasers also shoot two nitrogen propelled prongs. about 15ft range. For LEO its 30ft I believe (green doors). However if you remove the cartridge they can be used in a stun gun way. But with the same effect as a Taser. I have a Taser X26c and I got my mom the C2 w Laser. Have yet to use it, the x26c works on 10sec intervals once the trigger is pulled and it can be pulled 3 times to = 30sec of bliss. The c2 when activated goes to an automatic 30sec cycle. lol I learned all this because of a presentation I did in class regarding Taser devices.

kaboom
05-31-2009, 2:20 AM
When I was about 14 years old, working at the gun shows for my cousin, stun-guns were a new thing. Also an interesting thing to a young kid very much into electronics. So when the vendors that always got the table behind us at a particular show got a shipment, I saw my chance. The things were fairly expensive back then and there was no way I wanted to pay $100 for something I really had no use for.
Surprisingly, it only took a day of nagging to get one for free by letting one of the guys shock me with it. I guess his wanting to see the live result out weighed the cost and guilt of nailing a 14 year old kid with a 1/2 million volt stinger. I learned quite a lot in a short period of time.
1) A sane person would never volunteer for such a thing.
2) A large group of people will form to see pain inflicted on even a young kid.
3) The effects were interesting. While you are being shocked, your mind works as normal, but you have no muscle control whatsoever. It's almost like your brain is disconnected from the rest of your body. (If anyone could remain standing through that, my hat is off to you.)
4) You can burn up a new stun-gun in less than 2 days.
So yeah. I get zapped, then as soon as I get my bearings, he hands me the unit, the crowd disperses, and we all go back to the table. I remember the after-effects lasting the rest of the day and being similar to a nasty hangover without the headache.
So, I learned a few lessons, burned the thing up by zapping everything within a mile radius of my house, and, last I heard, the 2 vendors were in prison for selling FA weapons to an ATF agent.
I guess that is what I remember as "the good ol' days".

BTW thanks to the OP for the laugh.

yzernie
05-31-2009, 6:48 AM
That post has to be a lie. I'll tell you what, I'll wager* anyone $100 that you can contact Taser my thigh while standing and I don't go down.

*Offer void where prohibited by law ;)
His post is a joke that has been circling around the net for a few years. But, if you insist on the "bet", when can we meet up??!! :D

Stockton
05-31-2009, 7:13 AM
Real or not.....Oh my frickin Lord!!!! That has to be one of the most funniest things I've ever read. That is one descriptive story and I tell you it is hilarious. As I write this response I have a steady stream of laughter tears. Damn near pissed my pants laughing sooooo hard halfway through the story. I've been hit by a taser, on purpose for training, but when someone does it like this its just funny.

Note to self: Ask questions, look up youtube videos, and read this story before wondering about the effects of stun guns.

Matt C
05-31-2009, 9:38 AM
His post is a joke that has been circling around the net for a few years. But, if you insist on the "bet", when can we meet up??!! :D

You name the time and place, evening after I get work is best.

fullrearview
05-31-2009, 10:12 AM
You name the time and place, evening after I get work is best.

It didn't happen if you don't get it on tape!:D

Matt C
05-31-2009, 11:12 AM
It didn't happen if you don't get it on tape!:D

Yeah, I will definitely get video this time.

Quake0
05-31-2009, 12:29 PM
Yeah, I will definitely get video this time.

Snicker!

Matt C
05-31-2009, 12:57 PM
Snicker!

Heh, and you will be the one filming it! HD! So you don't get to shoot me this time.:p

eltee
05-31-2009, 6:44 PM
Back in the day we were issued Nova 5000 Stun Guns as an early "less lethal" (back then they were misnomered "less than lethal") weapon. They worked OK, but just marginally. Black electricians tape was wrapped around them so if one hit the ground in a fight, the batteries would stay in.

The most use I got out of mine was lining up copper pennies in various designs with a 1/4" gap between each one. Hit two with the probes of the stun gun in a dark room and you get this neat blue arc jumping between the pennies. Then, while the badguy was hypnotized watching this my partner would sneak up behind him and coldcock him with a sap.

kaboom
06-01-2009, 2:13 AM
The most use I got out of mine was lining up copper pennies in various designs with a 1/4" gap between each one. Hit two with the probes of the stun gun in a dark room and you get this neat blue arc jumping between the pennies.

I'm pretty sure that is the first thing most people do with them after they get it home and out of the box. After that, you start looking for the cat. KIDDING!

DISCLAIMER: No cats were harmed in the making of this post.

punisheryayarea
06-01-2009, 10:09 AM
For your reading pleasure, I just had to share this one::smilielol5:

"A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long -term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.

I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.

Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another.

The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5' long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, ' don't do it dip****, 'reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . .

. . . .HOLY MOTHER OF GOD

. . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION

. . .. WHAT THE HELL!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, and then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs?

The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.

A three second burst would be considered conservative?

SON-OF-A-*****; THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I **** myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone.; I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe it came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!

P.S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!"


:eek: and mine takes 3 nine volt battiers and is 500,000 volts and I was going to be a dumb sh** and try it, Thank bro you saved my live......

Turo
06-01-2009, 10:35 AM
I saw this story somewhere else on the net a couple years ago and I thought to myself, "Really? It knocked him out? how stupid do you have to be to realize that electricity clenches your muscles?"

Incidentally I got the chance to shock myself (and a buddy :reddevil: ) If you do the smart thing and get yourself on the side of the thigh, it scares you a bit, but after that it's just an involuntary muscle spasm.

Thought about doing it to the dog, but she likes me now and I don't think I want to change that.

btw, I have one (this model (http://www.handhelditems.com/100k-volt-dragon-fire-stun-p-55066.html)) and I just wondered how effective it would be at stopping an attacker. I'm sure a prolonged shot to the torso wouldn't be very pleasant, but could it really stop someone?

FLIGHT762
06-01-2009, 3:50 PM
The story is nonsense. Many years ago, we used the Nova Spirit stun gun. I was a certified instructor at one time.

Sometimes in briefing, when one of my fellow officers was giving a boring briefing training segment, I would take out my Nova and stun my thigh. It would get laughs. You can't keep it on yourself long enough to hurt yourself, unless,maybe if you put it up against your temple. Yes, it stings and makes your muscles jump. We used them for a few years. Most of the time, they worked. Many of the Officers were scared to death of it.

I remember we were fighting a guy in the middle of the street in a dog pile. One of my fellow officers stunned my leg a couple of times, thinking it was the perp's. He couldn't tell my leg was the one in the dark blue pants with a light blue stripe on it. The Officer said every time he turned the Nova on, I would yell out some obscenities. We had a good laugh over it afterward.

Maltese Falcon
06-01-2009, 4:44 PM
I had a million volt model that made the most wicked sounding arc, I was too scared to try it. I think I eventually burned it out or something. Here is some one who tried it twice... Bwater OPS may be in for an easy? $100.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9s55hIyH6E&NR=1

tyrist
06-01-2009, 6:51 PM
I saw this story somewhere else on the net a couple years ago and I thought to myself, "Really? It knocked him out? how stupid do you have to be to realize that electricity clenches your muscles?"

Incidentally I got the chance to shock myself (and a buddy :reddevil: ) If you do the smart thing and get yourself on the side of the thigh, it scares you a bit, but after that it's just an involuntary muscle spasm.

Thought about doing it to the dog, but she likes me now and I don't think I want to change that.

btw, I have one (this model (http://www.handhelditems.com/100k-volt-dragon-fire-stun-p-55066.html)) and I just wondered how effective it would be at stopping an attacker. I'm sure a prolonged shot to the torso wouldn't be very pleasant, but could it really stop someone?

No it won't necessarily stop someone because it doesn't include enough muscle groups. When a taser knocks somebody to the ground it is because it gets numerous muscle groups included. The type of device you own will merely be pain compliance....it will hurt badly but it cannot really drop somebody.

Quake0
06-02-2009, 10:00 PM
Heh, and you will be the one filming it! HD! So you don't get to shoot me this time.:p

Yeah, I don't want to shoot you again its like $20 a cartridge. Less lethal is expensive.