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Cowtown44
12-02-2008, 9:31 PM
I posted this in the general discussion but definitely need a woman's perspective and input.

I need to get my wife on board and supporting of my handgun purchase. If the wife ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. I am comfortable around all types of firearms but she's never been in a room with a firearm. I need her buy in and fast. Please help! Thanks.

shellyzsweet
12-02-2008, 9:49 PM
umm okay, why doesn't she like guns? Do they scare her?
Maybe you should talk to her about WHY you want a handgun. I know my mom is HORRIFIED of guns. All types! I mean, I showed my step dad a gun with her in the room....she broke into tears and cried. (long messy divorce with my dad and all kinds of crap.....ne way she is horrified of them is the point) but my step dad has a gun!
-key is to figure out why she doesn't like guns and convince her why you need one. -then fix the problem

Also don't expect her to like guns. there are some people who won't and never will, but they are not the majority. If one day she is interested in learning, teach her. Don't force her tho cause you will only push her away.

just my .02

SkyStorm82
12-02-2008, 9:53 PM
ETA: Whoops...I just hit "new posts" Didn't realize this was in the ladies forum.


A victim in a brutal home invasion robbery and rape spoke in court this morning before the final two perpetrators were sentenced to decades in prison for the June 2007 attack, in which the woman was forced to perform oral sex on three young men while her husband watched.

Shavon D. Page and Michael L. McMahan, both 18, were sentenced today after pleading guilty to charges including especially aggravated kidnapping, aggravated rape and aggravated robbery. The third attacker, Dameion S. Nolan, pleaded guilty in July and was sentenced to 25 years.

The woman testified today that she did not harbor hatred for her attackers but wanted them to know how much harm they caused and to understand the impact on her and her husband.

"You laughed," she told Page, who was sentenced to 30 years. "You asked my husband how he felt. You wanted to take my husband's manhood from him."

Criminal Court Judge Bob McGee sentenced Page to 30 years and McMahan to 25 years.

Assistant District Attorney General Phil Morton has said he had DNA evidence tying Page and McMahan to the two-hour attack at the couple's home on River Shores Drive.

Because of the level of violence involved in the case, the law requires that the trio serve most, if not all, of their sentences before becoming eligible for release. Those who are convicted of most other crimes must only serve one-third of their respective sentences under Tennessee law before they are eligible for parole.

Nolan had been required to testify truthfully against Page and McMahan as part of his plea deal this summer.

According to Morton, the attack began just after 1 a.m., when the couple were asleep in their bed. The couple did not know their attackers. According to Morton, the trio broke into the house via a basement door.

"All three defendants were armed when they entered the bedroom," Morton said at Nolan's July hearing.

The woman's husband was struck in the head with a gun. Both were bound with "belts and other items the defendants found in that bedroom," he said. The woman also was forced to disrobe, he said.

In an effort to stave off further attack, the husband voluntarily led the robbers to another area of the house where he kept his bank card and gave them the code necessary to use it, the prosecutor said. The robbers weren't satisfied, though. They also took from the husband a collection of state quarters valued at $2,000 and then ordered him back to the bedroom, where he was forced at gunpoint to lie on the floor and watch as his wife was forced to perform oral sex on each of the three robbers, Morton said.

The man also was forced at gunpoint to take from his wife jewelry, including her wedding ring, and hand it over to the home invaders, according to Morton.

The Knox County Sheriff's Office later was able to identify Nolan via a bank security camera where he used the victims' bank card. Nolan, in turn, led authorities to Page and McMahan, Morton said. All three were 17 at the time, but Knox County Juvenile Court Judge Tim Irwin transferred the trio to the adult court system.

Nolan apologized to the couple at the July hearing.

"I hope you accept my apology," he said.

"I'm just really, really sad to see your life's going to be snatched from you because of one night and one really, really bad decision," responded the woman, who told Nolan at the July hearing, "This is the saddest thing I've ever seen. You are the same age as my daughter. I can't imagine losing my daughter for 25 years. … You have a baby that will not have a father. You have a mother and a grandmother whose hearts are breaking."

Neither she nor her husband are being identified because of the News Sentinel's policy prohibiting the identification of rape victims without their consent.

More details as they develop online and in Tuesday's News Sentinel.


http://www.knoxnews.com/news/2008/no...ox-home-invas/

11Z50
12-03-2008, 3:22 AM
When I met my wife she was generally anti-gun. Slowly, as she came into my circle of friends, she warmed up to the idea of 2A. Within 3 months she asked to go shooting with me and became a good shot with a handgun. Now she is totally pro 2A and especially self-defense. When I am not at home she has a handgun available at all times. She plans on getting her CCW in the next few weeks.

I'd say the best thing is not to be too pushy about guns. Let her see for herself that nice, "normal" people carry and believe in protecting themselves. Let her shoot guns that she enjoys shooting, and offer to take her shooting whenever you go. Make shooting quality time for the two of you.

dark45
12-03-2008, 4:08 AM
i personality asked her the bad things she thought about guns and i either agreed and pointed out the equalising point to what she had said ( her: guns are unsafe and can kill people accidentally - me: only if you leave them loaded, unlocked, and treated them like a toy - her: well that would be stupid - me: exactly ) or totally disagreed. we talked it over for awhile finaly she came with me to a gun shop and and a asked the guy to let her hold the basics 1911, glock 17, sig p226, then a mossburg 500, 870, then a ar15, sks, after holding them awhile she asked if we could get the kimber(?) and the mossburg. and i smiled and said well christmas is coming up soon. moral of the story is, debunk all the common misconceptions she has, explain how everything will be ok and the same with a gun in the house, and if shes up to it take her to get a feel for it.

movie zombie
12-03-2008, 7:24 AM
my hubby is not totally comfortable with my guns...he's australian. i posted in your other thread because i was astounded at the attitude there...wow.

if you get your gun and handle it responsibly in the house, she's going to learn to trust you. my hubby is totally impressed with my safety although admittedly i keep a loaded revolver in the drawer next to my side of the bed. he's accepted that as he has seen me handle my guns, seen me even correct friends when they're holding guns, and has been apprised that the gun is loaded....but then we don't have kids.

take her to a range to fire .22's. call the range and see if they have a women's only day/hour....some do...or if there is a particular time/day when women seem to be there. i'd suggest introducing her to this forum but my fear is she'll find the other thread and be totally put off by the macho responses there. i'm seeing more women at the san jose gun show. we're becoming more visible. just don't ask her to fire a higher calibre gun until she asks.

movie zombie

Angie
12-03-2008, 7:57 AM
Has she had any experience (bad or good) with guns at all?

What are her reasons to dislike/be uncomfortable with guns?

Cowtown44
12-03-2008, 8:14 AM
Has she had any experience (bad or good) with guns at all?

What are her reasons to dislike/be uncomfortable with guns?

No direct experiences, good or bad. Reasons? My opinion, misinformed - guns kill people, weapon could be used against me sort of thing. So, I think this matter is best handled by sending her to a professional for education along with the suggestion educations here.

Vacaville
12-03-2008, 8:51 AM
My wife hated guns when I met her, still doesn't like them too much. Fell in love with shooting when I was in the military in the early '80s. Wasn't allowed to have guns at all with my first wife, picked up the hobby again when I got a divorce.

With my new wife, I just went about my business as usual as far as my hobby. I watched my weekly shows, DVR'd the Military Channel, went to the range, watched Survivorman, subscribed to my magazines. Tried to involve her whenever I could find a spark of interest. I've spent time showing her that responsible gun owners don't seek out violence, and that my guns are a last resort. Kind of a passive indoctrination.

Over the past 4 years she's kind of come around to the idea, and now I actually have an accessible handgun in my bedroom. She even handles my guns and I'm showing her how to use them safely. My reasons to have a gun:

1. Self Defense - Cops only show up after the crime has happened, and they have no legal responsibility to provide protection.
2. Hobby - Target shooting is fun, my surplus guns are pieces of history.
3. Survival - When the SHTF, I want to be able to protect my family and hunt if necessary.

Good luck!

Oh, and if you get the Outdoor Channel have her watch a segment on how to handle a home invasion. Most people think you go out and hunt down the bad guys. Actually, you get your family and hold up in a safe room until police arrive. Very educational.

armandolo
12-03-2008, 9:29 AM
Buy her a nice gift (5 hers :1 yours ratio usualy shuts them up) and tell her to stay off your hobbies. :)

sorensen440
12-03-2008, 9:31 AM
You need to get her out with some female shooters IMO

Steyrlp10
12-03-2008, 11:36 AM
I agree with everyone -- being patient and not getting in her face is always prudent.

I was lucky enough to have had years of match time in before I met my current husband. At first, he was a bit taken aback by all the guns I pulled out of the safe (you can never have too many!!), but when I showed him how pretty the bluing work on my 1911s were, well, he got the idea. Guns are the tools of his trade, but he never thought about them on a competition level.

Whenever he buys bass tackle, equipment, etc., I take it in stride. His new Hummingbird is around 2 K, so if I decide to eyeball another 1911, well, it's all community property, isn't it?

With all the women shooting these days, I'm sure your wife will come around eventually. Let her shoot those paper targets with the chartreuse in them; she might find them fun.

Good luck!

Dragonfly
12-08-2008, 12:02 AM
Education is the key...I grew up around guns yet I only shot one once (at 8 years old) until I taught my ex-husband (at 19 years old - out shot him too, hehehe). But be open to answering her questions and take things one step at a time let keep the door open for her to try your guns but let her make that step when she is ready.
My Mom isn't fond of guns but she knows that my Dad, my husband and I are into them. She understands why I have one and respects the fact that while I was single for about 8 years that I carried one with me. I drove alot by myself and she felt better knowing that I had something more then just my cell phone. But to this day, you will not catcher her with a gun let alone holding one.
It all just takes time. Talk about a compromise too...Find something she is into and everytime you get a new gun, she will be able to get something she likes too...
My Husband loses at both ends of a compromise like that - cause he has to buy me a new gun and I'll still get something else like a D&B hand bag. ;)

sd_shooter
12-15-2008, 9:31 AM
I like all the advice in this thread (except the 2nd post that focuses on fear.)

My wife won't actually come out and tell what makes her scared, but I think it's mostly ignorance. She thinks a gun can just fire on its own - all guns, regardless of their state (loaded or unloaded, assembled or stripped, in your hand or in a safe.) Perhaps it's partly the MSM stories you see daily, eg. Plaxico Burress shooting himself. Right now she is very, very afraid, to the point where I can't even pick up a copy of Guns and Ammo without her turning white as a sheet. No amount of logical reasoning has changed that and in fact it makes things worse.

No matter what, I think education and training are central. To that end, she agreed to attend an NRA Women on Target workshop that will let her shoot .22 handguns, .22 rifles and 20 gauge shotguns with other ladies who are interested in firearms. The training is conducted by females and it sounds like a great time! Here:
http://www.nrahq.org/women/wot.asp

I'll be attending a Front Sight training session in the spring. Between the two trainings I'm hoping my wife will gain a level of assurance that an unloaded gun by itself is not dangerous.

I've learned not to push her. I've learned to focus on the things that she likes (scrap booking, flowers, chocolate) and the more I do that, the more she lets me focus on my hobbies :D It would be dream come true to have her pick out her own gun some day!

Futurecollector
12-15-2008, 11:42 AM
I posted this in the general discussion but definitely need a woman's perspective and input.

I need to get my wife on board and supporting of my handgun purchase. If the wife ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. I am comfortable around all types of firearms but she's never been in a room with a firearm. I need her buy in and fast. Please help! Thanks.

Sit her down and say

"!!!LOOK WOMEN YOU ARE GOING TO ALLOW ME TO DO THIS NO MATTER WHAT, AND YOU KNOW WHY!!!!!, (quite/soft voice) because i love you and adore you and I am willing to do something for you special everytime I go shooting, and you know that dimond bracelt you love, ill get that for you...I love and dont dis-own/ leave me..."

well that what i did lol, but it was to my GF not a wife. hahah good luck.

nobs11
12-16-2008, 5:40 PM
If your hobby is important to you, you should have asked yourself if you are going to be okay with her not being into it before you got married.

Since you are already married, you have the following options.

-Try to slowly get her into it and encourage her.
-Not care what she thinks as long as you are not neglecting your duties and still love her. Leave her alone with her hobbies and enjoy yours without letting her control your life, or you trying to control hers.
-Leave her. You can't change anyone. He/she has to be willing to change then you can encourage him/her. :)

Pointcrossed
12-16-2008, 5:56 PM
Like I told my wife "Guns are a Right, Marriage is a Privilege", and "Its Legal to own 2 guns but not two wives"!!!

AngelDecoys
12-16-2008, 6:33 PM
If the wife ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

Ain't that the truth! I took my wife shooting on our 1st date. :) (It was a deal breaker for me). She doesn't shoot often (well, as often as I would like), but is now comfortable with them around the house.

You might see if your local range has a woman's program where she might take a lesson or two. Sometimes women just feel more comfortable getting instruction from someone other than their b/f, or husband.

Good luck.

Angie
12-16-2008, 9:48 PM
Sometimes women just feel more comfortable getting instruction from someone other than their b/f, or husband.


Yes.

Futurecollector
12-18-2008, 3:38 PM
Sit her down and say

"!!!LOOK WOMEN YOU ARE GOING TO ALLOW ME TO DO THIS NO MATTER WHAT, AND YOU KNOW WHY!!!!!, (quite/soft voice) because i love you and adore you and I am willing to do something for you special everytime I go shooting, and you know that dimond bracelt you love, ill get that for you...I love and dont dis-own/ leave me..."

well that what i did lol, but it was to my GF not a wife. hahah good luck.

ok DONT DO THIS!!!! hahah my GF broke up with me today and blamed CG for taking me hahaha.

J6P
12-24-2008, 9:36 PM
...

jrdejavux
01-02-2009, 9:23 PM
AHHH i remember i was not allowed to have a gun, i live in a condominium but one night there was some hard banging going on next door around 3 am as soon as we woke up she goes omg we need a gun lol i guess she got scared, now i own 3 hand guns "glock 21, s&w 915 and a sig mosquito" after the first purchase she was scared but we watched a bunch of safety videos etc and i offered for her to go to classes as well. By the way she loves going to the range and shooting my guns, now i need to convince her to let me get a rifle lol

Cowtown44
01-03-2009, 8:44 PM
We went to the handgun safety meeting today which included an hour with .22 on the range. When we got done shooting, she said "that was fun". By the end of the day, she was a proud owner of a SW 422 with crimson trace grips. This from a person that had not held a firearm of any kind before 1000 this AM.

movie zombie
01-04-2009, 9:53 AM
congrats to you both and especially the new powner of the SW 422!

movie zombie

Cowtown44
01-19-2009, 9:29 PM
She's now got a little SW317 22 cal on order but is being held back by the 30 day rule. She says, "I want the 22 so I can shoot more". Music to my ears. I think it helped when I said I would be the designated gun cleaner (for now). Also, watching action flix has become a mini handgun training video......"he/she's not holding it right, bad stance, finger not in register, should have had a shotgun, etc., etc..:D:thumbsup:

J6P
01-21-2009, 12:47 AM
...

movie zombie
01-21-2009, 8:35 AM
men are never happy! first, the wife isn't into guns and won't go to the range with me. then its, the wife is taking over my guns!

movie zombie

sorensen440
01-21-2009, 8:37 AM
men are never happy! first, the wife isn't into guns and won't go to the range with me. then its, the wife is taking over my guns!

movie zombie

Or wait till she owns more then he does :eek: :p

MaceWindu
01-21-2009, 9:25 AM
I need to get my wife on board and supporting of my handgun purchase. If the wife ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. I am comfortable around all types of firearms but she's never been in a room with a firearm. I need her buy in and fast. Please help!


Does she get your approval before she buys a pair of shoes? $200 Coach, Gucci, etc?

But, you need her approval?

Mace

sorensen440
01-21-2009, 9:25 AM
Does she get your approval before she buys a pair of shoes? $200 Coach, Gucci, etc?

But, you need her approval?

Mace

your not married are you ?? :p

MaceWindu
01-21-2009, 9:32 AM
your not married are you ?? :p

Yep. Going on year 6, with a hot wife. But, when I was younger, I would ask my mothers persmission to do things. Now, I am a grown man. Who has a job and does not have to "ask" persmission to do the things I want to do. :thumbsup:

Mace

skateboarder74
01-21-2009, 3:34 PM
Tell her she can buy something of equal value. It always works for me.

rimfire17
06-14-2009, 8:09 AM
Invite her to the range to shoot .22's. I've seen it convert more than one person.

jamespres2001
06-14-2009, 8:53 AM
Tell her it's cheaper than restoring a '67 Camaro

jb7706
08-05-2009, 7:39 AM
It took me 10+ years to convince my wife to pick up a gun. We talked very early in our dating phase and I informed her that my guns and I are a package deal, end of story. She stuck it out. I tired all the suggestions here, she would not go to a range and was uneasy any time she saw a gun. 2 things happened to change that.

Sheriff helicopter started circling the house next door. The sight of me holding an AR while closing doors and windows made an impression, but she still refused to pick up a gun at all.

Months later I had a quiet talk. My last ditch, tried everything else effort was simply this: You are risking the safety of our children. If I am not home or incapacitated you need to be able to protect them. You do not stand a chance against a 6' 5" man, be he armed or not. You have to know how to use the tools required to defend our family. She now owns a M&P 9, and has familiarized herself with the rest of my inventory and shot most of it.

Just yesterday she told me to go buy a new shotgun... While she is not a gun nut or range rat she no longer gives me any guff about my guns, and is happy knowing that they are there any time we hear a bump in the night. She even makes sure that I am leaving her a piece when I load up a bunch to take to the range.

kemasa
08-05-2009, 9:42 AM
I think that the biggest change is after taking a firearms safety class. There are a lot of misconceptions and once a person get to feel more comfortable by knowing how to properly handle a firearm, it makes a big difference.

A friend wanted to be safe around firearms due to there being firearms around (astronomy parties). She took the Home Firearms Safety class. After that, she wanted to actually learn to shoot a firearm, so she took the Handgun class (I forget the exact name of the NRA pistol/revolver class). Her only problem after that was that her husband did not want a gun in the house.

I personally think that everyone should take the Home Firearm Safety class or some similar class.

drcoffee
08-26-2009, 6:30 AM
First, you lost your leverage once you married her. Funny how women will do anything the BF wants before the ring is on the finger. After that the rules are set and its near impossible to make changes. I have neighbors who tell me their wife won't let them have a gun in the house. Excuse me! Won't let you have a gun in the house you paid for? I ask. What's up with men these days. One of them is ex-Navy and she doesn't trust him with a gun. She must think he's going to mount it over the fireplace or leave it on the kitchen table. What about a safe. Jeez! Seriously guys, expose your GF to all your hobbies before you give the ring. two things will happen, she'll like it and join you or she'll hate it and you'll know you are not compatible. Frankly, its too late. You may get lucky and convert her but for now, pull up your pants and tell her how it is. Ladies don't get your undies in a bunch. Marriage is an equal partnership. He's an adult and if the law permits, he can have a firearm in his home. I'm sure you'll agree.

Here's one constructive bit of advise. Find out if there is a ladies night at a local range. Most women have no idea that other women without facial hair shoot guns. Once they see other purdy little things punching paper and breaking clays, they'll loosen up and get excited about shooting. It was intimidating at shooting ranges years ago when only unshowered men went shooting. Who wants to be associated with that collection of misfits all suited up in camo for a day at the range. Today those guys are still there but now women are also shooting which helps new comers to feel more at ease.

8-Ball
08-26-2009, 7:16 AM
I came home one day during the Katrina aftermath and found my wife watching the news... She looked up at me and said, "The police can't protect us... we need a gun..."

The "fear factor" should not be discounted completely... otherwise, we are talking a sport and not the right to protect ourselves. I fear all the tools at home that can do me harm. Through fear, comes respect and diligence.

drcoffee
08-26-2009, 7:24 AM
I came home one day during the Katrina aftermath and found my wife watching the news... She looked up at me and said, "The police can't protect us... we need a gun..."

The "fear factor" should not be discounted completely... otherwise, we are talking a sport and not the right to protect ourselves. I fear all the tools at home that can do me harm. Through fear, comes respect and diligence.

I agree with you. However, learning how to use a firearm out of fear can lead to bad training / habits. When you learn because you like it and want to understand how it works, the information will be processed more readily. When its out of fear the goal is "how do I make it go boom." When its for fun, you'll take the time to learn how to aim, load, and clear stove pipes, etc.

Guys, just make sure you are not having an affair with the secretary before you teach her how to handle a gun. :eek: